A/N: This is the result of another addiction. Apparently, HP and Twilight were not enough, so I had to try my hand at SoN as well. Not abandoning my other story, but someone really important to me really wants this one up, so this is for her. I'd like to dedicate this story to her and her girlfriend. Theirs is an epic love story and when all the planets align just right they are going to be sickeningly happy and amazing together! I believe it's going to happen much sooner than she thinks. So this is for you, kiddo, and for your girl because I love you guys to pieces!

A very special thanks goes to breath4her for going over the chapters written so far and encouraging me to go with it. So, EJ, thanks so much for the input and help!

Since this is a new fandom for me, I'd like to know what you all think and I hope I do this pairing justice, because I really, really love me some good Spashley!

Disclaimer: I owe nothing. But you already knew that.

Full summary: Basically it's an angsty Spashley story that blossomed from a never-forgotten love...an irreplaceable void...Ashley is this musician/rockstar who has everything except the piece that completes her while Spencer is this career-driven busy bee that engulfs herself in her work to distract her from the one that broke her heart...basically it's a story of how they began, how they came undone...and how they hope to repair the damage...with a little bit of side-bar character/relationships mixed in for good measure.

Mine to Love Again

Prologue

Ashley's POV

I didn't know how I felt about this visit. A gut feeling that wouldn't go away told me something was going to go wrong. I was apprehensive and excited to see my girl again. I mean, I've been gone for six months and we haven't seen each other all that time unless you count quick video messaging. At first, they were frequent and longer in time, but four months into my tour, they started getting farther apart and shorter.

I knew going on tour for so long would put a strain on our relationship. She couldn't very well follow me when she had classes to attend for her senior year at UCLA. Neither of us thought my album would hit it so huge that I was immediately whisked on a tour of the US and Canada. Now interest was building overseas and my management team was planning an international tour that would take a lot longer than six months.

But before any of that happened, I wanted to see my girl. See if we could reconnect somehow and find our way again. We had been living together for three years now and this was the first time we had been apart. I had the entire weekend to be with her and I was really looking forward to it. She had already told me she was packed with projects and assignments, but I didn't let that deter me. I would be patient and whenever she had time, I'd be there to spend it with her.

I was parked near her car, leaning against the driver's side door. She knew I'd be in town today, but she didn't know I'd come to campus to surprise her. I had dark shades and a cap on to keep people from recognizing me. I didn't mind my fans, but this was my weekend with my girl and I was really looking forward to it even if she had been a little distant in the past couple of weeks. I was hoping it was stress with school and not something else entirely.

I heard some laughter and my head turned, a smile finding the way to my lips. There she was, my angel, the girl I loved above all others from the moment I laid eyes on her. Her baby blues were sparkling with joy and her hair shone brilliantly in the sun. She was wearing jeans that hugged her curves to perfection, a band t-shirt and converse. She looked carefree and relaxed and I basked at the site.

Spencer Carlin was a vision of beauty even when dressed for comfort.

My smile froze on my lips when I noticed who she was with and the fact that they were walking really close together and seemed too familiar with each other. I didn't know her and I immediately disliked her. She had long, dark hair, hazel eyes, and seemed to be of Hispanic descent.

Spencer had never mentioned anyone like that. Kyla hadn't either and they lived together at our loft still. So this girl, whoever she was, had been kept a secret from me. I didn't know what to think, and I didn't know how to react. I just stood there frozen in time as they walked by and didn't even notice me.

As they got to Spencer's car, she opened it and threw her book bag inside and then leaned against the door. They were still talking animatedly and then Spencer looked at her watch and frowned. She told the girls something hurriedly and turned to get in the car.

Only to be stopped by the brunette when she grabbed her hand.

Spencer turned around and the girl kissed her cheek softly, and I noticed with raising anger that she lingers a few seconds too long. I felt another stab to my heart when Spencer blushed before getting in the car and driving away. I simply watched, too stunned to move as the other girl touched a finger to her lips, smiled, and then walked towards another car.

I didn't realize I was crying until I could felt the tears running freely down my cheeks. I knew this was what the gut feeling had been all along. My worst fears had come true. In my absence, someone else was vying for my girl's attention and I didn't know what to do. If I cancelled my tour, there went the music career I had dreamed about for so long. If I went on it, I would surely lose the love of my life.

Unsure of what to do and with a terrible pain consuming my very soul, I got into my car and left the campus behind. I drove around for several hours and ignored my phone every time it rang or beeped announcing a message. Everyone was calling me and no one knew where I was. We had planned a get together with friends and family for my return, and I was in no mood to attend. I knew Kyla would be frantic with worry but I kept thinking Spencer was probably relieved I wasn't home yet.

I ended up at the beach and walked over to the pier. I sat there until night time was upon me and my tears would come no more.

0-0

It was nearing midnight when I finally let myself into the apartment. The lights were on and Kyla, Aiden and Spencer all jumped from the sofa when they saw me. Shouting started at once, but I just looked at them without saying anything and walked over to my room. Without wasting any time, I pulled my suitcase from the closet and started filling it with the few things I had brought with me.

A couple of minutes later, as expected, she walked into our room.

"Ash?" she asked tentatively. "Where were you? We called you all afternoon and evening and no one knew where you were."

"I…" I stopped to clear my throat, since it was raw from all the crying I had done. "I had some things to think about."

"And you didn't think to call any of us to let us know?"

I could hear the worry mixed with anger in her tone, but I didn't really care at the moment. I was completely numb.

"I left my cell in my car and I wasn't near it."

She finally walked up to me and cupped my chin in her hand, making me look at her. She gasped when she saw how swollen my eyes were. There was no way to hide that from her, even if I wanted to, which I didn't. I wanted her to see me broken because she was the reason behind it.

"You've been crying, baby! Tell me what's wrong," she implored softly.

I could see how much she cared for me in her eyes, but I could not ignore what I had seen earlier in the day.

"Who's the girl with the long, dark hair, Spence? The one that makes you laugh freely and makes you blush with a kiss?" I asked in a detached voice I didn't even recognize as my own.

Her eyes went wide, surprise and shame evident in them. She blushed scarlet and her mouth opened and closed several times but no sound came out.

"See, I went by your school today, wanting to surprise you because I got home earlier than planned. I wanted to take you out to eat, spend some alone time with my girlfriend before I had to share you with our family and friends. I even brought you daisies, since you like them so much. And then I see you walking so closely with her, laughing so freely. And then she kissed you and you blushed," I finished, my voice so low she had to strain to hear me. I didn't want Kyla and Aiden to know just yet.

"Ash, there is nothing going on with that girl. She is just a friend, baby."

"I've never seen you blush with a friend's advances before. She likes you as more than a friend, Spencer, don't be so naïve."

I went back to packing.

"She doesn't, Ash. She knows I have a girlfriend."

"She was smiling and touching her lips when you left. She just stood there with this grin on her face while my heart started breaking. So forgive me for not coming home to celebrate what is now the worst homecoming ever!"

"Why didn't you call me or approach us? I would have introduced you to her as my girlfriend!" she tried in a soft voice while her eyes watched me in confusion. "Why are you packing again?"

"I can't stay here."

"What? This is your home!"

I chuckled sadly. "I always thought it was our home. I guess whoever came up with the saying that distance makes the heart grow fonder was totally wrong, because in this situation, it didn't work that way."

I closed my suitcase and took a shuddering breath. I was about to do something I never thought I would ever do. I was about to cut off my own heart.

"Look, Spencer, I'm not going to pretend like I'm not hurting. My heart feels like its fucking breaking right now."

She walked up to me, grabbed the suitcase out of my hand and set it down. "You're not going anywhere but into our bed."

Before I could protest, she kissed me. And not a little welcome home kiss, either. But a very passionate and wet welcome back type of kiss. It had been so long since I had kissed her that my mind shut down and I gave into her. I kissed her back hungrily as she started undoing the buttons on my shirt and walking me towards our bed.

We made love with desperation, the heat almost unbearable as we gave into the lust and passion consuming our minds and bodies. We couldn't seem to stop and it wasn't until the first colors of dawn adorned the sky that Spencer finally fell asleep in exhaustion, but a happy smile on her face.

I kissed her lips on last time, caressed her cheek softly, and then I got up from the bed. I knew she'd be out for a while, so I took the time to write a letter, placed it on my pillow, dressed and grabbed my suitcase.

As I turned at the door to look back at her one last time, I prayed that she would understand what I was doing, that she would not hate me, and that she would be happy.

I loved her too much to make her wait for me indefinitely. For the first time in my life, I was doing something that wasn't selfish and it was killing me. Blinded by tears, I turned and walked away from the love of my life.