It is frightening to realise that the biggest changes in your life are not only liable to happen without any choice on your part but sometimes, and more disturbingly, they can happen without you even knowing that they have. The 28th of May; it was now August, almost three months later and only now was he aware that the woman who had become so much a part of his life, and maybe even his heart, was gone in every imaginable sense of the word. He tried to remember back to that date but drew a blank, it was just another day amongst the months since she had left. There was no grand sign or unexplained emptiness in his heart that day and that perhaps scared him more than the fact that she was gone. She had been erased from the world and no-one, not even him, had noticed.

It couldn't possibly be true though, he thought, staring blankly at the ceiling. He had managed the rest of the day (since the news) on autopilot, feeling absolutely no emotional response to the revelation that she was gone. At first he thought it was just shock, but now, hours later as he lay on top of his still made bed, staring aimlessly into the darkness, there was still no connection to the fact that she was gone. Maybe that was because she couldn't be. She was his invincible ninja warrior who could stop a speeding bullet with a mere glance and send men twice her size flying across a room. There was no way she could have been taken by something as simple as a shipwreck.

Right now it felt like that part of every movie, just before the end where everyone thinks that all hope is lost and nothing can salvage whatever ideal the protagonist is trying to achieve, the darkest moments just before the hero finds the solution and it turns out that nothing was really as bad or as hopeless as it had seemed. But he was still waiting for the turn.

Gibbs must know more than he's letting on. I mean the silver-haired fox always had a plan, right? Gibbs was the almighty coffee swilling God, there was no way that one of his people could simply be taken away with no resistance. Gibbs ate impossible for breakfast, there was no way she could just be gone without them getting the chance to fight for her.

The one thing he had realised today, though, was that nothing that had happened in May mattered anymore. He didn't care about Michael, or Mossad, or loyalty, or betrayal; all he cared about was her and the emptiness that seemed to permeate his life without her in it. He honestly couldn't remember what his life was like without her, and maybe that was why he couldn't let go.

Amidst his hours of staring at the ceiling he must have fallen asleep, for when he next looked at the end of his bed, there sat Ziva, hair straightened and pulled back into the severe ponytail she had adopted of late, customary cargo pants and dark eye makeup which had also become a recent feature. It was as if she had never left. For a moment he just stared at her, not quite knowing what to say to her or whether she was real. A coy smirk began to curl at the corners of her mouth, she had always enjoyed being the source of his confusion.

"Putting glue on McGee's keyboard is unoriginal even for you Tony, this must be at least the third time you have done that, yes?"

She was referring to his attempt two day ago to alleviate the sense of boredom that had become a permanent feature, coinciding with her empty desk. Granted superglue wasn't original, but watching McGee trying to unscrew the cap to the nail polish remover without hands wouldn't get old anytime soon.

"Well, I was missing my partner in crime and I'm sure it was your turn to be the brains of the operation this time"

"I am always the brains of the operation Tony, you would accomplish very little without me"

"Oh, is that true little-Miss-Superior. I seem to recall the fake poison Ivy prank being all my genius, thank you very much."

"Ok, I will give you that, it was rather funny. I do not think I have ever seen anyone so paranoid over a leaf."

The anger that had defined their last meeting was gone, replaced by the easy free flowing banter that had always defined their relationship. Nothing had changed, she was still his Ziva; cocky, independent and self-assured as ever.

"I knew you weren't gone, I mean a shipwreck of all things, they couldn't honestly expect me to buy that could they? It would take an army of Zombies to take you down or a platoon of Russian mercenaries or…"

"Of course I'm not gone Tony, I'm completely fine."

She raised her hands, presenting them to him for inspection. Her beautiful tan forearms where exactly as he remembered them. No marks and with a pulse beating steadily under her wrist, she was fine, of course she was.

He looked back to her face and found the colour seemed to be draining from it before his eyes. Looked back to her hands and watched blood begin to seep from cuts criss-crossing her flawless skin.

"Tony…"

Her eyes were wide with panic and pain, her hands clutching desperately at her stomach. He could blood seeping through her green t-shirt and coating her hands. He reached for her, determined to stop the bleeding, determined not to lose her. But as his hands reached for her blood soaked ones she was no longer there.

"Ziva? Ziva, please. Ziva."

Tony awoke covered in sweat, grasping hopelessly for his partner at the foot of his bed, but she was gone. The clock on his bedside table beeped 3am and the world kept turning.