Pain
Pain sucks.
No matter how hard you try to get away from it, it always catches up to you. I couldn't stay away from Bella, she was my Bella. I loved her with my whole heart, no, I still love her with every fiber of my being. If that leech, that bloodsucker had just stayed away, Bella would have eventually loved me the way I love her, but I can't change what happened.
That marble, blood craving leech did come back, and he did win Bella back, even though she didn't put up much of a fight. And now they're getting married. Great.
But even though she's killing me and putting me through so much pain, I still don't wish anything bad to happen to her. Even though she's out me through hell, I still want her to be happy, even though she's not happy with me. I'd still go to the end of the world and back for her if it made her happy.
But I wish the worst for him. He deserves the worst torture imaginable, even if he couldn't feel it, it would make me feel happy, and I think I deserve some form of happiness. And ripping his throat would make me feel very happy, but I couldn't, not when it would kill Bella. She didn't deserve that kind of pain and sorrow.
And to make matters even worse, e's going to turn he into one, into a blood lusting monster. Did she have any idea how much she would hurt Charlie. And after she changed, she would be Bella anymore, she wouldn't be the clumsy, sweet smelling, soft, brown-eyed Bella I had come to love. She would be one of them.
For a moment, I saw the life we could have had, with maybe a kid or two, a little house. I would have been the one marrying her, being with her, but the vampire got everything. Everything that mattered to me in this entire world. It isn't fair.
But I'll go to the wedding, maybe. It would make Bella happy, but it would kill me. I only had so much time left with Bella, but the longer I'm around her, the harder it'll be when I have to say goodbye.
And eventually, that day would come, and I wouldn't be able to stop it.
Why couldn't I just imprint already? Then this unrequited love I have for Bella, and I move on with my life. Not leaving Bella's life completely, but I wouldn't hurt this much every time I see her with him.
I guess I would just have to live through the pain. But I wasn't giving her up without a fight. And hopefully, it would come to that. I was longing for a fight with Edward, and in a way, even though it would hurt Bella, at least she would know what it feels like to lose someone you love.
No, I can't do that. I wouldn't be able to. But thinking about it didn't hurt anyone.
And as I started to chase after a herd of elk, I subconsciously decided to be there for Bella until she didn't want me. And hopefully, even though it would hurt, I hoped that that would be soon.