Hi everyone ! I'm a french writer of fanfiction who try today to write in english for the first time, so don't be mad at me for the lot of grammatical mistakes that you will find in this text.
I'm a big fan of the Chronicles of Narnia, and I've already written and translated many stories on this website, by another names. I love all the pairings, honestly. But I wanted to write on a rare pairing, and Edmund/Jill seemed perfect to me so.. I made a count. And there is only three stories on this pairing, and I've decided that is not acceptable (for me, at least). As I said, english isn't my first langage, I felt only the need to write in english, so there it is :) I hope you will like it, although it's very short.
And of course, I gladly welcome all constructive reviews ! All the rights belong to CS Lewis.
"I love the way you look at me, I feel the pain you place inside,
I'd like to teach you all the rules, You're not the one for me."
(Control, Puddle of Mudd)
For the first time that the two of you get to know each other properly, you never thought it would be in this way. During a moment, you're even thinking how much it's far from being appropriate.
Oh f***, why can't you just stop thinking for once in your life ?
So, fine. This is happening, the two of you are making it, for real, and it's hard. Not sweet or passionate. It's hard and electrifying, and that's even a little bit surprising. Not surprising of him, actually, you've already guessed what his gestures would be in a situation like this one, because you had imagined it so many times, but you are still amazed by your own, shameless behaviour.. Which doesn't sound like you at all.
And try to forget his age, for heaven sake !
Yes.. because, first of all, between you and him, there is a gap of eighteen years. That's only to mention. God damn it, he only looks like a nineteen years old, then why does this seems so bad to sleep with him anyway ?
You don't even remember how all of this started in the first place.
At least, now you finally had a chance to know him better.. Well.. Glad to meet you, by the way ! Because in fact, from the entire Pevencie clan, he's the one which you never talk to. After all, he never seems to look for your company. Or simply try to speak to you. Though it was not as if you had a lot in common. Sometimes, it's like there was nothing similar between you two, and it almost makes you believe that you don't lived in the same dimension; That's surely the reason why you've became so attracted by him, right ? He's dark and quiet, while you are bright and a tiny bit too chatty. Your higher sensitivity don't matches his lack of empathy and kindness. No, he was all coldness and self control. To be honest, he doesn't even seemed in a need of control ! Or to feel anything.
There is no chance for you to understand him. You know that for sure.
Well then, why hadn't you fallen in love with Peter, like all the other girls of your age, instead to fall for this one ?
Peter was handsome, kind, and he used to cover you with his affectionate, loving eyes. Perfect was certainly the word who suits him the most. And Aslan himself knew how much you loved him that way. But it wasn't what you needed, or even wanted; and you had understood what you're desperatly looking for (without having the knowledge) through his brother.
Someone with more.. flaws.
Until then, you had succeded in hiding your attraction. And until then, he had simply contented himself to ignore you. Until he notices something strange from the way you behave with him; and therefore, the way he'd used to look at you had changed. There was something else than the usual annoyance ruling in his eyes in front of your antics and sometimes (often) showing off and exuberant behaviour. Or the disdain and mockery when instead, your sick shyness takes over and was making you lose control. If your inconsistances had first left him indifferent, then had confused him, he'd eventually begun to find them funny.
And if there was something you noticed soon enough with him, it's that his conception of fun differed slightly from yours.
Maybe that all of this had begun at that time. Seriously disrupted by his unusual attitude, especially when it comes to you, you had felt what you had never felt for anyone. Not a simple, innocent crush like a teenage girl dreaming about her first time, but a real, overwhelming desire that only a mature woman would be longing to experiment.
So, now that your clothes harshly removed are almost everywhere scattered across the room, that your body is as naked and ardent as his, was this mature enough now ?
So responsive.. Hiding your emotions is not one of your best qualities. It appears to you now, that he actually seems to enjoy that little detail. All the things he's doing drive you crazy, and god, now you can't hide the fact that this is your first time. You see him smirk in the dark, because he saw it coming since the beginning. You feel yourself awkward for a moment, and it's not only due to the fact that from now on his head was between your suddenly, chaste legs. But because you know that a nice guy -like Peter for example- would have been understanding, while this brat was just making fun of you. But you love so much this smile especially, that you cannot stay upset for long.
And oh, by the lion's mane.. Where the hell did he'd learned to do all of this things ? Last month, he was avoiding you, and now he was doing things like grabbing your hair with his fist. Or playing with one of your breast, not able to decide which one he prefers.
And you're wondering if that's hate, or passion who's ruling him right now. Does he simply hates you for being attracted by a girl far too young for him, and more, an immature one ? He seems to loose this unbearable sens of control, unemotional side or whatever it was (how could you know for sure ?) at your touch. It's a delightfull thing to watch.. All you can see, hear and feel is that he's not able to contain himself anymore. After a long, painful moment where he becomes strangely concerned and almost careful, he manages to penetrate your little and tight body who bends back in delight, your head spilled on the pillow.
He go slow, first. But soon enough his own movements becomes harder and faster, his fingers sinking deeper into your hips, and you can't help but feel your legs shaking, trying to accomodate your rhythm with his. Trying to not show how inexperienced you are. But it really doesn't matter.. you already get lost in this wild, but true relation and you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by pleasure.
Your attitude is a mess, you are crying and screaming at the same time, because you realise of how much you love him.
He's not right for you ! You know better that this, Pole.
Not every girls in this world manage to reach their peak for their first time, but you do. For the first time in your life, you can admit that you know what it's like to feel alive. For now one, everything in this world is perfectly, so perfectly right.. Until the morning comes. And yet, when you wake up you're not surprised when you find out that you're alone in a messy bed. Just as messy as your hair. Because you know him too much this time. You've been expected it long before your eyes open, right before your burning marks awoke too as a reminder of the night.
No, there is no way to go back.
And with all your inner strength, you try to not feel too hurt about it, although you are not like him. But you fail. Sat on this empty bed, you kept the sheets against your chest and try to control yourself. Do not cry. Do not shake either. God knows you don't want to be one of this stupid girls who cry for that ! According the rumors you have been hearing, it's a very common thing they did after that. Leave after sex, there is no big deal, right ? So why are you already crying ?
Finally, you promise yourself to never criticize those stupid girls again, because you're one of them now, you know how it feels, and it's far from being pleasant. Oh god..
Now, you only wish you'd never met him at all.