It was funny how when I discovered I had them, they were annoying to me. All I really wanted was to see them gone. It would be quiet, and there would be no more disruptions in the depths of my mind. I just wanted to be me, myself and I. There should have been no Chester or Svetlana who would be triggered by certain actions or words.
Now, I'm back where I started. I'm alone, and I find that my mind is once again a solitude made up with my own opinion. It was what I desired all along, but why is it suddenly hurting me? I miss hearing all of their accents and their inputs to guide me through my life. I miss the complaining and the ideas we came up with.
It was like we were a family, and I had a mother, father, grandfather… But they are all gone as of right now. Why couldn't I see that when I was with them? They were a part of me, and I, a part of them. I once loved them, but now, it seems like I can only love myself.
I hate to admit it, but I miss them. I miss the way they completed me and they protected me. All of the memories from my past, all of the suffering I went through is now remembered. It awakes me from my dreams, and I'm not sure how to cope with the loss. I can only remember their faces before I hit the button. They sacrificed their lives, their hopes, and their dreams to serve a better cause: to make me happy.
Yes, I can speak Russian. Yes, I can sniff out a treasure. Yes, I can speak with a Jersey accent, but it is not the same. I miss them. I miss them all, and I can't shake that. Is it bad that sometimes, I burst out in tears when I'm given a pep talk or when I'm able to put on a hat without Manitoba interrupting my life? They may be personalities to other people, but they were family to me…