I don't own any of the mentioned characters! I make no profit from this, I just have a right old time writing this for fun. I also don't own Barbie and Ken…Don't ask, just read.

Warnings - Language, name calling and Barbie/Ken bashing, and possible slight sexual referances...

Sapphire always complained about Rubeus. The sun in Tokyo set in the west, rose in the east, and Sapphire would complain about the spiky red head.

He didn't always intend to, but it was something that sort of just happened to him. He complained about how Rubeus came to him with his problems, and everything. But he never really meant any of it…

That stupid, fashion conscious bitch, Catsy, never noticed why Rubeus just wasn't interested in her. Because, in many ways, the two hid things from everybody. Even from their Prince Diamond, they would hide everything. Not even the slyest of the Dark Moon Clan henchmen, Emerald, noticed what was going on between them.

The nights when Rubeus was really stressed out, Sapphire would comfort him, and even offer useful advice for keeping Catsy away…But when they were alone, hardly any words were spoken between the two of them…Their lips were always put to much better use. They stole a kiss from each other constantly, behind backs, and hiding in trees. But alone, they never had to steal them from one another - it was always granted, and given.

Like now, the two were lazily kissing, sprawled out over what Sapphire had said was the contraption humans called a bed.

"I'll never understand us…" Rubeus murmured, as he pulled away and rested his head against Sapphire's chest gently.

"I don't think anybody would, Rubeus…On Earth, people get angry at the idea of…Huh, I don't even know what they call something like us." Sapphire admitted. It was one of Earth's more modern terms, one that made little sense to him.

Rubeus frowned. "I can't remember either…I know it's generally frowned upon in human society, because of some…book…I don't know what people call that either…I know it's filled with Earthly religious practices and stories…"

"Odd…I believe another part of the reason we don't understand is that there has never been an instance of this sort in Dark Moon Clan before…Although, I'm not particularly interested in understanding this…It feels like it's meant to happen." Sapphire said coolly. Rubeus chuckled, and pressed a kiss to his loves chest as gently as he could, finding his partner quite amusing.

"Honestly, Sapphire, you can be so…I don't know, dismissive!" Rubeus teased, and Sapphire glared down at the man, who's only response was to smirk, the upside down, black moon on his forehead actually glowed a little bit, as he contently nuzzled into Sapphire.

"Dismissive! Were I dismissive, you would still be mooning for me!"

"Mooning! I do not moon over anybody."

"Yeah, right, you big sap."

"…I hate you." Rubeus grumbled, sitting upright, crossing his arms stubbornly. "Y'know, Catsy bought me this really cute gift today…" Rubeus teased gently. Sapphire growled possessively, and pinned down Rubeus, climbing up on top of him.

"That little bitch! I'm going to kill her, Rubeus!" He snarled. "You're mine! No one else is aloud anywhere near you, got that?" Sapphire said, in a deathly quite voice, lowering his head right down by Rubeus's ear, breathing the last words. Rubeus shuddered pleasurably.

"I guess now's not the time to tell you that I crushed it?" He actually laughed at the expression on his lovers face.

"You are dead!" Sapphire growled, as Rubeus giggled. Sapphire knew he was ticklish! Sapphire's fingers danced against Rubeus' ribs, causing the red head to giggle hysterically, while Sapphire smirked evilly above him, as if he was a god of sorts.

"Say you're mine, and I'll stop…"

"You…know I'm your's! Ahhhh!" Rubeus laughed out, while Sapphire snickered over him, continuing to allow his fingers to search the man below him, while Rubeus squirmed under his feather light touches.

"Not good enough…I want to hear it come out of your mouth…The same mouth you kiss me with…The same mouth you curse that fuzzy purple girl with - I want to hear you say it." Sapphire said, as Rubeus tried to suck in a long gasp of air.

"No, please…AHH! OKAY! I'm yours…Please, I need to breathe!" Rubeus begged. Sapphire halted his fingers, beaming down at Rubeus.

"See, not so hard, was it?"

"Ass-hole."

"Do you really want to get tickled again?" Sapphire asked, arching an eyebrow slightly. Rubeus used his arms to cover his chest.

"NO!" He pleaded, gasping in a lungful of air, as Sapphire dove down to him. But instead of torturing the man once more, Sapphire pressed falsely angelic lips to Rubeus' throat, sucking on the pale skin he found there.

"You are in so much trouble, Sapphire…" Rubeus whined gently, trying to appear angry, but with Sapphire rolling the skin of his neck between his teeth, that was bit on his lip in an attempt to hold back a moan, but failed miserably as Sapphire bit down harshly, cleansing the wound, removing all traces of blood.

"You're so mean…Now everyone's gonna want to know where I got that!" Rubeus whined again, but Sapphire only smiled down at him.

"And you're going to tell them the truth…It's time people knew…"

"We always say that, but we never tell anybody!"

"Well…we could always…what on earth is the human word for running away and getting married without permission and such?" Sapphire grumbled, frustrated. He never spent much time in the human world, so it got other man smirked.

"Elope."

"That! We could try that, and see how we go…" Sapphire teased. Rubeus smirked, and pulled his blue-headed lover down for another kiss.

"Not legally aloud to here…"

"Fuck here. C'mon, I'm taking you to…Damn it, where…"

"Boston, Massachusetts."

"Ah! Thank you! I'll take you there, and we'll elope, and…Huh, what generally comes after that?" Rubeus burst out laughing. Sapphire growled gently.

"Do you want another bite on your neck?"

"Sounds good to …Argh! I didn't mean it!" Rubeus complained, as Sapphire leant down and nipped at the other side of his neck, exactly opposite to where the first bruise was coming up.

"Too bad." Sapphire said when he pulled back. "Now, forgive my lack of knowledge about the human world, but please answer?"

Rubeus enjoyed seeing his lover so frustrated, but he decided not to let it bother him. "Okay…Generally, they don't go back to the place they ran from…You start a new life, a life nobody else knows about…Have a child or two…Buy a house…"Sapphire twitched.

"Children? Little…screaming shits?"

Rubeus shook with laughter below the blue haired man, practically choking, not only from having laughed too hard, but from the added weight on his stomach.

"Yes, Sapphy! With a dog, and a cat, and…"

"ERCH! Maybe eloping isn't the best idea…"

"…You do realise men don't NORMALLY get pregnant, without what I guess is an odd procedure…Did you know, there is actually something in the male body, that makes it perfectly capable of carrying a child?" Rubeus asked, propping up on his elbows, not wanting to miss the blend of shock, and horror, crossing the slightly older mans face at the thought.

"…would you CARE to explain how one would get it OUT?" Sapphire asked, completely bewildered. Rubeus opened his mouth to answer, but Sapphire covered his mouth.

"No, I don't believe I want to know!" He grumbled. Rubeus snorted with laughter once more, and Sapphire rolled his eyes.

"You sure? It's kinda funny, they cut open…"

"NO!" Sapphire exclaimed, covering his ears. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!"

Rubeus laughed, and removed Sapphire's hands from his ears. "You're SO immature, Sapphy!" He teased gently, and Sapphire pouted.

"Am not…I just don't like the idea of looking like I swallowed an over sized…Rubeus, what's that thing that human children find amusing, generally filled with air?"

"…balloon?"

"YES! Damned Human words…They make SUCH little sense!" Sapphire grumbled, rolling off of Rubeus and lying with his arms crossed.

"…you look like a stubborn teenage girl, right now."

"I do not!"

"…Say what you must, but you really, really do…"

"Jerk."

"Ass-hole."

"Bitch."

"Retard."

"Moron."

"Barbie."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Sapphire exploded, leaving Rubeus absolutely hysterical. Sapphire growled gently at Rubeus, who appeared to be enjoying teasing his lover very much. He'd never get over the odd relationship the two had wove themselves since meeting. It was very much love/hate, depending on what day of the week it was…The way they were going - it had to be Tuesday.

"I called you…BARBIE! It's a girls dollie, with blonde hair, and interchangeable clothes, and stilettos, and overall a bad role model…"

"You…just called me…a blonde…BIMBO?"

"…In essence, I guess so."

"…Rubeus?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know how to run?"

"Who doesn't?""I suggest you start. I'll give you two seconds…One…two…" Sapphire growled. Rubeus, realising he wasn't kidding, took off like lightening, Sapphire not that fair behind him. Rubeus practically crashed through the door to Prince Diamond's throne room, not really all that concerned that the before mentioned Prince was sitting in said throne, when Sapphire burst through the door and pinned him down.

"You. Take. That. Back. NOW!" Sapphire glowered, while Rubeus only grinned cheekily at him, shaking his head, until Sapphire bit down into his shoulder, causing Rubeus to let out something between a groan of pleasure, and a whine of pain.

"Why? I like it when you're angry…Nrghhh!" Rubeus whined when Sapphire grated his teeth against his collar bone.

"…would you two care to explain this HIGHLY confusing scenario to me, and Emerald?" Prince Diamond questioned. They both looked up, having not noticed the man before.

"Um…we'd REALLY rather not to…" Sapphire stated, while Emerald only snickered in response, watching the way the two reacted to each other.

"…I'd like to hear an explanation."

"…I called Sapphire a blonde girl's toy, and he decided he'd try and take away my innocence!"

"THAT WAS NEVER MY INTENTION, SIR! I just wanted to teach young Rubeus here that we don't call each other names…That it's your job…"

"Kiss-ass, you called me a jerk, bitch and a moron!"

"Sapphire, what do those words mean?"

"They're Earth insults, sir…"

"You two are childish enough to use Earth insults? Why not insult each other in our own tongue?" Prince Diamond asked, while Emerald's eyes, and gemstones, glistened mischievously.

"Because, Earth insults get a better rise out of Sapphire, sir."

"…Would you two care to explain why Sapphire is currently on top of you, Rubeus?"

"Because, that's how he caught me sir!"

"…Go on, off with you both. I don't want anymore gallivanting around my throne room. Do that in your own rooms…and Rubeus, do not call Sapphire…what was it?"

"Barbie, sir."

"Okay, fine…go." Their boss commanded them. Rubeus fled as quickly as he could, Sapphire chasing him, like he was convinced Rubeus wouldn't wait for him.

"Sir, you do realise that there is CERTAINLY something going on between those two?"

"Yes, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it."

"You are so dead, Ruby!" Sapphire growled gently, while Rubeus snickered hysterically at him. Sapphire narrowed his eyes. "Now they're going to think we're mental!"

"They already know you're mental!"

"Thanks a lot."

"Sheesh, calm down, Ken!" Rubeus said, with a smirk crossing over his falsely angelic face. Sapphire growled in frustration.

"WHAT is a Ken?"

Rubeus snickered, and shook his head gently. "Why on Earth would I tell you that?"

"Because I'll kill you if you don't!" Sapphire snarled. Rubeus snickered. He loved pushing his lovers buttons, it made him so…energised.

"Wow, I must have twenty or so lives by this stage - All the times I've been dead, and I'm still here to piss you off, tease you incessantly, and love you whenever it becomes necessary!"

"Rubeus…"

"Fine…Ken is Barbie's gay best friend…"

"WHY YOU…Hang on, what does gay mean?"

"…that you love guys, 'stead of girls, or it could mean overly happy…or…"

"…Huh. So that would make me and you 'gay'?"

"…If you don't like girls too, then yes."

"Huh…I definitely prefer you to ANY girl."

"You keep threatening to kill me, tell me I'm dead, and bite my neck…You could almost be what human's call vampire."

"What's a vampire?"

"Basically, a thing that feeds off animals, and looks like it's rolled in glitter."

Sapphire twitched once more. "…What's glitter?"

"This!" Rubeus threw something at the floor, and it exploded. Sapphire found himself COVERED in what he guessed was glitter - it sparkled in the light, and made him look like a fairy had blown up on him.

"…"

"See! Awesome stuff, isn't it?"

"I mean it now…YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!" Sapphire leapt at his lover, pinning him to the ground, while Rubeus laughed, until Sapphire silenced him with a passionate kiss, surrounded in glitter, where they playfully made up, and made love.

Sapphire dubbed that day 'Glitter Tuesday'.

…Let's not tell him it was Sunday…

*ROFL* I don't know where this came from. I guess caffeine painkillers, and ginger beer…ANYWAY. What did ya think of the weirdness of this fan fiction? Love it, hate it? Let me know! ALSO. My apologies for Twilight Vampire bashing - it HAD to be done!