A/N: A million thanks to my beta WinterBaby19 for making my writing sound remotely competent.
Disclaimer: I don't own "I'd Lie," that's Taylor Swift's. Neither do I own Chuck. Though I wish with all my heart that I did...
Her Catastrophic Error
I don't think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He'll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I'm laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And...
Bryce was dead. Because he had gone rogue and Casey had shot him.
It hadn't made sense to her when she had first heard. Her partner. Her…boyfriend. He couldn't have gone rogue. She trusted him. She knew him. Or did she?
Whatever it was, she hadn't had the time to dwell on it. Her next mission was to get the Intersect back. It sounded like an easy mission which was just what she had needed.
She could not have been more wrong.
Walking into the Buy More had been easy. She had looked around and found her mark: a tall dark haired young man by the name of Chuck Bartowski. This was going to be easy. He didn't look at all like he had connections to a rogue CIA agent. Surely, she'd have this mission done in no time.
She had smiled coyly at him and done the proverbial batting of the eyelashes. The usual. Everything had been going to plan.
Until he helped the little ballerina.
She felt in that moment that there was no way that this man was involved in anything treacherous. He couldn't be. It was obvious; he wasn't that kind of person.
But she had pushed any such feeling away, left her number (surely he'd call her), and gone on her way.
Again, he'd messed up the plan. He hadn't called. Sarah didn't quite understand. How could he not call? She'd just have to take matters into her own hands. So she went back to the Buy More and asked him on a date.
"Apparently I'm wide open," he had responded with a goofy half smile after an intervention of sorts by his strange friend.
She nodded and turned around. He was cute in dorky way. She liked him.
That was her first catastrophic error.
He was such a nice guy to be around. He was so utterly disarming. She told herself to be careful; the most dangerous of men were always the most charming ones. But she had dealt with that before and she could do that here.
Or so she had thought.
Once on the date, she found herself forgetting that this was a mission on multiple occasions.
She found herself lost in his eyes. She could not decide what color they were. Sometimes they looked a dark chocolate brown. Other times they seemed a translucent green. In the end she decided they were hazel. Whatever color they were, she liked them. Then she caught herself. Agent Sarah Walker was arguing with herself over someone's eye color? Was she in high school? She told herself to focus, but that proved easier said than done.
"I like you, Chuck," she had said. She'd said what she felt. What she really felt. That wasn't supposed to happen.
He'd smiled that enchanting half smile again and she had relaxed momentarily.
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He likes to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
I'd lie
When it turned out that her permanent mission would now be to stay with Chuck she had smiled…or maybe grinned. Either way. It was more emotion than she would normally show.
More emotion than an agent should show.
Sarah did not like this at all. She hated that such a kind man was in such a horrid situation. He did not deserve it. Not at all.
She knew more about him than he thought. Usually she didn't mind this. He was her asset and it was her job to know. But in his case, she wished that she had had the opportunity to learn everything from him and not through a folder. That couldn't happen though.
Every time in those first couple weeks when she thought of Bryce, Chuck would show up and wipe away any thought of her ex-boyfriend. His every mannerism was so endearing. He was everything a girl could dream of. Sarah caught herself smiling in his direction more often than was appropriate for a fake relationship.
How could he have such an effect on her? Even Bryce hadn't had her smiling to herself the way Chuck did. It's not like he was trying to have any effect on her. He just did.
Sarah had never wanted to open up to a person more than she wanted to with Chuck. He was the kind of man she saw herself with in her version of the American dream.
But she couldn't. He was her asset. And they worked together. It would be highly unprofessional for them to have a real relationship.
So every time she asked herself how she felt about Chuck, she lied.
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn't a light go on?
Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine
She hadn't known real jealousy until now. She saw the way Chuck had looked at that girl. Lou.
Sarah wanted to be Lou for Chuck. She wanted to give Chuck exactly what he needed – a real loving relationship. But she couldn't and she hated that more than she could say. It was like chains that held her back while Chuck kept walking forward. She wanted so desperately to walk next to him. That position of love and trust. It would never be hers.
That night they had spent together for their cover had been horrible. She hated this forceful reality check; that they were living a lie. She wanted to be here, in his room as a result of a real relationship. Not this façade. Her anger had surfaced that night. She felt trapped. Chuck's affection for the sandwich girl was getting to her.
Lying to him while under the truth serum had hurt her. She wanted so badly to say, "Yes, Chuck. We do have a future. I love you." But she couldn't; such words were too real, too close. She could not do it.
Instead, she'd steadied herself and said, "I'm sorry Chuck, no," and broken eye contact. She could not have looked him in the eye after such a lie. Such an awful lie.
When he'd broken off their fake relationship she felt like her world was falling apart. She remembered feeling the room spin. She felt sick. Even the semblance of a relationship had given her a chance to be with him. Now that was all gone.
When she saw him with Lou she felt tears welling up in her eyes. She wished she was the one he wanted to sit and drink coffee with.
She wished Chuck was hers.
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He likes to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I'd lie
"I haven't fallen for Chuck."
Had it sounded convincing? She didn't really think so. But it was as good as she could make it.
Was it really that obvious? Carina had obviously noticed something earlier. But even she hadn't been completely aware of her feelings then. And now Casey…Everyone seemed to see how much she cared for Chuck.
She had been a first class liar prior to this meeting. Almost pathological. Actually the only person she seemed to be able to lie convincingly to still, was Chuck. Everyone else saw past her protests.
Everyone else saw her blatant lie.
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only say
I'm holding every breath for you...
If only she could have told him that into that kiss she had poured every ounce of love and passion she felt for him into that kiss.
Instead she had to push him away after the kiss.
Her second catastrophic mistake.
To let him think that anything was possible between them right now was cruel and unusual punishment And now she would have to hurt him yet again. How did she manage to create scenarios where the only exit strategy was to hurt Chuck and by doing so hurt herself?
Sarah had always been good at masking her feelings. During the past couple weeks however she had found that difficult with Chuck around. Now she had found that ability again after her brief encounter with Bryce. Bryce managed to bring out that stolid spy side of her. Chuck managed to make her laugh. And right now, she couldn't afford laughter. She had a job to do.
He'd never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he's beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
When General Beckman had told Sarah that Chuck was being taken away and put into government custody, Sarah felt guilty. She had hurt Chuck, and how she hadn't been able to protect him either. Now he was being taken away from everyone he loved, and it was her fault.
On top of the building when Longshore had been about to take Chuck away, Sarah's hand had gone instinctively to her gun. She didn't quite understand what she would have done. Would she have shot Longshore and directly disobeyed orders to keep Chuck from disappearing forever? Something told her that yes; she would have shot him without hesitation.
On that rooftop Chuck had told her that he wanted to be with her still. He had forgiven her even after the numerous times that she had hurt him. Her eyes had begun to cloud and it had grown difficult to see Chuck. Quickly, she had grabbed his hands. She liked his long fingers and wanted them to always be entwined in her own. But the moment had ended when Longshore had pulled him away from her.
Everyday she prayed that something would end this. That something would end this mission so that she could actually be with Chuck. If he was still waiting for her. She couldn't expect anything from him. She didn't deserve to with the number of times she'd hurt him.
It would take a miracle.
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sisters beautiful he has his father's eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I'd lie
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