Title: The Trouble with Coming Home
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Edward and Bella
Summary: When fate stepped in and changed Bella's life, she hid from the pain. What happens when she has to face that pain? Does she find more trouble coming home or will she find forever?
Rating: M (language)
Word Count: 4,091
The Trouble with Coming Home
Thank you for flying Southwest Airlines. Welcome to New Orleans. Laissez les bon temps rouler
Bella stood from her seat and stretched. The two and a half hour flight had turned into four hours, due to a delay in Dallas. Something about mechanical issues, but who knew? She followed the other passengers as they exited the plane, and instantly removed her sweater as she entered the airport. She definitely hadn't missed the humidity. Why did it have to be so frazzling hot? Hey, what did she expect in the middle of June?
It had been six years since she stepped foot in the great state of Louisiana—six years spent hiding in Phoenix. When her world seemed to implode around her, she had called her aunt and asked if she could come there. Of course, Aunt Charlotte and Uncle Peter had welcomed her with open arms. She had settled in and attended college, received a degree in education and proudly taught the third grade. To anyone looking in, her life seemed perfect. However, that was far from the truth.
Perfection, yes once she had had perfection. The love of her life, a scholarship to her mom's alma mater, and a future planned out to the white picket fence. A future that ended before it could begin. One night had changed her life. It had changed so much that she hadn't even recognize herself in the mirror each morning. She was a shell of her former self, and she really didn't know hope to get everything back on track.
She really didn't have anyone to blame but herself, and it was easy to do so. Why not? Her mother blamed her for every evil in the world from the fact that it rained last Tuesday to the big bang. It was all Bella fault. Plain and simple. Bella wished she could feel like it wasn't the truth, but at every turn she had always known she was never good enough. She really couldn't believe she was here.
The only reason she was here was her love for her brother. He was getting married, and she wouldn't miss it for the world. She just hoped he knew how much she loved him. Thinking of her brother always brought a smile to her face. He was the best brother a girl could ask for. He was her world growing up. They did everything together, and even though she was four years younger he never complained when she tagged along. Now he was truly her hero. He had spent ten years in the Air Force that had sent him to pits of hell.
Their parents had been scared to death when he announced he had enlisted. He had spoken so passionately about the need to protect our country and our freedom. Bella had prayed everyday he was gone. Her mother had always blamed her for not talking him out of going. She thought that Bella should have been able to change his mind. Her brother could never know just how horribly their mother treated her. Hell, their father didn't even know.
Her brother's last tour had been the worst. His squadron had been sent into the hot zone and had been ambushed. They lost three men and four had been injured. The phone call had come in the middle the night and scared the hell out of her. The only thing she really remembered hearing her father were the words bruised but alive. She had wanted to see him as soon as he was stateside but she couldn't make herself come home.
"Bella." Her name being called brought her out of her memories. She looked up to the see her brother walking towards her. She took in his appearance. His hair was still short and his body still held rigid, and he was still as handsome as ever. Tears flooded her eyes. She had missed him so much. He wrapped her in a hug so tight she could hardly breathe.
"Jasper," was all she could say before the tears started to flow.
"Hey, now none of that. We're gonna have a hell-of-a time this weekend. I'm so glad you're here, sis. You have no idea what this means to me and Alice," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
"Wouldn't be anywhere else." Bella smiled. "So has Alice driven you bat shit crazy yet?" she joked.
"No, not yet, but we still have a few days. No, seriously I have to thank God for Esme and Rose. They have been running around like chickens with their heads cut off," he chuckled as they made their way through the airport.
Bella stiffened at the mention of Esme and Rose. Esme was his mother and Rose was his sister-in-law. You see her brother was marrying HIS sister. He was the one who got away. She could even say his name. It just hurt too damn bad. Jasper hadn't notice her reaction. He was rambling on about everything Alice had wanted for the ceremony. Even with his rambling Bella could hear the absolute devotion he had to Alice, the same type that Bella had once. She had been on the cusp of having it forever, and she had thrown it away.
As they reached the exit, Bella wanted to ask the one question floating through her mind. They had an hour drive ahead and she knew she couldn't last that long. When they reached the car, she turned and faced her brother. He looked so happy, so in love and she couldn't stand the thought of hurting him. She knew the position she was putting him in, and it decimated her already shattered heart.
"Jasper," she whispered. As their eyes met, a new round of tears formed and spilled down her cheeks. Sadness and acceptance were evident in his gaze.
"He won't be here until Friday," he answered her unspoken questions. Bella nodded and opened the door. She could breathe a little easier for just a few more days. Hopefully she could muster the courage to face him. It would be the hardest thing she had ever done, but for Jasper she would do anything. Even if it was what finally broke her.
As they wove through traffic, silence filled the car. Once they reached the causeway, Jasper finally spoke. "You ever gonna tell me what happened between you two?"
"Nothing to tell. We just didn't make it." She shrugged hoping she could convince them both. One glance at her brother and she knew she had failed.
"I call bullshit, Bella. You've loved the man from the moment you laid eyes on him twelve years ago. Everything was fine until your graduation. Don't play me for an idiot. What happened?" his voice demanded the truth.
Taking a deep breath, Bella began, "I wasn't worth it. I've never been good enough for him. He deserves someone that belongs by his side, and that's just not me. I never fit in at all those parties Esme threw. I just embarrassed him and he was just too nice to tell me the truth. It was bound to happen." Bella finished on a whisper.
Jasper's fists clenched around the steering wheel, while his heart was ripping in two. The certainty in her voice proved to him that she believed everything she had just said. That thought alone was killing him. What had happened to the bubbly young girl he had left when he entered the military? Who had done this to her? He had to do something to change her mind.
"Bella, you can't honestly believe that shit, can you?" he began. "I mean anyone would be a damn lucky to have you as their girl. He is a fool if he told you that and after the pictures are taken I'll make sure he knows just that. No one treats my baby sister that way and gets away with it, brother-in-law or not," Jasper spat through gritted teeth.
"Jasper, NO!" Bella pleaded. "We just didn't work out. Can't you leave it at that?" she begged.
"No, dammit, I can't. You haven't been home in six years. Hell, I'm sure the only reason you're here now is for me. Just as selfless as always. You deserve better than someone making you feel this way about yourself. Maybe seeing him will help you move on. Get some closure," Jasper argued.
Bella just shook her head. Jasper just didn't get it. It wasn't him who made her feel this way. She sat quietly as they reached Mandeville. There was only another half hour to Bogalusa and the closer they got the harder it seemed to breathe. She felt the air being pushed out of her lungs. Suddenly she needed to get out of the car.
"Pull over," she gasped.
Jasper barely hit the side of the road before Bella was out of the car and throwing up the meager contents of her stomach. It was too much. It hurt too badly. She could feel Jasper pull her hear back and rub her back.
"Shh, Shh, Bella, it's okay. We'll figure it out," Jasper tried to soothe her.
"Jasper," she cried. "What if I was wrong? What if I ruined everything because I didn't take time to find out the truth?" She knew she had screwed up. She had never even asked him if it was true. She just took the information she was given and made decisions that had ruined their plans.
"You gotta talk to him, Bella. Maybe it's not too late. You will never know, never heal until you know for sure," Jasper tried to ease her mind.
Once she was sure nothing else was coming up, they got back on the road. Twenty minutes later the smell of home greeted her. The paper mill was the largest employer in this small town. Her father himself now worked there as head of security. He had retired and chief of police a few years back.
Bella looked around as they drove to their parent's house. She realized that even though so much had changed everything still seemed the same. They passed so many placed that held memories, good and bad. They passed the elementary school they both had attended. Their mother was a teacher there to this day. They passed their grandparents house. Memories of her grandmother teaching her to cook and quilt, and her grandfather's stories. Oh, how she missed them.
When they reached the park, she couldn't help but smile. That park was where it had all started. She had met him in that park. He was on Jasper's football team. He went to the catholic school in town, so she had never seen him before. The moment their eyes had met she had been lost. She knew she would love him forever. Funny how naïve you can be at twelve. The years went by with them only seeing each other at football practice and games. They were friends and got along really well.
Then things changed when Bella got to high school, they were at the same school. They started dating. Things were amazing. Jasper and Alice were seniors. He was a sophomore and Bella was a freshman. Double dates and weekend adventures kept them busy and close. Those were the good times. Then Jasper joined the military, and left Bella alone. Things changed and not for the good.
The car stopping brought Bella back to the present. She was home and that fact alone scared her. She had to face what she had done and the one person she could never please. Bella watched as the front door open, and her mother walked out. It had been too long.
"Well, come on. Get out. There is too much to do to sit in the car all day," Renee spoke as she turned and headed back into the house. They both opened their doors with a sigh.
"They hate me, don't they?" Bella asked.
"No, they don't hate you. Just don't understand what happened," Jasper answered as he reached in the backseat for her bag.
"Me neither," Bella muttered. The words didn't escape Jasper's ears. He wondered, and not for the first time, just what the help had happened to his sister.
"Well, good thing you're totally handsome, brilliant brother is getting married. Now we can figure it all out," Jasper chuckled as he dodged her slap.
They both walked up the step into the house. Bella instantly felt both a sense of home and of dread. She had a feeling that something was about to happen and it wouldn't be good. Her father greeted her with a hug and a kiss.
"Bella, I'm so glad you're home. We missed you, baby girl." His voice was thick with emotions, too.
"Thanks Daddy. I'm glad to be home. Aunt Charlotte, Uncle Peter, and Aunt Maggie said to give you their love. They also said they expect a visit soon," Bella chuckled remembering exactly what her aunt had said. "Tell my baby brother to get is ass on a plane and come see me." She was a hoot.
Bella looked toward her mother. She had the same look in her eyes she always had when she looked at Bella. Hate, disappointment, and if Bella wasn't mistaken, an ounce of satisfaction.
"Don't they have food out there in Arizona?" were the first words out her mouth.
"Yes, Mama. I eat all the time," Bella replied.
"Well, you could have fooled me. You're skin and bones. Your dress is not going to fit right. Your hair is fried, and the bags under your eyes are gonna be hell to cover. You look like death warmed over. Didn't you think about how this was gonna make us look? I mean it's bad enough you embarrassed us when you ran off and left without an explanation. I was the one who had to face Esme and answer her questions. Lucky for you I was able to smooth things over. She was even willing to overlook your little indiscretion." Renee laid it all out on the line. Bella knew from the stunned looks on her father and brother's faces that they were just as clueless as she was.
"My indiscretion? What are you talking about, Mama?" Bella inquired.
"Come on, Bella. We all know you slept with Jacob. Why else would you have left town? And don't think I don't know about what happened when you got to your aunt's," Renee jabbed with a smirk on her face. Bella cringed inside. She wondered what she had ever done for her mother to hate her so much.
Bella looked at Jasper once again, and he was livid. She shook her head when he went to speak. "Mama, I didn't sleep with Jacob. Frankly, I can't stand him. I left because you made it glaringly obvious that I can't do anything to make you happy. You convinced me that I wasn't good enough for him, and I would never be. I guess you got the short end of the stick when it came to daughters. I've never been worthy of you love. I've always fucked up everything right!" She was screaming now. "You never wanted me, you said so yourself. You hated being pregnant with Jasper and never wanted to do it again. Then one night you and Daddy had too much to drink and nine months later you got saddled with me. Well, Mama, don't worry. After Jasper's wedding, you won't ever have to see me again. I won't burden you anymore. We can pretend you don't have a daughter anymore. And as far as what happened in Arizona, that was the hardest thing I have ever been through. If you knew, then why didn't you help me? I lost my baby, the one piece of him I could keep, and you didn't even care enough to make sure I was okay," Bella yelled before slapping her hand over her mouth, hoping she could take the words back. Jasper took a step toward her, but she backed up shaking her head.
"I'm sorry," was all she could say before running out the door. She ignored the heart wrenching sound of her father and brother begging her to stop. She ran until she reached the park. It seemed to be calling to her. It had all started here and she guessed it would end here, too. She just wanted the pain to stop. She wanted to be able to move on and live, but she couldn't figure out how.
She sat on the merry-go-round thinking about times he would push her because she wanted to feel the wind. She started to cry. She cried for her brother. All he wanted to do was marry the love of his life with all of his family there, and she had ruined that in an instant. She cried for her father. She knew for a fact that her mother had never told him her feelings about Bella. He had always showed her how much he loved her. Working long hours just to buy them the things they wanted growing up. She cried for her mother. She had never been happy a day since Bella was conceived. Hopefully now she could be happy with Bella in her life. Finally, she cried for herself. She had lost the love of her life, their child, and the future they had planned. She had given up her happiness because she had allowed her mother's words to warp her mind. She had convinced her she wasn't good enough, and Bella had lost everything.
She heard footsteps and assumed they were her brother's. She spoke without looking up.
"I'm so sorry. I guess she was right, I do ruin everything. I've ruined my life and now I'm ruining your wedding. I gave up my future with HIM. I mean, who does that," she finished with a sob.
"A girl who thinks she knows what's best for other people." The voice, however, didn't belong to her brother. No, it belong to her greatest fantasy and her worst nightmare all rolled up in one perfect package.
"Wh-what are y-you do-doing here?" she sputtered as she looked up at the man she had left.
"Jasper called Alice freaking out. I came home a few days early hoping we would have a chance to talk," he said.
"Why would you want to talk to me?" she asked not really sure she wanted to know the answer.
"Well, you see twelve years ago, in the spot actually, I gave my heart to a little brown-eyed girl that begged me to push her on the merry-go-round so she could feel the wind, and I never really got it back," he declared.
"Why now? You've had six years to move on. I was sure you hadn't looked back when I gave you your freedom. No more dead weight," she questioned using the same words that were spewed at her all those years ago. Words etched in her brain. Words that had changed her world in a matter of seconds.
"Just didn't seem right, you know. I mean we had everything all planned out, and then in the matter of a few minutes you decided to change those plans without telling me why. I thought for a long time that I had missed something. Some sign or mistake I had made. Then your mom started spewing her evil and trying to put all the blame on you. I knew for a fact you hadn't slept with him. Mom didn't believe it, either. She misses you terrible, just so you know. Anyway, I was puzzled until one day another girl tried to convince me that I was better off without you. I was about to tell her to fuck off when she slipped up and said it had all been for nothing. When I asked her what she meant, she confessed to leading you to believe that I had been unfaithful and resented you for making me stay close to home for college instead of taking the scholarship to Northwestern," he explained.
Bella was shocked by his speech. He knew why she had left and he was still here trying to convince her to give him a chance. She would have to tell him everything. She would have to tell him about their child. Before she could speak, he began again.
"How could you believe her, baby? After all the times I told you I loved you. After all the plans we made, you just took her words as the truth? Didn't I tell you enough? Didn't I show you enough? You are everything I have and ever will want, Bella. How could you believe the lie so easily that the truth didn't matter?" he asked.
"Because it never made sense. You shouldn't love me. I've never been good enough to be by your side. I shouldn't have allowed you to waste so much time on me. You deserve so much better," she answered truthfully.
"Silly girl, you are the best part of me. I am nothing without you. If you still feel half of what I feel for you, then I'm sure we can make this work," he stated as if it obviously so.
"Make what work? You're in Chicago, and I'm in Phoenix," Bella said, trying to make sense of what was happening. She wanted to pinch herself to see if she was dreaming, but didn't want to wake up if she was.
"Dad is looking for a partner, and there is a third grade opening at the elementary school," he informed her with a smug smile.
"After six years, you still love me?" she inquired truly stunned.
"Every minute of every day. No one else has ever caught my attention. It's always been you, Bella," he said as he reached up to cup her jaw. The look in his eye was killing her. He meant every word he had said and she had been a fool.
Bella burst into tears again. He wrapped her in his arms, and for the first time in six years, she felt like she could actually breathe. He rubbed her back and held her until the tears lessened. She looked up at him and saw that he too had been crying. She reached up and wiped the tears from his face.
"I need to tell you something. If you don't want anything to do with me after I tell you, I will understand and there will be no hard feelings," she began. He motioned for her to continue. "When I got to Phoenix, I found out I was pregnant." She felt him stiffen, so she quickly continued, "I was about seven weeks, and I guess the stress of leaving you and missing you caused me to miscarry. I am so sorry I didn't tell you, but I thought you had already moved on, and I didn't want to be a burden anymore," she finished. They were both quiet for a while. He finally kissed her head and leaned back to see her face. His eyes were full of love, sadness, and forgiveness.
"Baby, I am so sorry you went through that alone. I wish I had known. I would have come to you, but it's in the past and we can move forward," he spoke quietly.
He stood and reached into his pocket. Bella breath caught in her throat as he pulled out a worn velvet box. He went to his knee and tears welled up in her eyes. She couldn't breathe, and felt like she was going to pass out.
"Bella, twelve years ago, in the very spot, I gave you my heart. Six years ago, I had every intention of bringing you here to do this. Fate had other plans, and well, now that I have you here, I'm not letting you go again. Bella, will you do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" he proposed.
With tears streaming down her face, Bella nodded her head unable to speak. Finally she found the words she had dreamed of saying for so long. "Yes, Edward, I'll marry you," she said with relief as his lips met hers. She said his name and it didn't take her breath away. Maybe, just maybe, things would be alright.
She hadn't wanted to come home, but sometimes things happen for a reason and now she owed her brother big time. Once again he was her hero.