Summary: Katniss Everdeen lives in her own world that no-one understands. The shunned "idiot girl" yearns to be accepted but her loyalty and forgiveness may make her weak. Peeta Mellark is horrified by the secrets his younger step-brother has which unites the two. Tormented he fulfills the role he never thought he could and together, the mute girl and the explorer, discover the truth between where and who her love and loyalty lies.
TW: Mentions of rape.
Peeta's pov
The flame whips side to side burning my wrist each time the heat sips through a gap in the broken glass of the lantern, yet the pain doesn't deter me as I storm through the valley towards the stable. The smell doesn't bother me either as I've grown used to the pungent odour of manure, dead grass and hay all mixed together. The only thing that does is not being able to go about my normal routine where I visit the horses to feed them sugar cubes or simply sit in a corner of a stall with them in peace. My heavy breathing is one of the few ways I show I'm angry and even though I can feel my chest expanding with each inhale, I hear no sound. Silence. The flame seems to burn brighter surrounded by hay and wood that it could thrive off of within moments and the light creates shadows on the walls that cower in fear each time I pass another stall. I grind my teeth to keep myself from shouting and the slight discomfort is overshadowed by the soft scraping sound as they rub against one another. My foot connects with a wooden door with a resounding thud as it flies open, clearing the path for me to see my half-brother lay sprawled on the dusty ground with only his upper back and arms on the hay as if he tried to collapse backwards onto it and missed by a few steps. His head lolls against his shoulder in a common position he ends up in after having indulging in too much alcohol.
I force myself to swallow, almost choking on the curses I hold back. "Wake up brother" I say, my voice diplophonic. "You've done something we've got to talk about".
Gale groans, his head rolling to the other side as he tightens his grasp on a bottle of dark amber liquid. "Come back another night" he grumbles. I glare. It's barely even seven in the evening - far too early for any twenty-year old to be in such a state without a reason.
"I said up Hawthorne". I step further into the small area and put the lantern on the floor, careful to keep it away from any dry hay or wood. The room darkens a shade. "Words are being exchanged around town, accusing you of carrying out some unwarranted roughhousing".
Gale groaned again, waving me off with his free hand. "Talk to me tomorrow".
I grind my teeth again and stoop down, my fingers digging into my thighs to stop me from attacking him. "The Odair lad sought me out today. His Goddaughter's been a victim of a depraved attack from a degenerate. You're pal Marvel claims its you".
He slides his hand down his face and twits his body as though stretching. Of course that would get his attention. My fingers shake with tension. Lies. It could be all lies. I doubt he's even spoken to the girl. Marvel must have seen someone similar in the dark and panicked. Mr Odair can be quite intense when he wants answers. No true son of our fathers would ever force their attentions of a female, especially one as feeble as Katniss Everdeen. It's nonsense - truly. No doubt our wealth's and his looks alone attract attention.
He blinks, clearly unfocused. It if were true he'd have admitted fault right away. That's how we were raised. "Marvel said what?" he sneers. My breathing slows slightly. He doesn't know. He struggles to sit up, using his arms to support himself. "Oh I'm gonna whip that frigging shyster!". My nails pierce through my trousers, stabbing into my flesh. Gracious. Oh, flipping hell. No. No. No. Not him. Anyone but him.
There was no remorse in his voice. Nothing to suggest it was just a break of character.
My nose twitches at the rising burning sensation. "Tell me you didn't do it. For the love of" my voice shakes and I force a breath in, my lips trembling.
"What? Yeah, no I, I didn't do it. Remind me about this tomorrow". His arms give out and he collapses back again.
"Not a damn chance" I growl. "The child's impure and probably terrified. She's not just a commodity to be used and forgotten, you dumb fu-".
"Oh Marvel's just exaggerating Peet. I just had a few too many sips and things happened. It's not unusual anymore".
"So... So you're saying that makes it okay?". I glance over at the lantern, wondering if I should just tip it over and set the place alight. Does anything matter anymore? I huff out a hollow laugh. "The girl's been violated. Come on man! It can't just be about saving us anymore. There's other people I - that you need to care about!" I say, desperation in my voice.
"Well it's not like she'll remember" he grumbles. "They all knew she just wanted a little fun. I was just helping her out".
"What?" I hiss.
"Well look at how she dresses and acts! Nothing conceals anything. She's always unchaperoned. I mean, she's a fool half the time... and ain't they the best" he chuckles to himself. I look over my shoulder. How many times would I be able to beat him with a horsewhip before someone finds us in the morning?
"Oh come on" Gale continues noticing my harsh expression. "You're too nice Peet. The girl's as stupid as she is insane. She didn't say anything was wrong with it".
"Because she can't speak" I growl. He was always a deviant, even as a child - he should've grown out of it - but that was the only good thing about it. It was all for nothing. For fun. Never any serious harm. I guess there's always irony if you look for it. The next breath seems to scrape down my throat. If I'd know sooner, I could've saved the girl the pain. A man's still a boy. The mind's the mind. Nothing really changes.
People in twelve always claimed that despite our situation, we were alike. Friends like our fathers once were. Now I only want to note all the differences. My father taught me to be loving. Even a traitorous employee who tainted his food on my eight birthday couldn't make him forget that. Gale's taught him how to be the predator, and mother - well she taught us to never waste a chance. He clearly took that to heart.
Rape. Who'd have ever thought I'd be connected to that ugly word through my half-brother? Is that why we haven't even called it by what it is? I suppose there was the hope that not saying the word didn't make it seem as bad - but nothing can hide the truth.
"How could you do it? To anyone? To her? You know she didn't stand a chance!" I state standing up to pace back and forth.
"Well she's not a little girl, nor is she helpless". I pause when he tilts his head up, almost unknowingly showing a faint scratch down the side of his neck. Good. If only, she'd dug her nails in deeper.
"And you didn't force her? It's one or the other Hawthorne! People don't attack someone for no reason - you clearly provoked the child".
Sniffling, Gale shoves himself up into a sitting position, adjusts his white shirt - stained with some red dirt from outside - and rests his elbows on his knees as though this is a typical chat before we have a nightcap. I almost hurl myself at him but I don't. I just feel so... defeated. Is this the man I brought up when all three parents were gone? Have I really failed that badly? I pause, my blood curdling.
Does she blame me?
"Well I have to say". I kick at some of the hay. "I'm glad you're father's dead so he can't seem what a vile monster he made".
"Oh listen to yourself. The girl's a moron, she'll get over". We crash against the wall, my arm pinning his throat as he attempts to scratch and hit me. Despite his size, the alcohol has lessened his physical abilities and he hisses as I press deeper into his flesh. My legs almost give out each time he tries to attack. It's like re-enacting the poor girl struggling.
"I could kill you right now" I say trying not to break down, my voice stays quiet as I try not to sob. "And I wouldn't even be ashamed".
"Guess that makes us alike then". I knee him in the stomach, without taking my eyes off of his, as his body curls over itself and then shove him off me. A thud sounds as he hits the wood. The image of Katniss flashes through my mind. I've only seen her from a distance but it was clear that she's frail and helpless - barely a hundred pounds. Just a young girl who visited forests and liked to be alone. I doubt she ever knows the cruelty of what really happened to her. How must her Godparents be thinking? Will they tell her mother?
"I'm done protecting you. I'm done bribing for you're release. If you're hung for this. I'll be waiting for you in the front row". I take two steps back, only just noticing the smash bottle on the floor. "Get out. Go back to the house. Take what you need, then go before I chase you down with the horsewhip".
"Out?" Gale says, flattening his hair. "Where? Peet that's absurd. We live together. We're brothers".
"Barely. And if my father had never died there's no chance you'd even exist". Gale furrows his eyebrows, suddenly sober.
"You don't mean that. Give me another chance man, I'm sorry alright?".
"Out!" I state simply. So frail. So delicate. So hurt.
"For goodness sake, take away my allowance for a bit. Bar me from the brothels. Put me on house arrest. You're supposed to be the rational one! Just don't keep me out".
"Its a shame I don't care anymore".
"Look I'll marry the brat if that makes it better".
My hands clench into fists. "Don't call her that" I growl. "She may be retarded but she sure ain't never going to be as desperate as you". I spin around and leave.
"Where you going?" he calls after me.
"To the Odairs. To try and make amends". I rub a hand across my mouth as I storm out the same way I entered.
I may not be similar to Hawthorne, but at least I have something in common with the girl. After all, we're both fools to have ever trusted him, and in all honesty, maybe that's why I'm seeking her out.
Authors note ~ Hi! (Loosely based off of the book - Annie's song) I don't own the characters. Rights go to the right people. So this is a bit darker than I usually do and originally, like the book I was going to have a prologue featuring the attack but in all honesty, I didn't feel comfortable writing about it. So hopefully, this is better and whenever its mentioned I'll add it at the start of the chapter.
Hope you guys liked this or we're intrigued at least! Please review and tell me what you think! I love hearing your feedback! Thanks for reading. :)