Chargin' Mah Lazaar!

by Aiatalay

September 22, 2009. I watched the Lazer Collection for the first time, wrote a parody of it using House, MD characters. Be warned: I remember the process took less than a half hour, and the results weren't pretty. But the people said it was funny.

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TITLE: Chargin' Mah Lazar!
PAIRING: Gen (House Wilson Friends FOREVER)

RATING: PG
WARNING: You may want to take a look at the popular internet meme "Shoop Da Woop" before reading this.
SUMMARY: This is what happens when I throw virtual darts at my to do list and say "Write something... Right NOW!". *Thack*

"AHM CHARGIN MAH LAZAAARR!" the black head shouts, and then spurts blue flames all over the screen. Blood spurts from the haples victim it had been staring at, and as the flames subside, nothing is left but white. The viewer in the comfortable black office chair laughs, then hits "replay". The gruesome scene plays again, and House moves on to another link.

*FOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Another scene plays out similarly, except that this time a piece of fruit was attacking. How awesome would it be to go "AHM CHARGIN MAH LAZAAR!" and then proceed to blow whatever you aimed at to smithereens?

House chuckles at the idea, and goes to find Wilson. Wilson is eating beans. Wilson is also working, because that is what he is paid to show up at the hospital to do. House is distracting him, and it's very irritating.

"...and then it goes 'AHM CHARGIN MAH LAZAAR!' and the guy just gets blown away." House is saying. But suddenly, Wilson's mouth erupts with blue flames which House only barely manages to duck away from. Knocked back by the force of the blast, Wilson falls over on the floor, slightly dazed.

House crawls over. "What the hack was that?" he yells, and Wilson just glares. House takes a quick glance at the smoldering hole in the wall between Wilson's office and the conference room. He carefully relocates himself three feet in the other direction.

Wilson sat up. "Where did the blue fire come from?" House shrugs. "It looked like a Shoop. As in 'Shoop Da Woop'," he adds to Wilson's confused expression. "Where something goes "AHM CHARGIN"- wahh!" House ducks to avoid another blast.

Wilson has this time thankfully kept his balance, because he'd felt it building behind his eyes and braced himself for it. House is laying on the floor, hopefully not hurt. "I think it's triggered by saying those words," Wilson says, and pulls House to his feet.

House looks excited. "Can I take you to the-" Wilson cuts him off. "No."

House narrows his eyes. "You never let me have any fun." Wilson rolls his eyes.

"House, I have work to do, I can't be bothered with all this exploding and blue flames."

House looks like he's about to protest, but-

"I'm charging..."

House goes bug eyed and leaves. Wilson smiles. He can now go back to paperwork, though it's a shame his secret got out. Oh, well. Now he's got a window into House's conference room.