So this is the first chapter of "Always Saving Me" It's gonna get really intense, and it'll probably bring tears to your eyes in the end of the story. It's not going to be many chapters.. but enough to make you want more! So here it is. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!
"You can't always be there saving me Kendall" I say as I was packing up my things.
There's no doubt me and my boyfriend did nothing but fight. He was gone a lot but that wasn't my fault. He's part of the band Big Time Rush. We met when I saw them in concert a few years back. But I'm sure we'll get to that story later.
"Sophia look at me" He grabbed my arm and turned me around tears filling his eyes "I have to look out for you, I have to save you. It's like a second nature to me. I care about you. You can't run away each time we have a problem" I shook my head pulling away saying nothing. He sat on the bed next to my bag and stared at it.
"I'm sick of feeling so alone all the time Kendall. Do you not understand that?" He stood up and cupped my face looking into my eyes. "I love you, me going away on tour can never change the way I feel about you. I can't stop you from leaving if you want to go. I just want you to know you'll take a piece of me when you walk out that door" He whispered inches from my lips. It always came down to this moment. He tells me he loves me I start crying blah blah.
He kissed me gently and I gave in. His kisses are what saves' me each day. I've been diagnosed with a serious depression disorder. I'm also bipolar. It's not my fault it just kind of happened. Nobody knows but my parents. Kendall doesn't even know. Every couple years it gets hard. At some point I break down. There's a me under the surface that nobody knows about. If you look at me you'll think I'm a happy 19 year old girl. But on the inside I'm screaming.
Kendall would do anything for me. Anything I'd ask him. He just cared that much. If I'm sick he's there making me soup and lying in bed watching movies with me. He's always there saving me from something bad. He's like my guardian angel, honestly. And from the first look into each other's eyes, we knew there would be something there.
He asked me my name and where I was sitting during the meet and greet I happened to be at. I was his worldwide girl, and then the next day I found myself texting him nonstop. Everything happened so fast. I honestly wouldn't know where to begin if I told to everything. But basically, after I was his worldwide girl he had me write down his number… I know, every rushers dream. And It happened to me.
But now I'm here, and I guess that's all that matters.
Later that night Kendall unpacked all of my stuff and put it back. He made me Mac and Cheese, and we laid on the couch watching monsters Inc. He held me tightly in his arms, cause I mean, he was scared… I know it scares him when we fight. I know it scares him when I want to leave. I just don't see why. I'm honestly nothing special yet we worships' the ground I walk on. Most girls would kill for that… I just don't see why I out of all people deserve it.
When he loosened his grip I got up and went to the bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror after I washed my face and stared. There was nothing pretty about me. I have light brown freckles. My hair is thin, it has absolutely no volume to it. I had dark blue eyes. My eyes were also really small. And I have a dimple that's higher than it should be on the right side of my face. I then stood in front of the body mirror. I'm not really skinny... I touched my sides and squeezed my what people call "love handles" then sighed. I'm not even close to being really skinny. I turned around and looked at my butt… nothing. I was honestly just ugly.
I pulled my shirt up and stared long and hard. I must've been standing there for a good hour. I walked over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the razor. It had been a year and a half since I've done this. I pulled my bracelets off tracing an old scar. My last scar. I locked the door so Kendall couldn't come in and save me like always... this was something I needed to do.
I pulled my shirt up again to and looked at my sides. I looked at the razor, then back at my sides. I took a deep breath in and slowly pulled the razor across my hip. When I saw the blood I felt a quick relief.
I then made a few more cuts underneath, then some on the other hip. When I was satisfied I then placed the razor to my wrist.. I was hesitant… I kept placing the razor to my skin ready to pull, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
What would Kendall say…? No, what would Kendall do? I can at least hide the ones on my hip. On my wrist, not so much. It's hot here, it'd be weird if I wore a long sleeve, and bracelets only hide so much.
I wrapped the razor up in a paper towel and flushed it. I cleaned up my mess and pulled my shirt down just in time. There was a knock.
"Sophia? Are you in there?" I breathed in and opened up the door "Yeah babe, I washed my face. Sorry I was in here so long." He smiled softly "It's alright, want to head to bed?" I nodded and he took my hand leading to the bedroom.
We laid down and he wrapped his arms around me. Well one arm the other was running through my hair as he looked into my eyes. "I can't imagine myself with anybody else, ever" he whispered. I kissed his nose and smiled "I know baby. I know…" He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.
I don't know why or how I got this man. But I knew for sure I didn't deserve him.