A/N: This oneshot was originally written in May 2008. I wrote it as a gift and it is one of two fairly silly alien abduction stories I've written. This is the sillier of the two. The word alien is italicized throughout because iheartGibbs had been insisting over and over again that I write an alien story and so I worked the word in as often as I could...and I emphasized it every time it came up. Yes, that's what I do sometimes. So...don't expect anything serious and don't expect anything deep. You have been warned.
Disclaimer: Be glad that I don't own NCIS when I do things like this to it. I do not own it and I'm not making money off it. ...I could use the money, but it's not coming from fanfiction.
Aliens and Dinosaurs
by Enthusiastic Fish
Tim sat at his counter, happily eating his dinosaur cereal. It was a great morning...the sun was shining merrily. The grass was a bright green that brought out his eyes. There were even birds chirping. It was just a beautiful morning...the kind that heralded eventual disaster. He had no sooner thought that when the light shone directly over his head.
Tim sighed. "They're never going to believe this," he said as his body began to dematerialize.
When he came to, he was sealed in some sort of exotic (or perhaps...alien?) specimen jar. There were...aliens bent over strange controls, fiddling with alien instruments and doing all around alien things.
Far from being frightened, Tim was merely annoyed. These people...er...aliens had absolutely no concept of a normal work day. Or maybe they did and this was a part of their own, personal...alien work schedule. He tapped on the glass. Surprised, the aliens looked up at him.
"Hey! Is this going to take long? Because my boss really, really hates it when I'm late for work."
The aliens turned to each other and began speaking in incomprehensible alien languages. They made some emphatic gestures and then, one of the aliens sighed loudly. Or at least, Tim decided that it must be a sigh. It certainly seemed that way. Another alien reached out with an alien hand and swatted him on the back. Somehow, Tim just knew that the alien currently rubbing its back was saying something along the lines of "Thanks, Boss."
The alien hovered over to Tim and stared at him dolefully with four perfectly circular eyes.
Tim smiled sympathetically. "My boss does that all the time. Only he hits me on the head instead."
All four alien eyes rolled in complete understanding. Then, the alien turned to a set of alien diodes and began to work.
"How long is this going to take?"
The alien shrugged. Tim got the distinct impression that it was saying "As long as it takes." ...of course, that distinct impression was more than likely due to the subtitles currently running along the bottom of the specimen jar. It was quite handy.
"Okay. I suppose I can live with that," he said. Then, he paused. "I am going to live with this, right?"
The alien looked up from its work and nodded.
Tim sighed in relief. "Good. Although, I'm still going to be late."
The alien shrugged again. "Live with it."
"Okay. I was just really enjoying my cereal..."
"...the dinosaurs?" the alien looked up eagerly.
"Yeah. I love them."
"Me, too. We took a guy up last week who had boxes and boxes. We're not technically supposed to take anything, but..." The alien sighed happily. "...your species is worth studying just for dinosaur cereal. Anyone who could invent such a delight..." It sighed again.
"Wow, I totally agree!" Tim said ecstatically. "Will I have time to finish mine or is this going to take too much time?"
"Well..." The alien pushed another button and Tim was suddenly looking at his own insides. That was fairly disconcerting...but at least, they seemed to be staying in place. "...I'm sorry, but you're already late for work. I was late this morning. My boss hates lateness."
"Mine, too." Tim was relieved when his body turned opaque again. Of course, he was slightly more concerned when his organs...including his brain, seemed to float out of his body and hover around the specimen jar. He almost missed reading the subtitles which translated the alien language for him.
"This is important research, however, and a slight measure of discomfort is worth it for the dividends."
"Dividends?" Tim asked, trying not to notice that all his gray matter was currently unraveling...along with his small intestines. This was some pretty amazing alien technology...at least, if it all went back in his body where it belonged.
"Oh, yes. We have not yet figured out the secret of how such a primitive race could invent dinosaur cereal." The alien shook his head in dismay. "We have all this amazing technology and we cannot even make something as delectable as the tiny pieces of grains shaped like extinct reptiles."
"Are you about done?"
"Well, with the initial stage."
"You know, some people don't really like it."
"What?" The alien was outraged. "If I could only export it to my homeworld, I'd be a multi-kazillionaire! What an unfortunate state of affairs."
"I can't explain it. There's no accounting for taste."
"Well, I'm about done here." The alien pushed another button and all of Tim's body parts resumed their appropriate positions.
"It was nice talking with you."
"And you. I hope your boss doesn't slap you too hard," the alien said, wincing.
"Me, too, but I've had worse."
"Hey...since you're going to be late and all..." the alien looked around furtively. It lowered its voice conspiratorily. "...you won't have time to finish your bowl...will you?"
Tim smiled. "All right. You can have the rest. Just wash out the bowl when you're done, okay?"
"Deal!" The alien pushed another button and Tim began to dematerialize.
His last words with the alien civilization were... "Don't forget to use the soap and scrub it hard!"
Then, he was back in his apartment. He looked at his watch, looked longingly at the half full bowl of dinosaur cereal and ran out the door.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"McGee!" Gibbs said, delivering a resounding slap to the back of his head. "You're an hour late! Where have you been?"
"Uh...well...Boss..." They'll never believe me. "...I just got distracted."
"By what? What could possibly be so important that it rendered you incapable of getting to work on time?"
"Dinosaur cereal."
"Cereal?" Gibbs said, his voice heavy with mockery.
"Not just any cereal, Boss. Dinosaur cereal."
Gibbs just looked at him and then grumbled.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
When Tim got back from work, his bowl was empty, clean and the box of cereal was back on its shelf.
"Well, at least aliens are cleaner than Sarah."
Tim got out the box. Sometimes, dinosaur cereal was better in the evenings anyway.
FINIS!