Beth 6787

Lessons in Love

AU to the C/7 aspect of 'Endgame'. Sometimes two plus two does simply equal four...

Seven had enjoyed herself and so had he. The thought surprised him a little, and that made him feel guilty. He had agreed somewhat reluctantly to assist the Doctor with Seven's social training, though initially the Doc had omitted to mention that it would be 'dating practise'! The Doctor knew his limitations. He was still a hologram and although he had created a holographic family for himself he was aware that he lacked the full range of human experience. That was brought home to him on a profound level during the time his consciousness had to be stored in Seven's cortical array. Seven needed a flesh and blood date. On the one occasion the Doctor had attempted this so far, many months back, it had been a disaster with the poor Lieutenant ending up in sickbay having his elbow reset and Seven's confidence taking a severe knock. Chakotay respected all this but still wondered - why ask me? He had been sworn to secrecy - the Doctor having broken strict patient confidentiality by telling him - then informed of Seven's holographic doppelgänger of himself. He did not know whether to be angry, amused or flattered and decided it was a little of each. Of course, as First Officer he was directly responsible for crew welfare and strictly speaking, due to Seven's cortical node malfunction during the simulations, the Doctor was obliged to notify either himself or the Captain. Knowing how important it was to Seven to gain the approval of her mentor and the Captain's likely reaction to the news, the Doc had come to him in the hope that matters could be resolved discreetly. He also had high hopes that Seven would respond positively to his 'brilliant solution'. Namely, holo-Chakotay be consigned to the database archives, and the genuine article substitute himself into the holo-program scenarios. So, Chakotay was to take Seven on a picnic, assist her with her piano lessons, take her dancing in Sandrine's. In short, become her date in all respects bar one. It was understood that it went no further than the two of them forming a close friendship. His heart was not available. He decided to take a leaf out of Kathryn's book here and suggested to the Doctor that as First Officer and, therefore de facto deputy captain, it was not appropriate for him to form a romantic attachment to a member of the crew. That way, Seven's feelings would not be hurt. She would rationalise that he was unavailable, therefore the dating game would be a safe environment to experiment without undue emotional stimulation. Of course, this was far from the truth. He had no interest whatsoever in Seven, but there was no need for her to know he was harbouring an unrequited love for their Captain that had been going on for the best part of seven years. He had his pride. And he had hope ...a hope he almost dared not admit even to himself...that Kathryn would hear of his dates with Seven through the ship's grapevine and feel just enough jealousy to finally face her feelings. ...

All had been going to plan until Admiral Janeway materialised amongst them...

She double and triple checked the Stardate and time. So Chakotay had had six 'training' dates with Seven so far. She felt a little guilty, accessing the logs with twenty fifth century covert technology, but they would never discover her perusal and she needed to get her facts straight. Of course, she knew full well that after another five 'practice dates' with Chakotay, that Seven would then start dating for real. Ensign Gregory Rogers was the first if she remembered rightly. He and Seven had dated for a couple of months before it petered out naturally but in that time, Seven had come into her own, socially and romantically and had subsequently started seeing Harry Kim. After three years of ups and downs they had made a success of things and eventually married. She had conducted the ceremony herself just over four years from now in her timeline. Still, the opportunity was just too good to miss. Oh she felt a little guilty for the subterfuge but if it finally knocked some sense into her younger self...well, what was the harm? All's well that ends well and all that...

So, when Captain Janeway suggested they take a little walk after discovering the transwarp hub hidden inside that nebula, obstensibly to 'lay down the law' to her older (how dare she patronise me!) self the temptation to put her self-righteous young upstart in her place was just too great. Besides, she wasn't breaking the Temporal Prime Directive if she wasn't actually telling the truth - was she?... Oh, it had the desired effect, young Kathryn was devastated. She could see it in her eyes and the way she turned away to avoid her older self's scrutiny. Young Kathryn said all the right things, perhaps she could change history now she knew what was going to happen...she, of course, insisted the only solution was to use the transwarp hub as soon as possible. Strike whilst the iron was hot, so to speak. Use the technology she had brought back with her before the Queen could adapt blah blah blah... No matter, the idea had taken seed. Kathryn needed to do something to change history...her history with Chakotay... She sighed as she cleared the shuttle bay doors and set course for the hub. Let's just hope my little white lie has done enough...

"Set a course. For home." She instructed Chakotay who had just relieved Tom at helm. She glanced over at the empty command chair next to hers. All this : for what? How had she beaten all the odds for seven long years in the Delta Quadrant. Kept body and soul (just about) together. Overcome countless malevolent aliens and vanquished the Borg. Even gotten most of her crew home and lost the one thing she had absolute certainly in. Chakotay' s steadfast loyalty and love for her. And what had she lost it to...Seven. SEVEN?! If anyone but the Admiral had told her that she would have laughed in their face. Or she would have thought there was another, perfectly innocent, explanation. Perhaps Chakotay was just helping Seven with her social skills? Perhaps Seven had won a date with someone during one of Tom Paris's betting pools- and had chosen Chakotay. Chakotay being who he was would have felt honour bound to go through with it. Perhaps someone had gotten their wires crossed as the gossip was passed along and it wasn't Chakotay at all.?...perhaps...perhaps...

BUT. It had to be true. Because her older self had travelled back twenty six years in time to tell her. No more than that. She had chosen to alter twenty six years of all their futures and sacrificed her own life in the process in order to give herself and Chakotay a second chance of a future together. Only she was too late. Chakotay had already started dating Seven and he would go on to marry her - but would he feel the same now that they were home?

They had been in Earth orbit for fifty two hours. In that time they had been inundated with Starfleet communiques, orders for disembarkation and debriefing schedules, had several Admirals and Federation ambassadors beam aboard for senior staff meetings and literally hundreds of personal messages for the crew from all their close family and friends. In all that time Kathryn Janeway had not so much as passed the time of day with him outside of official ship's business. She was actively avoiding him. He was sure of it, although he had no idea why. Well, maybe one, and that possibility was very bad news for the thirty two former Maquis who had made it home with them. Surely, if the Federation authorities planned to detain and charge the ex-Maquis, Kathryn would have told him. Even if Captain Janeway had been ordered to do otherwise. He and Kathryn had been through too much together for her to abandon them all, to abandon him, now. Surely that still held true?... There was only one way to know. He had to confront her, once and for all.

Kathryn paced up and down her Ready Room. This was ridiculous. She should just ask him - right? Easier said than done. They had just returned triumphantly to Earth, at least as far as Starfleet and the crew were concerned, and the Captain's primary concern is whether or not her First Officer is dating a civilian member of the crew? ! Considering Chakotay only has a field commission - imparted by herself no less - and Seven no official rank at all, then there is no regulation prohibiting them from being together. None at all. Whereas for herself... She can't broach the subject. Suppose he confirms what the Admiral has already told her. What would she say? 'Congratulations, I hope you'll be very happy together! .'...or how about ...'How could you betray me after all these years and everything we have meant to each other!' ...No, she could say nothing. She would just have to hope that she could feign ignorance until all the official business was over than say her formal goodbyes and never cross his or Seven's path again. Then there was a chime at the door. Before she had the chance to say 'Enter' Commander Chakotay had barged in and was standing right in front of her.

"Captain, excuse the intrusion but I must speak to you privately. It is a matter of extreme urgency." He was dreading the next few minutes but he needed to know. The lives of so many of his people depended on how this conversation played out. "You have been actively avoiding me. Don't deny it. I know you far too well to play those games. Just tell me the truth. The whole truth, however hard it is. I can take it. What I can't stand is the not knowing. Not being able to act. ..." he had said enough. He could see in her face that his words had hit home. As he watched her a range of feelings flitted across her eyes : pain; fear; sorrow; anger; pity; resignation(?)...none of it was in the least encouraging. His premonition and instincts must be right "Captain..." she looked away but he could see her hands clenching behind her back ..."Kathryn" with the use of her given name she glanced back up at him "whatever is in store for us, I need to prepare...". Now her look was one on incredulity. "YOU need to prepare! I'll give you this much, you sure have some nerve!" She was obviously furious with him and he had absolutely no idea why. "After all these years, all we have been through together, then - just as we are about to embark on our greatest chance of getting home - you abandon me. For her!"

Now Chakotay was really confused. Had he followed an order of the Admiral's that Kathryn had not approved? If so, he was unaware of it. Besides, how dare she accuse him of goodness knows what, without giving him the benefit of the doubt for long enough to have the courtesy to explain. He had had enough. "Captain, with all due respect, I have absolutely no idea what you are alluding to. Whatever it is, I would appreciate your doing me the courtesy of giving me a rational explanation and the benefit of the doubt. But that's not your way is it? For seven years you have jumped to conclusions, often false ones at that, and thrown all the blame at my feet. Anything but face your own demons. Well I have had enough. Just spit it out - whatever it is. If you have the courage."

Kathryn was flabbergasted. How could he be so cruel. Had he never cared for her at all? Just how long had she been deluding herself! Suddenly she felt strangely calm, almost as if she was in the eye of the storm. This was it. The final showdown. Maybe her only chance so she would get it off her chest and to Hell with the consequences. After today she would never see him alone again. She pulled herself up to her full height and looked him straight in the eye. "You want the truth Chakotay? Alright, you shall have it. Then we shall never speak of this matter again. For seven long years I have had faith in just one thing. Us. As time progressed our bond became stronger. I could absolutely depend on you and vice versa. We would always put the good of the ship and crew above all other considerations and that cost us both dearly. We had to suspend our present for the sake of the future. But that future was secure in both of our hearts. We had both made those promises to each other on New Earth and they would stand the test of time. Only they didn't did they? At least not for you. Whilst `I was busy planning our homecoming with the Admiral you were...betraying everything we had with her..." she stopped, unable to find the right words...

Suddenly it dawned on him. His 'dates' with Seven. So she had heard a rumour somewhere. And what had she done? Jumped to the worst possible conclusions about him. Without so much as giving him the time of day. She was obviously upset, but was it her pride or her heart that was truly hurting. He was loathe to do it but he would play along, just for long enough to find out. And did he need to find out!... "I presume we are talking about my get together's with Seven?" he tried to keep his voice as steady and neutral as possible.

"What a quaint euphemism Chakotay. Ever the diplomat aren't we?" She was openly sneering at him now. Well, there was no way on Earth he was letting her off the hook now.

"Frankly Captain, I don't see the problem? Perhaps you could spell it out to me?"

That was it. Without thinking she slapped him hard across the face. He grabbed her arms to restrain her and the floodgates opened. She sank to her knees sobbing as it all poured out "I...damn you...all those years of loving only you...all my hopes and dreams, just an illusion...and of all the women to spurn me for. Seven? She's little more than a child. ...how could you...stop loving me...did you ever love me at all?..." her voice petered out as Chakotay knelt down beside her and lifted her chin until she was forced to look at him.

She was confused. He was crying and seemed to be in as much pain as her. Finally he spoke "I'm so sorry Kathryn. But I had to know and you refused to answer me. Time and again. There is no Seven and I. There never was and there never will be. Yes, I have been helping her with dating scenarios. Role play. At the request of both the Doctor and Seven. She knows that is all it is and is fine with it. We have become friends. Platonic friends, nothing more. Had you simply asked me I could have told you that weeks ago. There again, it never occurred to me that you would assume anything else. After all these years `I thought we had an understanding. An unspoken love that was unbreakable. Perhaps it is I who has been deluded? Kathryn, do you truly love me? Not wish to own me, not need to claim me to salvage your ego. Just simply love me- for me?"

She was shaking now. "But the Admiral, she told me..."

So Admiral Janeway had done a little scheming to facilitate matters had she. "Let me guess. Admiral Janeway told you that I was dating Seven for real? And you actually believed her!" Chakotay was both furious with the Admiral for her deception and Kathryn for giving it the time of day.

"Dating Seven? Oh no Chakotay. Infinitely worse than that. In her timeline you married Seven and we lost each other for ever."

Kathryn was actually buying this. He could see it in her eyes. The cunning old coot! Suddenly the absurdity hit him and he laughed "Me! Marry Seven! There is no universe in which that could conceivably happen. Ever. But I have to give credit where credit is due. I never thought it would be possible to so completely manipulate Kathryn Janeway. Of course the only person in the universe that could pull that one off is Kathryn Janeway herself. Only an older and savvier version. She must have come to know herself very well over the last twenty six years. If I, Chakotay, could not get Kathryn to admit her true feelings then the Admiral would have to force her own younger self's hand. You have been well and truly HAD by one very cunning, manipulative old lady whom I will always be eternally grateful to."

With that they both stared at each other, slightly stunned, and then Kathryn moved in closer. "Your cheek...let me kiss it better for you..." and thereafter all became crystal clear.

THE END.

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