(AN: New thing I thought of. I know someone already did it, but I thought of it while making a sandwich, so gimme some credit! okay, that made no sense. Uh, right, enjoy mmy VERY long one shot. I'll be updating "Chocolate World tomorrow...or well, today, considering it's 12:00 in the morning. lol.)
My Best Friend's Boyfriend, Oliver's POV
Miley and I were sitting at a table by Rico's watching the girl of my dreams, Lilly Truscott, share a milkshake with some stupid guy with a flirty smile. Ugh! They were talking as Lilly was playing with her straw.
I had a disgusted face on and was leaning back toward Miley.
"Aww, would ya look at that?" Miley said.
NO! She's supposed to like me! I should say something that doesn't give it away though.
"Ugh, I know. Lilly's the queen of backwash, I bet he's suckin' up bits of her burger now!" I said pointing to the couple as they were sipping their milkshake.
"This is a big moment for Lilly, and if you had a romantic bone in your body, you'd be able to see that!"
How could she? I'm romantic. I've already told you, person who's reading about my personal life, thank you very much, that, right? I should stick up for myself.
"Hey, I have eyes!" I retorted and turned to Lilly and the annoying guy. She was giggling this weird girly giggle at him and he smiled. "He just said something funny, she laughed. Big whoop!" If I was that guy that made her laugh, it really would be a big whoop. Oh jeez, I need to cut the romantic-ness. Why does she do this to me?
Miley rolled her eyes at me. "She's not laughing cuz he's funny! She's laughing cuz he's cute!"
Hey, he is NOT cute! Well, I wouldn't know, because I don't go around thinking guys are cute, but still!
Miley was still talking, "Ugh! Boy brains! Ya might as well scoop 'em out and store nuts up there!"
Hey, ding ding! Girls laugh at me all the time! I guess I'm pretty darn cute, then!
"Oh, so girls laugh at me cuz I'm cute!"
"No, girls laugh at you cuz you nod like a chicken and fall over things!"
"I do not!"
Unfortunately, two girls chose that moment to walk by. Well, I'm a 14 year old guy, who's hopelessly in love with his best friend and trying to get over it. What do you expect me to do?
This: "Hey, what up, baby!" I laughed in my "smooth with the ladies" voice and nodded. I followed them with my head, while my chair was tipping over. Oops. I fell on my face. In the sand. This isn't what you were talking about, was it, Miles?
I heard the girls laughing at me as I got up.
Miley had already moved on from my fall. "Oh my gosh, I don't believe it!"
I stood up and dusted my butt off while looking over at Lilly and Mr. Flirty. Lilly was nodding shyly as he got up and walked away.
"What?"
"He just asked her to be his girlfriend!"
OH. MY. GOD! No!!! He couldn't have! Deny it, Oken!
"How can you tell?!" I asked outraged.
Or say that.
"Wait for it….." Miley clicked her tongue on her the roof of her mouth as she swirled her arm and pointed.
I looked over at Lilly as she started doing random back flips toward us that she probably learned from skateboarding. At the end she stood up and brushed her hair out of her mouth. I noticed it had a blue streak in it. Cool. Skater-y. She looked really pretty with her hair wind swept from flipping. (AN: It's awkward to think like a guy. Lol) "He just asked my to be his girlfriend!" She exclaimed and clapped her hands fast. Aww. ARGH, OKEN! She's taken! "Eep!" She squealed. She does that whenever she likes a guy. OMG! She's done that in front of me before!! Or maybe we were by another guy….party pooper.
Miley stood up and said "Eep!" also, and hugged Lilly. I just sat there as I watched Lilly backflip back to the stool she was just in. She looked around with shifty eyes and smiled as the guy came back with his bike.
"You have no idea how cute they are!" Miley tolf me as we watched Lilly climb onto the bike with the girl stealer.
Unfortunately I had class when Miley and Lilly and her new boyfriend, Lucas, had lunch, so I couldn't prevent them from sitting together.
Somehow, I heard "Best of Both Worlds", like in my head or something. It only did the first verse and the chorus, though, and at the end, I heard Miley laugh. I saw names in my head, too, they were weird: Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Mitchel Musso, Jason Earles, Moises Arias, and Billy Ray Cyrus. Who they heck are they? What, do we have a theme song, now? (AN: ha. Had to put it) That day, Miley and Lilly walked home together for the first time since Lilly was going out with Lucas, (9 days. I counted.) but as I watched them go, I saw Lilly on her phone the whole time, pointing to the clouds and then she ran into a tree…jeez.
That night, Miley called me and told me that Lilly was going crazy and that her and Lucas's cloud had floated away, so Lilly ran to the door and waved bye bye to the cloud! Man, she really likes this guy…I want her to like me! I asked if I could come over Saturday, but she told me that she and Lilly were going to have a movie night.
So, on SundayI went to Rico's because, ya know, I was in the mood for a hot dog. I ran down the path to the beach from my house and sat down at Rico's. Jackson was filling the napkin holder. He put it down as I sat.
"Hey, Jackson, can I get a hotdog?"
"I dunno, how long do you have?"
"What d'ya mean?"
He looked at me like "watch this" and pressed a button on this box thing.
"Please enter employee identification code." It said.
He nodded at me, then said into the box, "Jackson Stewart, employee number 0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,..1." I leaned in as he said this, and he looked at me and smiled like "yeah, Rico's crazy!"
He pressed a button and it said "Welcome," then in Jackson's voice from a few seconds ago "Jackson Stewart" I backed up my head, taken aback. "Please enter your hot dog access code." He pointed his finger up and turned around the get something. He slammed down a giant book and I backed away right before it crushed my hands. He started flipping through it.
"Alright, we've got chips; churros; fruit, fresh; fruit, frozen; fruit smoothie; gum; bubble gum; sugarless; hamburgers; hoagies; and….hot dogs!" He slid the little box close to him and started pressing a lot of numbers. I could be with Lilly right now keeping her away from Lucas! But, noooo, I had to ask for a hot dog! When he was done, I looked up.
"Finally!"
"Yeah, you'd think!"
He turned a few pages and started pressing more buttons. MAN, THIS IS ENDLESS! I started to feel like Jake Ryan being "Milos" and stopped to watch.
"Invalid entry." The box announced 'Wiener denied." "Dang flabbit! I'm getting' sick of this! Ya know what…" He mumbled and went over to the cabinet cooker thing that hold the pretzels and hot dogs and fries and churros and stuff. He started to pry it open, got my hot dog, and slammed it down on top of the book.
"There! There's your hot dog." He said, even though alarms were going off and strobe lights were everywhere. "Now rope me baby!" Apparently, this had happened before.
"Activate trap door." The box said.
"What?!" Jackson exclaimed. Just then, a trap door opened in the floor and Jackson fell down it. I got up and looked down the hole.
"JACKSON? ARE YOU OKAY?" I yelled to him and then stuffed my mouth with my hot dog. Hey, I was hungry! A piece of bread stuck out and I shoved it back in.
"GET! RICO!" He yelled back. I nodded and went to go get Rico, but heard his voice again, so I came back. "AND A DOCTOR!" I shoved the rest of my hot dog in my mouth and ran back.
I ran into Rico a few seconds later because he heard the alarms.
"Rico! Jackson fell down this weird hole cuz he gave me a hot dog!" He looked outraged. "Oh, and get a doctor!" I yelled after him as he ran away. I shrugged and walked off. I wanted to get home fast to read my mom's chick magazines to find out how I could win Lilly over.
The next day in school I was walking down the stairs with Miley.
"So, Derek Hanson actually jumped into your lap?!" I asked as we came to the end of the stairs and stood by the vending machine.
"Like a little girl: AHH!!! IT'S IN THE HOUSE, IT'S IN THE HOOOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!" She imitated. "Yeah, I was pickin' caramel corn out of my hair for about 2 days!" She was over exaggerating! It was only one day! "How could Lilly do this to me?" She asked as punched in something to the vending machine.
Hey, Lilly didn't do anything wrong! I had to stick up for my girl! "You know, she was just tryin' to hook you up so you didn't feel left out! Sure it wasn't the one on one time you wanted, but it was still a very caring gesture!" I wanted to make clear that no one called my Lily inconsiderate.
Miley looked touched. "Wow, Oliver! That was insightful…"
"Yeah!" I bragged
"…smart and sensitive!" She dropped her touched voice and said "What happened to your boy brain!"
"I spent last night checkin' out my mom's chick magazines!" I left out that it was to impress Lilly. "I learned that I'm a-I'm an autumn, Capri pants are the best for my body shape, and uh, oh, new love, is a bright flame that eventually dims into a warm, comfortable glow." What?! It was interesting! Miley looked at me like I was crazy. Then I started walking and she followed.
"Well, Lucas is her first real boyfriend." I decided to jump on saying something smart before I said something stupid like "even though I should be." Wow, how embarrassing would that be?
"And, she does seem to have achieved a new level of emotional satisfaction." Miley took the apple she had gotten out of the vending machine (they're not allowed to sell us anything with sugar anymore!) (AN: no, seriously, they're not allowed to in my school! It's crazy!) out of her mouth.
"Okay, now you're seriously weirding me out!"
I put my finger up to her lips. "Shhh! Just talk to her at lunch!" I whispered. I heard the bell and started walking to where my class was. I went back, though.
"Oh, and, uh…about the belt?" I pointed to Miley's green scrunchy belt on her shirt. "So last season" I whispered again, and went on my way.
After Miley's lunch, it was her free period and my lunch and she came and told me that Lucas was cheating on Lilly. Frankly, I was outraged. Lilly was so perfect, she deserved someone much, much better than that cheating liar.
"I cannot believe he would do that! Lilly doesn't deserve that at all!" I yelled.
"I know, but what can we do? I already tried talking to her, but she didn't believe me."
I was too mad to speak just then.
"Wait, you have your video camera, right?"
"Yeah, remember, I used it to film our old principal's retirement video. And then I took the wrong camera and I had the one with you love confession to Jake, and-"
"Okay, we don't have to relive it! I will never eat another strawberry shake again…" She shuddered. "The point is, I'll go and flirt with Lucas and you can hide in the trash can and tape it when he kisses me!"
"How do you know he'll kiss you?"
Miley smiled evilly and let out an evil laugh.
"Okay, just follow my lead!" Miley whispered to me in my hiding place in the trash can as Lucas walked up to his locker.
When he closed it and turned around, Miley was standing there.
"Hello, there…" She said in a velvety voice and blinked very fast. I had to fight back the urge to start laughing hysterically. I was watching through the opening in the trash can, the camera filming their every move.
"Miley…what are you…doing here…?" Lucas asked turning around and looking Miley up and down.
"I just came to tell you you were right."
"Really?"
"I was jealous, but…not of you…of her…with you! I wanna be with you. I wanna find puffy, little clouds with you!"
"Miley, I…my-"
"Shh, no, no, no." Miley covered his mouth with her fingers and whispered, "Don't speak," She pointed to herself, "Just kiss me. No, I'll kiss you!" She grabbed his shoulders and brought him to her.
"Woah…okay, woah!" Lucas held her back with his shake and books. "Uh, nice try…but I think you and I both know what kinda guy I really am…." He winked at her and walked away. When he go to the trash can where I was he threw away his milkshake. On my head. I yelped; it was freezing cold.
I held the camera out for Miley to take. When she took it, I put my hand on the garbage can cover to lift it.
"What was I thinking?" Miley was asking me. I lifted the cover and stood up, covered in strawberry shake. Now I see why Miley won't drink one again. "He is never gonna hit on Lilly's best friend!"
I spit the shake out of my mouth and made a disgusted face. Miley did too and backed up. I fixed my collar because it was sticking to my neck. "You couldn't have thought of that five minutes ago?!" I said. I squeezed my nose to get the shake out of my nostrils.
"I'm sorry, I mean, I had to try something. It's not like I could just put on some disguise and….boy am I stupid?!" She exclaimed and walked away as I shook my hand out.
The next night I had taken Lucas to a fancy restaurant so that Miley can dress up as Hannah and her and "Lola" can come here too and sit by us, and she can flirt with Lucas so that Lucas will hit on Hannah! HA! Catch that cheater!!! Okay, clears throat right.
"TABLE FOR MISS MONTANA!" I heard the receptionist say and clap his hands. Two guys came and pulled a table up for Miley and Lilly to sit at. I looked over at them. Lilly looked cool in her Lola outfit. She had a bubblegum pink wig on with a black headband with white polka dots. She had a blue shirt with a black shrug with a black belt, a black necklace with huge beads, a white and black plaid shirt with a lot of ruffle, black and white striped stockings with black and gold knee socks over them, Goth boots, and black and pink striped arm things, and a black boxy purse.
Miley as Hannah looked nice, too in white skinny jeans, a gold top with a pretty design, a gold scarf and a green jacket, with gold high heels, but I was more worried about Lilly.
"Are you kidding?" I heard an impatient customer that strongly resembled Larry David say.
"It's Hannah Montana!" The waiter said.
"But he's Larry David," Larry David's daughter said.
Oh, hey, it is him! Wow!
"He created "Seinfeld" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm"?" His daughter said.
"Sorry!" The waiter said as he showed Miley and Lilly to their table.
I heard Larry's younger daughter say, "Face it, Dad, she's bigger than you!"
"I bet Uncle Jerry could get us in…" His older daughter sighed.
"Uncle Jerry?" Larry asked. "WHY COULDN'T YOU SAY IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY?! Come on!" He said and walked out.
Well, when I was done watching Larry David, I put my menu in front of my face. I glanced over at Lucas and he was looking at Hannah. I looked at her, and she waved flirtatiously to him.
"Dude, that's Hannah Montana," Lucas said and I took my menu down. "And she's totally checkin' me out!" He made eyes at Hannah.
I pulled off my sunglasses, and tried my shot at acting.
"You're kidding?! Where?!" And apparently I'm not good, because everything sounded exaggerated. We looked at each other, then looked over at Hannah. She waved at him again.
Later, after we had our food, Hannah came out of the bathroom and walked by us. I looked at her, then looked back, trying to hold back a smile as she ruffled his hair.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" She said smoothly. She winked at him. "Great hair!" And walked away and I tried again, not to smile.
Lucas looked at me. "Did you see that? That was a move!"
"Not just a move, that was a hair touch move!" I said, taking a hand and moving my hand on the side of my hair.
"You're right! She wants meh!" He said and looked over at her again. "It's-it's too bad I'm going with Lilly." He probably only said that because he knew Lilly's my best friend.
I felt a stab in the gut. Yeah, thanks for bringing it up, buddy! Well, we still need to help him, for Lilly's sake.
"I got two words for you, my brotha! Guy code! We are men, and we are hunters, and what happens in the jungle…" I picked up the collar of my jacket (I was wearing a jacket because it's the nicest restaurant in town) and sniffed. " It stays in the jungle!" I whispered.
"Dude, you rock!" Lucas told me. "Hey, if things work out, I'll hook you up with her friend!"
YES! PLEASE!!!! I would LOVE that! Oh, wait, I forgot, YOU ALREADY TOOK HER! Buttmuffin. (AN: lol, my friend says that all the time. And I couldn't curse, I mean, come on, it's Disney!) Oh, wait, battle your romantic feelings, Oken, and make a sarcastic comment!
"Oh, fingers crossed!" I said, you guessed it, sarcastically, and crossed my fingers. If only you knew I was serious….
Just then, I heard Lilly call "Hey, Justin, great shrimp, huh?!" and looked over at her. She was, evidently, eating the same shrimp as some Justin. I looked to where she was looking and saw that it was Justin Timberlake. Same old Lilly!
I looked back at Lilly and Miley and Miley was motioning for Lucas to come to her. I saw Lilly talking to her with a knowing smile, but couldn't hear what they were saying. Then, Lilly, turned in our direction, so I could hear her.
"Is it…that guy, or that guy, or Lucas, or Oliver, or…." At our names, I put my hand in front of my face. Yeah, like that's gonna hide ya, smart one! I pulled it away because I felt stupid and saw Lilly look confused and look back at us. I noticed she had a little jewel next to her eye that matched her hair. Now, she was yelling, so even as she tuned back to Miley, I could hear her.
"Oh, you're despicable!"
"Lilly! I had to do something to show you that I wasn't lying!"
"The only thing you've shown me is that we're no longer friends!"
Oh, wow. She's mad. Miley's her best friend! Well, except me of course.
"I am leaving!" She was saying, "And I'm takin' the shrimp!" She got up and grabbed the shrimp, but Miley grabbed her arm and pulled her back down.
"No, no, no, no! Lilly! I was just trying t protect you from getting hurt!"
"The only one who's hurting me is you! You just can't accept the fact that Lucas really cares about me!"
Ooh, this was getting intense.
"Oh yeah? Then why is he coming over here to flirt with Hannah?"
They looked toward us and I fixed my jacket because Lilly was looking in my general direction. Lucas got up and started walking toward them.
"He's coming over here to tell you to stop making googly eyes at him because he has a girlfriend!" Lilly fought back.
Lucas went up to their table.
"Uh, hi, Hannah, I'm Lucas. I…noticed you looking at me and I…"
"Go ahead…just say it!" Miley said in her velvety voice again.
Lilly looked up at Lucas and smiled angrily at him. "Yeah, tell her how ya really feel!"
How did Lucas not recognize his own girlfriend's voice? Stupid. I can recognize her voice from miles.
"Uh, well ,the truth is…I-"
Just then this old lady and her granddaughter came over to Miley.
"Excuse me? Miss Montana? I have your biggest fan right here!"
"Grandmaa!!!" The little girl exclaimed.
"It's okay, sweetheart, she's a celebrity this is why they go out in public!"
Miley looked back at Lucas. "Uh, don't go anywhere, this'll just take a second."
She opened the little girl's notebook and signed it and gave it back. "There ya go sweetie!"
"Thank you!" The little girl looked thrilled.
Miley turned back to Lucas. "You were saying?"
"Uh, well…"
The grandma interrupted again and said, "I have a camera right here! Let's take pictures!"
Miley decided to say something. "Um, you know, I'm kind of in the middle of something-"
"No, no, sweetie pie, it'll just take a second, okay? Alright, now, smiiile…"
The little girl and Hannah posed, but grandma was holding the camera the wrong way.
"Other way…" Miley spoke up.
"Oh…" The woman said and turned it around.
"Uh…other way…." The woman got it, "There ya go, grandma!" Miley rolled her eyes as the little girl looked at her apologetically but laughed at her grandma.
"Aha!…No….the lighting isn't good here. It's better in the bathroom. Let's go!" She said.
Miley and the little girl, simultaneously, whined, "Graaaandmaaa!!!!"
"Don't whine!" The woman said. Lilly and Lucas watched them get up.
"Just…just tell, her what you were gonna say." Miley walked away with the woman and the little girl. Lilly got up.
"Yeah…uh…" She cleared her throat and walked around to Lucas's other side. "What was that you were gonna say?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"Would you just…give her my number, and…tell her to call anytime."
I watched in disgust. I couldn't see Lilly's face, but I could just imagine her hurt look as she took the little slip of paper.
"But…why?" She said, squeakily. Aww. Poor Lils. "To..tell her you have a girlfriend, cuz, ya know, you look like the kind of guy who had a girlfriend he really, really likes!"
"Actually,…I've got two..."
I could practically see Lilly's jaw dropping. "Two?"
"Yeah, but I'd dump 'em both for Hannah!"
The jerk! Lilly gasped, but then, her back straightened and I could tell she was fake smiling. "So funny!" She punched his arm, apparently hard, because he grabbed his arm.
She walked over to the side of the table and spun around, her wig flying out, with an angry smile on her face.
"Well, in that case, I know Hannah would want me to give ya a little something too!" She said sarcastically.
Ooh! Go Lilly, go Lilly, go Lilly! What's she gonna do? I was fidgeting my seat.
"Sweet!" Lucas exclaimed.
"Yeah…"Lilly mumbled. She leaned over and picked up her shrimp cocktail cup with the sauce still in it, then dumped the whole thing on the jerk's head.
OH YEAH! GO LILLY!!!
"Yeah! It is sweet!"
He looked disgusted and went back to the bathroom and looked at me. I gave him a smug smile like "you deserved it!"
Miley came back from the bathroom as he was going in.
"Wow, you really got that boy back good!" She exclaimed.
"Ah, that was just Lola. Wait till Lilly gets a hold of him!"
They did their little handshake thing and sat down.
I smiled and nodded. Then, I sighed. Man, I love that girl.
Later I was eating dessert with Miley and Lilly, sitting across from Miley. They were sharing a dessert because they said they wouldn't be able to eat the whole thing themselves. I have no idea how they can't! I was pigging out!
"Lilly, I'm really sorry." Miley apologized.
"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Man, boys can really mess things up, can't they?" Lilly replied.
"Yeah. You can't live with 'em," She looked up, "You can't eat with 'em!"
I shoved the whole brownie in my mouth. Yum!
"Well, what are we gonna do next time one of us has a boyfriend?" Lilly asked.
You won't have to worry, Lilly, dear, cuz it'll be me, and I would never do anything to hurt you!
Yeah, right, like I'd say that out loud!
"The only thing we can do. Trust each other. Deal?" Miley said and grabbed her glass.
Lilly did too. "Deal." They clanged their glasses together. (AN: I totally forgot what it's called when they toast….TOAST!!!) in a toast.
That weird grandma woman was back again and she came up to me. My mouth was still stuffed with brownie.
"Oh. My. Goodness! It's Natalie Portman!" I looked at Miley and Lilly and the lady gave the camera to Miley. "Lana, be a doll, take our picture." She got Hannah's name wrong. Yeah, some fan she is.
I turned to her. "You know, you're not as cute in person." She told me. I AM NOT NATALIE PORTMAN! I couldn't say that though, cuz my mouth was filled with brownie. She turned and smiled as Miley snapped our picture.
And that's the story of how I helped save the love of my life from a cheating liar.