"I still remember the look on your face, been through the darkness at 1:58."
I sat in silence, taking in the angel in front of me. How could someone so perfect have chosen me, a girl with more problems than he had admirers? Even when he was asleep he left me breathless.
"The words that you whispered for just us to know; you told me you loved me so why did you go away?"
I was screaming, crying in the middle of the road but no one was there to hear. Certainly not the person I wanted to be there. I was just a sniveling mass on the pavement. Could he really tell me he loved me and then leave? All I wanted was to feel his hot breath against my neck, peppering me with kisses. All I got though was silence aside from my own pitiful wails. The only thing I knew was that I needed to go away.
"I do recall now, the smell of the rain. Fresh on the pavement, I jumped off the plane."
The smell of damp concrete and smoggy air assaulted my nose. Why was I back? I had promised myself I would never return, yet here I stood, in the middle of a runway completely alone. It never rained in L.A., yet today it had dumped buckets. It had to be a bad omen.
"That July 9th the beat of your heart, it jumped through your shirt I can still feel your arms."
They all hugged me, told me how much they had missed me. But it all seemed empty and blank, forced. She went crazy and left, and now she came back for some reason. But I smiled. I played nice. I watched the fireworks with the people I once called friends but all I could think of was the person who wasn't here. Was he celebrating July 4th with another girl? Hugging her like he had once hugged me?
"But now I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes. All that I know am I doing know how to be something you miss."
Was it considered stealing? Even if it was I didn't care. I loved that shirt; he had worn it on our first date. So I had kept it even though he had taken the rest of his stuff back. But I couldn't let it go. I hadn't even graduated high school yet, but I never saw him. Not after I switched to a new school a few states away. So even if he had realized his old flannel shirt was missing, he couldn't get it back anyways. The overwhelming smell of him drove me to my knees. I curled in a ball on the ground wearing his stupid scented shirt, crying like a baby. Did he miss me as much as I missed him? Did he feel like his heart had been stolen and tossed away? Probably not. I had called him, texted him. He never replied. Why didn't he miss me? I had given him all of me, only to be tossed away. If I had been nicer to stupid school mates would he still love me? What could I have done to become something he missed?
"Never thought we had out last kiss. Never imagined it end like this. Your name, forever the names on my lips."
Everything reminded me of him. The soap show on channel nine? The kiss on the family channel sitcom? They all reminded me of him. There would be times when I would be dead asleep, oblivious to everything when I would feel him. It would come out of nowhere. I could feel his lips, firm against mine as we stood outside with only the stars to witness us. The feel of his hands knotted in my hair that was carried away by the breeze. Had that really been it? A perfect minute framed by love and forever lost in time. Then I would wake up, my lips poised to say his name. Only to fall back to the pillows when I realized I was alone as always.
"I do remember the swing of your steps. The life of the party you're showing off again."
As I mingled with the group I tried to remember what life had been like even a year ago. It had been different. He had always been in the center, entertaining everyone, yet me in all of my doom and gloom had been right there with him. I wouldn't be in Los Angeles much longer, but while I was here I wanted him. I always wanted him. But he wasn't mine to want anymore.
"Because I loved your handshake, meeting my father. How you are when you walk with your hands in your pocket."
They made me go back to the old school, only to visit a teacher though. It was like a haunted memory, so fragmented but not complete. The last time I had walked this hallway I hadn't been alone. He had been right there beside me, hands casually slung in his pockets. I only remembered it because I had been intensely happy. My father was a miserable man, but even my father had approved of the relationship. Take care of her. He had said when he had given him a firm handshake. Take care of her.
"How'd you kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something? There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions."
But he wasn't here now. I was alone. We had so many memories from this place, whispering moments to me in dreams. How often had we fought, and more importantly, how often had it been my fault? He hadn't liked to fight. He had always just kissed me. Slow and cool and I would shut up. But I didn't mind it really.
"And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are."
No sooner than when his named slipped from my lips did the door open. "Guys, I told you I'm going to bed." I growled without turning around. I didn't miss the friends. I missed him. "I know." That voice. It made me want to scream and run into the tan arms that were leaning against the white door jam. I had so much to say, but no breath to breathe.
"I never planned on you changing your mind."
I needed to lie, push him away. Tell him I was okay. But he didn't give me the chance. He just kissed me, slow and pure like he had once ago. "You never said goodbye." I whispered. I was crying, tears falling like giant raindrops onto his nose. "You never gave me the chance." Suddenly, I didn't want to know when our last kiss would be. He smiled and whispered my name so softly I couldn't be positive if it was another one of my dreams.
"Jade."