Ping Pong Peach
Chapter One
"Welcome to the first ever, 'First Super Smash Brothers Ping-Pong Tournament!'" announced Master Hand, to the crowd of clueless people that were led into the stadium because there was a life-size cut-out of Jessica Simpson outside the auditorium, or the "free beer" sign.
Master Hand faked a grin, and stayed in that position for about five seconds.
"Actually," whispered Ness to Master Hand. "You could have just said, 'Welcome to the inaugural Super Smash Brothers Ping-Pong tournament'!"
Master Hand thought about Ness' statement for a few seconds, and then looked angrily at him.
"You know what?" snapped Master Hand. "Shut up, nerd."
Master Hand gave Ness a gaze, as if he thought Ness would have been offended by the previous statement.
"Uh… was I supposed to be offended by that? Because if you thought I did, your logic is very bumpy, as was your opening statement," said Ness. "I mean, the first ever, 'First Super Smash'…"
Master Hand slapped Ness angrily in the face.
"Guess what, nerd?" said Master Hand, as if to taunt Ness. "You just got a pay cut!"
"You don't pay any of us anything in the first place! I mean, why am I still staying here? I don't see any plausible explanation that I shou-"
Master Hand grabbed a remote control from his pocket, pressed a giant red button on it, and laughed menacingly.
"But… but… but why?" asked a puzzled Ness.
"Because," laughed Master Hand. "You're in the white room of death! Mwa ha ha!"
Master Hand continued cackling, as a worried Ness rushed over to Master Hand's medication box, and quickly injected him a big dose of injection-stuff.
Master Hand looked puzzled, as if he couldn't remember a thing.
"What? Has the tournament already started?" asked Master Hand to himself.
Link, the activities supervisor ran up to Master Hand.
"Master Hand," whispered Link. "The tournament has already started."
"Oh, okay," said Master Hand, as Link ran off.
"Well, to commence the Ping Pong Tournament, we have Bowser vs. Luigi!" said Master Hand.
Bowser walked on to the centre of the auditorium, waving, as if to expect fans and applause.
Silence.
"I'm playing against Luigi!" shouted Bowser.
A sudden round of applause came, probably because Bowser was playing Luigi.
Luigi walked into the centre of the auditorium.
They both took their positions.
"Let the tournament, begin!" announced Master Hand.
…
…
…
Silence.
"The tournament has begun, which means you should applaud because it is such an important event in your unimportant, miserable lives!" said Master Hand.
The audience gave some sighs of understanding, and then gave a round of applause.
Bowser picked up his bat in one hand, and took the ball in his other. Bowser gave the ball a light tap down onto the table with the bat, and it bounced over the net into Luigi's side. Luigi swung and missed.
The audience applauded because someone who wasn't Luigi, even the guy who caused grief and destruction to the world was winning.
"One-Luv," said Master Hand. "Change serve."
Luigi picked up the ball, and then gazed at the staring audience.
"Uh…"
Luigi tried to mimic Bowser's light serve, but over exaggerated the action, which made it hurl a few metres in the air from the table after his serve. Bowser watched the ball bounce just over the net on his side, and then prompted to stroll around the table, so he could be next to where the ball was.
Tkk!
Bowser whacked the ball downwards as hard as he could, which sent it hurling towards the audience, about ten metres away.
"Luv-Two," said Master Hand, looking at Luigi who was whimpering under the table.
Luigi, with a trickle of sweat running down his forehead, gulped, and placed the ball in his hand.
Luigi repeated the same, very high serve, this time only it was at the end of the table, closer to Bowser. Luigi, who expected Bowser to smash it down like the last point, saw Bowser lobbing the ball upwards. The ball bounced short, just over the net. Luigi tried to reach for it, and smash it, but the ball bounced over his head by about four metres, so by that observation, you could probably tell that Bowser won the point.
"Luv-Three," said Master Hand. "Change Serve."
Bowser won a lot more points. Luigi kept on missing the ball. Bowser won. The crowd started questioning why they were there.
"Uh… the next match is Mario vs. Peach!" announced Master Hand.
Peach sat in the dressing rooms, twiddling her thumbs, waiting for the announcement, when suddenly, a dark cloaked figure approached her.
"Peach, you have the potential of a thousand suns, you have the mental strength of the shimmering water on a clear night, I can give you the gift of becoming a talented table tennis player!" said the dark cloaked figure, with a Japanese accent.
Peach stared and blinked blankly at the dark cloaked figure.
"Are you a friend of the ROFL pony?" asked Peach. "Because he told me to give this gift to all of his friends!"
Peach went over, and gave the cloaked man a hug.
"Uh… that is very nice…" said the cloaked figure.
Peach continued hugging.
"Very nice… indeed…" said the cloaked figure.
Peach continued hugging.
"Uh… could you let go now?"
Peach continued hugging.
"Uh… please? Stop hugging, now!"
Peach continued hugging.
"I will have to use my kung-fu powers!"
Peach continued hugging.
The man choked to death.
Chapter one ended.