Perchance – What if?
by Lingren/LetitiaRichards.
Category: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Smarm.
Spoilers: Need.
Season: 2.
Warnings: A little of the red stuff but that's all.
Summary: What would have happened if…Daniel had actually shot Jack when they were fighting in that storage room during Need?
Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate SG-1 or any of the Characters. Shame, but there it is. No intention to breech copyright intended. Just love playing with them for a while.
Authors Notes: This story is just a little speculation on the What if ? category, and completely unchanged from the original posting back in 2002/3. This is a Jack/Daniel friendship fic, but definitely not slash – not even pre-slash.
PERCHANCE.
by Lingren/LetitiaRichards.
Shelving units were smashed against other shelves, then hitting the floor with deafening crashes, but neither of the wrestling pair paid any heed to them as they struggled together. Daniel Jackson was fighting like a madman to stay in possession of the pistol he'd taken possession of, while Colonel Jack O'Neill was battling just as determinedly to disarm his team-member before he could regret his actions. Jack was thrown backwards against yet another shelf unit, ending up in a heap on the floor; and by the time he climbed onto his knees, Daniel was sitting huddled across the room, panting from exertion and pointing the loaded weapon at his friend.
"What are you gonna do Daniel?" yelled Jack. "You wanna kill me?"
Daniel was covered in sweat and trembling hard, his wild eyes bulging with heightened emotion, the madness of the addiction dictating his scattered thoughts. He had just fought with his best friend. He couldn't understand what was happening to him. He didn't want this. All he wanted was for Jack, and his friends to help him fight this; whatever this was.
Something deep inside of him was pleading with him, urging him on, telling him that he needed to go back to see Shyla and let the sarcophagus make him feel better again. He was so confused, it was like his very being was being torn into two, and his very soul looked down on the proceedings in a weird sort of detachment, as if it wasn't real. None of this could be real. It must be one wacky, wacky dream. He can't really be doing this. He would never fight with Jack.
"Oh God! Look at you." Jack whispered, his heart tearing into pieces at the ragged wild appearance of his friend. "I know what this is...I know what it's like. We can get through it," he pleaded softly.
Daniel's face crumpled and he gasped desperately. "Nooooooo!"
Jack inched closer to his friend, trying to calm him down and take possession of the gun. He knew what the consequences would be if his friend lost control, but he had to try, this was Daniel for crying out loud. He couldn't allow him to suffer without the proper help. He cajoled Daniel calmly, keeping his voice soft and soothing. He kept his eyes focussed onto Daniel's wild eyes, trying to read his capitulation and all the time edging nearer, ignoring his aching knees, ready to reach for the pistol.
Daniel's feral eyes locked on Jack's for a brief moment and Jack saw the agony of indecision in his friend's face. He cautiously raised his hand towards the gun. Daniel's agonised psyche made his hand shake hard. He was afraid; so afraid yet needy.
Without him being aware of his actions...
The gun fired.
The noise shattered the tense silence in the confines of the tiny room, and Daniel's traumatised psyche cracked along with it when he realised what he had done. Crying out in denial. Watching as Jack's head snapped backwards from the impact of the bullet against his right temple, and he fell bonelessly to the floor.
Daniel gasped in shock, and stared horrified at the inert body of his friend. Blood was pouring from the head wound and already covering half of Jack's face. Daniel snapped out of his drug induced stupor and it effect was replaced it with one of utter disbelief and horror.
Reality had set in, in full and glorious Technicolor.
He had killed Jack!
He had killed his team leader.
He had killed his friend.
His friend for the last two years. Hell his best friend.
Jack was like the brother he'd never had; Jack had become like a father figure; the one person who had taken him in and cared for him, and he'd re-paid his open-handedness by killing him.
"Oh God! Noooo!" he wailed. "God...what have I done. Jack! Oh God Jack...I'm so sorry. Oh Jack! Nooooo!" He wept.
He scampered over to Jack's inert body and lifted his heavy bloodied head, cradling it in his lap, hugging him tightly to his chest. He bowed his head, resting it on top of Jack's. He didn't care that Jack's blood was now smeared across his own face as he desperately clung to his former friend. He only knew one thing; that he had killed the one person whom he truly trusted. Daniel rocked back and forth gently lost in a world of grief and misery.
The security force guards had followed the sound of a single gunshot, and discovered the tragic scene in the storage room. They kept back unsure about causing any further damage, not wanting to incite another shooting. Instead they summoned Dr. Frasier and her team, who arrived a few moments later. Janet was horrified to see Daniel, broken hearted and clutching the recumbent Colonel, whose face was half hidden by copious amounts of his blood. However, she clamped down any personal feelings, and inched into the room slowly, silently gesturing for the others to stay back quietly.
"Daniel!" She spoke softly, hoping it would be enough to rouse him from his distress.
Apparently he was too caught up in his misery to notice her.
"Daniel!" she called louder. "It's me, Janet. I need to check on the Colonel."
He looked up then at the sound of her voice but pulled back in fear. He scooted backwards away from the intrusion, dragging Jack's limp form along with him, and hugging him impossibly closer.
"Noooo...Its too late. I killed him...I killed Jack!" he sobbed. Tears cascaded down his face, running down onto Jack's face to mix with the blood. "I shot him," he kept repeating. Saying it over and over again between deep heart-rending gulps.
Janet knew she had to get through to him, even if it was too late for the Colonel, so she tried again. This time she slowly dropped down to her knees in order to get a better look at the both of them.
"Daniel! I really do need to check on Colonel O'Neill. Will you let me do this?"
"It's too late...I killed him...Oh God!...I didn't mean to do it. I swear to god, I didn't! I killed him!"
"Daniel please!" Janet pleaded again softly.
After much coaxing and patience on her part, his sobs subsided at last and he eventually nodded. She stretched her hand towards Jack's lax hand, expecting it to feel cold and lifeless, but it wasn't. What she felt there made her heart flutter. His skin felt warm, yet at the same time, cool and clammy. It meant only one thing; that he was still alive, but he was also in shock. She felt a faint pulse beneath her fingers; he needed medical treatment now, before the shock killed him for sure.
She turned round to see that her audience consisted of Captain Carter, Teal'c and General Hammond, all waiting anxiously outside the door. She whispered instructions for her staff to prepare for an emergency.
Sam found the courage to speak up softly, voicing the inner turmoil and fear that rolled around inside her.
"Janet? Is he...is..?" she stuttered, not wanting to hear the dreaded words which would confirm the horrific sight in front of her eyes.
"The Colonel's still alive at the moment; but I don't know for how much longer, unless I can get him to surgery." She turned back to face Daniel again.
"Daniel…I need you to let me examine the Colonel properly. Can you do that? Will you let me?"
Daniel was locked in his private grief and all he did was to repeat the same thing over again like a mantra thrumming through his head.
"Oh God I killed him. It's all my fault," he cried guiltily, his voice barely louder than a whisper.
"No Daniel! You didn't kill him! Colonel O'Neill is still alive, but I really do need to get him to the infirmary quickly."
"No! You're too late. I killed him...he's already dead!" he shouted.
"No Daniel, you're wrong...here, feel!" She gingerly took hold of his hand and gently laid it onto Jack's chest.
Daniel could feel his hand move in synchronisation with Jack's chest as it rose and fell with each shallow breath. He closed his eyes with relief when he felt each tremulous beat of his friend's heart as it palpitated beneath his fingers. He stared down at his hand and then at Jack; gaping up at Janet in disbelief and hope.
She smiled at him encouragingly and tried again.
"Daniel I need you to let me get the Colonel to the infirmary," she pleaded desperately, hoping against hope that now Daniel could see that Jack lived still, and that he would allow her to move him to the infirmary.
"Daniel please!"
For a moment Daniel hesitated and Janet held her breath.
He looked down at Jack's face again, then to everyone's relief slowly nodded, relaxing his fierce grip and laying Jack's head back gently onto his lap. Janet called in her orderlies and they lifted Jack onto the waiting gurney and rushed him away.
Janet held Daniel's arm, gently soothing him as he watched the orderlies lift his friend onto the gurney and then they wheeled Jack away quickly.
Sam was waiting patiently outside, and with a nod from Janet, could now reach him.
Janet, sure now that he would be okay, rushed away to the infirmary to tend to Jack.
Sam had been so worried that Daniel had finally snapped and actually killed their CO.
Now with tears in her own eyes, she gently enfolded Daniel in her arms and he broke down sobbing, clinging to her. She soothed him and just held him close until his weeping subsided, then gently led him away to the infirmary.
General Hammond stood at the foot of the Infirmary bed studying the man lying unconscious on it. His 2IC could be so impetuous sometimes, but it was because of this ability that he was there. To make rash decisions and act on them, even if it meant risking life and limb. He had done that right now. He'd risked his life for the sanity of one of his team. He could only be overawed by such loyalty.
There were no half measures with Jack, he was fiercely loyal to his team. No wonder they were the best team he had. No wonder they had survived for so long. They were such a close knit team, a solid unit, an unlikely mix as ever you'd find, but it worked, and they had grown together to be a great force to be reckoned with.
Janet approached him and he recollected his reason for being there in the first place.
"How is he Doctor?"
"He's going to be okay Sir. The bullet just grazed his scalp, but he'll be out of it for a while. He'll have one hell of a headache when he wakes up. He's very lucky to be with us. Dr. Jackson didn't miss by much Sir, another fraction of an inch and...well...he wouldn't be here now."
"Thank you Doctor. He certainly seems to have the luck of the Irish with him. How is Dr. Jackson now?"
"He's still in shock, and he's a lot more docile now, but I'm worried that he seems to have locked himself away and none of us can get through to him. I think he's feeling an overwhelming guilt at what's happened. I can't really say how he's going to react when the Colonel wakes up, or vice-versa. But...given time I think that everything should turn out all right Sir, they have a very strong bond with each other."
"Good. Keep me informed on their progress Doctor."
"Yes Sir."
He glanced again at Jack's quiescent form and sighed. He left her to check on them, and returned to his office, where he had to reluctantly write yet another 'incident' report.
A rhythmic beeping gradually nibbled away at his consciousness and he was content just to let the constant noise be his only companion. Other noises soon intruded into his mind as the fog clouding his brain, began to dissipate.
The tapping of heels across the floor and soft hushed voices wafted over him, and he realised he was in the infirmary again. How or why he was there eluded him for the time being. He tried prising his eyes open, and it was difficult at first, but he managed at last, blinking away the last trace of haziness, as the cold grey ceiling came into view. He moved his head to try and see Janet, but immediately regretted his hasty decision as his temple throbbed and his vision swam. He groaned and lifted a strangely heavy hand to his brow, only to find it covered with a large thick dressing.
Janet who was working nearby, heard him moan and was by his side in an instant. She looked down at him and smiled when he reopened his eyes again.
"Colonel! How are you feeling now?"
"Like I got hit with a sledgehammer! What'd I do this time?"
Janet looked across to a sleeping Daniel in the next bed, and chose her words carefully before she answered. 'How much do I tell him?' she wondered, as she gave him a few sips of water.
"Thanks."
"Actually you were shot Sir, but luckily for you, you have a hard head and it just grazed the surface."
"Shot?"
He tried to piece together the information. Then he suddenly remembered the fight in the storage room with Daniel, who pointed a gun at him. There was a flash and a deafening roar as the gun fired in the confined space, and then nothing.
"Daniel? Where's Daniel?" He grew concerned and tried to get up, but Janet gently pushed him back onto the pillows. He didn't need much persuasion as his head felt like it was going to explode as soon as he'd moved. He groaned again inwardly because he felt so weak and helpless.
"It's okay...he's right here. We finally got him to go to sleep at last, see?" She pulled back the curtain between the beds so he could see for himself.
Sure enough he could see that Daniel was curled up on his side, sleeping soundly.
"How is he Doc?...I mean...how did he...react...you know...afterwards?"
Janet breathed a sigh of relief. Trust him to ask the right questions calmly and logically.
"He was deep in shock. He really thought he'd killed you. He wouldn't let me near you at first, he just kept a hold on you, repeating over and over, that he'd killed you. It took a lot of coaxing to make him see you were still alive, and for me to get you to the ER. You were in shock by then, hence all the hardware." She nodded to the monitor, the IV lines, fluid bags etc., set up around him. "After I managed to get him to let go of you, he became withdrawn and docile. Sam managed to get him back in here with no problem. He's hasn't moved from his bed or spoken a word since we brought you in here."
Jack closed his eyes and felt a weary exhaustion wash over him. He'd tried to help Daniel, now all he'd done was give him another reason to be anxious and feel guilty over.
"Colonel are you okay?" she asked worriedly as he kept his eyes closed and groaned softly.
"Yeah. I'm fine. It's him I worried about!" he opened his eyes again to show her he was all right. "I just hope I haven't made things worse."
"I don't think so Sir. He's been quiet and passive. I think he'll recover fully when he knows you're okay. Try to get some sleep Sir. Your head will feel better in the morning." She adjusted the pain med in his IV line and left him to rest.
"Yeah sure." he answered softly.
'Sleep?' How could he sleep when his mind was now full of anxiety? He lay there going over and over everything that happened in the storage room. Changing the words he'd said, changing the order of events, trying to analyse just what went wrong. In the middle of the umpteenth scenario playing in his head, he drifted off into a troubled sleep.
Daniel was unresponsive, and despite the pleading tones of Sam and Janet, he just lay on his side watching Jack's sleeping form in the next bed. He watched for the signs of his friend waking up, only then would he truly believe Jack wasn't dead.
Halfway through the morning Daniel noticed that Jack was waking up. Jack opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a minute or two, blinking away the residue of sleep, before looking round. Daniel closed his eyes quickly, he didn't want to see the look of disappointment or betrayal on Jack's face when he saw him. He felt too ashamed at what he'd done to his friend, to be able to look him in the eye.
Jack observed Daniel for a while, before speaking. He knew he wasn't asleep.
"Daniel!" he spoke softly, hoping he would respond to a quieter voice. There was no recognition that he had heard his name. Jack tried again. He struggled to sit up, ignoring the throbbing in his head.
Janet saw Jack sit up and approached his bed.
"Colonel...feeling better this morning?"
"Yeah I'm fine Doc. Any chance of loosing this?" he brought up his hand to indicate the IV line.
"Let me check you over first Sir."
She busied herself taking pulse, temperature, BP, checked his eye responses with her pet pen light.
"Everything checks out Colonel, so, yes, I think I can take this out, but your still confined to my domain for the duration. We'll see what 24 hours brings.
"Awww c'mon Doc, give a guy a break." At the shake of her head, he frowned. "Well at least get me something decent to wear if I'm gonna be stuck in here." he pulled at the hospital gown with disgust.
"Okay...but you stay where you are. That's an order Sir."
"Fine...fine whatever."
Janet went to fetch him a pair of sweat pants and T-shirt to wear.
Jack watched his friend again, and dressed quickly when Janet reappeared with some clothes. He nodded to her and pointed towards Daniel, using sign language he hoped she would be able to interpret. She understood what he wanted to do now. She nodded in agreement, and left, clearing the room as she went, making sure the doors were shut and no-one intruded in on them.
Jack stood somewhat unsteadily at Daniel's bedside, hanging on to the side for balance. His head hammering in time with his pulse, but this was one thing he knew he couldn't put off.
"Daniel!...I know you're awake."
Tears trickled out from behind the tightly shut lids, as he stifled a sob. Jack waited until Daniel had calmed down, before continuing.
"It's not your fault Daniel, you weren't thinking straight. If you've got to blame anyone, then okay, blame me, just don't fault yourself over it. I got you angry in the storage room. I should have known better. I forced you into doing something you didn't want to do. I'm sorry."
Jack placed his hand gently on Daniel's arm. Daniel shot upright, shrugging it off, and sat hugging his knees, burying his head between his arms.
Jack tried again.
"Danny it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you for what happened. I'm fine."
This time when Jack put his hand on Daniel's shoulder, it was allowed to stay there. Jack squeezed it gently. Daniel's body wracked with sobs, and Jack didn't hesitate, he pulled Daniel's head and shoulders against his chest and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back and soothing him, like he would have done to Charlie at one time.
"It's okay Danny boy. Let it all out. It's gonna be okay now. We'll be okay." he gently soothed.
After a while of savouring the comfort from Jack, Daniel's sobs quietened and he spoke for the first time.
"Jack..."
"I'm right here Danny."
"God Jack! I thought I'd...sniff...killed you. I didn't mean to."
"I know that! It doesn't matter now. I'm here, and I'm fine."
"I'm sorry Jack. I really didn't..."
"Hey! It's over. I'm fine. You're gonna be fine. That's it, end of story, okay!"
"Okay. But I'm still sorry I..."
"Daniel!" he interrupted sternly.
Daniel broke away and smiled at his friend.
"Jack! I'm okay now too, really." he wiped the tears from his eyes across his sleeve and felt more like his old self again. The guilt had sobered his addiction up, and he no longer felt the burning need for the sarcophagus. For the first time he began to feel like himself again.
"Good! I'm glad about that. Now how about you get off that bed and help me get back onto my bed before I fall down." Jack's bantering voice belied the way he felt. His head was swimming and he didn't know how he'd managed to stand there for so long.
Daniel was immediately concerned about him. He shot off the bed and held Jack's arm to steady him, whilst he led him back towards the empty bed.
"God Jack why didn't you say something?"
"I just did...didn't I?"
"You shouldn't be out of bed yet anyway." Daniel helped a shaking Jack back onto his bed, then pulled up one of the hard plastic chairs and sat down beside him. "Are you sure you're okay Jack?"
"I'm fine Daniel." he closed his eyes and rubbed his hand across his forehead, momentarily forgetting his wounded temple. "Aaghhh!"
"Jack? Should I get Janet?"
Jack opened his eyes, scrubbing his hand through his hair and looked at his friend again.
"Nope...I'm just a bit sore, that's all. I forgot it was there, but I just know we're going to be okay. Don't you?"
"Yeah Jack. We're fine!"
Janet peeked round the door quietly and noticed the two of them chatting easily. Sam, Teal'c and the General were all there and when Janet motioned them to see the pair, in their usual positions when one or other of them was hurt, it brought smiles to their faces.
Janet shut the door and left them to rebuild their bonds together, knowing this time they would be even closer.
The End.
I hope you all enjoyed this short story. As much as my fingers itched to correct the mistakes and re-write it, I've deliberately left it as it was...well, mostly anyway! LOL!