Hey! Merry Late Christmas and Happy Early New Year! Here's my present to you- another 4,000+ oneshot. Because, well, because I can since I have time. I'm almost done with college apps and I got my first acceptance, so I actually have time to write. It's lovely. Of course, I haven't been working on my actual stories, so I need to start doing that. And don't worry, I will. But for now enjoy this. The inspiration comes from It's a Wonderful Life, but it really is different.
I'm just warning you, I'm not a big fan of Izzie and it shows in this one. So I would really appreciate not getting any reviews screaming about Izzie in this, because I warned you.
I don't even own Joan. One of my really good friends' name is Joan. (Hey, that may be the first time a friend hasn't been written in with something bad happening to them.)
Alex slams his stuff down after a long day at work. This has just been the worst week. Izzie's gone and he has to keep working as if nothing ever happened. Plus, people are looking at him like they're sorry for him, and he hates people being sorry for him. Absolutely hates it. So right now, he's pretty much miserable.
After grabbing a quick bite to eat, he decides he's exhausted and lies down on the couch to watch some TV. The first channel he turns on is some random movie. He's about to change the channel when an actress who is clearly one of the main characters walks on screen. He nearly jumps out of his skin because through his exhausted, sleep deprived haze, she looks exactly like Addison Forbes Montgomery. Then, as the shock wakes him up, he remembers that awhile back (it feels like forever now), a patient's husband had mentioned that she looked like some actress. What was the name? Catherine something. French. It bugs him so he googles it. Catherine Deneuve.
He really wishes that hadn't happened, because now he can't get Addison out of his brain. Every once in awhile he'll remember her and regret everything. It's just one of those things that he wonders if things could have been different. He hates regrets, but something about the way he treated her is just so regret-worthy.
Finally he manages to shove her out of his mind and go to sleep.
0ooo0
He practically jumps out of his skin when he wakes up. Standing over him is a brunette, tapping her foot, and looking impatient. "Who the hell are you?" he asks.
"Me? Name's Joan. And you're Alex Karev, right? I'm not in the wrong house or anything?"
"What the hell are you doing here?" he asks, getting up.
"Well, you were being all miserable and wretched and stuff. I got sent to come show you some stuff."
"Are you a stripper? Nobody likes me enough to send me a stripper."
"Gross," she says, giving him a little shove. "No. I'm not. I'm something much more… ethereal. An angel, if you will. Although, I do have to say, it's flattering that you think I'm pretty enough to be a stripper."
"Oh God, I've stepped into a really bad Christmas movie," he groans.
"Um, no," she says. "And just so you know, I'm not so into this whole idea either. You think I want to be showing some shmuck how much better his life would be if he'd made smart decisions? I could be eating waffles right now. Today is waffle day. I like waffles. So, come on, hurry up and wrap your mind around it, because the faster we get this over with, the faster I can leave you alone to make more stupid decisions."
"You aren't like any angel I've ever heard of. Aren't you supposed to be, like, nice or something? How the hell did you make it into heaven?"
"Because I'm great for stupid people like you, that's why." Joan glares at him while he tries to reconcile himself to the fact that this surly angel isn't going to leave any time soon. "Would you hurry up? Did I not mention the waffles? I want to make it back in time for the waffles."
"You mentioned the waffles," he concedes. "All right, let's go."
"Finally," she sighs. "If you're this quick on the uptake all the time, I might actually make it back in time for waffles.
0ooo0
When the room stops spinning, he's looking at himself. It's not exactly a pleasant feeling; it's kind of really disconcerting, actually.
Joan smiles when she sees the look on his face. "Yeah, people say it's really weird to see themselves. Just think of it as a kind of out-of-body experience. No biggy. People have those all the time. It's easier if you just don't think about it."
He nods. "Where are we?" he asks when he manages to stop trying to figure this whole thing out.
"This is your past. Except not your past. It's your past if you made different choices before. Basically, we're going to go back to see all those regrets you have or whatever and see what would have happened if you did something differently. And if you're still not sure about what we're seeing, I have the authority to go take a peek at your future, both of them."
"Both of them?"
"If you make some changes, or if you just keep going down your dark and depressing road."
"Oh. Right." He rolls his eyes, and under his breath mumbles, "Of course that's what you meant. Because that just makes total sense."
"Okay, quit being such a Grumpy Gus. I get that you're not having the best time right now, but I'm not here for you to complain to. I'm here to get you up off your lazy ass, so cheer up, damn it."
"Are angels even allowed to say damn it?"
"For your information, I have a large vocabulary of expletives and they will all be directed at you if you don't quit stalling and start watching."
"Okay, so what am I looking at?"
"Well, using my nifty angel powers-"
He cuts her off. "Did you just say nifty?"
"Shut up, it was sarcastic."
"How do you go from screaming cuss words at me to saying "nifty"?"
"Shut up and stop stalling. Using my nifty angel powers, I know that your first biggest regret is cheating on Izzie way back when. Ex-wife, right?"
"Right," he mumbles.
"Well, here's what would have happened if you hadn't."
He's standing, looking lost. "Karev!" Addison barks.
It's good to see Addison again, even such a WTF moment.
"What?" he snaps back. She looks a little surprised; they're always bickering, but he's never just completely snapped at her for no real reason.
"Are you okay?" she asks warily.
"Fine. Just fine. Whatever. What do you need?"
"Mrs. Watson's labs, if you wouldn't mind." She asks politely, but everyone can hear the sarcasm hidden behind the question.
"Dude, who is that?" Joan asks. "Not your ex-wife, right? Because if that's your ex-wife, you are so messed up."
"Shouldn't you already know that? I mean you're the supernatural thing here."
She shakes her head. "I only have names and moments. I don't get faces, except yours. I just know where to take you. This way I can't screw things up by influencing you. Anyways, you didn't answer my question. Who is that?"
"Addison," he replies. Then he corrects himself, "Dr. Montgomery."
"She's hot," Joan comments.
"Whatever," Alex says and turns his attention back to the scene playing out.
It's later in the day. He's sitting in the tunnels, the same lost look from earlier on his face. Once again, Addison finds him. "Okay, I'm going to ask you again, and this time you're going to answer truthfully," she announces. "Are you okay?"
She sits down next to him. He debates putting a smile on his face and saying yes. "No."
"Why not?"
He takes a deep breath. "I'm going to get left for a heart transplant patient."'
"What?" she frowns.
"Izzie's cheating on me. With Denny Duquette. Dude can't even get out of bed and he's managed to get my girlfriend into it."
"Oh," Addison says simply.
"Izzie wouldn't-" he starts to say, but Joan cuts him off.
"Izzie would. I don't make the movies, sweetie, I just show them. That right there is what would have happened, and nothing you would have done would have stopped it. Unless maybe you killed her. But then you'd be in jail and would end up in hell and that just doesn't seem like a good option. Sorry. We can move on if you want."
"Yeah."
Joan claps twice and the scene changes. "Your powers work like the Clapper?" Alex asks.
"Hush up, you," she replies. "I would prefer a little more flash, maybe some lightning and thunder. Something a little more awe-inspiring. But nope, they work like the Clapper. Not my choice. Anyways, here's your next regret."
"Great. Just great," he grumbles.
"So next big regret." She pulls out a list.
"You have it written down? You don't just know?"
"My powers work like the Clapper. You think the Powers That Be are going to waste time beaming your regrets into my head? Because that's not happening."
"What's next?" he sighs.
"The list says… Addison, mistake number one. Dude, do you know how many regrets on this list have Addison's name next to them? There's one with Izzie's name and like five with Addison's. And those are the only regrets on there! If I had been a psychologist, that would be suggestive of something."
"Shut up. What are we looking at now?"
"A really stupid nurse walking in on what could have very possibly been a very sweet kiss. Watch."
They stand over Meredith Grey's niece. Watching her, they talk about neonatal. Then he, for reasons he couldn't even being to comprehend, admits, "The vanilla latte? I did that on purpose."
"Why?" she asks, not even sure she wants to know the answer.
"Because he was rude to you."
"Oh my God, that's actually, like, romantic and stuff!" Joan exclaims.
"Shut up," he says.
"Oh, I will, but only because I want to see what happens next."
Neither one says anything, but they manage to end up saying what they want to say without words. The kiss is soft and sweet.
"That is so sweet," Joan sighs.
He looks at her. "Are you always this creepy?"
"I'm sorry if I like a good, romantic moment just as much as the next girl. I am still a girl, you know. Just because I'm dead doesn't change that. And anyways, shut up, and see what happens next."
The kiss heats up, but suddenly Addison jerks back. "What?" he asks.
"Look!" she exclaims. "There are babies! Babies whose mothers want us to take care of their children and we're doing this!"
"They're only a couple of days old; they don't know what's going on."
"And you ruined it," Joan announces. "Moment's gone."
"It's the principle of the thing!"
"I like her," Joan announces. "You're right to have so many regrets about her. I don't know about this Izzie chick, but I'm glad you're starting to realize you were stupid when it comes to Addison."
Addison's pager goes off. "I have to go," she says.
"Addison," he says.
She turns back warily. "Yeah."
"Never mind," he says, losing his nerve. "I… never mind."
"Wow, you chickened out," Joan comments.
"Can we move on?"
"Don't you want to know what happens?"
"Not really."
"I do," Joan retorts. "We're sticking this through to the end. Sorry."
She avoids him for the next couple hours. He finally manages to track her down at the end of the day. "Dr. Montgomery," he says.
She turns, sees him, and starts walking away. He jogs to catch up to her.
"I'm busy," she says.
"Really? You're avoiding me? Seriously?"
"I'm not avoiding anyone," she denies.
"Do me a favor and quit lying to me."
"I'm just busy. I have to go," she says.
"Fine, you know what? Whatever, Addison. I'm not chasing you."
She turns back to look at him. For one second, she stares at him. "Fine," she finally says.
"Fine," he repeats.
"Dude, bad move. Why aren't you running after her?" Joan asks him.
"How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm not actually involved in this scene."
"But you're still you. Why would you do that?"
He thinks for a minute, because he's pretty sure the bitchy, waffle-loving angel isn't going to leave him alone until she gets an answer. "I don't like people avoiding me. It pisses me off."
Joan sighs. "Fine, we're moving on, because I can't tell if this is going to end well, and I don't want to wait it out for a sucky ending." She claps again. The scene melts again. This time he doesn't have to ask what he's looking at. The second he sees himself sitting at a bar with Addison, he knows exactly what he's about to see.
"Do you have a dad?" she asks.
"Not really. Not anymore," he replies. And then she leans in and kisses him.
"Aww," Joan sighs. "How did you possibly manage to screw this one up?"
"I didn't… At least not this part."
"Well, then why are you regretting it?"
When they pull back, she stays frozen for a moment, her hands held close to her face, her eyes closed. He watches her and clearly is trying to decide something. Before he eyes open, he leans in and kisses her.
"I didn't do that," Alex responds.
"What was that for?" she asks after they separate.
He hesitates. "Would you believe I've wanted to do that since you came to Seattle?"
"No," she replies bluntly.
"Good, because that's a lie."
She laughs and he's pretty sure that he's never heard a more beautiful sound.
Alex jumps when she laughs. He'd forgotten her laugh.
"She gets to you," Joan observes. "She gets to you more than anybody else."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, she so does," Joan says. "Anyways, let's move on. What's next?"
"Now you're asking me? Don't you have that list?"
"Yeah, but I figure the best way to make you own up to your mistakes is to let me tell you them yourself. Besides, the list is boring. I get more of a feel for everything if I hear it from you. So what'd you screw up with Addison this time?"
He doesn't have to think very long. After all, it's less than a week after this particular moment. "I yelled at her."
"Why? What'd she do?"
"We kissed at Joe's and nothing happened."
"So you yelled at her because nothing happened?" Joan's voice tells him that she thinks he's quite possibly the biggest idiot she's ever met and she's met a lot of idiots.
"No. I yelled at her because she was avoiding me. She wouldn't even look at me and we had to work together."
"And you don't like to be avoided," Joan sighs.
"Yeah," he says, just as melancholy as she is.
"Wait, I have a question," Joan announces.
"What?" he groans.
"I got sent down here because you're having a really hard time since your wife left you. But your regrets all have to do with Addison. Don't you regret not doing something to make Izzie stay?"
He tries not to roll his eyes, or show any sort of annoyance, because he's figured out that Joan will latch onto anything she can and just pick at it until he says what she wants. "No."
"Why not? If my husband left me, I would wish I had done something to make him stay." Alex stays quiet and Joan latches onto his silence. "But that's assuming that you loved your wife."
"Hey! I loved her! You don't know what the hell you're talking about," he snaps. Yells, really.
"Sorry," Joan mumbles. "And here I thought we were getting along so well."
"I loved her. I still do."
Joan's eyes squint as she gets suspicious. "Wait a second," she says, doing her little latching thing. "You keep saying you loved her. You've never once said you're in love with her. Are you?"
"Am I what?" He can never pass up a chance to be difficult.
"Are you in love with her? And you can just stop being difficult right now, or I'll stop showing you your life."
"And that's a punishment why?"
"Because then you'll stop seeing Addison. You're in love with her, aren't you?" He doesn't answer, but Joan knows that silence speaks louder than words. "Why'd you marry Izzie then?"
"She was dying," he mumbles. Then, even quieter, he adds, "It was the right thing to do."
"Oh my God, are you actually a good guy? Seriously?"
"That hurts," he replies sarcastically.
"Let's go," Joan says. "I want to see what happens next. Addison, mistake number three. You not yelling at Addison."
"Dr. Montgomery!" he yells. "When you get a moment, I'd like to talk about the kissing."
There's a clatter as she practically impales herself on the nurses' station, staring at him like an animal about to become road kill.
"You're an asshole," Joan announces. "A complete jerk."
"Dr. Montgomery," he says, grabbing her elbow.
"Karev, I," she tries to protest as he leads her into the infamous supply closet.
"I'm tired of you avoiding me," he says. "You want to forget about the kiss, I don't care, but quit avoiding me."
She stares at him.
"I don't care if you don't like me, but you could at least have the decency to look at me. Because for some reason, I actually care what you think and you're not teaching me. So even if you don't like me, quit avoiding me."
Addison stares at the floor for a long moment. Then she speaks up quietly. "But I do."
He feels his heart rise in his chest. "You what?" he asks to be sure.
"I… I like you," she admits.
Instead of answering, he grins and kisses her.
"Oh my God, you could be like every girl's dream guy if you tried!" Joan exclaims. "Why are you so stupid?"
"Can we just move on?" he asks. "I don't want to watch this anymore."
"You miss her," Joan accuses. "Where is she now?"
"Right there," he says, nodding towards the two of them, starting to get rather steamy.
"I mean normal time," Joan says sarcastically.
"L.A."
"So she left. You have anything to do with that?"
"Next regret," he says.
"What is that?"
"You'll see."
Joan claps. The scene shifts again. Once again, Alex already knows what's coming.
She invites him back to her hotel room to "study". He says no.
"So what did you do originally?"
"We slept together. I told her she wasn't my girlfriend."
Joan's jaw drops. "What the hell? Why?"
"I don't do relationships."
"You got married," Joan points out.
He sighs. "It doesn't make sense. Never has, probably never will. Either way she's gone now."
She looks crushed. Quickly, he retreats. "I'm just really busy. Studying. I don't have time."
She nods, but he can see the tears she's failing to hold back glistening in her eyes.
"Addison," he says. She doesn't look at him. "Addison," he repeats louder.
Finally, she looks up. "I mean that," he says, "I don't have time to pay attention to you. Not like you deserve. I'm not putting you through that. Not again. Ask me again after the test. The answer will be different then."
"Okay, you needed to have done that. That would have been the brilliant thing to do."
Alex sighs and shrugs. Joan senses the sadness and claps her hands once. They return to the living room.
"Have you figured out what you need to do?" Joan asks.
He looks at her. "Go back to sleep."
"No, no, no, no, no!" Joan screeches. "Do not tell me that after all this, I still have to take you to go see your futures!"
"Don't you have waffles to eat or something?" he snaps.
Joan sighs and claps her hands twice. The living room disappears. It's replaced by another living room, one that even he has to admit is nice and airy. "Meet Future Number One," Joan says. "This is the good one. The one where you've actually figured out what you need to do."
Addison comes rushing into the room, attempting to run and put shoes on at the same time. He follows her, smirking at the funny little hopping motion she's using to transport herself. "Why are you in such a hurry?" he asks.
"Mer's in labor," Addison replies, looking down and realizing that she's managed to button her shirt wrong. Without qualm, she unbuttons it and buttons it correctly, flashing a large portion of her torso. The motion, once he's stopped admiring her, draws his attention to the diamond ring and the platinum band she wears on her left ring finger. "I have to go. She's probably ready to kill Derek right about now."
"I'll see you later," he says. She almost reaches the door, then turns back.
"I forgot something," she declares. She runs over and kisses him. "Okay, I'll see you later. Emma should wake up in about an hour. No sugar before dinner," she rattles off. He smiles at the routine. She knows that he's going to allow their adopted daughter to have a cookie or some ice cream around four, so her appetite will be spoiled for dinner, just because she's going to look up at him with her giant green eyes and ask politely. And he never can say no to his little girl.
"Okay, now Future Number Two," Joan proclaims. He's a little surprised she's not giving any input. "The one where you keep doing what you're doing right now."
"Izzie's back in town," Alex announces as he sits down at the table with Meredith. Cristina is in surgery, and she's the only other person they usually sit with.
Meredith studies him. "You slept with her again, didn't you?" she accuses him. He doesn't answer. "Alex!" she groans. "You can't keep letting her use you like this. It's not fair to you. You're not her booty call! She can't just waltz back into Seattle and just expect you to be there for her! And anyways, isn't she getting married again soon?"
He shrugs.
Joan just stares at him, with a look on her face that just screams that this is terribly brainless.
He stares back.
She claps her hands and they return to the living room. "If you don't fix things after what I just showed you, you're even denser than I thought," she tells him. "Anyways, I have to go, because I have waffles to be eating, but you should remember that I'm watching you. I'm waiting for that decision."
0ooo0
He wakes up on the couch. What a weird dream.
0ooo0
When he goes into work, he's surprised to find that he feels the lack of her presence acutely. Before he can think about it too much, he pulls out his phone, and books a flight for the next day. Fortunately, the schedule gods have smiled down upon him and tomorrow is his day off.
0ooo0
He gets her work address out of the phone book. When he asks for her, he can see the whole office stop. She pokes her head out of her office and stops cold. "Alex?" she whispers. Then she clears her throat, and says louder and professionally, "Karev? What can I do for you?"
"I was wrong," he says. "But you were wrong too."
"What?" she asks.
"You were wrong at Yang's wedding. You said I didn't want you."
"Because you don't," she insists.
"Addison," he says, hoping that he won't have to convince her. She bites her lip, trying to ignore how much she loves her name rolling off his tongue.
"I can't… I can't do this," she stutters, holding up her hands as if to shield herself from him. "I just can't. I can't." She turns away.
"I love you," he says under his breath.
She stops dead in her tracks and spins around. "What did you say?" she demands.
"I love you," he repeats louder, after a slight hesitation.
"You're serious?" He nods. "But Izzie…"
"Divorced."
"But… you got married. You can't marry someone without loving them."
"I love Izzie. I'm in love with you and that hasn't changed for three years."
Addison looks absolutely frozen. "I don't… I'm not sure… I love you too," she stammers, breaking out into a huge grin. They walk towards each other, and their lips meet.
With her in his arms, he's pretty sure he's the happiest that he's ever been.
"When are you leaving?" she asks when air becomes an issue.
"Later today," he admits. "I only have a day off."
"But-" she starts to complain.
"Don't worry about it," he says. "We'll make it work. Somehow."
"I guess we need to talk," she says.
"Probably."
She grabs his hand and leads her into her office.
One of the women in the waiting rooms, a brunette, puts down the magazine she's reading, and smiles. She pulls out a plastic bag containing a couple of waffles. Taking one out, she takes a bite then heads for the elevator. Just before the doors close all the way, she claps twice and is gone.
I've been up until 4 two nights straight, writing this, so a review or two would be wonderfully appreciated.
-Juli-