AN: Hiya, this is the first installment of The Shitty Writer. I decided to try my hand at writing fanfiction, and I would greatly appreciate it if y'all would read, share, and leave a review. Helpful critisism is accepted, as this is my first fic I know there will be errors. I'm looking for a Beta if anyone is interested. Thanks much ^.^

When I was younger, I often felt disconnected from everyone else. I wasn't very popular with the other kids my age. I always felt more mature then they were. Instead of running around playing made- up games, I would sit and read or talk to teachers. I never had any interest in such typical childish behavior. I didn't really mind feeling this way. It might have been a lonely way of life, but it was my way of life none the less. I guess things changed one day when my mother convinced me to start taking martial arts. I wanted her to see me as strong. I wanted her to be proud of me. I wasn't the little kid everyone thought I was, and I was going to prove that.

Those lessons came in handy. They helped me fend myself off from others picking on me about my hair. My mom wasn't very pleased about that, but I rather not come home with a black eye and make her worry. She already had a lot to deal with without having to worry about her oldest getting into fights, especially when she had two babies to take care of. Besides helping me stand up to bullies, the fighting did another thing. It made me happy. For some reason, martial arts just felt like something that I was born to do. I was always trying to do harder moves, but because I didn't bother to master the basics, I failed. I remember the sensei telling me that natural talent wouldn't get me anywhere without practice, as those who don't hone their natural abilities will waste them.

So in order to improve, I practiced every day. Something was still missing though. I didn't understand what. At times it would feel as though I heard a voice calling me, and I would find my right hand hovering over my left hip. It was odd, but I didn't think much of it- that is until one day in my last year of junior high when the pys. ed. Teacher made the class practice kendo. When I was handed the wooden sword, I felt a sense of nostalgia. A familiar feeling made me smile, and again I felt like I could hear a voice telling me to call her name. It felt almost as if that sword in my hand was telling me that I didn't belong here. Almost as if my true home was somewhere else.

I never once told my dad about these feelings. I never told him about the voice or the sounds of screeching at night. I was terrified he'd call me crazy. Being a doctor, I knew that he would want to take me to a psychiatrist to be evaluated. I wasn't crazy. I knew that much. But it seemed ridiculous to tell my dad this. When I was younger and I made the mistake of telling him I could see ghosts, he followed me around every day for a month making sure I was sane. To this day he wraps some of my oddities to being able to see the dead.

I guess you could say my life was never normal. Maybe it was from being traumatized at a young age as I watched my mother being murdered in front of me from some sort of monster. When I had told my dad about that one, he insisted that it was my "overactive imagination" causing me to see her attacker as a beast. But I never once doubted what I saw that day- not for a second. It was a monster alright. Watching my mother die in front of me was possibly the worst day of my life. The fact that it was raining didn't help. Now every time it rains, I can't help but think about that thing and her bloodied body on the ground in front of me.

When I think back to that night, I can't help but to feel for my father. Being a single parent was hard enough, but also being a doctor and having to raise three children alone must have been so difficult for him. That's why when my dad had to pick up more shifts at the clinic to support the family, I took over raising my sisters. I was a child raising two children. Don't get me wrong- I love my sisters more than anything in the world. I would give my life for theirs in a heartbeat. But with having to go to school and raise my sisters, while also taking over the household chores and cooking in place of my mother, I no longer had time to partake in the one thing that still gave me life- martial arts. When I started high school and Yuzu was old enough to take up what used to be mom's jobs around the house, I considered getting back into the sport. The only thing that held me back was having to admit that I was so far behind everyone else that I would have to start at a children's level, and with my best friend Tatsuki being the captain of the team, I just felt out of place.

Out of place. Those were the perfect words to describe me. Sure I had my friends, like Chad and Tatsuki, but I just didn't feel like I belonged on Earth. I would often find myself on roofs of buildings, staring at the sky, in order to be closer to what felt like home. I was never one to feel normal. Not in any sense. I had many times even considered dying my hair black to fit in a little more, but every time I was going to, I remembered my mom's words echoing in my head as to how much she loved my fiery locks. I would keep them for the time being and then think about it again a few months later.

Today was one of those days. It was one of those days when I had gone to the store, stared at the black hair dye in my hand for a few minutes, placed it back on the shelf, and walked out. I had decided against dying my hair black even when something inside me told me I should. As I walked down the street back towards my house, I noticed a black butterfly on some flowers next to the street lamp where I had left them for a deceased girl earlier that week. She had been hit by a car on that intersection, and I often spoke to her to get her to move on. Something kept her here though. Her circumstances kind of reminded me of my own in a way. I was also still living in a world where I didn't feel as though I belonged.

I stared at the butterfly a little longer before I continued down the road. Yuzu had told me she was making my favorite curry for dinner, and I didn't want to be late. She had become quite the chef. She was much better that I was, even though Yuzu claimed she liked my cooking better. She's just too kind for her own good.

"Yuzu, Karin, I'm home!" I shouted as I turned the doorknob to our house. When I looked inside, however, it was empty. Setting down my shoulder bag, I took off my shoes and poked my head into the kitchen. It was spotless. That was weird. We never left the house unlocked unless someone was home. Becoming more curious, I walked around the rest of the house and found that no one was home. I decided to check the clinic too in case dad had heard anything, but it was empty as well. The streets also seemed suspiciously quiet. When I finally decided to just sit down and wait for them to get home, I heard a crash from upstairs. I ran to my bedroom door and flung it open. Standing there was a man in a green kimono with a white and green bucket hat on his head, leaning on a cane.

"What the-! Who are-?" I sputtered.

"Ichigo Kurosaki." He said my name with his eyes shaded. My name sounded slow, yet it rolled naturally off his tongue like he had said my name many times before, "We need to talk."

"What do you mean we need to talk?! Hell yeah we need to talk!" I pointed at him, "You can't just barge into people's homes! What is wrong with you? I mean I don't even know you and you know my name! That's really creepy!"

"Ichi-"I cut him off. This was way too confusing. I had way too much on my mind right now to listen to the idiot in front of me babble on. I pointed to his beloved bucket hat.

"And that hat! What's with the hat? You can barely see your eyes with that thing on, which just makes it like ten thousand times creepier! I mean seriously. Who wears bucket hats anymore? You look like a leprechaun!"

"Ichigo listen to-"The creepy old man tried to interject again, but I was just getting started.

"And what's with the cane too? If you're some kind of burglar, you're a pretty shitty one if you think a cane is a good weapon. I mean come on! You could have at least brought a switch blade or something." Damnit. Why'd I say that? It's not like I was trying to give a burglar advice on how to break and enter or anything.

"Ichigo listen." His eyes met mine; I threw up my hand in defense.

"Alight, alright! Fine. I'll listen. But just who the hell are you? Why are you in my house? How do you know my name? How'd you even get in-"

"Well, you're certainly full of questions." He raised a hand to his chin, "Then again, I guess you would be." What the hell was that supposed to mean? Of course I'd have a lot of questions. He would too if it was the other way around.

"Hey, ya old fart! Are you listing to me? Just who the hell are you? Answer me!" Now I was getting frustrated.

"Calm down, Ichigo. I'll explain everything. It's sorta a long story though, so why don't you put on some tea in the meantime?" I looked at him like he was crazy. Well I supposed he was crazy.

"What the HELL? You want me to make tea? I find a strange man in my house and he asks me to make tea? You really are weird! Hey, where are you going?" I turned around just in time to see him walking past me nonchalantly. This guy was weird. I didn't even see him move until he was passed me. I didn't really understand what was going on, but the guy didn't seem like he wanted to hurt me or steal anything anyways. I figured (albeit idiotically) that I should follow him and make some tea.

We walked downstairs and entered the kitchen. At this point I really started to think that I was going crazy. I couldn't get a single break in my life. As if seeing ghosts wasn't enough to make me a freak, now I'm taking out the kettle to make tea for my unwelcomed house-guest robber guy. My unwelcomed house guest sat himsef lackadaisically at the kitchen table in Karin's usual spot and leaned on his hand to keep his head propped up. Instead of resting his cane on the wall near him, he kept it on his person at all times. I found it odd, but what about today hadn't been odd?

Once I had taken out the kettle and filled it with water, I placed it on a burner on the stove to boil. In the meantime, I leaned the small of my back against the counter with my feet crossed out in front of me. I placed my arms of the counter behind me to give myself more balance and met eyes with my unwelcomed house guest.

"So, would you like to humor me in how you know my name, or maybe how you got into my house….or why?" I made sure that my stance was more relaxed than tense. I wanted him to know that I wasn't afraid of him, but at the same time I was not going to let my guard down. I may not have been the best fighter, but I could definitely hold my own for a while.

"Well I guess you could say that's quite an interesting story." His hat shadowed his eyes.

"Interesting how?" His eyes flicked back to mine, no longer shadowed by his hat.

"Let's see…where should I begin? Hmm" He tapped his free hand on the table a few times before speaking again, "Ichigo, can you see ghosts?"

I remained silent for a minute before deciding to be truthful. I didn't really see what I had to lose by answering his question. "Yes. Ever since I was a little kid. My dad even attempted to take me to a shrink when I told him. I think he was just joking though now that I think about it. Why do you want to know?"

"Well, the story starts there. Ichigo, you've never been a normal kid. I don't even know if I can say that you've ever been a kid." I raised an eyebrow at him as he continued his casual finger drumming.

"What exactly is that 'supposed to mean?"

"Well, it means that you've lived before. You're not really Ichigo Kurosaki. Your true name is that of Shiba. Kaien Shiba to be exact."

The kettle of the stove began to whistle, but I didn't move for it. I couldn't. For some reason I felt stuck to the floor. This man's eyes were staring into me. It felt like he could see my very soul. My head started to hurt, and I heard a woman's voice calling out to me.

Say my name

Who are you?

Say me name!

How am I supposed to know your name?

…

Hello?

Hello?!

What's going on?

"Ichigo, are you alright? The kettle has been whistling for a while." I suddenly remembered where I was and reached for the kettle. It felt like I had been in a trance. My head was killing me, and I was dizzy. I just wanted to know what was going on. What the hell was this voice in my head? I wasn't schizophrenic was I? I feel like I slowly going crazy, yet I feel more at peace then I have in a long time. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him- my unwanted house guest that is. Hell, I didn't even know his name!

"So," I said placing two cups of tea on the table for the two of us, "You expect me to believe that I'm apparently this guy called Kaien Shiba and that I've been alive before?"

"Yes. Precisely." He said while sipping his tea.

"Yeah I believe that. Just like how I believe in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy!" My voice was taking a turn for sarcasm. This guy was absolutely insane.

"Well, I guess I didn't expect this to be easy" He sighed, "Why don't you try asking me some questions and I'll answer the best way I can."

I narrowed my eyes at him. I couldn't believe this load of bullshit. I glanced at the clock. It was getting pretty late. I still didn't know where Karin or Yuzu were, and I just had to assume that the old man was working late tonight at the clinic.

"Look, I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but my family should be getting home pretty soon, and I'm not sure how I'm going to explain that I found a weird creepy guy in my house whose name and reason for being here I have yet to figure out."

"Oh, You'll find out my name soon enough. As for the rest of your reasons, don't worry. Your family won't be a problem tonight. I guess you'll figure out who you really are in time. You've already starting hearing the voice, haven't you? All your memories will come back in due time. I guess you've sealed them away for the time being. For whatever reason that may be, it will break. You'll remember in time Kaien Shiba. I'll be waiting when you do."

I tried to meet his eyes, but they were covered once again by his godforsaken hat. This guy was weird that's for sure. I had a bad feeling about all of this, but at the same time I felt relatively calm. When I opened my mouth to speak again he was gone. I didn't even see him leave. When I looked back down at the table, I noticed that his cup was empty, and there was a piece of paper being held in place by it. Reaching my hand for the paper, I unfolded it and found a message.

"You'll understand soon enough Ichigo, or should I say Kaien. Also, tell 'ol Ukitake I said hi. You'll know him when you see him, in the meantime don't worry about it."

I didn't have any clue what this encounter had in store for me. All I know is that for the next week after that, I couldn't stop hearing a voice in my head. I wanted it to stop. I knew wasn't going crazy. Maybe I was, but it was just that nothing made sense anymore. When I had read that note, the name Ukitake struck a chord in my chest. All I could remember was white. I guess it did end up making sense to me. I remembered who I was within the next few months following my encounter with bucket-hat. Everything began to fall into place when a girl with Raven hair came flying through my window one night. A girl, I had known very well. I had missed her….Rukia.