Hello minna! This is my first Saiyuki fic, but I've been writing lotsa things before this! Mainly Fushigi Yuugi and Weiss Kreuz… Well, since this is a humor fic it's not really in my normal style… And I swear I didn't know how all the innuendos popped in!

Muses: Yeah, righttttttttttttttt…

Err… This fic hasn't been beta read… *inches away from her Beta reader* So, Gomen nasai for all the funny little errors…

Neways, this fic is dedicated to the Sanzo x Hakkai ML, a present for us hitting the 100 members (and more!) mark. We rock! *Waves Sanzo x Hakkai banner*

Enjoy the fic minna! ^_^

Title: Kanzeon's Secret

Chapters: 1/1 (one-shot)

Genre: Humor

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Sanzo x Hakkai, Hakkai x Sanzo

Disclaimer: Gensoumaden Saiyuki belongs to Minekura Kazuya

Warnings: Innuendos. ^_^ Yaoi innuendos.

Author notes: Ehehehe… Everything here is for humor purposes! I have nothing against anything mentioned here! But this much fun can't be legal! XD!!!

Written on: 29 March 2003

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"……" Speech

(……) Authors Notes/ Comments

[……] Thoughts

((……)) Sounds

*……* Actions/Emotions

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Kanzeon's Secret

It was a sunny day, and all was peacefully in the unnaturally green forest. Birds sang, bees buzzed, and the giant purple plot bunnies of doom… Oh. Wait. There are no giant purple plot bunnies of doom. The giant plot bunnies of doom are pink. Anyways…

But all this peace was soon shattered.

"Sanzooooooooooo!!! I'm hungryyyyyyyy!!!"

The said monk twisted around in his seat. "Urusai, bakazaru."

Goku sniffed dejectedly. "But yesterday night, Hakkai told you that he was hungry, and then you both went up to your room, and I suppose that Hakkai got foooood since he was looking all happy this morning."

The two front passengers turned various shades of red.

Goku didn't notice that of course. He leaned back, looking up at the sky. "Which is also pretty weird that Hakkai is happy, since the both of you were screaming all night at each other."

Gojyo choked on his own laughter. "Bakazaru! They were-"

The jeep swerved suddenly, depositing Gojyo in a nice muddy puddle on the forest road.

"Whoops." Hakkai smiled.

Gojyo glared suspiciously at Hakkai, but decided that quietly getting back into the jeep was better than causing a fuss. Especially since Sanzo was polishing his gun, complete with a murderous gleam in his eye.

But he had to say something; after all, Sha Gojyo doesn't take things sitting down, not even in a sitting down in a puddle of mud!

"Ne, we've been traveling for quite long. We should have reached the West by now." He pulled out a cigarette and began smoking.

All the birds in the nearby trees fainted from the nicotine.

Sanzo, Hakkai and Goku all raised one eyebrow at Gojyo.

Gojyo glared at them. "It's not my fault! See, this is what happens if you're a vegetarian." The poor little fruit-eating birds did not respond. "See! You need to eat meat, then you would have survived." He sulked. Stupid birds with no immunity.

Goku peered over the side of the jeep at all the poor little birds. "You're mean, you know that?"

Gojyo took another long puff on his cigarette. "At least I'm not a bakazaru!"

"Who are you calling a stupid monkey?"

"I'm talking to you, bakazaru!"

"I'm not a bakazaru, ero kappa!"

"Teme…"

"Ero kappa!"

"Bakazaru!"

"Ero kappa!"

"Bakazaru!"

"Ero-"

Somewhere up there in the wide blue sky, an eagle dodged a flying bullet, squawking indignantly.

Somewhere down there in a forest road, in a small green jeep, it was very quiet.

So the Sanzo-ikkou continued to travel through the forest, and all was at peace again. After all, it is always peaceful when Sanzo is reloading his gun, ne?

-~=*[^]*=~-

They soon left the forest, and came to a breezy high cliff, complete with soaring gulls and a nice sea breeze.

Something was wrong.

Hakkai stopped the jeep. "Wait. A sea breeze?"

The Sanzo-ikkou got out of the jeep and walked to the edge of the cliff. Below them, a sapphire blue sea shimmered in the afternoon sunlight, stretching out to the horizon. They could just make out a green mass there, across the azure expanse.

Hakkai furrowed his brows. "This can't be right." The green-eyed Youkai strode over to the jeep, removing some maps from the glove compartment. He spread the maps out on the bonnet, frowning to himself. "Minna, I think we need to get some help."

They climbed back into the jeep again, and set off down the winding road that hugged the cliff. Hakkai has suggested that since the maps had indicated that a small village would be nearby, maybe they could go there and get some help.

Sanzo had agreed with Hakkai's suggestion. After all, even if they couldn't get any help, they could always get a couple of rooms for the night. And since it was a small village, they might have to share rooms. He might get to share a room with Hakkai, he mused. Sharing a room with Hakkai was always fun.

He was jerked out of his thoughts by Hakkai's hand. More precisely, Hakkai's hand on his thigh. "Hakkai…" he hissed.

"Sanzo… I'm afraid we're in trouble." Hakkai finally removed his hand to point at a big black cloud that was chasing them.

Sanzo twisted around. "What on earth is that?"

The big black cloud was swiftly overtaking them, and now that it got closer, they could see that it was made up of many little black birds.

"Why are they following us?" Gojyo inched away from the big black flock of birds.

"I think they're following your advice Gojyo." Hakkai switched to turbo mode.

Gojyo turned white.

The big black flock of birds all chirped eagerly and pulled out various forks and knives.

"But why us?" Goku wailed.

"Well, I suppose we were the easiest food to get. After all, earthworms live underground, ne?" Hakkai grinned as they sped away.

But the big black flock was getting closer, and closer… It seemed that there was no way to escape.

"Miao!" A hooded figure suddenly leapt out of the bushes, meowing like crazy. "Miao, miao, miao!"

The big black flock of birds all screamed and flew away.

Hakkai brought the jeep to a stop. "Arigatou Gonzaimasu." He smiled and called out to the hooded figure.

The hooded figure nodded. "You're welcome."

Gojyo sighed in relief as he watched the flock of now-carnivorous birds fly away, while Goku cheered loudly. Sanzo looked a bit put out. After all, it was Sanzos that went around saving people using the Makai Tenjou technique, not crazy hooded figures that mewed like a cat.

Hakkai once again spread the maps out on the bonnet of the jeep. "Ano… Could you also help us a bit?"

"Sure." The hooded figure replied.

"I think we're lost." Hakkai gestured at the map.

The hooded figure furrowed his or her brows, despite the fact that no one could see him or her do that since he or she was hooded.

"Where do you want to go?" The hooded figure asked.

The Sanzo-ikkou struck an impressive pose. "We're going to the West!"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh…" The figure replied knowingly. "West is that way." He or she pointed back the way the Sanzo-ikkou had traveled.

"NANI!?" The Sanzo-ikkou yelled.

The hooded figure nodded once more. "West is back that way." He or she… argh, IT, pointed back at the path through the forest, and then it (Hooded Figure: I want he or she back!!!!) SHUT UP… pointed at the island across the sea. "That big island over there is Japan, you all are on the eastern most side of China."

Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku all glared at Hakkai.

"But… But the maps all said that this was the way to the West!" Hakkai cried out.

The hooded figure flipped a map over. "It says that this map is number 3838 in the best-selling set, 'How to get to the east in a jeep by following the pretty arrows on the map.'"

"Oh." Hakkai said, then he smiled and rubbed the back of his neck absent-mindedly. "No wonder the shopkeeper gave me a funny look when I told him I was going west."

-~=*[^]*=~-

Far away in the West, all the Youkai plugged their fingers into their ears as a loud yell of "HAKKAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII---!!!!" echoed throughout the palace.

Ririn shook her head. "Looks like they finally found out they were heading the wrong way."

Dokugakuji nodded. "Kou, looks like I'm going to have to pay up on our bet," he admitted, "They found out after all."

Yaone blushed as she looked at Kougaiji. "Kougaiji-sama, when were you going to tell them that they were going the wrong way?"

Kougaiji snorted. "When we finally beat them of course."

Yaone, Ririn and Dokugakuji looked at him strangely.

"Why tell them then?" Ririn asked.

Kougaiji shrugged. "Kanzeon Bosatsu paid me."

-~=*[^]*=~-

High up in Tenkai, a certain bored goddess laughed evilly.

-~=*[ OWARI ]*=~-

So… How'd y'all like the fic? ^_^ Remember to review!

Hooded figure: *Sulks* It's he or she, not it.

Ah, keep quiet.

Hooded figure: You're meeeeeeeaaaaaaan.

*Rolls eyes*

Hooded figure: Humph. BIRDS! ATTACK!!!

NANI?

Big flock of carnivorous black birds: *Fly towards Draconsis*

*Gulp* Err… I gotta go now! *Starts running* Remember to read and review!

Fuurin (Muse): Should we help her?

Akito (Muse): *shakes head* Nope.

*Pops in* Also, you can read my Weiss Fic! It's got ELEVEN REVIEWS for chapter one! *Is pecked*

Hooded figure: Serves her right.

Muses: *nod*

~Draconsis, 29 March 2003, 5.51PM