"Whoops…" Wheatley muttered to himself, staring down the elevator shaft he 'accidently' threw that test subject and GLaDOS down. "That's… not exactly what I wanted, but… oh well, I guess…"
He grinned with a sort of childish fascination when he found he could close the hole with just a flick of his wrist. He turned away and gazed around his new 'throne room' so to speak, even though there wasn't really a throne. The walls were covered with various computer monitors, all of them at least the size of a flat-screen television. They were divided into clusters and under each cluster was a large, complicated keyboard sitting on a counter that circled continuously around the entire room, only stopping in front of the door, with a few regular rolling chairs scattered around it. The monitors showed various images such as charts, diagrams, blueprints, and camera footage of various test chambers and other areas of the facility.
"Uh, hey, new boss," came a quiet voice.
He jumped and turned. Striding awkwardly into the room was another android, this one resembling a woman. The androids of Aperture looked very much like humans, the exceptions being their obviously robotic optics and their pale, but not pure white, synthetic skin. She was formally dressed with a grey dress jacket with a white shirt and black slacks. Her black hair was shoulder-length and brushed behind her ears, but her bangs completely obstructed her eyes. She held a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other.
"Um, and you are?" Wheatley asked. He himself resembled a scrawny man with messy blond hair and bright blue eyes. During the core transfer, he was somehow changed into a white lab coat with the Aperture logo on the left-hand side that was buttoned down to his waist. Beneath the coat, he wore a black shirt tucked into black slacks that were in turn tucked into his boots.
"Oh, I'm your assistant," she replied with a small smile, "I'm Jenifer."
"Huh, I didn't know I got an assistant," he commented, "I thought she controlled everything from here…"
"From here, you can monitor the facility's status, use the cameras, build test chambers, that sort of thing," Jenifer explained, "But you need me if you want something brought to you or if you need something done manually outside the chamber." She gestured to the white, serpent-like machine attached to his neck and upper back which was suspended above him by massive cables connected to the ceiling, preventing him from leaving the chamber.
"Okay," he said, taking a look up at the machine himself, "So, about the other androids…" he was interrupted by two male androids entering the chamber.
One of them had long, bushy, reddish hair that was tied back in a ponytail. His lab coat was also red with a white cross on the front like those seen on first-aid kits while his gloves, pants, and shoes were all black. His optics were a dull orange.
The other one was shorter and resembled a teenager with curly brown hair and grey-green optics. He wore a green vest with the skull-and-crossbones symbol on it over a white dress shirt and blue jeans. He was trembling and leaning up against the taller guy.
"Hello!" Wheatley greeted in his usual fashion.
"I had received a signal that something was wrong with the Central AI," the bot in the red coat said in a smooth voice, "But it seems we have new blood. What happened to GLaDOS?"
"She, uh, well, had some technical difficulties," Wheatley stammered, "and had to be replaced, with, um, with me."
"I didn't know the humans had built a replacement android," the red bot said as he analyzed Wheatley from head to toe, "Especially since they had so much, shall we say, trouble with her…"
"He-hey new guy," the bot in the green vest said, "You-you can help my poor baby, can't you?"
"Your what?" Wheatley asked before examining the littler android closer, "Wait, do I know you?"
"The neurotoxin generator," the red bot clarified in a bored tone, "It was destroyed and he's getting a little overly dramatic about it. He's obsessed with that toxic gas, you know."
"Oh, right, he's the Neurotoxin Central Control Circuit, the N-triple-C," Wheatley muttered to himself. He had met him when he tried to hack into the neurotoxin generator.
"Overly dramatic?!" the NCCC cried, "We must call the engineers! Call the nanobots! Call the infantry! Hey!" he suddenly turned and grabbed the red bot's coat, "You're a doctor! Surely you can help my baby!"
"I can't fix an imploded generator!" the red bot said angrily, slapping the boy's hands away, "I can fix humans, but not generators!"
"Wait, you're a doctor? What's the point of having a doctor in this place?" Wheatley asked, "Didn't GLaDOS just let the test subjects die?"
"The humans built him so he could heal the scientists if they got hurt," Jenifer explained, "But-"
"But my unique perspective on medicine caused my patients some, shall we say, distress," the rod bot interrupted, "So they put me in the Biology Department so I could help with experimental surgeries, but I didn't quite see eye-to-optic with the scientists there either. So now I'm a simple repair bot, here to fix any damage to androids like you," he concluded with a grand bow.
"I… wouldn't put too much trust in him," Jenifer warned shyly, "He tends to-"
"Say, new blood," the repair bot interrupted. He broke away from the green bot, put his arm around Wheatley's shoulder and led him away from the others, saying "You know, we androids were designed to be only as strong as a human, and probably a little less, so we could be easily overpowered if we went rogue. That didn't save the scientists from NCCC's precious neurotoxin, but now that you're in charge, what do you say to a little upgrade? It might be just for show, but still-"
"N-no, you really shouldn't trust him-" Jenifer tried again, gaining a little more courage.
"Now, that's just rude!" the repair scolded her, making her take a step back.
"All alone on the facility floor," the NCCC moaned, sitting on the floor with his knees tucked up to his chest, "With no neurotoxin…"
"Alright, mates," Wheatley said, pushing the repair bot away and backing up, "How about you two just leave my chamber and, uh, find some way to calm him down." He gestured to NCCC.
"Fine," the repair bot said, disappointed, "I'll let him sit in my infirmary, or what remains of it, for a bit until he's settled."
He grabbed the NCCC's arm and dragged him up off the floor.
"Doctor, just… remember that you're not allowed to touch an android with a tool unless authorized by the Central AI," Jenifer called after him, "Right, boss?"
"Uh, right!" Wheatley affirmed, "Of course! No tools until I say so!"
"…Yes, of course…" the repair bot, or rather, Doctor, replied grudgingly.
Meanwhile
"Would you please get it off me?" GLaDOS asked, almost pleading now as the crow pecked her ear again, making her flinch as sparks flew.
"But it looks soo adorable sitting on your shoulder like that," Chell teased, "Besides, I think it likes you."
"I don't think it would be attempting to break into my head if it did!" she snapped, trying again to swat it away. It fluttered out of her reach and landed on her shoulder again. "Just make it go away!"
"Fine. Shoo, bird." Chell shot her portal gun at it.
The crow gave a startled caw and fluttered off, frightened by the noise and the sparks. The little android heaved a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall behind her.
The facility suddenly rumbled.
"Did you feel that?" GLaDOS asked suddenly sitting back up with her yellow optics wide, "That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to blow up in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him…"
Meanwhile
"Was that an explosion?" Wheatley asked, frantically looking at the monitors for some sort of status update. The one warning him about the overheating nuclear reactor core, however, was behind him.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Jenifer asked nervously, "Not that I'm questioning you, but…"
"Yes, of course I do!" Wheatley snapped defensively.
Meanwhile
"…You're going to need me to replace him," GLaDOS went on, "We're at an impasse. So, what do you say? You take me up to him, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go."
A moment of silence passed with Chell examining the AI closely.
"What are you staring at?" she asked impatiently.
"You're just… so short now," Chell pointed out, putting her hand on the android's head.
Previous to the core transfer, GLaDOS was about a foot taller than Chell, and had subconsciously used that to show off her superiority. Now that she had been forced into an android body that resembled a child by that moron, she barely came up to the human's waist. Her lab coat had been replaced by a rough brown dress that the moron claimed resembled a potato sack, and her light blond hair had been cut short.
GLaDOS, with a frustrated sigh, hopped off the table she had been sitting on and calmly walked around Chell. Before the human could turn around, she jumped up, grabbed her by the ponytail and forced her to bend over backwards.
"My height should be the least of your concerns," she hissed in the human's ear, "If you don't get moving now, we and everything else in this facility are going to die in an atomic fireball. Is that clear?"
"Crystal," Chell replied, though she was still grinning mischievously.
Meanwhile
"There, fixed," Wheatley said as he shut off yet another alarm about the reactor core.
"But there are still explosions going on all over the facility!" Jenifer yelped in alarm.
"It was just one explosion!" he countered, "I'm sure it was just a little blip in the system."
"New boss," Jenifer said, suddenly sounding a little assertive, "Blips don't usually cause explosions, and the Head of Security just reported that there have been a total of six explosions so far."
"Who?" Wheatley asked.
"The robot in charge of the surveillance systems," Jenifer explained, looking exasperated, "She sees everything, even what the cameras can't. If you were built for this position, one would think you would know about her!"
"I, er, but... But no one's entered the room!" Wheatley protested.
"Hello!" came a voice.
Wheatley jumped, and noticed an android resembling a teenage girl with light brown eyes and brown shoulder-length hair standing just behind him and smiling up at him. She had what looked like a high-tech monocle built into her face over her left optic with three red lenses stacked on top of each other, each smaller than the one behind it. She hit a button on its side and it popped up to reveal her true optic underneath. It was connected by a wire to an ear piece that also had a small mic. She wore a blue security uniform consisting of a navy blue jacket with a gold, shield-shaped badge pinned to it over a white undershirt, navy blue slacks held up by a black tool belt with several gadgets holstered to it, and a black military-style hat.
"How long have you been here?" he demanded, putting his hand over his chest as if he nearly had a heart attack.
"Don't feel bad; only about twenty minutes, 32 seconds," she replied with a mischievous grin, "Most people don't notice me within the first hour, and I don't usually stick around that long."
"Okay, but why was the Head of Security robot built to look like a little girl?" Wheatley asked.
"It makes it easier to watch someone without being seen or cared about," she replied, "You did see that the nuclear reactor core was overheating, right?"
"Of course I did," Wheatley lied, "I'm… fixing that right now."
"Great, so we're not going to die in a nuclear explosion!" the little android said happily.
"'Course not," he said as she skipped out of the chamber, "So, how do I stop this place from blowing up?" he asked Jenifer.
"Weren't you programmed with this information or at least briefed about it when you took the job?" she asked. If her optics were visible, they would have been wide with alarm, "You are the Central AI, after all. It's got to be somewhere in your database; it comes with the position."
"Um, well…" he mumbled.
Meanwhile
"Heyyy… GLaDOS?" Chell asked, glancing behind them.
"What is it now?" she asked exasperatedly.
"We're being followed."
The android tensed for a second, and said, "Is it the bird again?"
"No… They look like they might be the 'mantis men' that guy mentioned earlier," Chell replied, "Do you know what we're supposed to do about them?"
"I have a suggestion," GLaDOS offered.
"What?"
"We run. Very fast."
The two began sprinting.
A few moments later, they dashed into a room, only to find it was a dead end.
"Now we're trapped here. Well done," GLaDOS said sarcastically as they held the door shut, bracing their backs against it.
"What? I was following you!" Chell countered as the door shook behind them.
"That doesn't matter," she growled, "Look, you're the murderous lunatic; you deal with them."
"Why should I?"
"Because me going out there would be pointless and suicidal whereas you're the one whose death may not guarantee that this facility will blow up. If I die, this place is doomed."
"Fine, fine," Chell said. She let the door open a crack, and a large prey mantis claw thrusted its way through the crack. She slammed the door shut again, closing it on one of the insectoid arm's joints, and with a scream, the mutated arm was severed. "Perfect," she muttered. She handed her portal gun to GLaDOS, picked up the claw, and walked out the door.
She shut it behind her, and all GLaDOS could hear coming from the outside were the screams and screeches of the mantis men. After a few minutes, all went silent. She slowly cracked the door open. Chell stood there amidst the dead bodies, covered with blood and green goop. She gave the android a shy smile.
"That was… Impressive," GLaDOS ventured, "I… knew you were murderous, but I think you've just outdone yourself."
"Uh… thanks?" Chell replied, looking away awkwardly.
Meanwhile
"Look, if we don't have any viable test subjects, then we'll just have to make some," Wheatley demanded. He was beginning to feel the effects of the testing 'itch' as he started to call it. "Why don't we use the turrets, for example?"
"They're not exactly programmed to be able to move around much or think; they either stand still or follow a specified patrol route," Jenifer explained, "They're not advanced AIs like us."
"I'm not even going to ask why we have androids with arms and legs that cannot walk on their own," he muttered crossly, "Then we'll take some of them and make them able to move around by themselves. Maybe the Doctor can upgrade them."
"I most certainly can!" Doctor exclaimed, suddenly rushing into the room.
"Doctor," Jenifer asked, surprised, "Why were you eavesdropping?"
"Oh, I wasn't eavesdropping," he replied calmly. He gave Wheatley a small bow. "You know all of us are at your beck and call, boss."
"Yeah. Uh-huh," Jenifer murmured. Doctor shot her a glare and she backed away.
"What shall I do for the upgraded turrets?" he asked excitedly, "Bigger guns? Super strength? Laser vision?"
"Well, I really just need them to walk onto buttons," Wheatley replied sheepishly.
"Well, maybe if I throw cubes on their backs," Doctor muttered to himself, "That would help them recognize the buttons… But, they'll move like turtles…"
Not waiting for further instructions, Doctor walked straight out of the chamber and headed for the Turret Production Line.
As he worked on that, Wheatley decided to try his hand at test chamber building.
Several agonizing hours later, Wheatley proudly admired his work.
"Oi, Jenifer," he called, "Come see this test chamber that I made myself!"
Jenifer walked over to the computer monitor and eyed the screen. "It's a bit… simple, don't you think?" she asked tentatively.
"Of course not!" he replied crossly, "I mean, look, it's got a couple buttons, a deadly mote area – at least, it will be deadly. Eventually." Unfortunately, he felt this test chamber would simply be too difficult for the 'improved turrets' Doctor had made, so he set up a much simpler test chamber – one with a single button in the middle. He filled it with the new turrets and waited for results.
Twelve Hours Later
"They're… kind of… well… 'adorable' might not be exactly right," Chell reasoned to herself, cocking her head.
"They're an abomination," GLaDOS replied, "I don't know where you came up with 'adorable'."
"Well, they're still small and child-like," she protested.
The AI rolled her optics and resumed glaring at the unfortunate creatures the moron had left roaming about the room. They were turrets, no doubt, or at least they used to be. Like all turrets, they were childlike in size and appearance, had snowy white synthetic skin, and white hair cut sharply at chin-length. They had no discernable gender, but leaned more toward the feminine side. Unlike the real turrets, these had cubes sprouting from their backs, and they hobbled aimlessly in whatever direction they happened to be facing if they weren't lying on their backs or banging their heads against a wall. Instead of the turret's characteristic smiles, these had their red optics wide open and they're mouths drooped with a permanent look of terror. They wore dull grey clothing rather than white armor plating as well.
"Let's just get one of these things onto the button so we can get that moron to come back," GLaDOS said, "Then I'll get him with a paradox."
"I don't think that'll work," Chell said simply.
"Do you have a better idea?" GLaDOS demanded.
"Brute force."
"Unless you can 'brute force' your way through every metal wall in this facility until we finally tunnel our way to him, that's not going to work either," the AI pointed out, "Just solve the puzzle."
"Fine." Chell grabbed one of the 'frankenturrets' by the arm and dragged it onto the button, where it curled into a ball and looked like it wanted to die.
"Ha! I knew you could do it!" Wheatley exclaimed, appearing on the TV monitor on the wall.
"Hey! Moron!" GLaDOS called.
"Oh. Hello."
"Alright. Paradox time," she muttered, bracing herself, "THIS. SENTENCE. IS. FALSE – don'tthinkaboutitdon'tthinkaboutit…"
Each of the frankenturrets, including the one on the button, froze and emitted a burst of static. Smoke spewed from their mouths and their optics darkened, frozen open in a look of even greater terror than before.
Wheatley, on the other hand, merely said, "Um, true. I'll go true. Huh, that was easy. I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before though, sort of cheating."
"It's a paradox!" GLaDOS yelled, looking adorably frustrated, "There is no answer! Look! This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!"
"Oh, c'mon," he replied with a mischievous grin, "You look so cute as a little kid!"
"He has a point," Chell agreed, ruffling her hair.
"Who's side are you on?" she demanded, furiously smacking her hand away, "Besides, that's not the point! The point is that this place is about to explode!"
"Uhh, false, I'll go false," he decided, casually pressing down on the keyboard underneath the monitor he was observing them from and pressing many buttons whose functions he was unaware of. Another explosion rocked the facility.
"Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately," ordered the announcer.
"New boss!" Jenifer called from the background as an alarm began to sound, "The core's seriously overheating!"
"Hold on, I thought I fixed that!" he yelled back. He stepped away from the monitor and shut the alarm off again.
"Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature…" the announcer's voice fizzled out.
"There. Fixed," he declared as he returned to the monitor. Jenifer face palmed. "Hey, it is great seeing you guys again, seriously," he continued calmly, "It turns out I'm a little bit short on test subjects right now, so this works out perfect!" A door opened, leading out onto a catwalk. "Annnd off we go!"
He was definitely looking forward to impressing them with his test chamber.
A/N: So, the gimmick with this fanfiction is that all of the AIs are androids, even the ones that are only implied to exist. I noticed that GLaDOS and Wheatley talked about the Neurotoxin Central Control Circuit, the door mainframe, and the Reassembly Machine as though they were sentient, which made me wonder if all computer systems in Aperture were AIs. Note that this isn't a Portal 2 rewrite; this starts at the end of Portal 2 as an introduction. The vast majority of the fanfic is going to occur after Portal 2.
To clear up any confusion, the serpent-like machine Wheatley is attached to is like a smaller version of GLaDOS' chassis with the android connected to where her head would be.