Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned below. Have fun!
This is my first attempt at writing crack fanfiction…wish me luck!
-Spaghetti Writer
"PICTURE FRAMES!" shouted General Hux. "THEY'RE COMING!" He ran like he had never ran before, his gaberwool general's hat flying off his head.
He was running through a narrow white corridor with cracks crisscrossing through the ground, eerie, distorted voices emanating from them.
Behind him, five enormous gold-plated picture frames chased him, silver teeth gleaming. Long spidery legs dribbled from their mouths and they were being carried by cheetahs with monkey heads.
Hux took out his blaster and tried to fire, but it was locked on safety mode. He began to pray as the picture frames drew closer.
The leader, an enormous frame with ebony scrollwork, snapped up Hux. He instantly blacked out, a whirring sensation of panic and fear in his tummy.
When the general woke up, he was in an enormous glowing room with a console in the middle. On the console was a fez, a manual to life, the universe, and everything, a bunch of levers and buttons, and on the walls were those honeycomb thingymabobs.
Then he heard a voice.
"SAUSAGES?! Lemons don't make sense! Apples eat worms and boats enlighten them! Michigan is in Detroit! In-n-Out Burger has kitchen tiles in its cabinet!"
When Hux stood up, he saw the Eleventh Doctor. Oh. So that was where the voice was coming from.
"Hello, Doctor," said Hux crisply. "How are you on this fine, fine day?"
"Random as heck," said the Doctor happily, a manic smile on his sweaty face. "I just ran 26 miles and ate a pear-shaped piece of bacon!" He pulled out a pear shaped like a piece of bacon from his pocket and stomped on it.
"That's…nice," said Hux. "How in blue blazes did I end up here?"
"Well," contemplated the Doctor. "This is a poorly written crack fanfic, or at least from what I can glean from our peculiar dialogue. You must do something completely random to get back!"
Hux nodded mutely. He reached into his pocket and got out a tree sapling and planted it into the floor of the TARDIS. I don't know how he did that, but the tree instantly grew, green leaves sprouting from its branches and bark forming around wood.
The Doctor clapped. "Now click your heels together thrice while saying, 'there's no place like home. There's no place like home.' Okay?"
"Seriously, Doctor? Oz? I bet psychedelic chickens are better than that."
"You might be right, Armitage, but just do it!" The Doctor got out his sonic screwdriver and pointed it at Hux.
"There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." The general clicked his boot heels together.
A miniature tornado formed in the center of the room and Hux gladly stepped into it. But suddenly, the large tree in the TARDIS grew large round apples and they fell to the floor. A beeping noise emanated from them.
"Ah, the beeping apple," said the Doctor. "A rare fruit that makes bomb noises to avoid being eaten."
Suddenly a giant fish walked through the front of the TARDIS while Hux vanished along with his tornado.
"Oh dear," the Doctor said dreadfully, a bead of sweat going down his forehead. "The Taco of Fishes."
Did I butcher that? Or was it good? Please review it. Be honest.
Best Regards,
Spaghetti Writer