AN: Hi there lovely readers! Here's another Chamberlake oneshot. It's written for 5x5shadow5 for the awesome review I got for "I'd Come For You."
I know what you're thinking: "Rain, didn't you see the promo for the episode on the 19th?" And "Rain, don't you know they're sisters?" To answer those questions, no I don't know for a fact that they are sisters and still refuse to believe it until it becomes 100% canon on the show. As for the promo, that honestly only makes me think that it is in fact Melissa, and not Faye, who is the other Blackwell child. Why would they give it away like that in the promo?
Plus, I just don't see the intimacy between John Blackwell and Dawn Chamberlain. Though I did see a flash of emotion in Blackwell's eye that looked suspiciously like adoration, when he was talking to Melissa about the "study dates" they shared out in the woods together. Is that what the kids are calling it these days, John?
Anyway, this show and these wonderful characters do not belong to me. That would be pretty sweet though. Song lyrics are from "Sanctuary" by Alana Grace. Enjoy!
You think that you can understand me,
You think you got me figured out
How could you when you never listen?
You don`t know what I`m about
Don`t you know I tune you out
I`m far away, to a place where you can`t go
It was supposed to be a quick trip up to the lake house. A few hours of mindless driving to check on Cassie's grandmother, and then it would be back to the daily grind of high school. It was supposed to be a simple, mundane trip that would more than likely prove to simply be a waste of time. Normally Faye would have scoffed at the newest member of the Circle and told her to suck it up, to stop being such a child. Yet with all the problems they'd been having recently with demons, Nick's death, and witch hunters, it made Faye pause in her snarky remarks to at least consider where Cassie's concern was coming from.
They decided that Cassie's need to check on her grandmother was warranted and Faye agreed wholeheartedly, though she'd be damned if she was going to mention that to the others though. When the missing woman texted Cassie later that night, they figured they were in the clear and decided that they needed some down time. They were in high school after all and exams weren't that far away. And what did any normal group of teenagers do when they needed to decompress? Well, Faye wasn't exactly sure what normal teenagers did, but she drank. So the alcohol had come out, games were played, and even with the drama of who was currently screwing whom, the night was doing exactly what it was supposed to. They were all more relaxed than they had been in a while.
It was supposed to be a quick harmless trip. It was supposed to be boring and routine. It was supposed to…but it wasn't.
Somewhere between Faye's bath and the game of truth or dare, something went terribly wrong and all of the supposed to's were thrown out the window. All the expectations and mundane things morphed horribly, and frighteningly fast into a disfigured mess of fear, tension and loss.
Loss.
That word never carried enough weight to describe what it was really supposed to mean. Faye understood why people tried to find another word for death. Death was so final and loss didn't seem to cover just how deep the feelings of despair ran. Loss was meant to mask everything death was, everything death meant. The problem, though, was that loss implied temporary; that the person who was missing could one day be found.
Loss covered everything. It implied that a loved one was no longer there, that life for that person had just been drastically altered, and it required other people to act in a sympathetic manner, as if they understood what the grieving were feeling. It implied all of this without forcing people to come out and say the word "dead". But they one thing loss didn't cover, the thing that it couldn't possibly soften was the pain Faye was currently feeling.
So no, loss was not an acceptable word when it came to death. They were not synonymous in Faye's book.
Lost would be a much better fit. She didn't feel loss, she felt lost.
When Cassie had found her grandfather's body, Faye immediately felt her world tip on its axis, flipping everything she had known on its head. Faye knew that her life would never be the same again. Her grandfather was dead. Murdered. The beacon that was always steadily guiding her into port during the storm of everyday life had been snuffed out. Just like that, her everything was ripped from her in a maddeningly abrupt fashion, leaving her disoriented and… lost.
Growing up the daughter of a high school principal was not easy. It was like Faye was constantly fighting hundreds of siblings for her mother's attention. It had been bad enough that her father had died in that fire sixteen years ago. But it also felt like she had grown up with a roommate instead of a parent. She was a tyrant of a roommate who demanded things like curfews and chores and her presence at the dinner table, though a roommate none-the-less.
She would have been completely alone if her grandfather hadn't stepped in and realized the situation. He took her places on the weekends to distract her from the fact that even though her mother wasn't working on the weekends, she still didn't seem to have time for Faye. So he took her to places like the zoo, the lake house, the park, basically wherever she wanted to go. He listened to her when she spoke, like actually listened. She always had his undivided attention when she was talking. He never pulled the half-listening bullshit parents pulled when their kids spoke. He found her stories fascinating, and her jokes funny, no matter how lame they had actually been.
When Faye grew from a child into a teenager and just desperately needed her daddy, he had been there to hold her and let her cry when some boy had broken her heart, or when she had gotten into another fight with Diana. He is, was she corrected herself, patient, caring, loving, smart, constant. Even when she adopted this badass attitude to keep everyone out—because honestly, everyone leaves, so why bother letting them close—even then he let her be herself and express her feelings as she saw fit.
Her mother yelled and punished her for her attitude and sudden change in clothes, even though the change had actually been more gradual and her mother simply hadn't noticed. Her mother pushed her at the wrong times and tried to console her when all Faye wanted was to be left alone. It was as if Dawn Chamberlain had no idea how to handle her own daughter, and that fact led to more than a few epic blowups between them. When things had gotten to be too much with her mother, her grandfather had always been just a phone call away.
He had been her rock, her anchor, and her calming force in the whirlwind of her mind. Now he was just gone.
Gone.
Simple.
Clean.
Efficient.
Except that it wasn't. True, he was alive in one moment and gone the next, that part was simple and to the point. The harder part was dealing with the aftermath, dealing with all of the emotions that were currently assaulting her already exhausted heart. That part was messy, painful and devastating.
He was gone and she was a wreck. Maybe if she had been able to say goodbye then this would be easier. Except she couldn't even do that, because it had been obvious to them all that he had already been dead for a few days; he was long gone and there wasn't anything she could do to fix that. There was nothing to fix and no one to turn to, no one to help her sort this mess out.
She had had someone else not too long ago, but he had been ripped viciously from her hands just as fiercely as her grandfather had been. And it was her fault that he was no longer there next to her, comforting her and righting her when she stumbled. On the outside, it looked like they didn't get along that well, but the complete opposite of that was actually true. When she was growing up, her grandfather spent a lot of time at Jane Blake's house and she had often been sent outside to play while her grandfather and Cassie's grandmother talked in private.
At first Faye had been put off by it; it felt like her grandfather was ignoring her just like her mother did. Then one morning she was almost run over by a young blonde boy on a bicycle. He had been tearing down the sidewalk, yelling something to his older brother who was running behind him, trying to keep up. Faye had been coloring on the sidewalk with chalk that Jane had given her to play with when she heard a shout. She looked up in time to make eye contact with the boy before he jerked the bike to the left and away from her.
He fell off the bike a few feet away, and that was how Nick Armstrong literally crashed into her life. It was a story the two of them agreed they'd never mention again because Nick had a reputation to protect. They spent everyday together after that, forging their relationship in the steel of childhood friends and had been inseparable.
It may have looked like an odd friendship to anyone who knew them. But they got each other. They didn't have to speak to communicate and they both knew what it felt like to have absent parents. They both liked gross things like bugs and mud, and adventuring into the woods when they were old enough. More often than not though, they preferred to sit in a comfortable silence simply enjoying the presence of the other, even if no words were ever exchanged.
No one else seemed to understand Faye's tendency to build her walls around herself like Nick had. That was because his were just as tall, just as strong, and just as secure. They trusted each other, and that was enough for them. Their introverted personalities were protected with each other and they actually helped the other build the confident façade the rest of the world saw. No one else knew that they were more broken, scared and vulnerable than the other young kids in Chance Harbor.
When Faye had put her faith in Jake and gave him her heart, only for him to return it in a million pieces, it was Nick that held her together. It was Nick who let her cry and fall apart. It was Nick who put her back on her feet, Nick she trusted enough to see who she really was…even after she shut out the rest of the world.
And it was Faye that Nick ran to when Sally of all people broke his heart.
They hadn't always been the ice queen and the aloof rebel. They knew about the other's scars and could ease the pain that came when they were ripped open again. Their friendship meant that they weren't alone, that as long as the other one was there, someone would always see them. As long as she had Nick and Nick had her, they wouldn't simply fade into oblivion to be forgotten, which was one fear they both shared.
It had been naïve of her to think that Nick would be there forever, or that her grandfather would always be her safe haven. It had been young and stupid of her to think that someone, anyone, would stay simply because they cared. Everything Faye had worked so hard to build had been ripped away in a matter of seconds. A seemingly innocent series of choices, though done for the right reasons, had combined to weave a future that no one could have predicted.
And it was all Cassie Blake's fault.
Cassie Blake, the perfect golden child who everyone loved and adored. She was the girl who could do no wrong, even when it was her decision to do the spell to free Heather. It was Cassie who knew exactly which buttons to push to get Faye to go along with her. It had been Cassie who ultimately got Nick killed. And it was Cassie who found her grandfather.
Cassie Blake was everywhere and she was screwing everything up. It had taken years for Faye to build her safe little world where everything made sense. Nick and Melissa were her best friends, her mother had become predictable to the point of boredom, her grandfather was there for her, Diana and Adam were dating… everything was going well, everything made sense.
Then Cassie came along and flipped everything upside down. Diana and Adam broke up, her mother sat up and took notice of the new girl in town, and Nick and her grandfather were dead. Faye was sure it was all Cassie Blake's fault. Nothing made sense anymore and it was her fault.
Faye wanted to hate Cassie. She wanted to make the blonde's life a living hell, and she wanted to make her pay for what she did to Faye's calm, predictable life. Most of all, she wanted to hate Cassie's crystal blue eyes.
Ever since Cassie showed up in Chance Harbor, it seemed like she could see right through Faye's walls. It was like there wasn't a barrier tall enough, a structure secure enough to protect the real Faye from Cassie's gaze. No one had been able to see her like that, no one other than Nick.
The fact that it seemed to be so easy for Cassie scared the ever-loving crap out of Faye. That was why, more than anything else, she wanted to hate Cassie Blake.
The problem was that everywhere Faye turned, Cassie was there. Cassie, the girl who could see when the Faye was really hurt by something, who could read the emotions flowing through Faye with ease and genuinely cared about Faye. In the few short weeks since she arrived, it seemed like Cassie had figured out all of Faye's tricks to keep people at arms length and knew exactly how to handle Faye. Cassie knew when to push, when to back off, and when to wait patiently for Faye to open up to her. The worst part of it all was that Faye had opened up to her without even realizing that she was doing it.
Their connection had been immediate. As soon as their eyes met in the hallway at school, Faye felt like she had known Cassie Blake for years, and they fell into a friendship like they had in fact grown up together. It wasn't long before Faye was telling Cassie things that no one knew, not even Nick. It was Cassie that Faye now ran to when she was having problems. It was Cassie that Faye was trusting to hold her together, and keep her safe.
True they still had their fights, but that was because they knew each other so well. When everything settled after their spat, they made up without really having to say anything about the matter at all.
Now with both Nick and her grandfather gone, the idea of having someone close, of trusting someone so completely, terrified her. What if something happened to Cassie as well? What if the witch hunters succeeded and Cassie was ripped from her fingers just like Nick and her grandfather had been?
Those were things that Faye couldn't deal with, so a few days after her grandfather's funeral when Cassie had shown up to check on her, Faye had pushed her away and shut the door in Cassie's face with a scathing remark for good measure. She ignored the pain and confusion that had flashed in blue eyes right before the door clicked shut. She was Faye Chamberlain. She didn't need anyone.
At least that's what she had been trying to convince herself of these past couple of days.
Xxx-xxxxx-xxX
My sanctuary, my hide away, my secret window
Nobody can see me when I disappear into my place
My complications, my fantasies, my destinations
Never going to let you get into my head it`s my
Sanctuary
Faye toyed with the potion vial in her hand. It was what was left of the intoxicating potion she and Nick had made right before he died. She was trying to decide whether she wanted to finish it now, that way she wouldn't have to feel all of the emotions flowing through her anymore. It would give her the slightest reprieve from the heartache, the smallest moment to actually breathe. She uncapped it and downed the rest of it in one mouthful. She knew it was stupid, she was only supposed to use it one drop at a time, but she couldn't bring herself to care really.
She lay back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. Her mother was off doing God knew what, and because it was a Saturday, Faye didn't expect her back until late. She sighed as the potion started to do its job and the edges of her understanding, of her reasoning, began to blur and haze over. Things that had been bothering her seconds before didn't seem all that important right now. In the next few minutes, the pain and hurt would fade as well, and she'd be left with a peaceful numbness. It was this moment that Faye craved. It meant that she could just be, could focus on simply breathing and not have to worry about Nick, her grandfather, her screwed up home life, or Cassie.
The best part of being numb was that when she thought about Cassie, her heart didn't jump, or flutter, or whatever the hell it did whenever the blonde was around. Even with the death of Nick and her grandfather, there wasn't anything more frightening to Faye than what she felt when she was around Cassie Blake. Every time Faye saw Cassie, her heart yanked and tugged on her subconscious like a magnet pulling her ever closer to the shorter witch.
A knock at the front door pulled Faye out of her musings. She sat up and peeked out the window to see who was at her door. Speak of the devil, she thought with a frown.
Cassie was standing on her porch with that determined look on her face. Faye rolled her eyes and lay back down. Maybe if she ignored the other girl, Cassie would just go away.
"Faye!" Cassie shouted through the door.
Guess not.
"Come on Faye. I know you're in there. Open the door."
The pleading in Cassie's voice made Faye's heart jerk again. It felt like it was screaming for Cassie and there wasn't anything Faye could do to make it stop. She turned over on the couch and hugged one of the throw pillows to her chest; there was something she could do, she could open the door and throw herself into Cassie's waiting arms. But she was damned if she was going to do that.
She was Faye Chamberlain. She didn't need anyone.
The unannounced visitor on her porch had definitely put a damper on the high Faye had been trying to achieve. Instead, Cassie's insistent knocking was only making Faye's heart ache in longing. Faye had spent the last few days wishing that someone would see how badly she was dealing with everything. She had prayed that one of her friends would come and save her from herself, that they would see that she was drowning in her emotions and couldn't for the life of her remember which way was up. But now that Cassie was here and caring like she always did, Faye couldn't bring herself to open the door.
"I know you can hear me Faye. I know you think you're alone right now, but you're not. Please Faye. Open the door," Cassie's voice cracked before a defeated thud echoed in the empty foyer.
Faye peeked out the window again to see Cassie with her forehead against the door, her blonde hair creating a barrier between Faye's eyes and the other girl's face. It wasn't until Cassie pulled her head back again that Faye could see the pain and the heartbreak there.
Cassie was breaking right there on her front porch.
Realization dawned on Faye. This was just as hard for Cassie as it was for her. She hadn't thought about it, because honestly, why would she? Nick was her best friend and her grandfather was the most important person in Faye's life. It only made sense that Faye would be the one most devastated by all of the tragedy
Except, it wasn't just Faye that was breaking in this situation. In the two incidents, Cassie was the common denominator; she was the one thing both deaths had in common. She was the one who suggested that they do the spell to free Heather, and she was the one to find the bodies of both Nick and her grandfather. It only made sense that Cassie would be having as hard a time dealing with all of this as Faye was.
Cassie had reached out to her, and Faye had thought it was for Faye's sake. Now, though, it was obvious that Cassie had reached out to her so they could help each other heal. Cassie was asking for help, and Faye had missed it.
Without even realizing that she had moved, Faye was on her feet and walking towards the front door. She reached out, grasped the handle and hesitated. This was it. If she opened the door, she was allowing Cassie into her life and behind her walls. If she opened the door, it would give Cassie permission to permeate every aspect of Faye's life.
The sound of fabric sliding down the door brought Faye out of her musings. "I'm not leaving Faye," Cassie said, her muffled voice floating up from somewhere near Faye's feet.
This time it was Faye's forehead that made contact with the wooden door in front of her. Cassie was on the other side of the door and she was in the process of shattering into tiny little pieces right there. Cassie—her friend, her protector, the girl who made her heart pound in ways no one else ever had—was falling apart within reach, and all Faye had to do was open the door.
Visions of Nick and her grandfather swam through the haze of her consciousness. Too many memories, too many thoughts were currently assaulting her mind. She had taken the potion in hopes that it would quiet all the noise that was ringing in her ears, making it impossible for her to think for even one second. But it hadn't, and now Faye had to make a choice.
Nick and her grandfather had been there for her. She had opened herself up to them; let them see her for who she really was. And then they died. They died and left her all alone with no one to lean on, no one who understood who she was. She had trusted them, and they betrayed that trust by leaving.
Now Cassie was here, offering to fill the void left by Nick and her grandfather. She was willing to stand by Faye no matter what, to be that person for Faye. She was offering to pick up the pieces left by death and put them back together one by one, to hold Faye together.
Cassie was offering. All Faye had to do was accept.
Faye squeezed her eyes shut as tears started to fall. She desperately wanted to open the door. She wanted to be able to show Cassie who she was; she wanted to trust Cassie not to break her like Nick and her grandfather had. Yet the cold tendrils of fear had wound around her limbs, around her heart, and she couldn't seem to open the door. Her mind was screaming at her to do that, to open the door and let Cassie in, but her body wasn't moving.
"Faye…"
If she hadn't been leaning her head against the door, Faye was sure she would have missed the broken sob that came from the other side. That was it. There was her answer.
Without stopping to think about it, Faye yanked the door open so quickly that Cassie, who had been sitting with her back against it, almost fell into the Chamberlain house. Faye couldn't stop the strangled sob that clawed at her throat.
"Cassie."
The blonde in question was immediately on her feet, her tear filled blue eyes studying hazel ones. They stood there for a moment, both searching for something from the other. When both found the promise to be there, Cassie launched herself at Faye.
Faye grabbed onto the shorter witch, her hands twisting into the fabric on the back of Cassie's shirt. Cassie's face immediately buried itself in the crook of Faye's neck as her hands grabbed onto the taller witch's shoulders. They stood that way for a few minutes, both afraid to break the contact first.
Finally Cassie sniffled. "Don't you dare do that again."
Faye tightened her hold on the other girl in response. Cassie pulled back just enough so she could look Faye in the eye. "I mean it," she started. "You don't get to shut me out."
Faye nodded tearfully, but remained silent. Cassie pulled her tight again.
"I thought I had lost you," Cassie sighed against Faye's neck.
"I'm right here," Faye mumbled.
Cassie pulled back, disentangling herself from Faye. "Are you?" she asked.
Confusion darkened Faye's gaze. "What?"
"Are you here? For real?"
"Cassie…"
"No Faye! I need to know that you're here with me and that you aren't going to retreat back behind your walls again when this is over!"
Faye reached out to comfort the blonde. "I'm here Cass."
Cassie shrugged off Faye's attempt to soothe her fears. "You didn't have to see yourself at the lake house, Faye. You were slipping so far from me, and I couldn't reach you…"
Cassie dropped her eyes and took a deep breath. "You were right there, without being there at all. I…I couldn't help you, and I'm scared for you. I'm scared you're going to slip right back there once this blows over. And I won't… I won't…"
Faye's hand settled under Cassie's chin. "I can't promise that," she whispered as she lifted Cassie's face level with her own. "I can't promise I won't try to do that. But this time I have you to help me."
Cassie's brow furrowed in confusion. Faye sighed as she continued, her thumb idly brushing against Cassie's cheek. "No one sees me like you do, Cass. Ever since the first day you got here, you have managed to break through my walls and see me for who I am."
Faye leaned down and rested her forehead against Cassie's. "You get me, so you'll know how hard this is going to be for me."
Cassie's arms settled around Faye's waist as the brunette continued. "I need you."
Cassie nodded as she took another deep breath. "I'm here Faye," she whispered.
The promise carried on that quiet exhalation of air struck Faye to her core. The tears started again at the severity carried in that statement. "Promise?"
The other girl simply nodded. Faye's heart wrenched at the twisted yet simplistic ease of their relationship. "You won't leave?" Faye managed to choke out.
"No."
"Cassie," Faye tried to explain how important that one thing was to her, but Cassie cut her off.
"I couldn't if I wanted to."
"Why?"
Cassie tried to pull away from Faye, but Faye was stronger and kept her from turning away completely. Cassie sighed, "You wouldn't understand."
"Tell me," Faye pleaded.
Cassie shook her head. "I can't," she countered.
Faye tugged her closer as Cassie tried to turn away again. "Please Cassie. Tell me."
"Let me go, Faye."
"Not until you tell me."
The look in Cassie's eye was almost enough for Faye to concede… almost. "Why can't you leave? Please, Cassie. I need to hear you say it."
Cassie sighed in exasperation. "You wouldn't get it!"
"Try me," Faye challenged.
"Fine!" Cassie snapped before she surged forward.
Faye didn't have time to comprehend what was about to happen, or why Cassie was moving toward her so quickly. She wasn't even sure what was going through her mind prior to this moment. All she really knew was that she had an armful of Cassie Blake and the girl in question was currently pressing her own lips to Faye's.
The kiss started out gently enough, but quickly turned frantic when Faye didn't respond immediately. Cassie's hands gripped either side of Faye's face as she tried to pull the taller girl down to her level, closer to her; she was pouring her soul into the kiss and Faye still hadn't responded. There was a connection there between them, Cassie had been sure of it, all she had to do was take that leap, and she had.
Faye remained frozen in place. She hadn't met Cassie half way like the blonde had originally assumed she would. Faye wasn't kissing her back.
She doesn't feel the same.
That realization slammed into Cassie and her chest protested at the pain that erupted there as if she had literally been hit. Cassie stumbled back to look Faye in the eye; she had to know for sure. There was absolutely no emotion in the usually expressive hazel eyes that Cassie loved so much.
That was all the information Cassie needed. She had actually thrown herself at Faye, only to have Faye reject her. That stung. No, it did more than sting; it tore her heart apart, smashed it into a thousand little pieces with edges so raw and exposed it felt like hot razorblades were currently coursing through her. The pain was immediate and so intense that Cassie through for sure she was going to be sick.
"What… was that?" Faye whispered in question.
Cassie's eyes widened in fear, she had just ruined the best friendship she had ever had. "Faye," Cassie tried to back pedal. She had to fix this. She had to shove all of her feelings back into the box she used to hold everything that was Faye Chamberlain. She had to, no matter what it meant for her. "I'm sorry. I… I didn't…I should go."
Cassie turned to run. The only thought running through her mind in that moment was how far she had to go to get away from Faye. Maybe distance between them could fix her heart; maybe distance between them could fix the friendship Cassie had just thrown away so carelessly. She should have been able to fight the feelings.
She was halfway down the porch steps when a hand wrapped around her wrist and pulled her back.
"Let me go Faye!"
Cassie immediately started to struggle against Faye's grip. The brunette shook her head vehemently. "No, Cassie stop! You can't run… I need you to stay."
Something in Faye's voice caught Cassie's attention. She forced herself to calm down and meet Faye's gaze. "Faye—"
"Where were you going?"
That question stopped the apology on Cassie's lips. She shook her head, "What?" she asked.
Fay cupped Cassie's cheek. "What are you running from?"
Cassie rolled her eyes and tried to pull away. "Are you serious! I screwed this up. I let my emotions get the best of me and took advantage of you. I put myself out there like an idiot and you obviously don't feel the same…"
Cassie was silenced this time by Faye's lips on hers. Cassie's hands twisted in Faye's shirt to hold her in place, afraid that if she let go Faye would run. Faye's hands grabbed Cassie's hips as she tugged the shorter witch closer to deepen the kiss.
They melted into each other, both relishing how good this felt, how right and complete they felt in this moment. The kiss was slow and gentle, allowing both girls to express exactly what they were feeling for the other.
Cassie was the first to break away; a question was making it difficult for her to focus on the feeling of Faye against her. "What…?" she asked as she blinked a few times to clear her head.
Faye sighed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind Cassie's ear. "You were running from me before I could explain. You were doing exactly what you made me promise not to do, and I couldn't very well let you leave like that."
Anger flashed in Cassie's blue eyes. "So you kissed me! You can't play with people like that Faye!"
"Who said I was playing?"
Cassie pulled up short and simply stared at Faye. After a few moments she shook her head as she blinked her eyes in confusion. "I don't think I follow. First you don't kiss me, and then you do kiss me. What is going on Faye?"
Faye but her lip and turned away from Cassie as she crossed her arms over her chest. Cassie could see the vulnerability rolling off of Faye in waves. Then it dawned on her, "You feel something for me, don't you?"
Faye hesitated before she nodded.
Cassie took the couple of steps toward the other girl. She stood in front of Faye and felt the momentary surge of hope die inside of her only to be replaced just as quickly by concern when she saw that Faye's eyes were screwed shut.
How much could one person go through before they broke completely?
"Faye. Look at me," Cassie pleaded.
Faye shook her head in refusal. Cassie reached up and gently cupped Faye's cheek, her thumb tracing soothing patterns on the skin there. "What is it?" she questioned gently.
Faye bit down on her lip harder but the whimper escaped anyway.
"Faye you can tell me, whatever it is."
"I'm broken," Faye whispered.
Confusion clouded Cassie's eyes. "I don't understand Faye. And I won't get it unless you explain it to me," she soothed.
Faye threw her hands in the air and growled in exasperation, her eyes finally snapping open to meet Cassie's. "Yes, all right! I feel something for you and that scares me! It scares me because I have never felt this way before. But it doesn't matter because I'm broken and you're just going to leave!"
Cassie reached out and grabbed Faye's flailing hands. She gently guided them back to the space between them, her hands still holding tightly to the brunette's. "I'm not going anywhere Faye. I'm right here."
"We can't be anything Cassie," Faye tried to explain.
Cassie squeezed Faye's hands. "Why not? There's something there and we both feel it! Let's just see where it goes," she protested.
Faye shook her head and tried to take her hands back, but Cassie held them tighter. "We can't."
"Why not?" Cassie demanded.
"Because I won't be good for you. I'm broken and fucked up! Everyone I care about dies! And I can't lose you, okay? I'd rather be your friend than risk your life Cass!"
Cassie recoiled slightly at the emotion that laced that confession. "You don't have to protect me, Faye, especially not from yourself." She tugged on the brunette's hands until Faye took a step closer and then wrapped her arms around the other girl. "We can protect each other."
Faye shook her head even as she buried her head in Cassie's hair. "You don't get it. I will bring you down and destroy you. I'm messed up Cassie."
Cassie pulled back and ran a hand through Faye's hair. "I don't care," she soothed.
Faye pursed her lips in disapproval. "You should. There are too many pieces of me that I've lost and won't ever be able to find. I don't know who I am anymore. I'm empty and broken and worthless!"
"Stop saying that!" Cassie shook her head once, quick and determined.
"It's true!" Faye argued.
"I don't care! I'll find them and help you put yourself back together."
"Why!" Faye snapped.
"Because I care about you, and I see you. Underneath this badass persona you flaunt, you are a good person. You're kind and caring and protective. You're loyal, and vulnerable, and scared. But damn it Faye! You aren't broken."
"I am," she protested weakly.
Cassie's eyes softened. "Let me help you. Your darkness may scare you, but it doesn't scare me, Faye. I'm not going to run away, okay?"
"What if I hurt you?"
Cassie shrugged. "It's worth the risk. You're worth the risk."
That was the final blow to Faye's walls. There wasn't anything left standing that could protect Faye from being hurt anymore. Cassie Blake had just obliterated the last bit of the defenses that Faye had painstakingly built over the years.
A sob wracked Faye's body as she felt herself hit rock bottom. This was the moment that she had been terrified of, knowing that she was open and vulnerable with no one there to catch her.
Strong arms wrapped around her and Cassie's gentle voice washed over her like a shield. "It's okay Faye. I'm right here. It's okay," the blonde soothed.
Cassie's lips were on hers again. This time Cassie was proving that she was there physically and emotionally. So much love and understanding flowed between them in that moment that no kiss either girl had ever received even came close to comparing.
Faye held Cassie tighter. "Don't leave. I need you."
"I know. I know, Faye. It's okay."
The promise held there in that moment was enough to make Faye believe that healing was possible. With Cassie holding her like this, it wasn't completely impossible for Faye to start believing in herself again.
Her walls had been built so long ago, and even though her grandfather and Nick had been there to help her through the hardest times, neither of them had actually ever been allowed all the way in. Faye had convinced herself that there wasn't anyone out there that could look at her darkness and her twisted nature and not run in fear.
Her grandfather had tried. Nick had wanted to be that person. But Faye hadn't been able to let them behind her walls all the way. It was different with Cassie.
With Cassie, it was easy to trust her; it was easy to let her see everything Faye was. Cassie had seen the real Faye and here she was, still holding Faye like her life depended on it. Maybe both their lives did depend on this connection between them.
Asking Faye to leave her walls down was an impossible request. Cassie knew this and she knew that there would be times when Faye would want to hide, when she would want to push everyone away. Faye's walls would stay in place, but maybe she could build them around Cassie too this time to keep them both safe from the world.
"Shhh Faye. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."
I'm not going anywhere.
Faye squeezed Cassie once more before letting her out of the embrace and sliding her hand into Cassie's. With a gentle tug, she pulled the other girl into her house. They had a lot to talk about and figure out. But Cassie was there. And she wasn't going anywhere. That was enough for Faye.