September 22, 2008

Name: WARNING: MAGICIS REAL Chapter 1

Fandom: House, M.D.
Pairing: House/Wilson
Summary: House tries out a new prank. Didn't expect it to work. Not only did it work, it worked well.
Disclaimers: The feature presentation is crack!fic. As in, but not limited to: involuntary species change (don't worry! it's funny, not sad.), magic spells being used, and the existence of nymphs. It is also probably supposed to be rated R for themes and language.

Wilson woke up to find that his head was being attacked by fingers. Slimy fingers. "Erk. What going on?", he inquired sleepily.

"Don't move or you'll mess up your hair. Well, you'll mess it up worse than I have. And then it won't even look good."

"...House? What the hell have you done to my hair?" Wilson braced himself for the worst. Anything that involved being woken up before his cell phone alarm went off by fingers in his hair would have some serious explaining to do.

"What I'm do-ing is I'm giving you bright green highlights. And also dark green lowlights. But the lowlights are just because the lady at Cuddy's hair salon said the green parts would look more natural that way. As if their were any way to make green look natural. Personally I think she was just trying to sell me more dye."

"And why are you dyeing 2/3 of my hair green?" Wilson could tell the on the best to worst scale, this was creeping dangerously close to the "worst" end of things.

"Little experiment from a book I got at the library. Now please go back to sleep or something, I'm not finished yet." House started doing something else with his hair that involved rags and Wilson decided that all he could do at the moment was give his best "I'm-very-pissed off-at-you-but-too-damn-tired-to-do-anything-about-it" sigh and closed his eyes. He would asses that damage after he got some more sleep.

-

When he woke up (much later it seemed), it was to the sound of House screaming "What the HELL!" and falling backwards over the coffee table. The first thing he noticed after that was that most of the things around him seemed much bigger than normal. The second thing he noticed, as he tried to sit up in his now very loose shirt, was that he had wings.

To which the only logical response is of course to freeze up and stare dumbly at yourself.

"...HOUSE!"

"It was supposed to be a joke, but-"

"What the HELL?"

"I had NO IDEA that the glitter was actual fairy stuff!"

"What?" Now wilson was confused. Not that he wasn't already, he was just... nah. He was hopelessly confused now.

"There was this spellbook in the library, like "Transfrom!" or something. I thought it would be funny to try one of the spells out on you, because you have to dress up for it. I was so sure it wasn't gonna work, because I don't believe in magic and ah-" House cut off as Wilson looked over at him, not threatening or anything, just curious, and a little worried.

"Is it... permanent?" Wilson looked like he was trying not to laugh at House's shock. And a little like he was trying not to implode from shock himself.

"Uh, lemme check..." House made what looked like a significant effort to tear his eyes off Wilson's and picked up a book from the table he was sitting on. It was thick, leather-bound, and a little worn, but not in overall bad shape. He found the page he was looking for and visibly relaxed. "No, not permanent. It should wear off in like four or five days."

"Four or five days is a while, House. You should call Cuddy and tell her I'm not going to be able to work then."

"Never let it be said that James Wilson ever let work alone." House quipped as he picked up his phone. And wandering back to Wilson's side of the couch.

"House? What do you want?" Wilson could hear her irritation clearly even though he was something like four feet away from the handset. Cool. He had super-hearing.

"Wilson is sick and is gonna need a few days off work to feel better and I'm gonna need a few days off to be his babysitter." he folded the phone shut without waiting for a reply and removed the battery pack when the call was ended. He was not going to be bothered by other people right now.

There was silence for a beat.

"So, um, there was a little pair of shorts in here that you could wear, they're probably about your size."

"Let me see."

House carefully pressed on the page so that it opened into a pocket, and out came a plastic bag filled with shining glitter, a tiny shirt-like article of clothing, a pair of shorts, and a tiny skirt. House picked up the shorts, and handed them to Wilson, and put the female clothes and glitter back in the pocket.

"No ties, unfortunately," he joked

"Oh, well I'm afraid in that case I'll just have to call all this off." Wilson pulled the shorts inside the shirt with him and adjusted his wings so he slid down the pillow on the couch onto the cushion. Good Lord, he couldn't have been more than a foot tall. He pulled on the shorts, which went down to about his knees, and crawled out the other side of the shirt to stand up.

Wilson lightly fluttered his wings and stretched. He was kind of stiff after sleeping on House's couch.

"Wow. Your wings are cool." House admired the way the morning sunlight bounced of the iridescent dragonfly wings on Wilson's bare back. This was more than he'd expected when he'd completed the spell, took a couple pictures with his phone, and went to his room to set his alarm so he could be there and laughing when Wilson woke up as fairy boy.

"Too bad I don't like heights, I would totally use them." House looked incredulous at Wilson's comment.

"You have wings, and you're not going to fly?" Wilson laughed at House's shock.

"I knew you'd react like that!" Wilson climbed up onto the edge of the couch so he wouldn't have to keep craning his neck to see House's face. "I guess I would fly If I knew how, though," he continued as he sat on the edge of the armrest and dangled his legs over the side.

"Basic physics suggest flapping your wings. And also, when pulling them up to flap again, basic physics suggest rotating them so you encounter less air resistance."

"Thank you, Dr. House, for your amazing insight," Wilson drawled sarcastically.

"You know you need it." replied House.

Next Time: "I didn't know I was that high until I looked down..."