A/N: A little fun fic I wanted to do. Cuz I was bored. I'm keeping my thoughts short. :D
But this could be considered a tiny prequel to The Video because it sheds some light on Ivan. O.o
Read The Video first if you haven't!
Pretty much every odd line is the voice. Or anything crazy that's said. Italics are "readers"
XD
This story is kinda creepy at the end, lolz. XD
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA!
I DO NOT OWN DR TRAN!
I DON'T OWN PLANET UNICORN!
I OWN NOTHING!
Anyway, enjoys peeps!
1,578 words of TRUTH! Not really.
Kiku sat calmly as he ate his breakfast. It was a simple dish; rice and leftover beef from the night before. He sighed in content as he watched the sunrise over the crashing waves of the ocean. The sky was a grey with a pinkish hue. The sun was a glimmering red ruby against seas of sapphire. Overall, it seemed to be a perfect start for the day.
"He is a man, of honor"
Immediately, Kiku jerked at the sudden voice. He nervously looked around, his mind now completely alert. He put his hand to his sword, readying it if necessary.
"Who is there? Are you talking to me? Please reveal yourself now."
"He is a man, of doody."
Kiku listened to the voice, and tilted his head slightly.
"Um, I do not mean to be impolite, but is the word you were thinking of duty?" Kiku asked nervously, and the voice replied, "No, doody."
Kiku furrowed his eyebrows, looking around to find the source of the noise. For a couple of minutes, there was silence. Kiku hesitantly put his cup of tea to his lips, and took a light sip.
"Here comes DR. JAPAN!"
Kiku spit out the tea as loud music began to boom in the background, and he swiftly took out his sword as he jumped off his mat.
"Where are you coming from?" Kiku exclaimed, but he got no reply from the voice.
"This summer, everyone's favorite eastern country is back, and his name is DR. JAPAN!"
"Who is there? Reveal yourself or I will have to take matters into my own hands! And I am not a doctor! I am a simple man!"
"Oh, he's a REAL DOCTOR!"
"No I am not!"
"Not only is he a real doctor, he's a personified country with a degree in WHOOPING YOUR ASS!"
"Can you please leave my home so you can still preserve some of your honor?" Kiku pleaded, his shoulders tensing at the loud noises.
"He's a true American."
"What, that makes no sense! I am Japanese and I have never-"
"…From America!"
Kiku had a look of utter confusion on his face, and he replied, "What? I need to do paperwork soon! Please leave!"
"When America needs help, Dr. Japan brings out the ASS WHOOPINGS."
"What? No I don't! What do you-?"
"I PROMISE."
Kiku scowled, before asking, "How do you know I represent Japan? Who are you working for?"
"You, the readers, made DR. JAPAN the man he is today, by mindlessly reading and watching his hot and steamy action ANIME AND MANGA!"
"What? I am not in manga! Who told you this?"
"But who can forget DR. JAPAN's films, including, 'Dr. Japan: Operation School Girl Disguise', 'Dr. Japan's Sexy Hot Dog Machine', and 'Oh my god, its DR. JAPAN'."
"What, I would never dishonor myself by dressing in school girl attire!" Kiku retorted, and the voice laughed.
"Are you sure about that?" the voice replied, and Kiku looked down and shrieked. He was wearing a Japanese schoolgirl outfit, with matching socks, shoes, and pig tails.
"How did you do this? Leave my house!"
"It isn't good for DR. JAPAN to get so angry. He should know better, seeing he is a DOCTOR."
"You are a liar and a stalker! Leave my house before I find you!"
"See him defending freedom… In a MINISKIRT!"
"I will not go running around in disgraceful female attire!"
"Witness him battle EVIL FORCES."
"I do not battle forces of evil!"
"Watch him kill defenseless kittens with pink NUMCHUCKS! And did I mention he's in a MINISKIRT?"
"I…love kittens!"
"It's a tough job, but DR. JAPAN wouldn't leave if he could!"
"No! Don't you have something better to do with your free time?"
"Then, he runs off to eat SMOKED ORANGUTAN PENISES and forces it down little children's THROATS!"
"What? Smoked what? I would never force food down a child's mouth!"
"…From a MUG!"
Suddenly, a black mug full of what appeared to be penises popped up in front of Kiku. He yelped, looking at the cup in disgust.
"That makes no sense! I will not do it!"
"Yes he WILL."
"You are evil! An evil, evil voice!" Kiku shrieked, but the voice continued.
"Now, own every single manga and DVD in the new Dr. Japan 50,000 DVD and manga set! Make your brain into sexy JAPANESE MUSH! Titles include "Dr. Japan in Paradise", "Dr. Japan Hits Orphans with Sticks", "Dr. Japan meets The Queen of England and Kicks Her Ass", "Dr. Japan Eats Everyone's Ice Cream Cones", "Dr. Japan sings the Yummy Alpaca Song", "Z is for Cookie: A Dr. Japan Special", and "Dr. Japan in 4-D"!"
Kiku looked around in confusion as the colors changed around him, and he exclaimed, "What are you doing?"
"Dr. Japan doesn't take SHIT from ANYONE! Once you cross that line, he'll F*CK YOU UP!"
Kiku gasped and cried, "You said a BAD WORD!"
"Nobody can F*CK YOU UP like Dr. JAPAN!"
"Take your indecency elsewhere!"
"Nobody~."
"Leave NOW!"
"Listen to how much you, the reader, love SEXY DR. JAPAN!"
"OH MY GOD, like, I like, love him sooo much. He makes me gay for him."
"Dr. Japan is the MAN! In a MINISKIRT!"
"I enjoy Dr. Japan and his sexy adventures, aru. I am an Asian Male."
"People everywhere agree: it's JAPANTASTIC!"
"Dr. Japan can hang in the hood ANYTIME!"
"Dr. Japan is sick yo! Friggin awesome!"
"Dr. Japan is a muscley adult, with bulging muscles and a six pack. And a DOCTOR!"
"I am JAPANSEXUAL now!"
"How do those people know who I am?"
"All women lust over DR. JAPAN!"
"No they don't!"
"But Dr. Japan sets them straight by taking them UP THE ASS!"
Kiku's mouth was set agape as he tried to grasp the words he was going to reply with.
"Dr. Japan sets them straight every day morning til night~!"
"No I do NOT!" Kiku retorted in anger. But, he regained his composure and began to try and calm himself.
"He will come to your house and give ya one UP THE ASS."
"UP!"
Kiku screamed as he pulled at his hair.
"THE"
Kiku felt tears of frustration well in his eyes.
"ASS!"
"YOU LEAVE MY HOUSE NOW!" Kiku yelled with rage.
"AMERICAN."
Kiku yelled and shouted as tears began to stream down his face.
"ASS F*CKINGS!"
"Why are you talking about sex and hickory penises? GO AWAY!"
"PATRIOTIC"
"Whaa-? You are making my brain hurt!"
"THONG and SCARF!"
Kiku looked down and noticed that he was wearing a tiny pair of American flag underwear and a scarf with the identical flag. He blushed, and gasped in surprise, as he tried to cover himself.
"Do it for Japan, Dr. Japan!"
"That makes no sense!"
"Oh, look at that sexy ASS!"
Immediately, Gilbert popped in on a donkey, with only a pair of daisy dukes and a cow boy hat. Kiku shrieked.
"How did you get in my house!" Kiku yelled, and Gilbert gave a sharp laugh.
"Mein Gott, don't ask such silly questions, sexy Dr. Japan~. Of course the awesome me had to make a cameo, richtig?" Gilbert purred, before exclaiming, "Let's go Feathers!" the donkey let out a rather gay neigh before flying out the window with Gilbert. Kiku could feel his eye twitch and blood coming down his nose.
"Sorry Doctor, that was messed up."
"I. AM. NOT. A. DOCTOR!"
"This summer, spend all of your time with this priceless product!"
"I am a human, not a product!"
"He's unique!"
"You are a yokai*! You are evil! You come from the Aokigahara forest! You are here to eat my soul! You are evil!" Kiku accused, pointing in front of himself.
"He's entertaining!"
"You are not a human!"
"Dr. Japan's for SALE!"
"NO I AM NOT!"
"All my furniture is GONE!"
"Be JAPANated!"
"NOOO!"
"Here comes the ACTION!"
"STOP!"
"Here comes the HONOR!"
"I can't eat breakfast anymore!"
"Here comes the DOODY!"
"What is going on?"
"HERE COMES DR. JAPAN! Starring:"
"NOOO!"
"Dr. JAPAN!"
Kiku jerked up, panting. His alarm was ringing, and he looked down at his hands. He looked at the clock, and smiled with an exasperated sigh. 'It was just a dream…' Kiku thought with a chuckle, but his face immediately dropped when he heard,
"He is a man, of honor."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Meanwhile, at Ivan's house
Ivan and a mysterious woman sat, watching a crystal ball. They observed with delight as the poor Japanese man writhed and squirmed, screeching for help that would never come.
"You do realize that this comes with a price, Ivan. Curses that last forever have a price that will last forever" the hooded figure said with a smirk, "Although, I think the price will be… pleasurable for both of us."
"Yes, I understand. I will follow your terms." Ivan replied, returning the smirk. The figure smiled, and motioned to him with their finger. He bent down on one knee and kissed their hand. The figure pulled down the hood, and revealed waves of blonde hair that cascaded down her shoulders. Her blue eyes shimmered in the dim light, and her teeth gleamed ominously. Her long, dark lashes, blue eye shadow, and black diamonds from the corner of her eye only added to the affect.
"You will become my servant now, my dear Ivan."
"Yes, миледи(my lady)."
*Yokai are demons or spirits. The Aokigahara Forest, at the base of Mt. Fuji, is supposedly home to many demons.