I wrote this back in Spring, but never published it because it was so... painful to read. Painful in a way that it has lots of words that make up long sentences that ultimately might be very confusing. It still is, because to fix it, I would have needed to completely rewrite it. But then because this pairing doesn't have that many fics around here, I figured it wouldn't hurt if I published this anyway... So! Hopefully someone will find it worth reading!

It was a late evening in the desert and the sun was no longer anywhere in sight. This didn't actually mean it was dark. Only that the sun was behind a thick layer of gray clouds and dust and sand that built a storm all around the tent site, and so, the sky was also painted with this dim gray color. Gippal studied the scene carefully and then shook his head in defeat. Figuring the next second he was probably going to be hit by a random piece of metal, that had been left to linger somewhere around the desert and now used as a weapon for the storm to mischievously knock people out, and wouldn't really achieve anything by staying outside, he decided to return to his shared tent just a few meters away.

After those few decidedly confident strides and a push of the fabric covering the entrance, his eyes immediately found the yevonite lying on his self made bed and reading something Gippal didn't recognize. Gippal took off his one-eyed goggle protecting his remaining eye from the sand and threw it somewhere near his own bunk. He then kneeled down above Baralai's head, making it look like he was interested in the other's reading. Gippal knew Baralai was not going to be fooled by it. And because Baralai knew Gippal knew, he didn't see a reason to act as if he didn't know. His eyes didn't escape the book in his hands, not even for a second, as he monotonously brought forth the question forming in his mind.

"What are you doing?"

Gippal grinned, already victorious, and stood up to round him. Baralai stiffened as he felt the weight on his thighs, but saw pretending oblivious as the best way to go. Still, he ended up turning the page way before its time. He frowned in slight displeasure, but he wasn't going to undo the mishap. It would definitely not get past Gippal and so would only fuel the boy up, much more than needed. It didn't matter anyway, because the book was snatched away from his grip the very next moment after he had made this decision. His eyes refused to meet the boy on top of him and followed the book's way to the other side of the tent instead. The obvious idea of ''getting up and just walking over to retrieve it'' managed to pass through his head before his focus continued on being robbed. He easily settled his gaze on the rather familiar sight of the spiky haired al bhed upon hearing his voice.

"Distracting you", came the obvious, and slightly smug, reply.

Baralai's look was to scold the other. It was Gippal's turn to be the one to ignore this time and he crawled forwards on his hands and knees. This alerted Baralai immediately and he rose up on his elbows as a way to feel less pinned to the ground and more in control. A bad move altogether. By the time Gippal had reached his goal, the thought dawned on him like a lightning struck from a clear sky. Because of their mutual movement, he was now, currently that tad too close and way over the line in what came to having one's own personal space, seeing as their faces were now only centimeters apart. Baralai was taken aback by a surprise and he froze completely. Gippal, on the other hand, had not expected it to happen so smoothly, but was quicker at taking over the situation. As his lips slowly curved into a soft smile, he leaned down even closer to the boy below him.

Unfortunately for him, the smile was enough to bring Baralai back to his senses and get the handle of what was happening. And what was even more unfortunate, he was the least bit pleased with it and not exactly weak. With only what could be called a really pathetic distance between them, Gippal was lucky to only be roughly pushed on his back against the sand floor. Baralai sat up completely, shooting daggers with his eyes at the blond and evidently set on ''ready to attack'' –mode in case he dared to even inch towards him again. Gippal sat up too, though more sluggishly and a pouty look upon his face. He rubbed his back and winced like he had suffered some major injury. Yet again, Baralai knew Gippal better than that. The al bhed sighed, for a mere split of a second looking way, way too much like a kicked puppy for Baralai's likings. However, he was fast to regain his arrogant composure, sending a fond grin towards the other. It didn't perk the mood of the other's in question however.

"I'll ask you again, this time a proper answer, thank you: What are you doing?" Baralai asked with a frustrated tone to his voice.

He held his index finger against his forehead and his thumb against his cheekbone and while his other hand was resting on his hip, presenting a bit bored picture of himself, like he already knew the answer and he just wanted to get this done and over with. Gippal smirked slyly, getting on his knees and taking a few small paddles towards his companion. He found it a good sign that Baralai was not shocked or disgusted, just generally reproaching like a good old yevonite he was.

"I'm thinking…" Gippal started, considering his every word carefully, "… in this desert…"

He made another effort at getting forwards.

"… in this tent…"

He stopped right in front of the dark boy. Baralai stared at him blankly, still in the same position.

"… away from everyone else…"

Gippal raised his right hand slowly, very much cautiously to move Baralai's hand from the boy's hip further on his back, so his own hand could steal the position. He mentally cheered when the other didn't protest. And completely ignored his mutters of how there actually were other people around the campsite, for example, Paine and Nooj in the tent right next to theirs.

"… just you and me…"

In a swift movement, he had pulled the yevonite against himself. Baralai's hands automatically shifted from where they were to now remain on Gippal's shoulders to give him some support and his eyes widened the slightest bit ever before they returned to their original state. Gippal's grin grew still if that was even possible. Baralai was just patiently waiting for an answer.

"We could be very much use to each other. You take care of my problem, I'll take care of yours. Because I know even you must have one", he winked suggestively with his one eye, which only ended up looking like he was blinking, but Baralai did catch the idea, "So what do you say?"

The following minute they spent on just staring at each other, the look of Gippal still suggestive and Baralai's still rather blank. Yet, the situation only resolved in Gippal finding himself once again on the ground. This time Baralai had actually gotten up as far as standing. The al bhed blinked confusedly toward the one above him. The latter was shaking his head in clear disappointment and had crossed his arms as a message to "stay back". I took a moment for Gippal to let the situation sink in. He tried crossing his arms too, but felt silly for doing the exact same move as Baralai, so he just set them on his hips and narrowed his eyes accusatively. The yevonite had obviously waited for pure evidence of him being a filthy heathen before striking with a harsh rejection and possibly an oncoming preach. Well, somewhere along the lines of that.

One could see that even now Baralai wasn't condemning, but was still probably going to have a few words about harassing poor little, straight lads. At least it was certain that he had been submissive just because he wanted Gippal to get it out properly before commenting, otherwise the blonde would have had an almost too easy escape route. But now, Gippal felt deceived. He had been led on, only to be pushed away the next second. Only just so Baralai could lecture him. No other good was going to come out of it and it wasn't like he was planning to try the same thing ever again. He snorted haughtily and made a mental note of grieving later, definitely not at the current time. He tried his best to put aside the fact that he was not really, truly mad at being tricked, but more hurt of being rejected by the boy.

"Well then. Why did you do that?"

Baralai's voice sounded like he was trying to teach a five year old why hitting one's sister was wrong. In contrast, Gippal felt himself bigger because of it, although the idea was probably to make him feel smaller. But he wasn't going to let such an evident attempt get to him, if anything, it got him awake and on defense. And the best defense was to attack, though whatever the phrase might have been, the truth was that he certainly was not the only one to be blamed here. He would have dropped the deal immediately if Baralai had had the decency to tell him no. Gippal wasn't sure if the yevonite had known that was how he was going to react to that tone of voice, just couldn't help himself from acting the role of the priest again.

"I said it already, didn't I? To have some relief", he rolled his eyes as he said it, the answer quite obvious in his head.

Baralai's eyes traveled quite automatically down south towards the section with what Gippal had made a rather indecent gesture, in his opinion at least if the look upon his face was anything to go by. Gippal figured that if he had viewed him as a five year old before, then he was three now at most. He felt like he had missed something because the answer didn't appear to satisfy the silver locks in the nearest and if he had been anyone else, he probably would have smacked Gippal over the head for not getting something a toddler could figure out. But Baralai was, to say, too open minded. He probably had worked with idiots before. Not that Gippal thought he was thinking of him as one, just a bit slow on this particular subject. Baralai's response was a big ''oh'' in his part.

"I meant ''how could you'' –why. Why would you risk our friendship for such a reason?"

The comment made Gippal feel like Baralai had been right all along using that specific tone of voice and looking at him like that, even though he knew it was mostly the way the other had presented it. The matter had many views and none of them were plain right. But Baralai was probably a born politician. He made what Gippal had done sound absolutely horrible without actually accusing him of anything. Maybe, he had been taking a risk. But no, Gippal hadn't tried to pollute their friendship. It had made perfect sense before, but he couldn't remember why anymore. Well, the way he saw it, he could have been hitting on a random chick at a bar. Then the girl would spat at him how he was ruining the chances for them ever developing a strong, healthy friendship. And really, he didn't know how he'd defense his attempt there either, but it didn't mean he wasn't positive she was being irrational. Probably because, his way, they could end up having something far more beautiful. But he couldn't tell that to Baralai. However, it made him think of himself as a tad more sensible and he could always rephrase it.

"It wouldn't hurt our friendship. If anything, it would just make us closer. You know… since it's kind of a close deal…" the look Baralai was giving him was rather strange, "We should just consider it as a normal little favor! From friend to friend! No biggies!" And now it was back to being clearly preachy.

Gippal made a mental note of asking someone later if he really was an idiot. He was speaking across his own words. Not to mention, he had accidentally ended up suggesting some kind of a romantic relationship with the yevonist. And what he had done it for: to not look like an asshole. But then, the next second he had undone his words by repeating the ones that had made him look like an asshole in the first place. Result: he was only in a situation worse than before. Baralai sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his temple with one hand and leaning on the other. Suddenly, Gippal was very much interested in what he was going to say. He still wasn't keen on being chastised, which he knew by now that was exactly what was coming, but he wanted to know which way the other was going to choose. He had to say something, that was just Baralai, he couldn't leave things unsolved.

But he either needed to ignore the romantic hint and continue about it being unhealthy between two friends, or ignore the hint and turn the subject in it being wrong between a male and a male, not to mention a yevonite and an al bhed. Gippal had no idea what would happen if he decided to start talking about Gippal's true feelings towards his friend. The former option would probably be almost satisfactory to Baralai, since who wouldn't love to smack, figuratively or literally, a person who was being an idiot, just to force that small tad of sense back in. For both of them, the latter would be very difficult to go through, but unfortunately it still wasn't like Baralai to let things slip through, no matter how difficult. Whatever topic he was going to choose, the boy was almost hundred percent surely not going to add in the actual opinion of his own

"The risks are bigger than the possibilities", it sounded awfully political in Gippal's ears, "It'd be very much ignorant to even consider proceeding", too political, "I'm sure you can understand this by yourself also."

Gippal grinned. The boy was nervous. It was worth one more shot, now wasn't it? Baralai kept on talking about the risks, waving his hands around, some but not too much, and pacing back and forth right next to his bedding. Gippal figured it made him a tad harder prey, whether he was conscious about it or not. The blonde got up and so was almost immediately beside the other. This made Baralai turn to him and stop pacing, but it didn't prevent his constant blabbering. Gippal laid his hands on his shoulders and pushed him down so he would sit, to which the boy complied, though it was a rather absentminded act.

He then proceeded to sit himself in front of the other. He smiled softly as Baralai's head fell down with a sigh. Baralai didn't react when Gippal lightly, almost even not, touched his cheek with the tips of his middle and index finger. This gave him more courage and he dared for more contact. But at that point, the yevonite turned his head away. If Gippal's heart felt like breaking at that simple movement, he could never find words enough describe the feeling after he heard the gentle whisper that followed it not long afterwards.

"It's disgusting."

Gippal practically flew on his feet and out of the tent. Baralai was rather quick to follow. The wind was stronger now than it had been before and the sand was getting all over the place. The stubborn al bhed didn't even consider returning and getting his goggle or what was an even better idea, get inside where it was much less likely to get randomly killed by an unidentified flying object.

"Gippal! Get back into the tent! You're going to get yourself killed!"

He hardly even caught the yells in the storm. He was clenching and releasing his fists in turns. He felt horrible. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to lie down and die. It felt worse than any injury he had ever suffered and he was sure about that. At the moment, Baralai's voice was the last thing he wanted to hear and he was the last one he wanted to go and share a tent with through the whole night. He kneeled down in the sand, his dropped his head down. But Baralai didn't feel like he did, he didn't know the pain. He couldn't understand that it brought more pain to be around him now, more than it would if he stayed outside for too long. Gippal would be okay after a while, he could manage, but right now he wanted to be alone. Or anywhere without him was better. Only, it seemed as though Baralai was not going to give up without an answer.

"Come in please! There's a storm rising so it's dangerous out here!" both of them kept silent for a moment, as Gippal was trying to ignore the other and Baralai was trying to figure out anything to say that would get the boy to return back, "I'll take it back, okay? I'll take it back! Just… come inside!"

That made Gippal get up. He held his head in aggravation and let out a growl of frustration. Okay, now he was just angry. How stupid did Baralai think he was? Of course everything would be fine, nice and peachy, just as long as he said he'd take it back. Actually, how stupid was he? That was definitely not something to be declared and then taken back. Which one of them was treating the other like trash now, huh?

"I don't want you to take it back! I'm glad I know how you feel! And really, a storm? Do really think I'm so helpless I couldn't win against a simple block of metal or what?"

Both of them knew it wasn't about winning against the block, but about seeing it. To manage to see a random block flying towards you was one thing. But the same thing in a sandstorm with nothing to protect your eyes, nearly impossible. Gippal's one eye was already sore and watering hopelessly. He wished for two reasons that Baralai hadn't taken his goggles with him as he had went after Gippal. One, because then he would have to deal the same pain Gippal did with his two eyes. Two, a reason he would never confess out loud and hardly even admitted to himself, that would have meant he had been more concerned about Gippal than to care about his own comfort. He was expecting Baralai to point the sand-factor out, which he probably was planning to, but then a third party cut in, already before even the first word was born.

"What the hell are you two screaming here?"

Gippal could easily recognize Nooj's voice. He was mostly thankful for him, for now he didn't have to have the talk with Baralai, which surely would have followed. But then a small part of him wanted to solve this with the other boy, even just so they could pretend everything was okay again and be like they had been before, best friends. And thankful or not, he still felt like he could punch the living daylights out of anyone he saw and Nooj was no exception. Although he would probably take a swing back at him. Gippal turned around and tried his best to see something through the sand and the pain, and he saw, he was quite proud of himself when he did, his two currently very blurry teammates. Baralai was standing approximately at the very between of the tent and Gippal. He was staring at Nooj, who was just in front of the tent he came out of and was directed towards Gippal. Gippal, who, from the "two screamers", was the quicker one to answer.

"Oh, nothing much! We just discovered our mutual loathing and disgust towards each other!"

He heard Nooj distantly laugh at this, for a reason unknown. Gippal however had much more important sights to view than him. Baralai was leaving. Gippal had been expecting it, but when it actually happened, it hurt much more than it should have. He watched as he disappeared into their canvas and he felt the urgent need to follow. But he couldn't. He was the one who had been running away, how could he start following? His anger faded with Baralai and all that was left was this crestfallen feeling. He took his time to slowly return to the tent. But he still couldn't enter and he was left two or three meters away from the tent. The idiot, Nooj, was still snickering and the al bhed cast him a dirty look. Nooj shrugged and smirked innocently, like he knew something Gippal didn't, and it only made him appear as more annoying in the al bhed's view.

All this was forgotten the second Baralai stepped out again. He was carrying a bag on his back and on his shoulder a lump that suspiciously looked like his bed in a roll. He graced Gippal with not even a single glance as he coldly stomped past him. Surprisingly, Nooj had no objections when he passed him too and entered his and Paine's shared tent. He just kept smirking. He winked at Gippal and although it probably hadn't been meant that way, it seemed rather dirty. Nooj followed the pissed off yevonite. And the blonde was left alone. He saw absolutely no point at all at staying outside anymore so he returned to now his only canvas. He started stripping his topmost clothes off, causing quite a lot of sand falling. After he was finished with his mini-mission, he laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. He wanted to fall asleep before someone came in.

They had decided a long, long time ago that no one slept alone in a tent and that not everyone slept in the same tent, for safety issues. So almost with an hundred percent certainty, either Nooj or Paine, most likely Nooj, would come in just a few moments. Gippal didn't want to talk to them. He didn't want to face the situation. He just wanted to sleep all of it away and everything would alright again in the morning. But this time he couldn't make it right, like he always had before. This time, Baralai had said the words that built the shaft between them. And unlike Gippal, he never spread out reckless and inconsiderate things. Baralai never needed to take anything back.

Moments later someone came in. Gippal didn't dare to look and see who it was, since if it wasn't Baralai, he didn't want to be awake. It could have been an enemy, but he quickly thought that, if it thought he was asleep, then the best solution would be to attack when it came too close. He heard something being thrown on the ground and though he still crossed his fingers for it to be the silver haired one, he was quite sure it wasn't. Baralai wasn't so rough. He didn't throw things, he laid them down. Also, he figured it made no sense that the enemy would be "camping" in his tent. And so almost exactly at the same time as he made his bet on who it was, a voice was heard to confirm it.

"Haha, what did you girls fight about? Your yevonite is throwing a fit in our tent", Nooj reported all the while shuffling on his side of the canvas, "Well, a Baralai kind of fit. All unresponsive and grumpy."

Gippal being himself, he concentrated on probably the most irrelevant point in what the other was saying, and this time it happened to be "your yevonite". He guessed Nooj had only made short from something like "your yevonite teammate" or "your friend the yevonite", but it gave all the uglier tone to it since Nooj didn't even know how such simple words were kicking at his wounds. He didn't quite understand how Baralai could be mad at him. After all, he was the one who had told his friend that he was disgusting, while all he could have said was a simple "no" and Gippal would have backed off from the case. Only one simple word, but no. And he dared to call the al bhed the one ruining whatever relationship they had. Nooj had went surprisingly quiet after that. The guy probably knew he wasn't truly sleeping, but at the moment Gippal couldn't care less about why Nooj was suddenly being sensitive about it. As long as he shut up and kept his eyes shut too, he might as well have been asleep. All he wanted do just now was to rot on his own for a while. And really, he wanted to sleep too.

He dreamt of Baralai. Of course, since he had been the one who he had been thinking about when he had fallen asleep. Gippal didn't want to wake up from his dream, didn't want to push the image of the other out of his head when it felt so real. But then again, he knew that, now that he had realized he could wake up, he couldn't keep the dream alive. Now it was only pictures he forced before his eyes and an illusion that didn't deceive him, even though he wanted it to. He still didn't want to give up. Gippal tried his best to fall asleep again, without losing the images in his head. He imagined the boy's right hand on his cheek, left hand on his neck, his legs on the side of both of his thighs, the steady beating of his heart against his chest, the silver lock that tangled with his own and caressed his forehead and, lastly, the warm, gentle breath on his lips, a promise of something more.

Gippal sighed lightly, but it was like a wind blow in the calm silence. And that's when he realized that the Baralai he felt on top of him didn't match the Baralai that lied under him in his leftover dream. His single eye shot open at the notice, but before it got used to the dark, he closed it again as a reflex. Because at that specific moment, he felt a pair of lips coming in touch with his own. His rational side told him to get up and push the enemy away, but his heart disagreed. His heart told him that this was what he wanted, what he had dreamed for who knows how long. That the person currently on top of him, straddling him was really none other than his yevonite.

"Baralai?"

The word ran from his lips the second they were freed, not that he wouldn't have preferred his whole life in that prison if he had been offered. His voice sounded weak, fragile and folded with hope. Like, deep inside, its owner knew his dreams were going to be crushed, but, on the outside, lived in deep denial. He fluttered his eyelid open, trying to adjust in the dark and taking in the warm smile that he was greeted with. He still couldn't quite see.

"Yes it's me, Gippal... I talked to Paine", Gippal closed his eyes, "She… She said you might be in love with me."

Gippal paid attention only with half of his heart. He was in pure euphoria. Baralai had forgiven him and he had kissed him. He didn't want to hear another word of what could take the feeling, Baralai away from him. He lifted himself up on his elbows so his lips could reach the other's exquisitely bare neck, giving it a light kiss. Baralai flexed his head back, which encouraged Gippal to carry on. Baralai gasped softly and his becoming words were nothing but simple whispers.

"The thought that you would want to use me as a release… and what I feel for you... Do you know how much it hurt me to hear that? But the thought that you would want to… Love… For love it's different," he hissed as Gippal found his tender spot, "If I love you, will you love me back?"

Gippal pulled back to view the other for the first time that night. Baralai's eyes were golden and they were adorned with lashes made of silver. The boy peered at him curiously, sincerity in those eyes that came from far within. His lips were pursed together nervously, as if there was any question about what the answer was going to be. Or maybe he really didn't know. Gippal had never been too good with expressing the most important of feelings. Even now he was struggling to tell the other how he felt. On the other hand, he still felt like someone so ridiculously perfect, like the yevonite, could never approve of him, let alone love him, and on the other, he literally couldn't. Because how could you put "ridiculously perfect" into words that didn't come out as, well, ridiculous? He didn't know. But one question he could answer, to one question he could find the words to. And he could tell that when he said it, it came out exactly like he felt.

"I will," because even though he wasn't good with the words, he knew someone who was and that person could describe his feelings perfect, when he himself could only stumble in the search, "I will love you."

Love. Of course it was love.