Contest entry for the Light the Darkness Contest
Title: It's Always Darkest Before the Dawn
Pairing: Edward & Bella
Rating: M
Summary: As each hour passes, I remember everything that we have; everything we spent years loving, cherishing and fighting for. Everything hanging by a thin thread, ready to snap.
Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
Word Count: 4668
9:30 pm
"Hey, honey. I just got out of work, I should be home in a bit." His voice sounded tired.
"And you're not going back to the hospital for-"
"Five days, baby," he interrupted. "Five whole days of just us." I could hear the smile in his voice.
"I'll get dinner warmed up for you. Drive safely. Love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
I ended the call.
Never did it cross my mind that Edward wouldn't make it home for dinner that night.
10:15 pm
"Where is he?! What happened? Dammit! Say something, Carlisle!" I ran into the emergency room screaming as my father-in-law just held me, trying to calm me down.
"It doesn't look good, Bella," he whispered.
Midnight
There was a collision.
The doctor and officers had told me the specifics, and though I was hearing their words, nothing was making sense. Head-on collision. Made it through surgery. Critical 48 hours. Fractures. Touch and go. My brain had shut down and the sounds of my heartbeat, the blood pulsing around my body faster than it should, were drowning everything out. I could only focus my husband in a hospital bed - gaunt, bruised, broken, attached to wires and machines, laying deathly still.
I collapsed into the chair by his bed, waiting for him to wake up and talk to me. I sat there for half an hour until it finally sunk in that he wouldn't be coming home to me. He lay lifeless.
The only hope I was holding on to was the intermittent beeping of the machine telling me he was alive.
I raise my eyes toward the ceiling and catch sight of the clock opposite me.
Midnight. We're supposed to be tucked in bed, just like that magical midnight we shared all those years ago.
"Oh, come on Bella. It's a beautiful night," he pleaded.
"Yes! A beautiful night, made for sleeping in our warm bed under my comforter like all the sane people on this street." I pushed my cold feet against his warm shin and looked up at him, pouting.
"Oh no, that face and your frozen feet won't work this time. Where's your sense of adventure? Stop being an old bore like everyone else who lives here, please. For me?" His eyes were shining with excitement. I would have to learn to refuse that twinkle one day.
"Fine. The things I do for you. I swear, Edward Cullen, you better start saving. I want a nice retirement home," I grumbled as I put on his jumper.
I walked out of the front door to see him gazing up at where the stars and moon peeked from behind a tree. It was a beautiful night, the bright stars dotted on the black, cloudless canvas of the night sky. Edward grabbed my hand, and pulled me to his side as we started walking.
"Do you remember the night we first met?" he asked.
"Of course I do. It was a crazy beach party, where everyone was half naked and drunk, and you tried to flirt with me and failed. It was adorable."
Edward laughed at my accurate recollection of the night. "See, I remember it very differently. It was a very romantic setting. There was a small fire burning, with the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life sitting by it. A bit like tonight - a gorgeous girl with a ridiculously handsome Prince Charming by her side underneath the stars." He leaned down and kissed my temple.
"How did you manage to make that ridiculous frat party sound romantic?"
"Because it was. I met the girl of my dreams, and for some bizarre reason she still loves me all these years later - for reasons other than just my sexual prowess and pancake making skills." He winked at me and I burst out laughing. We stopped walking as he grabbed both my hands in his, pulling me to face him. He kissed me gently once, twice, then placed his forehead against mine. His voice was a whisper. "Bella Swan, I love you. I have loved you every day with all my heart for five years, and I'm asking for at least fifty more." His voice was raspy, laced with emotion. He cleared his throat and continued, "I love you, even though you have ridiculously cold feet and refuse to wear socks in bed. I love you, even though you refuse to let me turn the basement into a man cave. I love your smile, your warm heart, your ability to love me and make me want to be a better man every day. I love you more than anything in the world. Will you marry me?" He kissed the backs of both of my hands and went down on one knee, holding out a beautiful ring that sparkled under the glow of the streetlights.
"Yes. Yes. Yes! Of course I will!"
That was the first chapter of my fairytale.
I just didn't think the story would end so soon.
3 am
Five hours had passed since Edward was brought in, and still there was no sign of him waking up.
This wasn't the first time I had desperately tried to get my husband to wake up at 3am, but it was definitely less happy than the others.
"Edward!" I shook his shoulders.
"Mmmm, go away. I don't have work tomorrow." He rolled further away from me and towards the edge of the bed, pulling the comforter around him.
"Edward, wake up!" I put my feet against his, causing him to quickly jerk his whole body backwards, falling off the bed in the process. "What the hell, Bella?! It's too early." He groaned from the floor.
"Yeah, tell that to your child fighting its way out of me!" I saw his messy head of hair pop up off the floor.
"It's time? Now?"
"No, I just thought it would be funny to shit on your sleep. Yes, it's time!"
6 am
A nurse came in to check on Edward, jotting down some notes on the clipboard at the end of his bed while I let out a huge yawn. It earned me a look of sympathy, and she patted my hand before she left the room.
It was now six in the morning. I'd been in this bed for two and half hours, and I was still trying to get comfortable. As I reached for the water on the bedside table, I heard Edward yawn - a yawn he didn't even try to stifle.
"You tired, babe?" I asked sarcastically, smiling. He didn't catch on.
"Yeah, it's been three hours," he said, looking at his phone.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Pass me your phone, let me just text our daughter and ask her to break through me a little quicker, okay?!" I glared at him.
He didn't dare yawn after that.
Please wake up, baby.
9 am
The morning brought with it the start of visiting hours. Edward's family slowly trickled in, bringing kisses, hugs and words that were supposed to be reassuring but felt empty.
"Bella, you should go home, take a shower and get something to eat. Alice said the girls have been asking for you."
The girls. Our two little girls, expecting to wake up to pancakes and their parents.
"I need someone to take them to the zoo today. We were planning on surprising them, but..." I let out a broken sigh. "Someone please take them out for the day. I can't," I whispered. I wasn't leaving here until I got some good news.
"Are you sure you're okay, Bella?" Edward's mom asked for the third time since she'd arrived, causing something inside me to snap.
"No, Esme, I'm not. I'm supposed to be spending the next five days with my husband and our two children. I took the week off so we could go out and finally enjoy some time together as family. And what am I doing? I'm sitting beside my husband, who may just be on his death bed, hoping he opens his damn eyes." A sob ripped through me. I had tried not to cry the whole night. Crying felt like an admittance something was wrong, like accepting that the Edward I knew and loved may never come back to me.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I just… I can't leave him. I feel so helpless and I-" Esme hushed my apologies and held me to her while I cried out twelve hours of frustration and anger. "He's a doctor, he saves people every damn day, and not one person here can do anything. It's not fair."
10 am
Edward's doctor was due to come and check on him sometime soon. We should have been eating breakfast and planning our day out with the girls.
We had plans. We always had plans. And we stuck to them.
Before our children were born, the Saturday mornings where Edward wasn't working were our time together. He would make pancakes and we'd sit on the couch making plans, stealing kisses and bites of food from each other. After we had kids our routine was pretty much the same, expect breakfast was eaten on the living room floor in a fortress of sheets.
"I think a classic name, like Emma or Amelia," he said, gently running his hand over my stomach.
"I like those. You do know that all these holidays we have planned will be put on hold indefinitely, right?" I asked, gesturing to my bump.
"What? No. We're taking them with us. We stick to the holiday plan. I swear I made sure it was part of our wedding contract or something." I laughed at his ridiculousness.
A few months before the wedding, our jobs and wedding planning took over our lives, and despite living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed, we only saw each other for a few moments before we crashed for the night. It was then that we agreed on a weekly date night and a vacation every year, even if we dressed up to have Chinese take-out sitting on the patio furniture, or renting a little cabin for a week.
"Well this year only has 4 months left. I can't fly for most of them, and they may also feature a baby breaking out of me."
"Fine, we give this year a miss, but that means before we have the Baby Cullen number two, we go all out on a huge holiday."
"Next one? Easy boy. Let's get this one out before you start booking flights."
We had a wall in our bedroom with Post-It notes of all the places we wanted to visit, and when we'd make it there. Over the years we would pencil in more things, move the dates around, but in the end, we promised each other that everything on that wall of dreams would become reality.
Italy
Ten Year Anniversary
Bella's Dad
Never (Joking, when he decides to finally retire)
Turkey
Edward's 35th birthday
(Get Bella to learn how to belly dance for me)
England (maybe Scotland as well)
Bella's 35th Birthday
(Get Edward in a kilt)
Disneyland
Fifth wedding anniversary
Again when our kids are older
New England – Albuquerque
Soon
(Edward, Breaking Bad has finished, get over it)
Australia
When we're old and can sleep the whole way there.
That day we added:
'Huge ass holiday
Before he impregnates me again' to our travel wall.
The doctor assigned to Edwards's case was a close friend. Ben's face wore the same expression as every other person that had walked into this room.
"Bella, I'm so sorry," he whispered as he walked toward me, pulling me into a hug. After reading the chart at the end of the bed, he came and sat next to me. "He's going to wake up, Bella. He has to." He squeezed my hand. "I'm not just saying that as his doctor, I'm saying it as his friend. He has so much to live for. When he left yesterday, I was ribbing him for practically skipping out of his last surgery because he was so excited to get home to his girls. He's going to wake up, and once you're done telling him off for scaring us, I'll tear a strip off him for spending his days off in the hospital." I let out a small laugh, trying to stay positive, but the intermittent beeping of the machine was sounding more and more like a death knell as the hours passed.
"We had plans. We were supposed to take the girls to the zoo and spend the whole day as a family. He wanted to break out his stupid new grill and invite everyone over. We-" my voice broke and I angrily wiped away the tears running down my face. "We were supposed to go to Disneyland now that the girls are older. He promised me we'd go to Europe and do more together. We had a fucking plan, and now he-" I sighed. "I just need him to wake up."
Midday
My stomach growled loudly, causing everyone in the room to turn and look at me.
"Bella please, just a coffee or a sandwich? You can't sit here and starve yourself," Carlisle began. "Walk with me to the café. We'll get food for everyone and be back in ten minutes." I slowly nodded, getting up to walk toward Edward. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. "It's been more than twelve hours, baby. Please, we're all waiting for you to wake up."
Edward and I had been together for four months when he told me he wanted to introduce me to his family. Mine consisted of just my dad, and Edward got to meet him unexpectedly when he came to surprise me on my birthday. My dad knocked on the door to my apartment, only to be greeted by Edward in his boxers. It's safe to say it took a while for my dad to like start liking Edward after that.
Afternoon lunch was a tradition in Edward's family. Edward, his two sisters and their husbands would all go to their parents' house for lunch at the weekend, and this time I was invited.
"So I'm meeting your whole family in one go? Over a huge lunch?" I asked him.
"Yes, and why do you look so scared? Do you not remember how I met your dad?"
"Yeah, but he's just one person," I whined.
"Who hates me."
"He doesn't hate you."
"He told me about a man he tasered and threw in jail within the first five minutes of meeting him."
"Ok, so my dad isn't a conversationalist and doesn't like you. But I'm going to meet all your family, I can't have six people hating me." I huffed.
"Your dad saw more of me than you ever did until our third date," he argued. His voice became softer. "Babe, why are you scared?"
"I want them to like me. And you know how I get when I see food. They'll know I'm only with you because of your pancake making."
He laughed at me and got out of bed. "It's only ten and neither of us have anything to do, wanna stay in bed all day?"
"Well, I may have forgotten to tell you, but brunch is today. In two hours, to be precise," he said, grabbing a towel and running into my shower.
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU, EDWARD CULLEN!" I threw off the comforter and started rifling through my cupboard to find a 'Please like me, I really want to keep your son forever' outfit.
Too short. Too long. Only for the bedroom. Too summery. Too needy. Too bright. Too ugly, why the hell do I even own this? From my goth phase. No. Hell no. Too dark.
Edward slowly walked out of the bathroom with a sheepish look on his freshly-shaven face. He walked up, wrapping his arms around me from behind. His hair was still wet and he smelt amazing.
"No, you can't use the 'I'm showered and smelling sexy' card to get yourself out of this, asshole," I said, trying to be angry, but enjoying the feeling of him running his nose along my cheek.
His voice was low. "If I'd told you last night, you would have spent it worrying and driving yourself insane, and that wouldn't have been very fun, would it?" he whispered, running his hand down my side, gently tickling and teasing my bare thigh, reminding me of all the fun we had last night. He spun me around, wrapping one hand around my back while the other gently stroked my cheek as he leaned down to kiss me. He slowly walked us toward my bed, pushing the mountain of clothes aside, pulling me on top of him, when I broke the kiss. "I have to get ready. And I'm still not happy with you."
I got up and went back to searching for something to wear. Edward suggested a red dress he plucked off the clothes mountain. "Here, just wear this. No one cares what you'll be wearing." I caught the tight red dress he threw at me. "Great choice, Edward." I glared at him, "Hi, Mrs Cullen, it's great that Edward is becoming a surgeon, because I obviously charge by the hour," I said, deadpan. "You're not helping with your suggestions, or your lack of clothes."
We finally managed to dress ourselves and make it to the brunch. I wasn't used to family occasions, seeing as it had always been me and my dad. Him watching sports, and me reading a book or sowing seeds on my virtual farm, and yet today I was going to be seated at a table set for eight. Yay me.
In the end, Edward's family were so welcoming, it almost seemed ridiculous that I had spent the whole morning complaining. I met his parents, who were so in love and happy after thirty years that it gave me hope maybe Edward and I would have something like that one day. Over time, his sisters soon became mine and I felt at home. I felt part of a family and loved, all thanks to Edward.
I walked back into Edward's hospital room to see that more of the family had arrived, our family. These people weren't my in-laws. They were my parents, my siblings and my best friends.
"Jasper and Alice called. The girls are fine, enjoying their day out. They're going to want to see you soon, Bella, and they'll ask about-"
I cut Esme off. "No, he's going to wake up before that happens. The girls don't need to see him like this." I sat down on the chair between her and Edward's bed, clasping her hand tightly in mine.
"He's going to wake up, Esme. He has to."
9:30pm
Visiting hours were over, only Carlisle and I remaining in the room. "He called me twenty four hours ago, when he was leaving the hospital. Please give me some good news."
"The surgeries went well, Bella. His broken bones will heal in time, it's just the head trauma that we're worried about. The MRI scans show good signs, his body just needs to recover. I can't say anything for certain until he wakes up." He squeezed my hand. When he wakes up. "He's already bought your birthday present, it's been sitting in our basement for weeks. He'll be awake to give it you." He kissed my head and went back to work.
4 am
Carlisle had finished his shift and gone home, promising to come in the morning with Esme as soon as visiting hours began. I napped and woke my way through the night in his dark room, just like I had done the night before.
"We decided our family was complete after Emma and Amelia. We said no more kids because we were happy with our two perfect girls… and because we were done with the all nighters." I let out a small laugh. "And here I am, waiting for you to wake up so we can go home."
"You know, having two children under the age of three wasn't as easy as Mom made it out to be," Edward said as he collapsed into bed. Emma was six months old and got up every two hours like clockwork. Night times were a nightmare and an ongoing game of Rock, Paper, Scissors between Edward and I.
"I just hope our kids make it through their childhood with their clothes on, unlike every single one of your baby pictures." I laughed, resting my head on his arm as he tucked the comforter around us.
"You think you're so funny, don't you? I remember you were so scared to meet Mom, and then I leave you two alone for five minutes and she's whipping out pictures."
"You were the one whipping out a certain part of you in every picture." I laughed, poking his side. "And you guys were adorable. I have the picture of you three in your matching Christmas jumpers as my contact picture for Alice and Rose," I said, pinching his nose. "I love how close you are with your sisters. I never got that, and I'm glad that Emma and Amelia will have that bond."
"So we're happy with just Emma and Amelia, then?" he asked.
"I'm happy with two if you are. I think we deserve seven hours of sleep again. But I wouldn't say no to a third."
"As long as we keep getting to pull Post-Its from that wall, I'm happy."
"We have so much more to do, Edward, so I really need you to wake up. I can't do this without you. You promised me fifty years, and I told you that still wouldn't be enough. How the hell do you think ten will do? You have to chase away the boys who try and date our girls. We have a Christmas tree to decorate, you have to pick them up and put that stupid star on the tree. I won't do this without you, Edward. I'm not 35 yet, and you haven't taken me to Italy." I punched the bed next to his arm. "You promised me."
"You know we shouldn't be talking to each other. If either of your sisters find out, they'll kill you," I whispered into the phone.
"Well it's their fault that it's four in the morning and I can't sleep. I miss you, baby." I could imagine him looking like a petulant child with his lip stuck out.
"You'll see me in exactly nine hours, stop being such a baby. Have you written your vows yet, or are you still planning on winging them?"
"I have ideas, but they're all too personal. I don't want all these strangers hearing them. Plus everything else I want to say is not church appropriate, so it'll be the generic stuff, sadly." He huffed. "And nine hours? Screw this, I'm breaking into our room. This is beyond ridiculous." I could hear shuffling through the phone.
"Edward!" I wasn't sure what impact my whisper-yelling would have on him, seeing as he seemed determined to have his ass handed to him by his sisters. "Edward, don't be stupid, you're not coming here. Tell me about the rejected vows, please, and for the love of God, stay where you are. It's just the two of us right now. Let's hear them."
"I don't know. What if you don't like them and your already-cold feet freeze off?"
"You do know that I'm only marrying you for your warm feet? I promise I'm not going anywhere."
"Gee, thanks. Here goes nothing." He cleared his throat, "Bella Swan, the first time I saw you, you were wearing these tiny shorts, a red bikini top and this floaty white thing to cover you up. I always say the first thing I noticed about you was your beautiful brown eyes. While they were one of the first things I fell in love with, I won't lie and say it wasn't the way you looked in the red bikini that made me stare. We sat and talked for hours that night, and I was captivated by you. You were smart and so passionate about what you were studying. And beautiful, so beautiful. I have loved you every day since then. Even though we fight over stupid things, I promise to never go to bed angry. And I need you to promise me that we won't go more than three of my self-loving shower sessions without having sex when I've done something stupid. I promise to be the best husband I can. I promise that we're going to add to our Post-It wall and complete everything on it together. I couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect girl, and trust me when I was in high school and looked like Napoleon Dynamite, that's all I did. I know I asked for fifty years, but we're both as stubborn as each other and are going to live to 110, driving each other crazy in our electric wheelchairs." I wanted to laugh, to cry. I wanted him to be here next to me so I could kiss him and tell him how much I loved him.
"Bella? Are you still there?"
I wiped the tear running down my face on my sleeve. "It was beautiful, Edward. I am the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying you. I love you more than words can express. I love that even though you complain about me not wearing socks, you let me warm up the icicles at the end of my legs on you. I can't wait to pull off all those Post-It notes and travel the world and experience it all with you. I love you."
"I love you to all the places on our Post-Its and back. You should try and sleep, baby, I don't want to get in trouble on our wedding day for keeping you up all night. Beauty sleep, yada yada yada. Promise me after tonight we'll never be apart this long again. Ever."
"I promise, Edward. See you in nine hours. And I love you to all the places we've yet to add on our wall and back."
"And I love you, even though you never let me get the last word in."
The first rays of light were slowly peeking through the hospital blinds.
"You promised me, Edward Cullen, so I need you to wake up." By this time, I felt as if I were speaking to a wall. How many times had I begged and pleaded for him to open his eyes, to move a finger? To do anything?
"If you'd stop punching my bed, maybe I'd feel less scared about waking up." Edward's hoarse voice broke through the silence.
"You're awake! Oh God. You're awake!" I clasped his hand in both of mine and let the tears fall. My torturous day of silence, of frustration and fake smiles, had finally come to an end. I leaned over and put my head on his shoulder, crying for everything I was so close to losing. "Don't ever scare me like that again, Edward."
As the morning light slowly filtered into the room, finally a new day began.