I got the idea to write this when reading SNK's manga, so it contains SPOILERS from around chapters 80 to 86. There're a few lines from the original work. I do not intend on taking credit for it, it's just that it was such awesome scenes that I wanted to work around them (the conversations between Erwin and Levi).

I hope you enjoy, and I'll be happy to hear your opinion about it.

pt. 1

Erwin was being stubborn. As usual.

When he got something into his head there was no turning back.

— I'll break both your legs if it's what it takes to make you not go — tried captain Levi, as a last resource against the commander's will.

Erwin laughed. That didn't seem to impress him, not he didn't think captain Levi was capable of that, but his desire to go along didn't seem to be shaken by that threat.

— I'll tell the higher-ups I complained until you gave in.

That didn't have any kind of result as well.

Levi was desperate. He truly worried for his commander to go at such conditions. Erwin was a symbol to humanity as well as to his soldiers. But it didn't look like he understood his importance. And that not only pissed captain Levi off — a lot of things pissed him off — that made him make an expression of sadness I didn't think he was able to do until that moment.

Until a few minutes ago, a reunion regarding the expedition to go retrieve Wall Maria was taking place. When it ended, all those military and politicians left the room, and I was on my way to go make a report to Erwin. Instead, I accidentally eavesdropped his conversation with captain Levi.

I was also worried about Erwin. I just didn't managed to tell anyone about it. By hearing their conversation, my hands closed in a fist, kneading the report I was supposed to deliver to the commander. I was anxious, my worries were pretty similar to the captain's. I, however, didn't intrude the room. I knew myself, and I knew Erwin. I wouldn't be able to persuade him either, and that would make me visibly miserable. I just waited. Waited that captain Levi would be able to do what I knew I wouldn't. But that didn't happened either, and he ended up giving up.

I was about to leave that place. Screw the reports, I wouldn't be able to look at Erwin at my current state. But I wasn't fast enough. Captain Levi got to the half open door first. And he saw me there. But apparently he understood by my silence I didn't want to go there right now. My eyes thanked him and I left in a hurry, still holding on to that stupid report.

At the time, I didn't realized there were tears coming down my cheeks.

I secluded myself until night time. I only realized it was already dark because I was at the top of a tree. The time passed through me, yet I didn't noticed.

I kept being tormented by the memories of those I had already lost in this endless war. Every time I witnessed someone being eaten or torn apart I thought to myself, "that's it, I can't take it anymore. It's just too horrible to live like this". Yet, I still had neither died nor abandoned the Survey Corps. I must be a masochist.

No. I simply hate the feeling of disability I feel every time someone dies or gets hurt. I just don't want that to happen anymore. Is that such an impossible thing?

— I just everyone to live... — I mumbled to myself, extending my hand into the starry night sky.

— You surely aren't the only one with that kind of wish.

That got me by surprise. At the hurry I ended up getting my foot stuck in one branch and ended upside down facing captain Levi, who had heard my most personal and, at the same time, childish desire.

— AAH! — I screamed as I felt my foot being twisted — Damn it! Will you make some noise, please? — I complained as I freed myself and went to the ground, sitting and starting to rub my ankle, only then realizing who was there — Captain...

That made me forget about my mournfulness for the meantime. A twist was not a high price for that, actually.

— Not like I imagined there would be someone here either — replied him, clicking his tongue, an annoying habit of his.

I then tried to get up but my foot was still hurting pretty bad, what made me trip and almost fall into the ground.

— Let me see it. — said captain Levi making me sit down and touching my ankle.

After a moment he said:

— It's gonna hurt. — he pulled it and it clicked really loud.

It did hurt. I let it out a scream since it caught me by surprise, even though he'd warned me.

— See if you can walk now. — he said while helping me stand.

It still hurt, but it was bearable.

— Yeah, it hurts a little but not like before... — I looked to the ground — Thank you.

— You better rest even so, I put it back to place, but either way, the damage is done. Try not to force it.— I simply nodded.

An awkward silence filled the air, so I tried to break it — not really my strong point.

— By the way, why did you came over here, captain?

— Perhaps for the same reason as you... — stated him, gloomy.

For some reason, we started walking. That place was a little distant from the quarters.

This time, captain Levi took the initiative.

— You're worried about Erwin too, right?

I didn't know what to say. Or I just didn't wanted to let my fears to be known.

— I saw you trying to stop him from going on the next expedition... and I agree with you, it's just too risky for him to go like that... — my grief stroke me back.

— It's risky even for the ones who are in one piece...

— You're right. I already saw dozens of most experienced and talented soldiers than myself die in front of my eyes... I've been lucky, if I can call it that... but luck is chaotic, we can't know when it will perish.

— It's a game out there. It's kill or be killed, there's no in between. Whether luck exists or not, you shouldn't underestimate yourself. — he took a pause and stopped walking, looking to the sky — About go out there and kill titans, I never fear for myself, however, now…

He didn't ended his sentence. And I understood him. It was hard, to let it out, I mean. When we say something out loud, it's like it gets materialized, real.

I wanted to comfort him — not my strong point either.

— I know what you mean… Erwin was the one who gave you a purpose too, right? — he looked at me — I heard one thing or another, probably not everything is true, but well, soldiers talk. They also drink, and they tend to talk even more when they do.

He seemed surprised, like he just had realized something he didn't before. He kept looking at me, in silence.

— You see… I was from a poor household with a sick mother and a drunk father. — I looked back to the sky and continued walking slowly — When my mother died, my father would take every little income I made to drink… Even though I didn't really realized at the time, I had a pretty insignificant, yet common life. — I turned my eyes to Levi. He was walking beside me, with a neutral expression, looking up front — At one point of the road, I met Erwin, who saw something that until today I don't know what on myself. And that decision of his is what brought me here. Despite all the anguish and sadness from losing so much so many times as a soldier, I feel true gratefulness towards him — again, I didn't realized the tears that were running down my face as I spoke — He gave meaning to my ordinary existence.

I had never told that to anyone. And I don't know exactly why I told Captain Levi all that. It just seemed right to do so.

We kept walking, until he said:

— I have always covered the death of my comrades with the shameful reason of necessity. I guess this made this hole shit more acceptable. But I don't think Erwin's death to be one. On the contrary, for me, and for humanity, I believe he must live. What he represents is too important to be put it in danger… I don't get why he doesn't understands that.

I saw him close his fists, just as I had done earlier. I understood him and everything he felt, cause we were the same. I crouched and started to cry harder, now aware of my tears.

— What do we have to do to make him understand? Why is he such a selfish bastard? DAAAMN! — suddenly, I was angry just as much as I was sad. In that moment, I felt like I could run to Erwin and punch him in the face until he would agree with staying.

Because of this fire built up inside of me, I got up too quickly for my injured ankle, what made me scream once more.

— This stupid ankle, why do now of all times… — I took a deep breath. I knew I had to calm down, the situation wouldn't be solved just because I was feeling annoyed.

Captain Levi reached me, and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him, with no shame of my current state, since I knew he understood what I was going through. And he did, his eyes told me so.

— Let me take you until the quarters, no need to let your ankle get any worse — the only thing I could sense in his voice was sadness. He was just as desperate as I was, he just didn't show it out loud as myself.

I let him carry me. I had no strength left, I just wanted to sleep and forget.

The only sound at rest of the way was of the wind.