Author's Note: Thanks to my epic team for all the help! :)

Written for...

Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. Team/Position: Holyhead Harpies, Seeker. Task: Write about MissingMommy's notp (Severus/Lily)

Build Your Cube Challenge. Prompt: flicker

Back To You

1,203 words

It was raining when she apparated to her childhood home. She stood on the doorstep for five minutes, watching the flickering light of the television through the window before turning away. She knew her parents would take her in without question, if she only had the courage to knock, but at that moment she didn't feel like a Gryffindor in the slightest.

She didn't mind the rain. It was refreshing after the ordeal back at home - her old home. James' home now. She wouldn't be going back there. She couldn't step through that door without picturing Alice in her bed.

'Petunia was right all along,' she thought bitterly, kicking at a pebble that blocked her path. Her sister had always been critical of James, even when they were dating. She'd warned Lily at least a hundred times that it would end badly, but Lily had been blinded by love. No such feelings clouded her judgement now.

She was two blocks away before she thought of a place to go, someone to take her in for the night. It was a foolish thought, but the only reasonable one. She certainly couldn't go to any of her friends, because they were James' friends too, and she wasn't ready to tell anyone what had happened.

She was drenched by the time she reached Spinner's End, and she only hesitated for a moment before knocking on his door, praying he was home. She didn't know what sort of hours he kept now that he was employed by Voldemort. Just the thought of what had become of her old friend made her stomach churn, but she was willing to overlook this fault for the moment, for the hope of a dry bed for the night. Despite everything, Severus still cared for her. She had no doubts.

He answered quickly, and they stared at each other for a long moment before Lily tried to smile.

"Are you going to let me in?" she asked quietly, fearful for a moment that she'd miscalculated his feelings. Perhaps he was angry with her for pushing him away after everything.

"It depends why you're here," he answered, staring at her coldly. There was no emotion in his black eyes and it scared her more than she could say. Those eyes used to soften when they looked at her, if no one else.

She knew she couldn't lie, or dodge the question. If she wanted to go inside she would need to give him a reason to trust her, to prove that she wasn't working for the Order just then.

"I've left James. He cheated on me, with my best friend."

He stepped aside quickly and Lily rushed inside. There was already a fire blazing inside and he ushered her to the hearth, summoning a towel to wrap around her shoulders.

"Can I get you tea? Food?"

"Tea would be lovely." She didn't have to tell him how she liked it. That was one of the wonderful things about Severus, he had a remarkable memory. Unlike James, who frequently bought her roses when she loved daffodils.

He sat beside her on the cold floor, stoking the fire whenever it started to go out. Lily sipped her tea in grateful silence and watched him work. It was strange to see him using his hands so much instead of whipping out his wand for everything like he used to. James was that way, but he'd never known any different.

"Do you want to talk?" Severus asked her, not quite meeting her eyes.

"You don't like to talk about feelings," she reminded him.

"Do you need to talk?"

She thought hard about that, realizing for the first time that she was not actually sad about the whole incident.

"No. I think I'm okay. I mean, I'm angry, but I'll survive."

"Of course you will. You're the strongest person I know, Lily."

"I don't feel strong," she admitted, staring into her tea cup. She didn't take Divination in school, but she wondered what her tea leaves would read now. 'Spinster,' most likely. 'Failure.'

Severus rested a hand on her shoulder and it surprised her. He'd disliked physical contact as much as feelings back in the day. She glanced at him, really looking at him for the first time. Not much had changed in either of them in the few years since they'd left school. Severus still looked like himself, perhaps a bit paler and the bags under his eyes had gotten worse, but perhaps she'd been wrong to think he hadn't changed at all.

"You can't blame yourself for what he's done," he said forcefully. "James Potter is a—" His lip curled as he thought of a suitable insult and Lily smiled a little. Severus used to say the first thought that came to mind at the mention of James and his friends. "He's not good for you. He's never been good for you. I'm one to talk." He withdrew his hand quickly.

They fell into an awkward silence. Lily wanted to say something to make the situation better, but there was nothing she could say. She was still angry with what had happened, still hurt by the name he'd called her. As much as he thought she chose James over him, he chose Voldemort over her first.

"I was a fool," Severus finally said, when the rain had died down and the crackling fire was the only sound. "I let Lucius brainwash me. I was so desperate to fit in, to find a home and a family, I couldn't see what I already had. You were too good to me."

"You were good too, once." She put down her empty cup and reached for his hand. It was cold and clammy, but she held on. "You were my best friend, Severus. I would have done anything for you. I was always there for you." She motioned around the dark living room with her free hand. "And you've done me a huge favor tonight, letting me stay here after everything."

"It's not a proper apology though. It's not what you deserve."

"Can it be a start? I miss this, Severus. I miss us."

She leaned forward hopefully, willing him to do the same. It was more than a childhood friendship that she missed, but the potential for more. She missed what they could have been if James and Lucius hadn't gotten between them.

Severus pulled away, resting a hand on her shoulder to hold her still. "I don't think that's a good idea," he said.

Hurt, she shrugged his hand off and leaned back. "Then why did you let me in if you didn't want this?"

"I do. Not a day has gone by that I don't regret what I've done and wish I could go back and change the hurtful things I said that day. I want you back, Lily, but not like this. I don't want to be the rebound, a mistake made in anger. I love you too much for that."

He reached for her hand again and she let him take it.

"I love you too, Severus." She smiled down at their interlocked hands, hopeful for what the future held for them.