And when the daylight comes, I'll have to go
but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
'cause in the daylight, we'll be on our own
but tonight I need to hold you so close
Castle lifts his head to see the clock at the bedside table. He's got a few more hours before he needed to get up. He looks at the woman curled up beside him. Her naked body draped beside his, under the sheets. Her left hand is tucked out, the diamond engagement ring shimmering under the dim lights of the twilight.
He can't believe it. It's their last night together. It felt like yesterday when he first saw her walk in his book party all scary looking and ready to arrest him. Simple, yet it took his breath away. Even after years of working side by side. She had few relationships along (how can she not? gorgeous woman) and he just watched, jealous, but still a coward.
As they work together, they have developed a special kind of friendship, until he finds himself falling for the woman. At first, she seemed oblivious of his flirting. They shared a few jokes and laughs. Sometimes she even plays along with his innuendos.
Something happened though. Something really, really wrong in the eyes of the people, but, also something he would never ever regret. He kissed her. And what comes after kissing? Yeah, the inevitable, they slept together.
They both knew it was wrong. She's in a stable relationship, has been for quite a while. She met the guy while he was still at the Hamptons with Gina. But, there's this mutual 'thing' between the two of them and they both thought, 'what the hell?' They have both agreed that it was just a one-night-fling-thing but then, it happened again, and again.
He knew that she's in a relationship and had dealt with the fact that she won't be leaving her hotness of a boyfriend -who also turned out to be rich, tall, funny, and handsome, which could also be him except the part where he has never been in a stable relationship for a while.
It was a stake at the heart that he had to accept. No matter how he dreamed of having a future with her, it couldn't happen.
He stares at her as long as possible. He knew himself that he won't be able to see her like this again, peacefully asleep beside him in a hotel room.
He's tired but not sleepy. He never planned to sleep tonight. He can get all the sleep he wants the next day but not now. He wouldn't want to waste the remaining time he has to be able to look at her this way. She would think this is creepy but he doesn't care.
He listens to the rhythm of her breathing. Her wonderful scent fills the air. Her presence is making him comfortably warm. He wants to treasure this woman. If only, he would want this scene to be kept in a little shoe box so he can relive it over and over again.
Castle felt Beckett shift slowly and so he took the opportunity to turn her to face him. He wraps his arms tightly around her waist hugging her possessively, her head resting on his bare chest.
He places a gentle kiss on her head tucking a stray hair behind her ear. She looks perfect even in her sleep. If he gets the choice, he would never give her up. He will fight for her. No matter what that Josh says or do, he would fight for this woman in his arms just to have her when he wakes up every morning, make her a cup of coffee and then they would go to work together. There are just so much stuffs he wanted to do with her.
He took a deep breath. She's getting married…
Tomorrow… to another man, another man who is not him… who will never be him. Tomorrow, wait, it's later, in a few hours. Wow, that is so soon… too soon.
Not for long, he has to walk out that door and say his last goodbye. Not to her, because they'll have to be working together after she gets back from their honeymoon, but to those special moments where he gets to touch her, kiss her, hug her.
He really didn't want to get back to the precinct after she's married but she asked him, once, when they were on her bed. Josh was somewhere in Africa and they had met at her apartment after a tough case. It was when she told him of her engagement. It was also when she asked him not to leave. To stay as her partner. And it hurts him so much stay but he doesn't have the heart to deny her anything.
Beckett starts to stir as he pulls her closer to him, if that's even possible. He glances at the window behind her. The stars flicker as a small shade of red fill the horizon. It's almost time. He tries to smile when a single tear falls down his cheek as he reminded himself of the quote, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Oh, how he wished it will happen again.
He then felt a smooth thumb running across his cheek, wiping away his tear.
"Hey," she whispers softly.
"Oh, you're awake. I am sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." He says lowering his head.
"No, you didn't wake me up." She gives him a faint smile.
"I guess I have to leave. I'm pretty sure you'll have lots of stuffs to do, big day ahead." He tried to remove his arms and get off the bed but she gripped his arms.
"You are a great person. And I hope that after today, we'll continue to be friends. Good friends."
He nodded and kissed her forehead slowly before moving again to get up.
He looks around and scans the room for his bag. When he found it, he brought it to the bathroom to have a shower and change.
As the water flows down his body, so are his hopes and dreams. No turning back. He flicked the switch off and wore the clothes from his bag. When he got out, Beckett is already wearing a robe, sitting at the edge of the bed staring outside the window.
He picked up his discarded clothing on the floor from last night.
Beckett raised her head to look at him. In the dim lights he can see that extra shine in her eyes. She's been crying.
He placed his clothes inside his bag and sat next to her pulling her in a hug. Her silent tears started turning into sobs. He runs his hand up and down her back in an attempt of comfort.
He wanted to cry himself but he knew he can't. In these situations, someone has to be strong, and now, that someone is him.
"Hey, don't cry."
She shakes her head, "If I weren't so stupid, we wouldn't have to go through this. I have promised myself, the moment I saw you, not to fall. But, look what happened, I'm caught in your black hole and I cannot find my way out. I don't want to find my way out."
He swallowed the lump that has formed in his throat.
"Yes, you do. In a few hours, you're gonna get married to someone you love and loves you back." He says, his voice rough with all the emotions he's holding back.
She just shakes her head.
He pulls back from their hug and places both his hand on her arms giving them a comforting squeeze.
"And please, you are not stupid. If that's the case, then we both are. We're both in this together. And though at first we thought of it as a mistake, the moments I shared with you are the best ones I ever had in my life. The best ones I will ever have."
She nods slightly leaning against his chest. Listening to the sound of his heartbeat, "I can't believe I'm getting married. I can't believe it's not with you."
Castle feels his own tears welling up. He inhaled deeply trying to hold them back.
"I should go. The longer we are doing this, the harder it will take." He whispers as if he's afraid to hear it himself.
She nods again.
He looks at her in the eyes and draws his face closer to hers. He kissed her with so much love and passion that he's feeling, never wanting to let go.
"Just one last time." He says when they had to break apart. He had to blink so many times to stop his tears from streaming down his face.
Castle pulled her in for one last tight hug. He just never wanted to let her go forever even he had to.
Gathering up his every ounce of courage, he loosens his grip on her and stands up from the bed.
He took another deep breath and made his way to pick up his bag.
He ran a hand through his hair before grabbing a hold of the door knob.
He opens it before looking back at her.
She's fidgeting with the ring on her finger.
"Kate," he called out to gain her attention.
She looks at him, waiting as he tries to finish his sentence.
"I love you." He finally says.
"I love you more." She whispered, tears starting to race down her cheeks again.
With her words he got out of the door and shut it tightly behind him. It was all it took for him to lose his grip and his tears started flowing.
His heart ripped apart hearing those words from her. He wanted to get in there, take her with him and live in a far away land together. Josh though, he thought. The man is perfect for her, he cares about her, he will make her happy.
He gave out another sigh wiping away his tears as he walked down the hallway and inside the elevator.
Walking out into the sunrise.
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