Just a little something about future Levy. A lot of people have forgotten about her but I haven't.
My legs feel heavy. I've been walking for such a long time. I can't remember the last time I took a break. I just keep walking keep walking. Keep surviving, keeping myself distracted, keeping myself from thinking. Distracting myself from thinking about them, to not think about him. But it is useless now. I don't want to walk anymore. I don't want to survive anymore. I don't want to be alone anymore. I've been fighting for so long. I kept trying to not lose my will to live, but there is nothing here for me anymore. Everyone I know, Everyone I care about... is dead. And I can't bring them back, at least not in this timeline. Lucy-chan left weeks ago to try and keep this from happening but I've done my research. She might safe another me, another them, another him. But this me will live on in this time line, in this universe. And I tried, I really tried to live on, to keep hope that one day this nightmare will end. I kept waiting by the eclipse gate, I waited for weeks. But she didn't come back and something told me she never would. Maybe she found her peace. Maybe she saved her friends, maybe she died a honourable dead. At least that is what I like to think. There is really no way of finding out if she actually did. Because I'm here and she is there. That's right I'm all alone now. I stare at Magnolia. The lost city. The burning city. The city where my life as a mage started. Somehow while on my journey and search for a safe place and maybe civilization my feet ended up bringing me here. Maybe this was where it was meant to end. It seems to fit. To end where it started. A poetic ending jus like some of the books I enjoyed to read, before most of them turned to ashes. I started walking again. My last walk before the endless break. The stone city street hurt my shoeless feet. Every step hurt and old wounds opened up again. But I just have to keep walking. Keep walking. I saw my favourite bookshop, at least I think it was. Nothing looked like anything anymore. I passed broken bridges. If I could cross that bridge I could reach Lucy's apartment. But it didn't matter anymore. It probably all turned to ashes. I never really got to read her book. She never told me If she finished it, but I would like to have read it. Something tells me Lucy would have made a great writer. How fitting that we found each other. She as someone who loves to create stories and me as someone who loves to experience them. We made a great pair. I could really call Lucy one of my best friends. Seeing where she used to live is the closest I will be to Lucy ever again. So I just said my goodbye and forced my tired legs to walk some more. Even though most streets weren't recognizable anymore. I somehow found my way to the guild. The guild some refused to leave. The guild where their lifeless bodies probably still laid on the ground without having had a proper funeral. The guild looked okay enough for me to open the doors and go in. But I didn't want to. I was scared who's bodies would be there. And in which state they would be. I've seen a lot, I've had a lot of nightmare's. I've hardened a lot after finding Jet and Droy's dead bodies. Or what was left of them. I don't want to add any more horrible images to that. They died early. Dying early might have been the most merciful death. Dying before seeing decapitated and deformed bodies of their friends. Before dreaming about those images every night. Where nightmare's become equally as scary to the reality. Where you couldn't distinct between dreams and reality anymore. Losing them was hard. But I wouldn't want them to go through what I've been through. I close my tired eyes and rest my head against the guild doors. I imagined the sounds before I would open up de doors before it all happened. Sounds of partying, the sounds of Natsu and Gray screaming insults at each other. The sounds of laughter, the sounds of happiness. I could imagine it. I almost hear. It was like I could open that door again and Jet and Droy would be there to greet me. I would order myself a nice drink at the bar. Mirajane would update me of the newest gossip. Lucy would join and we would laugh. Cana would order anything with an alcohol percentage and somehow we would end up almost getting hit by a char, because the guild was at it again. Everyone would join the fight and Makarov would either enjoy the fight or would tell us all to stop in his authority like voice. But I didn't open the doors. I would only be disappointed. I turn around and open my eyes. Letting everything go behind me I started walking again. I unconsciously I passed Fairy hills. Which I thought at first would be my end destination. But deep down I know what was really my end destination. I tried avoiding this whole topic in my head. Still too painful, still too fresh even though it happened long ago. Like the wounds on my feet. The keep opening up. Keep bleeding even though I cover them up with bandages. I stare at the red bandages that cover my feet. The red, just like him. Just like those eyes. At first cold, painful, hateful. A gaze filled with aggression turned into one filled with warmth, passion, even love at some point. The colour red has always had more then one meaning. I keep walking, walking in my thought, walking to where he once was. And at some point I reached it. And it was there. It was still standing. The door still opened with an eerie sound, like it used to. Inside it was a mess, not the kind of mess he used to make himself, but I tried to imagine he did. I throw my cloak in the corner. Just like he always did. I told him he should get a coat rack and he said he would. But he never did. I knew he never would, he only said that to end my nagging. I walk to the tiny bathroom he used to share with panther lily. It was tiny but practical. I look at myself in the mirror. Barely recognizing my own face. All innocence disappeared from my face. Now only my face was decorated with blood, either my own or someone else's, and scars. Big scars like the scars he had on his arms. I stare into my own eyes they look tired. My whole body looks tired. It looks skinnier, way skinnier then I used to be. I looked like I am dying of a sickness. Dry lips, pale skin, dark circle's under my eyes. It feels unreal, It feels like I don't even know that person in the mirror. At all. I step outside the bathroom and close the door behind me. I walk towards the kitchen. Brings up memories. I once cooked for him here. He was sick. He had such a high fever but too much of a pride too ask anyone for help. Luckily panther lily didn't care about his pride and asked me for help. So I rushed over after buying everything for his recovery that I would need and I started cooking. And putting cold compresses on his forehead, feeding him medicine that he didn't want too take because he said he was such a strong man, he didn't need any medicine. His stupid pride... a sad smile forms on my lips when I think of that memory. That day was the first night I spend at his home. I didn't want to leave him on his own when he was feeling sick. That night he had some kind of fever dream. He woke up. He was reliving that memory. That memory where red meant cold, pain, hate and aggression. Where red was what he painted on my stomach. Where all he could see red. That night we had a conversation. Words that we're never said but needed to be said. Hearing me saying I forgave him a long time ago made it real for him. He already knew I forgave him, but somehow he needed me to say it. And I did. And his tears didn't fall. At least not those you could see. That night I saw an emotional man, a man that finally allowed himself to even think about forgiving himself. That night we hugged and I combed my fingers through his long tangled wild hair which I loved. We were so close that night, physically, mentally, nothing sexual, we just held on to each other. We we're just two people that went to shit together. Two people comforting each other. That morning nothing really changed between us. At least none others could see. But some kind of understanding formed between us. Those you have with the people your closest to. After that I came to is house a lot more. I walk to his couch and take a seat on it. Feeling the rough material against my uncovered legs, my tired blood covered legs. It was the same couch I first got wasted on. I drank alcohol before don't get me wrong. But I never got that drunk. I told him about wanting to get wasted once and he sad he didn't want me to do that in some kind of club but just with him, in a safe environment. Of course I knew I could do it at the guild. It was just an excuse and we both knew it. We did shots together, and I was scared that the amount of liquor in the shot glass wouldn't fit in my mouth. He laughed and told me that even I knew it myself that I was tiny. I got mad, but not really. I never really did. That night he could've taken advantage of me, of my drunken stage. But he didn't. Unlike what everyone thinks of him. He is a man of honour and actually sometimes kind of shy. I really liked seeing sides of him that others couldn't see. It felt like a secret. But no secrets were really between us. After being together a lot we shared more and more. And at some point he knew me more then my other friends ever had. I told him about my past. Before fairy tail, the things I didn't really want to talk about but somehow ended up talking about. And he told me about Metalicana, about his childhood, how he ended up in Phantom lord and what happened in between. He told about the things he likes and about his love for music. And I told him about books and It might not have always been interesting for him but he always listened. He once asked me to read something to him. The story didn't interest him. He said he just liked to listen to my voice. I look around the room and can still see the damage on the wallpaper. It was when we were having a fight when I was so angry. Our first one after becoming so close. I smile again. It was such a stupid argument back then. I didn't even know why it started. But somehow I got angry about me being weak. And maybe it was a stupid argument but it was needed. I was always calm, content with watch I had. I kept my mouth shut, I was the peace maker. So I just kept bottling it up and bottling it up. Silently accepting all the comments and then I exploded and I'm glad it happened when he was there. Because he knew all about bottled up feelings, about hidden anger. That day we talked a lot. And after him finding a way of accepting himself it was time for me to do the same. He made me realize who I am, what I can be. He made realize my dreams weren't silly and that I wasn't weak. We became closer and closer. But we never crossed the line. We both feared the consequences, both scared of what it could unleash. Both scared of what we could feel. So we just went on and on. Not really a friends not really something more. Something we both thought about but didn't talk about. Until that day. That horrible day. I get up and my feet take their last steps. I arrive at his bed and I get under the covers. My cold body couldn't warm it up anymore. My warmth was disappearing. But I think back to his warmth. I try to imagine it. But I just think about the heath of the flames that were all around us that day. He told me again to don't go far, because it is hard to look for someone small. He was joking, smiling but I saw fear in his eyes. The strongest man I knew was trembling. It was after most of them were lost that we found each other. We both knew we had seen horrible things. We knew each others eyes so well, we knew what they were saying. And somehow while hell took a break for a few moments, we were staring at each other. And that thing we didn't talk about was gone. It didn't matter anymore. Because we both knew what could happen soon enough. We hugged. We hugged like we were one of the same and my hands tried to hold him harder then I could. His warmth was around me and for a moment there was peace. The world was crumbling around us but It didn't matter for that tiny moment we had. And the I saw his eyes. His face reflecting mine, showing tears I've never seen before. A gaze of acceptation. Almost like he knew. Then we kissed. It was slow, loving. Like a goodbye. I was short and before we knew it the earth started to turn again. We never said those words but we both knew it. After that we started fighting side by side, some comrades joined, some left. But somehow we ended up with just the two of us again. He was barely standing and I did my best to get him to a safe place. But this wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was the strongest man I knew. He was supposed to be the last man standing. So why was he bleeding out on the ground. It should have been me who died first. This wasn't right. This is not how it is supposed to be, but somehow we ended up like that. He was dying and I was there and I was crying. He wanted to talk but only blood came out of his mouth. He held my hand and he wanted to touch my face but his arm wasn't there anymore. He was smiling, didn't want to leave this world like a weak man. He wanted to leave this world as a brave man. Stupid pride. Didn't show any sign of sadness or pain. He just smiled. Like a stupid madman. And held my hand. He mouthed those words and I whispered them back. And at a certain point it was only me that was holding his hand. He stopped breathing. Those empty dead eyes still only looking at me. That's when I realized red had a third meaning. One I didn't like at all. I cried and cried and It felt like I would never be able to get up again. Time went by as I stayed by his body. I don't know how many days and nights I spend next to him but at one point Lucy found me. For a long time I was just empty. Lucy tried so hard, I felt bad for her trying to fix me and I realized she was just as alone is I was. So I tried, for her. I really tried. And at some point I really believed I felt something again. We searched for everyone but all we ever found were dead bodies but I didn't want to bring Lucy down. So I tried even harder. But I was just like an empty balloon she was blowing life into and after she left I got all empty again. Let's be honest I never really been alive again after that day. Lucy might have picked me up and taken me with her but I never really moved. I always stayed next to the red. Next to him. Next to you. I'm back here again it is time for me to go where I belong. Isn't it more fun If we're all together? I close my eyes and try to imagine his scent as I burry my nose in his blanket. I hear it again. Those terrifying roars. Those sounds made me tremble but now I just welcome them. I've fought. And I've fought well, but my fight is over. I hear the familiar sounds of destruction of nightmares and the it finds me. I hear the last roar I'll ever hear and I am surrounded by flames. The flames are burning me alive but I stopped feeling physical pain a long time ago. I let it overwhelm me like an arsonist's lullaby. It's is time to go to sleep and wake up from this nightmare.
That's when I hear it. His iconic laugh. That sound only he can create. And I smile and I feel warm and his red is with me again. And it is all around me and I finally feel home. After being silent for so long I can finally speak again.
"Gajeel."