House: Gryffindor
Position: HoH
Category: Drabble
Prompt: Cherry Cheesecake
Word Count (excluding header and author's note): 499
Beta: Tigger
AN: Canonically, Snape disliked Umbridge when they were students at Hogwarts. Willy Wonka being part of the HP universe is a fan theory that I've adopted as my own. Just go with the altered timeline.
In the books, the Inquisitorial Squad was formed after Dumbledore's departure. However, in the film, it's formed shortly after Educational Decree Twenty-Three in September. I'm using the film time frame for this story.
"You know that I can't accept bribes from other professors to give them better scores when I report back to Minister Fudge on the state of Hogwarts."
Despite her statements of integrity and virtue, Severus had seen the way her beady, little eyes had widened as she took in the appearance of his "gift"—a cherry cheesecake. He was pleased to see her nostrils flare as the intoxicating scent invaded her senses.
"I would never assume so lowly of you, Dolores," he promised. "I was given this by a former student, but alas, I am allergic to cherries. But I recall from our time as students that you had a soft spot for cheesecake. I thought you might enjoy it."
She gave him a sickeningly sweet smile. "You remember correctly." She summoned a stack of fine china embossed with kittens. "I have a meeting with my new Inquisitorial Squad. I'm certain they will appreciate a treat."
"NO!" When she gave him a questioning look he explained, "Do you really think students deserve a treat such as this? Just give them a tin of biscuits and save the cheesecake for yourself."
"You're right, of course. I'll call a House-Elf for something from the kitchens. Thank you, Severus."
"The pleasure is all mine, Dolores." He gave her a curt nod and swept from her office. He didn't return to his own quarters, though. Instead, he tucked himself around the corner so he could watch her door and listen.
Nary a minute later, he observed Draco Malfoy lead the Inquisitorial Squad into Umbridge's office. He utilized an Extendable Ear that he had pilfered from the Weasley twins at an Order meeting over the summer.
"What the hell happened to you?!" Draco exclaimed.
Umbridge tutted. "I beg your pardon, Mr. Malfoy?"
"You're bright red! And you're inflating, by Merlin!" cried Pansy Parkinson. "What do we do Draco?"
"I suppose we've got to get her to the hospital wing. Can you walk?" Draco asked the Hogwarts High Inquisitor. She must have shaken her head, unable to respond verbally. "Well, we've got to get her there. We'll just roll her."
Severus peered around the corner. Draco gave orders for Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle to push the bloated witch through the doorway. Dolores Umbridge was now perfectly rotund—her fuzzy pink cardigan straining to contain her bulbous cerise form.
Severus knew that Poppy Pomfrey would be waiting in the infirmary with the antidote potion he had given her earlier. As much as he despised the toad, even he wouldn't have given Umbridge a potion without providing an antidote.
He made a mental note to send a thank-you owl to his former student. Years before, William Wonka had developed a potion that could be incorporated into baked goods. Its side effect was that the consumer was inflated with fruit juice. Fortunately, there was now an antidote and Dolores wouldn't have to be juiced like Wonka's unwitting tester. Too bad.
Severus smirked as he walked to his office.