Arachnophobia
Spoilers: None really
Genre: Josh/Donna, Donna POV
Disclaimer: Somehow I don't think they're mine, which is somewhat of a shame, but involves a lot less responsibility…
Feedback: All good, if you want to email me with it:
General Stuff: Umm, well this is my first West Wing Fanfic (although I've written a fair few Friends and ER pieces) so it might not be of a particularly good standard. Also, being from England my Americanisms aren't always going to be as good as, say, an American. Please forgive me…
Anyway, this little piece of, well, sort of fluff, was inspired by my own adventures with some nasty little arachnids that decided to gang up on me late last night…
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Arachnophobia…
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Home, sweet home.
I open the door to my apartment and sigh in relief.
It has been such a long, long day. I've had to cope with GloatingJosh half the day, and then GrumpyJosh for the rest. The former due to the fact that he 'kicked Republican ass' on national TV this morning, the latter as both CJ and Leo called him on the derogatory comments that were slightly inappropriate for national TV. Even if it was against Republicans.
And tonight I'm going to take a nice long, hot, relaxing bath, change into some PJ's, and then sit down for a couple of hours with some classic movies that are on cable tonight, and eat lots of ice cream. Maybe have some wine to drink as well.
And, obviously, think way too much about my boss. What? I mean, isn't it only normal to obsess over your boss, especially after he looked so nice on TV. And kicked Republican ass. Yeah, better get away from those ideas. Not healthy.
Ahh, the ideal evening in.
I close the door behind me and kick off my shoes. Damn heels, my feet absolutely kill. I am so looking forward to that nice long, hot, relaxing bath.
I remove my jacket and walk towards the bathroom. Opening the door, I walk in and start towards the bath taps. I almost turn on the hot water, and then, for no apparent reason, look up…
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I promptly run out of the bathroom and slam the door shut
Okay, so that was a little girly. In fact, very girly. I mean, I'm an adult, I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself. A little spider shouldn't stop me from functioning.
Well, actually, it was big. Really big. And looking at me with those big, ugly eyes. It was about to jump on me, I swear.
You know, not a lot of people actually know this about me, I mean, it doesn't really come up in every day conversation, but I admit: I'm afraid of spiders. Yes, there I said it. I'm afraid of spiders. And usually, this is not a problem.
You see, my roommate doesn't mind spiders and will willingly (okay, so she gives me really funny looks and tells me to get over it, and occasionally taunts me with it, but apart from that…) take them away from me, kill them, put them outside, whatever, just so long as I don't have to cope with them. However she had the audacity to go away for the weekend to visit her family. Damn her!
It's really quite strange and, well, girly, I know.
Perhaps my landlord can get it out for me. I mean, he's supposed to fix everything for me, isn't he?
Or what about Jim from across the hall? I'm sure he's a retired hell's angel, he won't have a problem with a spider, will he? He may laugh at me though. Which wouldn't really do much for my whole self-esteem thing.
Okay, I can deal with this. I'm an adult. Really. I mean, I know my parents are very reluctant to believe this, but I am. And I'm above average height and above average intellect (I should hope). I can deal with this.
Slowly, after grabbing a broom from the closet, I open the door. I stand there for a little while.
It's gone! The spider's gone! So I can go into the bathroom and have my nice long, hot, relaxing bath after all.
Hesitantly (I'm no fool, I mean, how plausible is it that the spider has actually left the room?) I enter the bathroom, checking all around me. I'm trying to be really brave here, and reassuring myself that I'm big enough to deal with this minor problem.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Hmm, yes, I appear to have found the spider again.
SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!! It's chasing me!!
I slam the door shut after me. There is NO way I am going to go in there again.
But I really, really want my nice long, hot, relaxing bath.
RIIIIIIIING! RIIIIIIIING!
And great, there the phone goes.
'Hello?' I answer.
'Hey, Donna, you don't know where the thing is, do you?' It's Josh, great.
'The thing? Which one? There's lots of them.' I reply. Well, I don't want to actually help him too quickly now, do I?
'The thing…for the…thing.' Oh, he's just so damn descriptive… But it's really quite endearing. If I were to think about these things.
'The thing? Oh, you mean the thing for the thing that's on your desk.' I really have no idea what he's going on about, but chances are that's where it's going to be considering my wonderful organisational skills.
'Yes, found it!' Totally knew what he was going on about. Really… And I'm thinking about my nice long, hot, relaxing bath again. Maybe…
'Josh?'
'Yes, Donna?' Well, we've established we know each other's names, anyway...
'You don't happen to like spiders by any chance, do you?'
There's no answer to that one.
'Josh?'
'Spiders?' Well, he's finally figured out how to speak, at least. 'I can't say I really care either way about them.' Pause. 'Why?'
Maybe I shouldn't tell him. I mean, it's a bit weird to get your boss to come round to your apartment to get rid of a spider, isn't it? Nice long, hot, relaxing bath (I swear, my subconscious is evil.) 'Umm, yeah, cause I've got this really huge one in my bathroom, and well…' I'm not going to ask him, I honestly am not going to. 'I was wondering if you wouldn't mind, y'know, getting rid of it for me.' Damn it! DAMN IT!
He's laughing now. I tell you, he's laughing. At my expense. 'You're scared of a spider?'
'Yes Josh.' I'm rolling my eyes now, is it really so inconceivable? 'You know, it's not all that uncommon. In fact arachnophobia is one of the top 10 most common phobias. And you know it's not unusual for people to be phobic. Apparently 1 in every 10 people suffer from some sort of phobia in their life.' Well, he might need to know someday.
He's still laughing. Bastard. 'So you want me to come over to yours so I can get rid of a spider for you?' He can be so slow sometimes.
'Fine, Josh, don't take me seriously then. See if I care that I'm eaten to death by a gang of killer spiders because they're seeking revenge. Then you'll be sorry, I'm sure.' Okay, so that is inconceivable, but he needs some incentive.
'I'll be there in 20 minutes.' I smile. I knew he'd see things my way. 'Can you keep the killer spiders at bay until then?'
'Thank you.' I hang up.
I can have my nice long, hot, relaxing bath after all.
I need it after the day I've had.
15 minutes later I hear a knock on the door. 'You've not been attacked by killer spiders yet, have you?' He has the audacity to ask.
I open the door. That really needs no comment.
Josh enters without being invited, but I don't care. He's about to get rid of the spider for me. That makes him a hero in my books. I might even love him forever more for it. If I were to actually love him at all. Cause that's unlikely.
'So where's this spider, then?' He asks by way of a greeting. Evening Josh, nice to see you too.
'Bathroom.' I reply. And I take him to it. Not as though he doesn't know where it is. I mean he's been by my place enough to know where it is. Especially when drunk, and that can often lead to trips to the bathroom. But I'm digressing.
I open the bathroom door for him. He takes off his jacket and hands it to me, before rolling up his sleeves, ready for action. It really is quite sweet and, well, sexy when he does things like this. Again, I'm impartial, what would I care?
'Have you got some sort of container?' What? Huh? Is this a prerequisite? I must be giving him some sort of weird look, as he elaborates. 'Something I can put the spider in before I do … something with it.' Oh. That. I quickly go to the kitchen and find a box that was my roommates. Well, it's not as if I'm going to ever use it again.
'Here.' I give it him.
For the next 10 minutes he does some sort of cat and mouse (well, really guy and spider, but who am I to complain?) act, whilst I try not to scream…too much, (I mean I do have some sort of a reputation to uphold here…) and tell him to move right or left, all whilst he is standing on my bath trying to catch the spider, who is now on the ceiling, in the tupperware box.
Eventually the spider is caught.
'Now what?' I ask. I mean, I'm not really into killing animals or anything, despite the fact that spiders scare the shit out of me.
'Umm…' He has to think. You'd really have thought he'd have some sort of plan seeing as he did have the genius to think about catching it in a box. Apparently not. Some hero. So, he opens my bathroom window and tosses the poor creature out. When I say poor, I'm actually not being serious. I mean, there are limits to my generosity. And the thing postponed my bath - my nice long, hot relaxing bath - for more than half an hour.
'That's one option.' I say, semi-sarcastically as we walk into the lounge area. Besides, I'm now spider-free (well, I'll have to check my bedroom and the rest of the apartment first, but there's less chance of there being any little spider allies around now, right?)
'So.' Right. Josh is still in my apartment. And apparently staring at me. I've obviously been quiet for too long.
I proceed to (slightly over-) enthusiastically wrap my arms around his neck, almost killing him, I'm sure, by way of thanks. 'Thank you!' I say into his neck before pulling away. Very reluctantly, admittedly.
Oops, he looks slightly embarrassed. Perhaps the whole accosting the boss thing in apartment wasn't really all that appropriate. Still, what can you do?
'So.' I say. Yes, my verbal skills are so impressive tonight, aren't they? I blame it on Josh. It's all his fault. If he weren't so goddamn gorgeous… but then that has no affect on me, what so ever. Boss, assistant, completely platonic. That's us.
'So.' Apparently that ridiculously high verbal SAT score isn't good for everything. I'd like to think that this lack of apparent ability to speak is due to the fact that he is completely overwhelmed by my whole presence accompanied by the whole hug thing, but somehow I think not.
I'm thinking of something to say here. Make the moment less awkward.
'I'd better be off then.' He says.
'No! Stay!' I didn't sound too desperate then, did I? 'I mean, I'm just going to be eating ice cream and watching movies, if you want to join me?'
'Umm, okay, sure that sounds like…fun.' Don't sound too enthusiastic there, will you?
'I'll just get the ice cream. Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.' I tell him before heading off towards the freezer and getting out my very own personal supply of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream. The guy's extraordinarily lucky I'm going to share with him.
I get two spoons out of the silverware drawer before joining Josh on the couch. He's turned the TV on now, and is watching CNN, of all channels. I grab the remote and change it before he gets too interested. We're not at work now, after all.
I hand him a spoon, and we settle down to watch yet another repeat of the movie 'As Good As It Gets'. Surprisingly, Josh doesn't complain that it's a 'chick flick', and digs into the ice cream. My ice cream. Obviously this means I have to move closer to him so I can get some.
So now we're sitting close up to one another, and he puts his arm round my back, pulling me closer, and we're eating ice cream and watching girly movies on a Friday night. Not loving Josh has the advantage of the fact that I am completely unaffected by this closeness.
I smile. And completely forget about my nice long, hot relaxing bath.
Perhaps spiders aren't all that evil after all.
The end.
Yes, characterisation was most abysmal. So sue me. Okay, you can't cos I've already denied ownership of them… Mwahahahaha…
Okay, ignore general insanity… it's late, and the spiders are out to get me…