Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me)
Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders and its characters/plot or the song "Untitled."
Author's Note: This is my first songfic where I'm not matching the writing exactly up to the song, instead letting it provide the background for the words. I hope you like this, but please let me know what you thought, positive or otherwise, in a review, it really helps!
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonightI run out of the hospital, desperate to escape the pain that's quickly filling my mind and my heart. I throw the gearshift into drive, stepping on the pedal without hesitation.
I speed along the streets without caring where I'm going. I could be driving in circles around the city for all I know, but it doesn't matter. Anywhere's better than the building where Johnny's body lay.
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
I feel the tears start to form, and as hard as I try to fight, I'm powerless against them. I hate them, hate him, hate myself. I refuse to give in, though. I won't let my emotions have the satisfaction of winning, of defeating me at last. I'd avoided them for seven years, I'm not going to let them take over now. How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got nowhere to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
A sob escapes before I can stifle it, and I pull over and stop the car, knowing I've lost the battle. I rest my head on the wheel, no longer fighting the tears dropping from my eyes. 'You win, alright? You've finally beaten me, finally destroyed me.' Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
Am I the only one who's reacting like this? Probably. The others'll be upset, sure, but they're not the ones losing the closest thing to family they have. Family that cares about them, anyways. I couldn't care less about blood relation, it's the emotional bond that matters. A bond that's just been cut between Johnny and me. So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
Only a week ago, everything was the same as it had been for years. It's so hard to believe that Johnny's dead now, almost unreal. I wish so badly that I could go back and change what happened. I could have kept them here instead of telling them to go to the church. I could have prevented them from getting out of the car. I could have stopped him, should have, but I didn't. As hard as I wish, though, it can't change the fact that Johnny's dead.Can't change the fact that it's my fault. How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I probably deserve pain. I've messed up so many times, screwed up my life and the lives of others. This was too cruel a way to pay for it though. Johnny didn't deserve this, he shouldn't have been taken. Loosing him was the most effective way to hurt me though, so I suppose that's what had to be done. I suppose it was karma. I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
No, Johnny definitely didn't deserve what had happened to him. It was my price to pay, for everything. I was the one who should have died, not him. I can set that straight though, at least partially.
I finger the unloaded gun in my pocket. Loaded or not, it will work. I can't repair the life that shouldn't have been taken, but I can deliver the one that should.
Author's Note: Well, what did you think? Please review! It helps me a lot, I'd really appreciate it!