Hey, for those of you who follow my other stories, I might not be updating for about a week. I'm feeling a little upset and I won't let my stories or my readers suffer because I'm pouting. So please bare with me here!
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
This is Castiel's thoughts to his Father about Dean. It can really take place during any season Castiel was involved in.
Father,
I care about him, there is no doubt in my mind about that. But I can't help but… I can't help but angry at him. Something about that human infuriates me like I have never been infuriated before in all of my existence and I do not know how to deal with this man, this overgrown child, this boy. Nothing he does makes sense to me. Everything he does is the opposite of what I ask of him, even when we are working towards the same goal.
He calls me friend and now he calls me brother. He uses me time and time again. Lately, I have done nothing but lie to him. Lately, I have been the one using him, time and time again.
I have given up everything for him and for a time, I believed I had gained nothing in return. It seems like there is no balance between us, no happy medium. With us, it is always all or nothing and there are times I can't help but hate him…
But Father, what kind of angel- what kind of person does that make me?
Why choose Dean Winchester as the righteous man? What about him is so special, so necessary? I understand that his soul shines brightly and I understand his mother and father were of the right lineage to give birth to the righteous man. But why him? Surely, there are more devotedly religious and obedient man rather than Dean Winchester… the Dean Winchester who helped stopped the apocalypse, who worried about my well being, who fought with everything he had in him, who is loyal to a fault, who taught me the meaning of freedom, who refused to give up, who tore up the script and gave Fate the... "bird."
A devotedly religious, obedient man is not Dean Winchester.
I see now that Dean is a necessity, not just in the war but in my life.
Dean Winchester is the man I pulled out of Hell.
Dean is… Dean is my friend.
But Father, what am I supposed to do now?
I am lost.
I do not know how to deal with this man.
I do not know how to help this man anymore.
I do not know how to help myself.