Author's note: I do not own Twilight and am not Stephanie Meyer (THANK GOD). I simply like playing with her creations. However, I must say that there are parts of Bella that I find insufferably annoying. Her selfishness, her willingness to forgive and forget, and her complete disregard for the feelings of those around her (like Charlie for instance) drives me up the fricking wall. I'm going to have some fun and shake things up a bit. Edward needs to pay for what he did to Bella, and Jacob deserves a break for everything that Bella put him through in the original series. Anywho, this takes place at the end of New Moon. Reviews are most graciously accepted. It feeds the muse. Oh yeah – this will be a Bella/Jacob pairing in the end so if you don't like that, you might want to leave right about now.

The Truth and the Consequences

Preface

He stares at me from across the room, his hands clenched tightly to his sides. The tension in the lines of his body is as apparent as the rain lashing against the glass window.

"Tell me," he says quietly, bracing himself for the onslaught – the truth of what he has done to me by leaving.

It was no secret that I had suffered. He had seen the inside of Charlie's mind – had known that I was a shell of the person I'd been before. But he wanted to see inside my head and into my heart. He wanted to know what he had done to me. I didn't think I could really explain it. How do you tell someone what it was like to die inside? Is there an adequate enough description for shattering someone from the inside out? Taking away the last vestiges of self-esteem and burning it away into ashes?

"It won't help," I whisper, sitting down on the very edge of my bed with my hands resting on my knees.

His eyes flash to my face and away. "I need to know, Bella. Please."

I sigh, suddenly exhausted. We'd been having the same fight for several days now. It was like there was a boulder between us – a giant immovable object that prevented us from even talking normally. He was making it clear what he needed to understand before moving forward but I still hadn't figured out what I needed.

I closed my eyes and told him as much as I could remember. I told him about the days of hysterics, screaming and crying and the days of anger, when I hated myself and everyone else. I told him about the days of emptiness when I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I told him of the days when I had to pretend to be normal – at school, and at home for Charlie's sake – and how badly I'd failed at that.

"When you left – I was nothing. A broken, shattered, shadow of a person. Anything that reminded me of you had to be gone – and almost everything reminded me of you. I couldn't breathe without hurting and everyday seemed like another day in hell. I was drowning and I would have wasted away to nothing if Jake hadn't been there."

Edward held his eyes closed as I told him everything.

"Are we okay now?" I ask dully, knowing that I may have doomed our chances by telling the truth.

He doesn't say a word but opens the window and slides gracefully out. His face awash in shame is the last thing I see.

I look down at my body to be sure that the wound isn't actually real. I don't know why he made me relive what was the worst experience so far in my life. And it's the moments like this when I realize I'll never be the same girl again – the girl Edward fell in love with. I was forever altered and I didn't know if he could love me for who I am now.

I lay back and curl into a ball at the foot of my bed. The whole way home from Volterra I had been fooling myself – at least knowingly. But now, now when I know the extent of Edward's love, and his lies, I have been fooling myself even more. He can't make up for what he did. He can't fix it. I don't know that I'll ever be able to believe him again. Last year when I first met him, I was willing to follow wherever he led, willing to believe anything he said, and I trusted him with my heart. He lied, and he broke his promises, and he left me alone, thinking that I was nothing.

What's to keep him from lying now? The niggling little voice at the back of my head asks.

It's the times when I'm alone that I'm able to think the most clearly – to reason things out. It's too difficult when he's nearby - just the sight of him overpowers all my senses. Everything about him is mind boggling – and excruciatingly perfect. When faced with an angel such as that – who could resist?

But I need to be okay with moving on and I have to be able to forgive him, really forgive him. I can't fake it, and I can't lie to save my life. That's the only way we can have a relationship that even resembles what we had before. I'd give anything to go back, to the time before the stupid party and my stupid birthday and the stupid paper cut that changed the course of my life.

I want to be angry at Jasper, angry at all of them for not being normal, but I can't. They are who they are and they are all wonderful in their own way. They did the best that they could and under the circumstances it was understandable. But Edward's reaction – his blowing it so far out of proportion – to the point of leaving me, that I don't understand. He even made Alice leave me – my best friend.

I wish Jacob was here now.

Inside I cringe at my own selfishness. Yes – I wish that Jacob would be here and hug me and tell me that it's all going to be okay and he still loves me enough to be my friend despite his sworn enemy stealing away the only chance he had at being with the girl he loves. Right.

Jake still hasn't returned any of my calls, not that I expected him to. I just wish that he would give me a chance to explain. If he were in my place, wouldn't he have done the same thing? Out of duty, out of justice, because it was the right thing to do despite the consequences? Would he have let someone die under a mistaken assumption?

I don't know the answer to that and it doesn't seem like I'm going to get the chance to find out either.

Everyone is home in Forks now – it should all be all right. Shouldn't it?

The boom of thunder is my only answer – that and the endless rain hitting the window.