When James made the decision to leave Project Purity, there was only one place he thought of going: Megaton. At 18, he'd gone there to study medicine with Doc Church; it was there that he had his first sexual experience with a male, Colin Moriarity. And at the time he thought it was love. He knew better now, after meeting Catherine. Her sultry voice and sharp mind had rendered him powerless. Then it occurred to him that Colin had a sexy voice as well, one that he would be hearing again very soon.
It was early in the morning when Star Paladin Cross, James and the baby arrived at the front gates of Megaton. The Wasteland was almost beautiful at this time of the day; the wind softly whistled, the stars smiled down from the sky and it was harder to see the surrounding devastation. James thought he detected the faintest flutter of his pulse; since Catherine's death he had shut down emotionally, so this flutter intrigued him. No doubt it was respect for the gates that guarded Megaton, the gates that now lifted at Deputy Weld's command. Finally the way was cleared to his party, and they meandered forward into Megaton.
The town hadn't changed much since James had left it, just had more townsfolk. There was the bomb at the center, and Doc Church's clinic to his right. They would have to find a place to stay for the week, which meant risking an encounter with Colin. James hoped Colin was asleep, but he knew better. Colin hardly slept. They climbed the ramp to Moriarity's saloon, and James kept a strong facade despite his growing unease.
Their path wound around the undetonated bomb in the center of town. He was grateful the baby didn't cry much; James Junior was currently fast asleep in his arms. As Cross put her hand on the door to the saloon, he felt his pulse flutter again. He was tired, they all just needed some rest after such a harrowing trip. Crossing the wasteland was never easy, and with a baby it was a nightmare. James was supremely grateful for the paladin's assistance.
And then they were inside the saloon. James' eyes roamed the room but all he saw was a ghoul at the bar. He felt tension he didn't know he had ease as Cross talked to the bartender, who introduced himself as Gob, about renting a room. They spoke efficiently and in no time the group was on the way up to the rooms. Cross had the room right next to his, which he was surprisingly grateful for. Was he expecting trouble? He supposed that was just the tiredness talking. It wasn't too much longer before James joined his son in sleep.
He woke to the baby fussing; judging by the sunlight filtering through the cracks in the wall, it was mid afternoon. Cross had been carrying Junior's formula in her rucksack, he was about to go get it when the paladin knocked at the door to his room, announcing she had brought Junior's food. His gratitude for her tripled at that moment. Since they arrived at Megaton ahead of schedule, they had a week before James' appointment with the overseer of Vault 101. He knew Cross wouldn't abandon her mission until they both were safely in the vault so the two discussed what they would do with that free time while Junior fed. James and Cross got along very well, but he was concerned that spending an additional week attached at the hip would get old for her. He suggested she go explore the town while he stayed in the room with the baby; she countered that she would enjoy spending time with the baby, and he could have some adult only time. He felt another flutter then. Alone, in Megaton. Where Colin lived, where Colin ruled behind the scenes. Was he afraid of Colin? Absolutely not. Hadn't it just been youthful sexual experimentation? Sex and love weren't the same thing. Well, with Catherine it was. Absolutely NOT with Colin. So he agreed to some time away from his son and rummaged through his pack to find something to change into. Perhaps he'd take a shower - surely there was a shower in this place. Since there was no sense in changing before showering, he wandered out of his room with his clothing for the day in his hand. Cross shouted good bye from the door to her room, Junior safely in her arms. He smiled gratefully at her and descended the stairs to the main room. But not before pausing to survey the room from the top of the stairs. Still no Colin; James mused he was sleeping off a drug binge. An image of the two of them intimately engaged while on a Jet-induced high flashed through his mind, along with a fourth flutter. He squashed it down and focused on the matter at hand.
Gob informed him that there was in fact a communal shower available, free to those who rent a room. He also inquired about how many more days they would be staying. James paid for the week and headed in the direction Gob indicated the shower was. He noticed that his senses were heightened, as they were on his party's trek across the Wastelands. Surely nobody would harm him here; nobody but Colin, Doc Church and perhaps Lucas Simms would remember him. Gob apparently forgot all about James, and the thought that flashed through his mind was that Colin made him forget. James shook his head to clear his mind of the strange thoughts as he set his clothing on the stool next to the shower.
He disrobed and set the dirty clothes under the stool, stepped in and yanked the tattered curtain closed. As the lukewarm spray sluiced over him, he tried to clear his mind and just revel in the moment. Being clean had been an unattainable dream during the days they hurried across the Wasteland from Project Purity to Megaton. He hoped no one else needed the shower anytime soon, he planned to stay in here a while.
And right after he finished that thought, the curtain to the tiny room slid open to reveal Colin Moriarity. James jerked his head around to stare at the intruder and he blanched at the sight. Other than the gray in his hair and a beard, Colin looked very much the same as he did in his youth. Medium length hair (soft, so soft), pale green eyes (like a glass of radiation free water), alluring lips permanently affixed in a soft smirk. Colin slowly dragged his eyes over James' naked, wet body. James thought he saw the smirk disappear for just a second, the same second that he felt his cheeks begin to burn. Burn? What had happened between them was only experimental, there were no feelings involved! Catherine was his soul mate; the one who would possess his heart even in death. Perhaps it was discomfort over being so openly appraised by a man who was essentially a stranger now. His traitorous mind flashed images of whispered intimate post-coital conversations and he cut those short by focusing on his annoyance at being interrupted.
Before James could say anything, Colin spoke. "Well, well! If it isn't me old friend James. Gob told me you were here and I thought the useless ass were lyin' to me. Aren't you looking well?"
James distantly noticed the water hitting him; his primary focus was on Colin's eyes, which had moved back down to observe his crotch. He felt the urge to cover himself and dismissed it. After all, he had dignity and nothing to hide. Without taking his eyes off Colin's face, he shut off the water. The silence felt heavy, and Colin's gaze felt heavier. He had no idea what to say, so he stayed silent. The moment stretched on forever, and Colin's eyes moved back up to his. He was grateful for that, he was beginning to feel warm and... nervous.
"Is the woman you're with the mother of yer baby, James?"
James wanted so very badly to reach for the towel he had placed atop his clean clothes. But that would mean moving closer to him. His mouth was dry, he had no idea how to respond. It had just been a flingwith Colin, there were no emotions involved. Say something, damn it!
"Colin. This couldn't have waited until I was done cleaning up?"
Colin chuffed and leaned against the door frame. "Well now, where's the fun in that? So, the behemoth with the impressive armor, who is she?"
"A friend. Would you be so kind as to hand me my towel?" He was imagining the growing heat. The saloon was stuffy due to the lack of windows. Maybe he needed more rest. Colin was just a man. The man who ran Megaton in the shadows, but still just a man. Colin regarded him a moment more before complying with James' request. James dried himself off as quickly as possible and wrapped the towel around his waist. He thought he saw something that looked like disappointment flash across Colin's face.
James didn't bother to disguise his frustration with the situation in his voice. "Thank you. Now, I know you well enough to know you want something. What is it?"
"Just some of yer time, James. My room is behind the bar. Sometime in the next week, I'd like to have a wee chat with you. Perhaps tonight, if the amazon hasn't already laid claim to yer evening." Colin gave one last appraisal of James' body, and left.
James dressed in a hurry in case Colin came back. When had he observed their arrival? Or had Gob filled him in on the details? Did he feel up to dealing with Colin so soon after a stressful trip? What could he possibly want? It had been many years but he saw telltale signs during the brief encounter that Colin was very serious about something, and it wasn't catching up on old times. A dark glint in his eye, the almost imperceptible loss of the smirk. And James doubted the timing of Colin's visit was an accident. He undoubtedly watched their arrival from the shadowy area at the back of the bar that led to his room and bided his time until he could catch James at his most vulnerable. So, going to see the man was a bad idea. But it was hard to avoid him when he and Colin were under the same roof for an entire week. James sighed and resolved himself to the fact that he would be visiting Colin this evening. Get it over with, like ripping off a band aid.
James went to run his plans past Cross, and she was delighted to have the extra time with the baby. He told her he wanted to reacquaint himself with the city that helped mold him into the doctor he was today. He felt a cold ball of dread in the pit of his stomach. Not a flutter, not chills, but flat out dread. He could handle himself, there was no reason for it. He shot what he hoped was a casual goodbye to his guardian and steeled himself for the upcoming discussion.
His thoughts turned darker as he slowly descended the stairs. What could Colin possibly want to discuss? Colin was the one who labeled what they did as a "casual fling, mere experimentation". He felt a long forgotten frisson of anger surface from deep within his mind. And he pushed it down, down with the rest of the feelings buried after the death of his wife. Nothing would happen tonight. Colin wanted to know why he was back after so many years, wanted to hear why he arrived with a baby in tow and no wife. He just wanted to gossip to alleviate the boredom of life in Megaton. Sheriff Simms and his deputies kept things stable within the rusted metal walls of the tiny town; even a self-styled Irish crime boss would get bored enough to gossip.
When James hit the bottom of the stairs, the door to the saloon opened to admit another customer. Before the door closed, James noted the sun was very low in the sky; evening was only moments away. When was the last time he had eaten? James ordered a squirrel on a stick from Gob and listened to the radio as he waited for his food to arrive. When it came, he made quick work of the squirrel chunks. Dealing with Colin really worked up an appetite, apparently. And then he was done eating, and had nothing else to prolong the inevitable with. He squared his shoulders, and checked with Gob that his boss was in the back room. He was? Oh good. James ran his hand through his hair, sighed, and made a beeline towards the door to Colin's quarters.
He hesitated a moment, then knocked. There was a rustling noise. A pregnant pause and then: "DAMN IT Gob! I don't give a shit about whatever it is that yer comin' to me about! GO AWAY!"
James looked over his shoulder at Gob. Gob winced and shrugged an apology. James turned back to the door and said "Colin. It's James."
After several awkward moments, the door cracked open a bit. Colin looked as if he was on a Psycho high, James thought. The door opened all the way and Colin beckoned him inside. Before he closed the door Colin shouted: "Gob! Ya interrupt me before opening time tomorrow and I'll be wearing yer guts fer garters, understood?" Gob nodded and the door closed. James felt trapped. Trapped? He sighed.
Colin crossed the tiny room to the bottle of whiskey he had open on a desk. He poured two fingers of whiskey into two waiting glasses and passed one glass to James. James took it and immediately drank it, as did Colin. He knew he shouldn't imbibe but they both seemed nervous, and alcohol would dull the tension. Their eyes locked across the small distance. James became aware of how close they were and the tension in the air. Colin refilled their glasses and the liquid disappeared as quickly as it had been poured. James cleared his throat in preparation of speech. And the words didn't come. He was spellbound by the older man's pale blue eyes. And those damn memories broke past his defenses and fought their way into his mind. This was a mistake, he shouldn't have come. Distantly he heard more whiskey poured into his glass. Against his better judgment, he drank it. He needed something to squash the rising tide of panic.
"Because I hold you in high regard, I'm going to cut the crap. But I'm not much good with words, hopefully I make sense. All those years ago, what I told you before you left, I made a mistake."
He blinked, then blinked twice more. "...what?"
"Come now, lad. Surely you remember what I said to ye when you told me you loved me."
James, he of the highly vaunted intelligence, had absolutely no idea what to say or how to react. He must have looked as if he were going to pass out, because Colin poured him another shot. He downed it as quickly as he could; still he had no response.
"James? Are you there?"
Oh dear, he was starting to feel the alcohol kick in. His tongue finally loosened, but his brain was still frozen. "Yes, yes... sorry. I'm just a little confused. You... you made a mistake? What do you mean?"
"I was young and stupid, with dreams of running the world. When you put words to what we had, I was scared, James. I wasn't good with feelings, and I was afraid you'd be a liability. When those in charge have people they care about, that means they have ways of being taken down. It took you leaving, and maybe a few years of maturin', to figure out that I was a complete ass."
And then the alcohol broke down his inhibitions, and that old anger flared up. His fists balled up and he began to shake. Oh, he remembered it all, all right. He gave Colin his heart and Colin wiped his ass with it.
"So you figure a quick apology and a few shots of alcohol... all will be forgiven and I'll hop back into your bed, is that it! DAMN IT, Colin! I just lost my WIFE! She loved me as you never could and bore me a CHILD and DIED doing so! I'm grieving for her, you pompous jerk! You think I can just ignore my feelings, my duty to my newborn child, all because you're SORRY?"
"James..."
"I'm only here because I'm going to Vault 101, because it's one of the only safe places for my SON in this godforsaken environment! I didn't come here because of you! Why would I! You USED me, Colin! You were my first true love and you threw me away, like I was a whore that you'd grown bored of! You devastated me that day! And you LAUGHED - do you remember laughing? I suppose you're going to blame that on nerves. Oh no! You were amused that you had the power to destroy a person's dreams! And you did, YOU DID! I didn't leave Megaton because my studies were complete, I left it because of YOU! I chose Rivet City because it was the only safe city that I could think of that was as far as possible from YOU! And if you had this great epiphany after I left, why didn't you try to find me? I sent word to Doc Church that I had relocated to Rivet City. You're this GREAT crime boss, you know everything about everyone! You couldn't figure that out? You heartless, soulless... ASS! Coming to Megaton was a big mistake, coming here was a HUGE mistake, and I am about to correct it!"
During his tirade, he advanced on Colin. By the end, he was close enough to smell the other man's breath. But this time, he didn't care how close he was. He didn't care about anything other than collecting his party, and leaving this place. There weren't many safe places this close to 101, maybe he could contact Doc Church and...
Colin grabbed his shoulders. And closed the gap, and slammed his lips upon James'.
James struggled, but he was no fighter. He was an intellectual, and in the time it took him to assess what had just happened, Colin locked his right hand behind James' head to prevent him from escaping. His struggles were useless, and his muscles were rapidly becoming uncoordinated from the whiskey. And his brain must be pickled - why else would his lips be responding to the kiss? Colin used his left arm to press James completely against him. The two silently kissed for what felt like an eternity until they had to part to gasp for breath.
"What I was tryin' t'say is that I LOVE ya, always have. You were the only one to have my heart. I don't deserve you an' I know it. I jes'... couldn't let ya disappear again until I told ya. I'm beggin' yer fergiveness, James!"
They stood in the center of his tiny room, still pressed against each other and shaking from the intensity of what they'd just shared. Ohhh, James was not sober. Neither was Colin from the sound of it. He hoped he wouldn't regret not leaving Colin's room at that moment, as he should.
Colin pulled James to him then, and once again they furiously kissed. And nothing else mattered to either of them at that moment; not Megaton, not the whole damn world. No dead wives or crime empires or desperate missions or regretted actions. James began to feel very warm then, he summoned the last of his strength to begin unbuttoning his shirt. Colin realized what he was doing and stepped back to appraise James' chest as it was revealed to him once again, bit by bit. And when the buttons were undone, Colin was the one to step forward and push the shirt gently but firmly off his shoulders, back and down until it was wadded on the floor. He placed his hands on James' arms and slowly guided him backwards to the bed. The back of James' knees hit the bed and he sat down, and Colin squatted down before him. They looked at each other, and somewhere in his hazy mind he realized that Colin hadn't been smirking since he entered the Irishman's room.
Colin began unbuttoning his own shirt then, and it joined its mate on the floor of the tiny room. He sat on the bed next to James, leaned over and nipped at the place where James' neck met his shoulder. He shivered as Colin did that; his body remembered the pleasure of bygone days. The last tiny rational part of his brain tried to protest what are you doing? but James was tired of being consumed with grief and worry and anger. He wanted to be undone by Colin.
And that want is what drove his hands to remove the remainder of his clothing. Colin's had vanished as well; their vestments decorated every possible surface of the room they occupied. They were laying on Colin's dingy bed now, Colin atop James, kissing for all they were worth. Colin's free hand shot out to the nearby nightstand, opened a drawer and groped around inside. He found what he was looking for and pulled away from James just long enough to open the container and pour the liquid onto his fingers. James felt no tension, no fear, no anger, just Colin's fingers entering him, pushing inside, finding that bundle of nerves that propelled him towards ecstasy. And then it wasn't Colin's fingers in him but Colin himself, and all rationality went away and they danced together on the tiny bed. Colin murmured in his ear; my love, my own. His nerves sang, he floated on a river of pleasure and then he knew nothing else but heat and light and he sang his gratification and he dimly heard Colin's song in return.
He woke to a pounding headache and a snoring Irishman draped across his chest.