The Girl with the Golden Heart
A/N: I wrote this as a missing scene for "Hold Onto Yourself" (Season 3, Episode 1), so obviously spoilers. Takes place after the car explodes outside the dinner and Annie returns home to Danielle's but before she arrives at work the next day.
Annie Walker dropped her bag and keys by the door, sunk into her couch, pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them. Horrible recent memories flooded her mind and muddled with happier memories of a man she had cared about. She expected tears to come but they didn't. She felt oddly numb. She pulled out her phone and rang the one person who might understand.
"Auggie? It's Annie."
"Hey I wanted to give you a call but they said you'd gone home," his voice was warm despite the news that he too had received.
"I did."
"I'm really sorry about Jai."
"Me too," Annie agreed sadly.
"Are you okay Annie?"
"I don't know," she admitted, her brown eyes uncertain.
"Do you want to come over?" Auggie offered, genuinely opening his apartment to her. There were few times when he didn't have time for Annie Walker.
"Just how pathetic will I sound if I say I'm too tired to go anywhere?"
"Just the normal amount," Auggie quipped.
"Thanks, you always know what to say to make me feel better." The numbness lessened slightly as the corners of her mouth tugged a little upwards.
"No worries, all part of the job."
"Auggie."
"What is it?"
"I didn't cry," Annie confessed. "When the car blew up I didn't cry."
"You're trained to respond to danger Annie, you were in a dangerous situation, you're trained to hold it together so you can assess the situation and respond appropriately. When something like that happens to one of us, we can't cry or else more people could die. You did what you had to do. You owed it to the people in that dinner. You don't have anything to feel guilty about."
"But I'm home now and I still haven't cried."
"Give it time; you've had a terrible shock."
"He was my friend, he wasn't just a co-worker, he was my friend." The word friend took on a hallowed significance. There were few people either Auggie or Annie applied that word too and really meant it.
"I know," Auggie said simply, understanding.
"When I got home I checked my car for explosives. Then I checked Danielle's."
"And? Did you find anything?"
"No."
"It's still good that you checked," Auggie reassured her.
"What kind of person does that? What kind of person watches their friend burn, doesn't cry and then comes to her sister's house where there are kids inside, and checks for explosives without crying?"
"A good spy. A patriot. Someone like me, someone I'm very proud of," Annie could tell he was smiling affectionately. "Annie, touch your cheek?"
"What?"
"Just do it."
"It's wet," Annie laughed sadly, a note of hysterical relief in her tone.
"See? You're not a monster; you're still Annie Walker, the girl with the heart of gold. You're a special person Annie, you can be a spy and you can still be Annie Walker."
"Thanks Auggie."
"No problem. You sure you don't want to come over?"
"Yeah, I think I'm just going to have a shower and get some sleep. I smell really bad."
"There's a first time for everything," Auggie quipped. "Goodnight Annie."
"Goodnight Auggie. Love you." Normally she wouldn't have said those words, she would have worried about how they might be misinterpreted or how they might complicate their relationship, but after seeing Jai's car burning, knowing that he was gone forever, she needed to say them and she knew that if anyone would understand, it would be Auggie.
"Love you too," he echoed affectionately, before cancelling the call.