Pieck was usually exactly right. She was exactly right so often that Zeke feared she had an addiction. When he tried to stage an intervention, she told him: "I can quite whenever I want!" And then she went a whole week without being exactly right even once, just to prove she could.
Whenever Pieck was exactly right, Zeke had a habit of saying: "that's exactly right!" Unlike Pieck, he could not quit whenever he wanted – he had a bona-fide verbal tic. Even when Pieck was not exactly right, he still blurted out: "that's exactly right!" And there were times when Pieck was not exactly right, although they were very, very rare. She was a fast learner, however, so she never made the same mistake twice.
Except for one. There was one thing about which Pieck was consistently exactly wrong.
"Zaykay, can you pass the salt?"
"Zaykay, can you buy me some cornbread?"
"Zaykay, can you [censored] my [censored]?"
"I can quiet whenever I want, Zaykay!"
She simply refused to pronounce his name right. It drove him crazy. And not in the way it drove him crazy when she [censored] his [censored] – it drove him crazy in a bad way.
Once he tried calling her "Pai-eck" all day long, to show her how annoying it was, but she didn't even seem to notice! After that he gave up.
One day Porco started doing it as well! "Hey Zaykay, what time is it?" She had started a veritable cult – a "cult of Zaykay"! After that it only spread – soon everyone in Marley was calling him Zaykay. It even caused his hair to turn white!
"I think that's just your titan AIDS," said Pieck.
"No, it's definitely because everyone is mispronouncing my damn name! And it's your fault, you bitch – you started it!"
Zaykay – uh, I mean, Zeke – was so stressed out that he decided to take a nice relaxing vacation somewhere far away from Marley. He booked a room in a five-star hotel with a nice view of the ocean.
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Before he checked into his hotel, Zeke decided to buy some ice cream.
"Hey," said the man at the ice cream stand. "Are you – are you Zaykay Yeager?"
"No," said Zeke, annoyed, "I'm Zeke Yeager."
"Oh," said the man. "Are you certain?"
"Yes I'm certain!" snapped Zeke. "I should hope I know how to pronounce my own goddamn name!"
His ice cream was bitter.
Zeke decided he'd better check into the hotel before it got dark. He went up to the receptionist.
"Hey!" said the receptionist. "Are you… Zaykay Yeager, legendary owner of the Bayast Titan?"
"No!" shouted Zaykay – I mean Zeke, drawing stares from the other people in the lobby. "It's pronounced Zeke! Zeke, goddammit! It's not that fucking hard!"
"Ha!" said the receptionist. "Nice try Zaykay, but she warned me of your tricks!"
"She? Who's 'she'?"
"Why, Pieck, of course! She told us all that you were a compulsive liar who tries to trick people into mispronouncing your name!"
"That's exactly right!" said Zeke. "As expected of Pieck! Uh, I mean, WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?!"
The receptionist shrugged. "That's what Pieck told us."
Zeke fell to his knees, shaking his fist at the sky. "PPPPPPPIIIIIEEEEEEECCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!"
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By the end of his "vacation", Zeke had gone bald. The first thing he did when he got home was find Pieck. There she was, on all fours as always, ready to be [censored] by his [censored].
"You bitch!" he cried. "You ruined my vacation!"
Pieck was silent for a long time. Then she started to cry.
"Huh?" said Zeke. "What's wrong?"
"Y-y-y-y-you started it, b-b-baka!" she said through tears.
"What are you talking about?" said Zeke.
"You d-d-didn't say my name right first."
"What? Lies!"
Pieck stopped crying and wiped her face with her sleeve. She sniffled. "My name," she said, "is actually pronounced 'John'. My parents were illiterate, so they spelled it 'Pieck'!"
Zeke was dumbfounded.
"I never told anyone," continued Pieck, "because I didn't want people to know that my parents were illiterate! But… if you could say my name right in private, when it's just the two of us… Zeke…"
"O-of course I can!" cried Zeke, embracing her. "I love you, John!"
"I love you, Zeke," said Pieck, as they [censored] their [censored]s [censored]ly. "That's exactly right," muttered Zeke as he used a [censored] to [censored] a [censored], "as expected of John..." he reached deep into her [censored] and pulled out a bright orange [censored], then used it to [censored] her [censored]. She [censored]. Then Porco showed up and put his [censored] in Pieck's [censored] while putting his other [censored] in Zeke's [censored]. Then they [censored] a [redacted].