I promise I am going to try and do some happy/fluffy fics in the future! I just think there's something so beautiful about writing abut the less happy things, and how other characters react to that. This Riain fic is based after everything that has happened with the Mark storyline, but I have taken it out of how it was played out in the actual programme, so for example Rita and Iain are living together. This is my first time at writing the Rita/Iain, I hope you enjoy it! Please review :) x
As ever, I do not own Casualty, any of its characters or plots.
She sat there on the sofa, knees hugged tightly to her chest, tears running down her face. Her head had gone black, and everything seemed frozen, suspended. The door opened and shut with a soft grating sound, but she didn't move or try to recover herself. She just waited for him to find her. She heard him drop his keys onto the stairs and shrug his jacket off, leaving it on the end of the bannister as he always did. He sauntered down the hall, intrigued by the absence of any clattering or music, any signs that she was even here. He came into the lounge, standing in shock for a brief moment on seeing her, before he moved quickly to kneel down on the floor in front of her. He placed his hands on her forearms, and he noticed how she seemed to shudder under his touch.
"It's okay, Reets I'm right here. Just breathe for me. Okay, just keep breathing, in... And out." He stroked her arms gently as he tried to coax her out of her frozen panic, making sure not to break eye contact. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice, but tried to listen to him. She could hear her shaky, stuttering breaths, becoming longer and more drawn out as he continued to talk to her; directing her attention away from the blackness and to naming things in the room, where she was sat and what she could feel. She opened her eyes and looked into his, deep and brown and loving, and as her shoulders heaved and the sobs began to choke her, she felt his arms pull her down to him. She knelt in front of him, but he supported her body as it collapsed and convulsed with the force of the tears that came from her. He held her frame tightly to him, holding her head to his chest and caressing her head as he pressed gentle kisses into her hair. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes, something inside him seemed to break at seeing her like this.
"I... I can't..." She struggled to talk as her breaths and tears muddled together, she couldn't focus properly on what she was saying.
"Ssh, Reets it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe, and help this pass, yeah?" He suspected this was a combination of a panic attack and just sheer emotion breaking forth, he would wait as long as it took for her to pass through the worst of it before he talked to her about anything other than her breathing. He knew she was terrified, and all he wanted was for her to able to focus on something, anything other than this.
It took a while, but Iain's words were starting to make more sense, as was how his arms felt holding her, sheltering her from the hurt and the pain that had been gradually smothering her over the last week. She became aware of just how tightly her fingers were gripping onto his shoulders, her knuckles were white.
"Iain... I'm, I'm so sorry..." She had pulled back from him, he could now see her face. God, she was beautiful, he thought. But she would never see that, Mark had damaged any sense of self worth and value that she might have had previously.
"Oi, none of that." She was now making effort herself to keep her breathing level, and he feel her shaking subsiding. They both sat there, on the floor in front of the sofa for some time, before he gently helped her up to her feet. He brought her close to him as they sat down, her feet drawn up to the side of her, nestling into him whilst he took her body in his arms and pressed kisses onto her head.
"Talk to me." He whispered softly into her hair, before taking one of her hands and tracing around her palm.
"I don't..." Her head stayed resting on his shoulder as she spoke. "I don't want you to think I can't cope." She spoke so quietly that he almost didn't hear her at all.
"Hey..." He tilted her head up so that he could look at her as he spoke. "I love you. You don't have to try to be perfect, because I love you. And I know that's what he said to you, but you listen to me, please. You are strong, you're so strong. And so brave. This... what happened just now, this isn't weakness." She could hear how his voice cracked, and she lowered her head against his hand.
"I don't want you to get hurt."
"Reets, I'm not going to, and neither are you. He's gone now. He isn't going to be coming back."
"Iain, you don't understand. I've now taken away everything, his baby, and his..." She struggled against the word 'fiancée', inhaling sharply as the vivid memories of her conversation with Fiona in Connie's office that day came rushing back to her.
"I told him Rita, I told him what would happen if he did. He isn't going to come back." He rubbed her shoulder reassuringly, and the tiniest flicker of a smile passed across her face, before it faded just as quickly as it had appeared.
"It's not that I don't trust you..."
"I know, I know it isn't that. It's okay." He sat up a bit straighter to face her, taking both of her hands now in his. She exhaled with a slight shudder, and he felt an overwhelming urge to wrap her up, away from all of the hurt and the pain that she had denied herself to share with another for so, so long. He had never felt such a strong responsibility, such a want to protect someone, as he did now.
"I promise you, I promise that it's going to get better. And do you know why? Because I know you can do this. And you have me, and we all know that's the biggest bonus you could get." He winked at her, moving his fingers over the palms of her hands and she gave a small laugh, rocking forwards slightly on her legs to kiss his cheek. He took her in his arms and brought her so that she sat on his knees, both legs still bent up on the sofa. Her hands went around his neck and she kissed him, his hands holding her tightly around her back and her waist. He sensed her shuffle closer towards him, and pulled away from her face, smiling at her.
"You..." He shook his head, still smiling, and she raised an eyebrow before tilting her head, arms still around his neck.
"What?"
"I don't know, I just..." He looked at her, all thoughts dissipating into nothing as he could only focus on the woman who sat here in front of him. "I love you so much." He grinned stupidly, and she hit him playfully before twisting his hair in her fingers and kissing him again, and again. He made her feel so loved, but it was genuine love. Not a love that was she was persuaded to believe in. She was in this and so was he, entirely.