Ha ha. Sorry, this popped into my head after reading DeliahTCullen's Cockroaches and I have to type it. (MULTIPLE SWEARS PEOPLE!!)
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. I hardly own the plot! I got the cockroach thing from DeliahTCullen. Most of the credit of the bugs go to her!
It's a one-shot. Get over it. XD
Bella POV
We all sat in the Cullen's living room. Everyone except Carlisle, who was at the hospital. I sat on Edward's lap and smiled softly as he drew slow patterns on my back. Suddenly Edward froze and I shifted to look up at his face, his topaz eyes were confused as he stared at Emmett.
"Emmett…?" Edward asked warily. Emmett just grinned and walked off into the kitchen. We stared after him for a minute, and it was total silence until Alice burst out laughing. Edward stared at her, eyebrow raised "What's with you guys and blocking your thoughts?" he muttered crossly, laying his chin on the top of my head. I smiled lightly and nestled back into his stone chest.
It was silent for a few minutes until a raucous (loud, obnoxious) yell came from the kitchen "DAMMIT DIE YOU BUG FROM HELL!" Emmett's booming voice sounded from the kitchen and with a few quick motions, Edward and the rest of the Cullen's were at the kitchen door, staring at Emmett. Emmett was holding a…cockroach? Between his two hands. I watched him for a second then fell out of Edward's arms as I shook with laughter. The vampires stared at me as if I were insane, Emmett included.
"Care to explain the hysteria, love?" Edward asked softly as he picked me back up and held me bridal style. I nodded and slowed my laughter to occasional hiccups and giggles
"It…It's…It's a….COCKROACH!" I cried then fell into peals of laughter again. The Cullen's stared at me, gaping. Emmett sighed and continued to squeeze the bug between his thumbs "Edward," he said forlornly "Bella's gone off her rocker. Let's feed her to the bug." He threw the still living cockroach at me and I screamed bloody murder. The vampires all jumped at the noise and I screeched as the bug landed on the floor in front of me
"EMMETT!!" I screeched kicking and thrashing to try and get away from the vile bug "EDWARD! GET IT AWAY! TRAP IT UNDER A CUP! FEED IT TO ROSALIE! JUST GET IT THE HELL AWAY!" I wailed Rosalie stared coldly at me as Emmett and Jasper snickered quietly as Edward stared at me.
"Why don't we just kill it?" Esme said as she stared solemnly at the cockroach. At that, I burst into a fit of giggles, and all eyes turned to me incredulously again. I blinked and looked at them "What?" I asked, confused
Emmett gaped "Damn, Bella. Mood swings much!? Are you pregnant again?!" he cried as Nessie's head appeared from above us, leaning over the railing to see us "She better not be- HOLY SHIT A COCKROACH! MOM! SHIT RUN GUYS!" she screamed and raced off. My family stared after her then turned back to me, nodding slowly. Alice murmured "Yup. She's defiantly Bella's."
"Cockroaches are invincible guys. They. Don't. Die." I said slowly, trying to make them understand "They can survive nuclear bombs. If they can do that, sure as hell they can survive a few vampires." I finished and glanced at the awestruck vampires. Emmett grinned suddenly "Well, I'll prove you wrong Bells. That roach will be dead by sundown" Emmett said, voice solemn and dramatic, causing the rest of us to laugh. I just nodded "Anyone else want to join him in the impossible task?" Jasper and Rosalie stepped forward and I just shrugged. "Good luck."