Note: This Sonic the Hedgehog fic takes place in a bit of a mash up of all the sonic universes, which can only be explained by one simple thing: This is a CrazyPerson44 fic. It's the ultimate chaos control explosion of fanfiction. So enjoy.
It was a peaceful blissful day in Green Hill Zone. Sonic, Tails, and Amy were each sharing a rather large ice cream cone.
"This mint chocolate stardust butterscotch delight swirl is soo good!" said Amy as she wolfed down a scoop of the ice cream, her eyes widening and watering.
"You said it Amy," said Tails, as he manically began attacking the ice cream with his bare hands.
"What are you doing Tails? Now me and Sonic won't have any!" protested Amy. Tails spinned around twice before winking at his two friends mischeviously.
"Watch as the incredible appropriately named two tailed fox cub swooshes superb scoops of ice cream into the air before your very eyes" said Tails. Tails tossed the ice cream scoops he had gathered with his hands into the air, they then proceeded to land on his two tails. He then used his tails to hurl the ice cream way up high into the sky, after which he went into helicopter mode, flying into the air in pursuit of the falling scoops. He captured them in his mouth, made an amazing 90-degree angle turn before swooping back down to the ground and catching the remaining ice cream from Sonic and Amy's cone in his mouth, and consuming it. Sonic and Amy stared in shock.
"Give us back our ice cream Tails!" said Amy, with an adorably angry look.
"Um, Amy? I don't think you'd really want him to do that, if you know what I mean" said Sonic.
"Why?" asked Amy.
"HE ATE IT!" yelled Sonic.
"Uhh, yes, I did!" said Tails, with a look of guilt.
"No problem little buddy!" said Sonic, patting Tails on the back.
"Oh Sonic you are just SO EASY on him. I think his behavior could use a little less chaos, and more control!" said Amy.
"It's not his fault. Ice cream fixations happen to the best of us" said Sonic. Tails put on a Dr. Eggman mask.
"Ice cream fixations happen to the worst of us, too" said Tails, attempting to imitate Eggman, and surprisingly succeeding quite well.
"Wow, I had no idea Tails did such a good Eggman impression. Maybe Eggman is trying to fool us into thinking he's Tails, I have just never heard him sound like that!" said Amy. Tails groaned. Sonic laughed.
"Me neither, Amy" said Sonic.
"Oh Sonic, what if it's not Tails? What if it's not puberty? What if it's Eggman?" asked Amy, who was quite concerned.
"Uh, yeah, listen Amy, I don't think Eggman would fit inside that tiny Tails costume!" said Sonic.
"What a relief. You're so smart Sonic!" said Amy.
"But he could be a hologram" said Sonic.
"OH Sonic, why do you tease me like that?" said Amy, in a frustrated tone. Tails giggled.
"Guys, I'm taking a voice impressionist class" said Tails.
"Now he tells us! Well guys, let's go get some more ice cream!" said Sonic. "It won't be a problem for me, I have supersonic speed" he added.
"I would rather you just drive a car. I think you need a car Sonic" said Amy. Sonic looked confused.
"What makes you say that? I'd end up going way over the limit, and hey, there's no laws against super cool natural acceleration like the kind I have, are there?" said Sonic.
"Well, not that I know of. But I still think you need a car. A really nice blue Buick would suit you just fine" said Amy.
"I'll take a Ferrari F150 over a Buick any day, Amy!" said Sonic laughing at the sheer thought of himself owning a car.
"Was there something in that one scoop of ice cream she ate?" asked Tails.
"Probably. I mean, going across all those ramps and hazards of Emerald Hill Zone would actually be much less convienient in a car" said Sonic.
"Well, if I were you, I would think about it" said Amy, as she walked off into the distance, her tiny hedgehog nose pointed towards the air.
"Sonic, do you know any car dealers around here?" asked Tails.
"In Green Hill Zone? Are you kidding me? They're unheard of! The closest thing to a car dealer here is one of Eggman's robots!" said Sonic.
"Do you think Amy misses that one non-canon human populated world we got stuck in from that chaos control explosion?" asked Tails.
"I don't know Tails. I do know one thing. I think if we get more ice cream for her, it would cheer her up!" said Sonic.
"Let's be sure to get her a flavor that she'll like" said Tails.
"Good idea," replied Sonic. "Say Tails, I'm a little tired from that marathon I ran in Electric Zone yesterday" said Sonic.
"You, tired? That's not like you Sonic! You're my hero, you're not supposed to get tired" said Tails, looking up at Sonic with immense approbation and respect.
"Hey look, Amy left her hammer" said Tails. "I could have some fun with this!" he said, with a maniacal gleam in his eye.
"Ehh, I'd take Amy's advice on this one Tails. Your behavior really could use less chaos, and more control" said Sonic.
"I do have control. I have control over this cool hammer!" said Tails thwacking the ground with it. Sonic chuckled.
"Anyway Tails, I was hoping you could lift me up and fly me over to the ice cream store" said Sonic.
"Sure Sonic. You're not heavy, you're my hedgehog!" said Tails. So Tails lifted up Sonic and carried him into the sky, towards the location of the aforementioned ice cream shop.
Ten minutes later, at the ice cream place...
Sonic and Tails had entered the store. A middle aged gentleman dressed in red, posessing a ragged mustache, was the owner of the store.
"See anything you like?" asked Eggman.
"We're just here to find out what Amy likes!" said Tails. "OOH, I bet she'd love that flavor!" said Tails looking longingly at some chocolate chip ice cream.
"OOH, I bet she'd love this flavor even more!" said Sonic, observing mint chocolate chip (his personal favorite flavor).
"NO WAY, she'd REALLY like this flavor!" said Tails. The middle aged mustachioed gentleman was confused.
HOLD UP FOLKS...WE'RE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES...WITH THE FICTIONAL UNIVERSE!
SORRY GUYS, TAILS JUST USED AMY'S HAMMER TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL. HE'S A BIT ANGRY WITH ME.
"Crazyperson44, are you implying that this owner of the store is Dr. Eggman, or that italian dude that Sonic competed with in the Olympics with last
year?" Tails asks me.
Me: Look Tails, I probably should have mentioned that he looked sinister.
"Yeah, you should have. Cuz otherwise the reader just has no idea who you're talking about!" said Tails.
Me: Tails I think the readers are a lot smarter than you think! But just to make things clear, I will clarify.
Sonic and Tails had entered the store. A middle aged gentleman posessing a ragged maleficient mustache of great malice, dressed in blood red
clothing, was the owner of the store.
Tails: Now that's more like it!
Me: Tails, you're interrupting the flow of my story. If you break the fourth wall one more time, we'll dunk Knuckles in orange paint, tape two toy fox tails
from Wal-Mart onto him, and have HIM play your part in the story. You wouldn't want that, would you?
Tails: No. Do you want to play Sega Bass Fishing with me after you finish writing this?
Me: Uhh, sure. Now let's go back to the story.
Sonic and Tails had entered the store. A middle aged gentleman posessing a ragged maleficient mustache of great malice, dressed in blood red
clothing, was the owner of the store. A red echidna worked alongside him. It was Knuckles. We'll never know what causes Knuckles to turn to the dark
side at times, but let's just get back to the story. Knuckles was on break anyway.
"Well hello there. What can I do for you two nice young boys?" said the owner of the store, who looked suspiciously like Dr. Eggman.
"We'll take some mint chocolate stardust butterscotch delight swirl" said Sonic. The middle aged man began waggling his finger at the two boys.
"Nonono, I'm sorry sonny, we're all out. I do have a special kind of ice cream however that would certainly please you and your terrible little twotailed friend" said the man (who we all fricking know is Dr. Eggman at this point).
"A special kind? What flavor?" asked Tails.
"I think we just lost our appetite Tails. Something about this ice cream shack is wacked!" said Sonic.
"My store is wacked? Are you sure about that? So I take it you boys don't want this ultra rare Green Hill Zone exclusive chocolate fudge rainbow magic power punched pecan delight? You could win a free car if you have the winning numbers 5 6 7 and 8 on the bottom of the lid, you know!" saidthe store owner, hoping to coax Sonic and Tails into submission to his proposition.
"Did you hear that Sonic? A free car! It's a blue Ferrari F150!" exclaimed Tails.
"I don't want a car...wait, did you say a Ferrari F150? Those babies are fast!" said Sonic.
"Look under the lid boys, you might have won. In fact, there's a very good chance that you did!" said the man, chuckling to himself in a wickedominous tone, while munching on cold beef.
"WE WON!" screamed Sonic and Tails in unison. Sonic and Tails raced out the door, back to the outdoor hills of Green Hill Zone.
Meanwhile, back at the ice cream shop:
"Those boys fell for my ruse. And all because of this fake purple mustache I bought at the department store. Oh Eggman, now you've done it, now
you've done it. That fool Sonic is so reckless that he would never obey a speed limit! He'll get pulled over and arrested, not to mention that ice cream
I gave him had a high powered Red Bull energy drink that will drive Sonic wild in more ways than one! My plan should definately prevail!
Bwahahahahaaa!" laughed the evil Dr. Eggman.
Back with Sonic and Tails:
After, Sonic and Tails won the car, it seemed to fall down from the sky and land near a tree, which both of them thought to be quite odd and
suspicious, considering Eggman often employs flying robots and machines to do his dirty work (which often involves dropping things from the sky).
They also couldn't find Amy. They had looked everywhere. Suddenly, they were being attacked by falling apples. Amy was behind the tree, and Sonic
and Tails were sitting under it.
"Sonic, if you want our relationship to work, you're going to need to get a CAR!" she yelled in her high pitched cutesy voice.
"Hey, that's Amy's voice" said Sonic.
"Yay, she's okay!" said Tails. Tails raced up behind the tree, and gave Amy a huge hug, without letting go.
"Aww Amy, I thought something terrible happened to you!" said Tails.
"Aww, hi Tails. I was worried about you too! You're really sweet Tails, but can you let go now so I can talk to Sonic?" said Amy.
"Sure Amy, anything for you!" said Tails, who seemed lovestruck.
"That means no tugging on my skirt!" protested Amy.
"Right!" said Tails, embarresed. Amy pulled away from Tails, and cornered Sonic.
"Where is it?" said Amy.
"Where's what?" asked Sonic.
"The C-A-R!" shouted Amy. "And, is that my hammer in your knapsack Tails?" she asked.
"It might be!" said Tails.
"It looks like it. It IS my hammer. Give me that, I might need it" said Amy, beaming at Sonic with a look of intense anger and frustration.
"Amy, relax. I have the car" said Sonic.
"You DO? Oh Sonic, I love you! Now we can get married" said Amy.
"No, we can't. You're too young for me. Not interested. In fact, I have a date with Sally Acorn tomorrow" confessed Sonic.
"That's always your excuse, and to top it off Sonic, she isn't even CANON!" yelled Amy.
"Well, look Amy, how about I take you and Tails out for a drive in the "On the Road Again" zone?" asked Sonic.
"Still not canon, but I guess if we can get some more ice cream it will be fun!" said Amy. Sonic opened the door to the front seat.
"Now Amy, you and Tails are gonna sit in the backseat, while I drive! Any questions?" Sonic asked, with a smirk.
"Do I really have to sit next to Tails? He's in love with me!" said Amy.
"Good, maybe Tails will sweep her off her feet and I won't have to deal with her anymore!" thought Sonic.
"Can we stop and eat some burgers at Sonic?" asked Tails.
"That's my name, so it's a little freaky, but yeah, we can!" said Sonic.
"Can I drive?" asked Amy. Sonic's eyes widened.
"You don't even have a license!" said Sonic.
"Well neither do you" said Amy. Sonic laughed.
"That's not true," said Sonic, reaching into his wallet. He pulled out a legit driver's license.
"Where'd you get that license?" asked Amy, who was quite amazed.
"I got it when we were starring in Sonic X" said Sonic.
"Sonic X? That's not canon either. Are you even the real Sonic?" asked Amy.
"Yes, that's the sad thing. The author of this fanfic said he'd give us all a free wii and a dreamcast if we agreed to be in the story!" explained Sonic.
"I still want to drive!" said Amy.
"You can't!" insisted Sonic. Amy sighed. Before anyone could enter the car, Shadow came by.
"Hello Sonic, nice Ferrari! I have a black jaguar myself, and I'd like to show the ultimate power of my engine to a lovely Miss Amy Rose!" said Shadow.
"Hey, what makes you think you're a good candidate to be Amy's boyfriend?" said Tails.
"Hm, I'm charming, aesthetically pleasing, romantic, and sophisticated!" replied Shadow. "And you, I don't even know who or what you are!" he added.
"You're just an emo hedgehog! I'm a fox!" said Tails, putting on an impression of Shadow's voice.
"Hm, fine. I'm foxier!" said Shadow. Shadow sent Tails spinning with his two tails by wrapping them around his finger, and violently hurling them off.
"No thanks, Shadow, I'm going with Sonic, to get a pepperoni and ice cream pizza!" said Amy, entering the car.
"Is that so? Hm, fine. Think fondly of me then, Amy!" said Shadow, offering Amy a rose.
"Well, the rose is nice, but I'm still going with Sonic" said Amy.
"He doesn't love you Amy. It would never work with you and him, because there's something else you should know about Sonic!" said Shadow. "Something that you would find quite shocking indeed"
"If it's about him shapeshifting into a werehog under the full moon again, then I know what you're gonna say, I don't believe you!" said Amy. Shadow looked confused.
"And to think what I was going to tell her wasn't even half of it!" thought Shadow. Sonic interrupted.
"Come on guys the ice cream store closes at 5.
"Think fondly of me Amy. Think fondly!" said Shadow, dropping a rose on the ground and violently stomping it into the dirt, as Sonic and the gang drove off into the orange sunset.
"This cannot be. I think I shall go read Twilight, and then IM with Rouge!" said Shadow. "Rouge has always been very good to me, and she's far more smart, sexy, sly, attractive, and mature of a woman than Amy will ever be anyway! I should really just forget Amy! Cuz when it comes to the ladies, I can't have them all, after all!" Shadow thought to himself.
Meanwhile, on the open road:
"I want some radio," said Amy. "I think that interview with Drew Barrymore is gonna be on soon!"
"I don't wanna listen to an interview," said Tails. "I want music, how about some techno?"
"I'll just sift through the stations till we get something you both like!" said Sonic. Sonic switched stations rapidly, eventually coming across the Sonic X theme on FM radio.
"ALRIGHT! It's your theme song Sonic!" said Tails.
"He always looks like a hedgehog posessed by a speed demon when he hears this song" said Amy, looking worried. Sonic's eyes turned red, his heart started beating fast, and he began to feel an adrenaline rush.
Gotta go fast, gotta go fast, gotta go faster, faster faster faster faster!
Moving at the speed of sound, fastest hog around!
Got ourselves a situation, stuck in a new location without any explantioooon! (the situation is that they're about to hit a tree)
No time for...
CRASH! KABOOM! Sonic's trip had ended before it began. The Ferrari F150 had had a collision with a tree. Luckily, the whole gang had gotten invincibility power before crashing, hence everyone survived. Amy came out brushing dust off of her red skirt, and began yelling at Sonic.
"I wanted you to have a car Sonic, not a scrap heap!" said Amy.
"I'm sorry guys!" said Sonic.
"This all happened because you wouldn't let a responsible driver be behind the wheel! If I had been driving, this wouldn't have happened Sonic!" yelled Amy.
"I guess I just need to make my behavior less chaotic, and more in control!" said Sonic.
"You can say that again Sonic," said Amy. "And to think the entire fanfic was called Sonic wins a Ferrari, and then you go and blow it with your over abundance of testosterone!" Just then, Tails heard something.
"I hear footsteps," said Tails. "Coming from behind the bushes!" he added. They heard a voice. They saw a figure emerging from behind the bushes, which was revealed to be Rouge the Bat, coming to greet them.
"Hello there, you adorable people. Love the car. I always did find Ferraris to be...smashing!" said the voice, which revealed itself to be from Rouge the Bat, the beautiful, alluring, glamerous, naughty, and witty jewel thief, and part time government secret agent.
"Rouge the bat?" the three shrieked in shock.
"Yeah, people call me that," said Rouge, winking at the trio. "Some of my closer friends like to call me Rougie, don't wear it out. Ahahaha!" she added, laughing and giggling giddily.
"I'm sure," said Sonic. "I'm very sure of that" Rouge laughed.
"Ah, but I digress. You know, you can ride in MY car if you want!" she added.
"Okay!" said Sonic.
"Not you, I was only thinking of taking Tails. He thinks I look like a movie star! Don't you Tails?"
"Well, yeah!" said Tails.
"See? To little guys like him I'm a babe among bats what can I say? Yes, me and Tails are definately leaving you two behind! Come to Mama, Tails!" said Rouge extending her arms. Tails came up to her.
"I don't wanna leave my friends behind, but...well you are really pretty and friendly!" said Tails.
"Oh, would you look at that? He actually did come right up to me. The poor thing didn't know I was being facetious!" Sonic rolled his eyes.
"What exactly are you doing here?" Sonic demanded.
"What's wrong with me being here? I just like jewels, flying, and freedom, I don't mean anyone harm, in fact, I want to protect you!" said Rouge.
"Really?" said Tails. Rouge noticed Sonic was still eating some leftover ice cream.
"Of course. Ahh, hmmm, what can I say? The cute little fox is worthy, Little Red Riding Hood is such a doll that she gets to come to, and as for the blue bunny, he can come as well, but he's going to slave away making coffee for me anytime I want it once we reach our destination" said Rouge.
"Huh?" said Sonic, confused.
"I'm being facetious again, let me have my fun. Now look, I'm a friendly gal, you can trust me. People say my tone always sounds wily and deceptive, which really really hurts my feelings. I can't help it that I'm a Scorpio moon. I like the world unseen, things that go on behind doors, both open and closed, and I absoloutely adore priceless gems. I'll take you people on a wonderful car pool you'll never forget! By the way, I drive a Ferrari, is that crazy or what? You guys coming? It would crush my heart if you didn't, deep down I'm a sensitive soul!" said Rouge.
"Not if you just stole a priceless gem or something" said Amy. "Then we could get in trouble! Are the cops after you?" she asked.
"Mmm, don't remind me how good I am, oh yes, I did steal a priceless gem, thank you for asking by the way. And yes, they're after me, they're all after me, who isn't after me? Ahehheh, but I digress, the point is, I really am good. My car can fly, it has missiles for self defense, and if anything goes wrong, I have a cloaking device! Now then, who wants Starbucks?" asked Rouge. Before they could go, Eggman showed up, disguised as an Irish car repairman.
"Don't go with her, you'll just end up on prison island!" said the disguised repairman.
"I never get caught, why I only went to prison island once, which I escaped from. And it wasn't all bad, I've met a lot of other fascinating women in prison, none as fascinating as me of course" said Rouge.
"I'm talking about the safety of Sonic and his friends Rouge, not yours!" said Eggman.
"Oh really? I don't think you give a lick about their safety. I think you're one evil no good s.o.b, daddio, and that you want to kill them. Oh, I'm sorry Eggman, do I know you?" said Rouge. Eggman was shocked.
To be continued...