Title: iLove You, Idiot
Summary: "I'll never let go, I promise." She's your Jack, you're her Rose. And you can't let her go. No matter if that means you die with her because without her, you are nothing.
Spoilers: iQuit iCarly
Warnings: Femslash
Author's Outburst: This ended up completely different than when it started. I was kind of annoyed with the way iQuit iCarly ended, I wanted more between Carly and Sam and I always had this idea in my head. And the other day, I was watching Titanic and realized how very much the scene of Carly holding to Sam was like the scene of Rose and Jack. And well...I had to write this. I made Sam a little girly but we all know that she secretly is. Besides this is a little AU as well, so it's understandable. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I promise you, these are all lies. I own nothing worth anything.
"Sam! You're not strong enough to pull her up!" Spencer yells down at me and I only roll my eyes. Bullshit. I may not be strong enough to lift her back up but I sure as hell wasn't going to be weak enough to let her fall to her death. We may be fighting right now, she may be trying to do iCarly without me but I'm not going to stand...well crouch technically, here and let her go. No, I could not and I would not. Because she's here, holding my hand so tightly that I think my fingers may fall off, staring up at me with a frantic, pleading look in her eyes and I can't pretend, as much as I wish I could, that I don't want to be with her. She may hate me right now, she may think that I am a disorganized, dangerous mess that is a threat to her health, she may be fiercely disgusted that I am the one holding her now but no matter what we have been through lately, I still care for her. More than she'll ever know. More than I'll ever let her know.
"Carly, hold on!" Freddie's girlish voice calls out us. No shit, Sherlock! She sure as hell isn't going to let go and plummet to her death in the streets of Seattle. Carly may not always think before she acts but she isn't that stupid to let go of my hand. A quiet curse escapes from my lips as my grip upon her small hand tightens, my foot shifting slightly south as I grasp at the metal bars that kept us positioned in the sky. My eyes meet her frantic dark russet orbs that are filled with tears, eyes that were once so good at hiding how she felt, now exposing her soul like a tainted window.
"Sam?" Carly's shaky voice calls up to me and I can see the lines of fear etched into her beautifully perfect face. I've never seen Carly truly afraid before, other than when we watched Paranormal Activity, and even then she clutched my hand so tight that all circulation was lost and her eyes were squinted so tightly shut that I was afraid she would never get them open again. But this time is different, she isn't scared of some materialistic or fictional thing, this time she is afraid of dying and this time, I am the one who is keeping her alive.
"Just hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I got you, I gotcha. Just hold on," I whisper repeatedly, straining desperately to keep her from falling. I could almost feel her slipping between my fingers now as I regained my composure, struggling to hide the tears that keep trying to form in my eyes. She struggles, her body waving against the metal as she squeezes my hand, a little too tightly, and a whimper escapes from her lips, and I can feel her all but breaking down.
"Carly? Hey, Carly? Carls? Carls, just look at me. Look at me, okay? Carly please," I plead with her, my voice cracking and it is only then that her dark brown eyes trail from the streets of Seattle below us and quickly meet with my pain stricken blue. Both of us are suddenly aware of how far we were willing to go for each other, even if I am a danger to her health and even if she always thinks of safety first. We balance each other, just like now, when I'm holding her hand, we bring out the best in each other, how blind could we have been to miss that?
"I...I don't want to die," Her voice is weak, shaky and it almost brings tears to my eyes upon hearing it. For so long Carly has been the strong one in our friendship, the one who held my hand when my father left, the one who I cried to when I had my heart broken, the one who always promised me that everything was going to be okay. She was the one that I believed when the whole world fucked me over, she was the one who gave it all purpose. God, didn't she see that?!
"You're not going to die. Because that would require me letting you go and I'm sure as hell not about to do that, now am I? You're going to fine. I'm going to pull you up, Spencer's going to throw us the rope and you are going to continue to film iCarly. You just...you just have to trust me, okay?" I reply, a fake smile turning on my lips. I watch as the tears spring from her round eyes, crashing down her porcelain face and I struggle to keep myself from breaking down as well. She shakes her head with a sniffle, a weak cry escaping from her pursed lips and it's almost enough to break my heart into.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry about before...about what I said. I do need you. You are good for iCarly, I can't...I can't do it by myself. I'm organized and I think about safety and I...I can't do things on a moment's notice. I can't do things...j-just for the thrill of it screw the consequences, the way you can. We are good for each other...together. I'm sorry about...I'm just sorry," She cries, her body continuing to swing in the air like a broken piece of string, her hand bound tightly in mine. I bite my tongue hard enough to draw blood to keep the tears from forming, I wouldn't cry in front of her. Not now.
"You always come through for me, no matter what I say and I hate that. I h-hate that I'm so mean to you and you always come. Always. I feel like...I feel like you're always rescuing me from something and I don't...I don't say thank you. And I should say thank you because you shouldn't care. You shouldn't...you shouldn't protect me and you do...you're...I love you, Sam. Okay? You may not always know that because I don't always say it or show it and that's my fault but I do. And I'm sorry that we fought. And I'm sorry that you are out here, freezing, risking your life to keep me from falling," She cries, her fingers digging into my hand. I groan, the tears slipping from my blue eyes as a gust of cool air cuts through the two of us, both of us shivering as our eyes once again find one another. How could she be so blind? How could she see that as tomboyish as I was, as much as I refused to ever admit it to any one, I loved her as well? How could she not see that I always had been in love with her? Was it not as obvious as I thought? Had my flirting been taken as quaint compliments of a best friend? Had my jealousy over Freddie and Missy been misunderstood?
"Hey, it's okay. It's okay. I forgive you. I'm your best friend, I'm supposed to forgive you no matter what you do. And it's my job to care and protect you. Don't feel guilty..don't...do this to yourself. Okay? It's okay, it's going to be okay. Just don't give up on me," I exclaim, struggling as I once again try to pull her forward but I only fail and she sighs with a quiet curse that I'm sure I wasn't supposed to hear. She blinks her eyes as she looks at the street below her before her eyes meet mine, a new look held within her russet orbs, a look that shook me to the core, "no." I breathed.
"Sam, come on. I'll be okay. Just let me go. You're killing yourself to keep me up, I can feel you slipping from the ledge, you're going to fall too and I don't want that. I don't want both of us to fall because of this. I'll be okay, I promise. You have to trust me, you just...you just...I can't do this to you. I won't. Just let go," Carly pleads, trying to free herself from my grasp but I only hold her tighter, shaking my head as the steaming tears blind my vision.
"No! Carly! Are you stupid?! You're not going to be fine! This isn't just some fall that you can shake off with a Hello Kitty Band-Aid and a couple of days watching cartoons. You'll hurt yourself or worse...you'll...no! Absolutely not! I'm not going to let you go, Spencer and Freddie would kill me! I'm okay with holding you here, Spencer's going to throw the rope any minute and this whole thing is going to be forgotten," I promise her with a faint smile and she only shakes her head, once again taking in the busy street below her, the silent tears falling from her eyes before she sighs.
"Just let go," Carly pleads and I curse loudly as I place my feet behind the railing, giving her a slight tug forward, my grip loosing from her hand and she seems pleased to feel my hands slip. I snort a cry as I stare down at her, the look of desperation in her eyes, the look of unselfishness, of fear, of vulnerability. Suddenly she wasn't Carly Shay the girl that I tried to hate anymore, she was Carly Shay, the girl that I was undeniably in love with.
"Listen, Carly, you're going to make it out of this, okay? You're going to go on and you're going to fall in love with someone, you're going to have lots of babies and watch them grow. You're gonna...you're gonna die an old old lady, warm in her bed. Not here. Not this night. Not like this, you understand me? Your dad being stationed here was the best thing that ever happened to me, you know why? Because it brought me to you. You have to promise me something, okay? You have to promise me that you won't give up no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless you think a situation may be. Promise me, Carly. And never let go of that promise," I exclaim and she smirks a small smile, her nose wrinkling, creating the infamous lines upon her perfect forehead and my heart races in my chest.
"You totally stole that off Titanic," She jokes a smile and I roll my eyes with a small laugh.
"Yeah, well, you made me watch that sissy, yucky romance movie enough. I lost count after thirty-eight times, so, it's not my fault that some of it actually soaked it's way into my tiny brain!" I smile and she laughs with a snort before we both fall silent, listening to the sounds of our hearts racing together, "you still have to promise me, Carls. And never let go of that promise." I exclaim and she sighs, her tear stained eyes meeting mine.
"Sam..." She sighs and I shake my head, clinching my jaw tightly.
"No, Carly. You have to promise me. You have to promise. I'm the one who usually gives up too easily on things, not you. This isn't you. This isn't the Carly Shay that we all know and love. I want her back, the one who fights like hell and doesn't give a damn about the situation because she knows that if she tries hard enough, she'll prevail in the end. Don't you dare give up on me, not over this because I...I need you," I reply, my voice breaking and she says nothing for a moment, her eyes scanning my face and my mouth goes dry, my heart very much present in my throat now.
"You don't need me, Sam. You are perfectly capable of surviving without me, of staying out of jail and doing good, if you want to. You are so determined that I'm the one who keeps you held together, well, you're the one who keeps me together. You're fine without me. You always were and will be. You just...Sam...don't," She cries and suddenly, before I am aware of it, everything that I've struggled to keep inside of me, everything that I've always brushed away as some idiotic teenage hormone, bursts from my lips in a desperate cry.
"Fuck, Carly, don't you get it?! I love you, idiot! I'm in love with you! Isn't it blatantly obvious by now?! My hate for Freddie? My disgust over Missy?! The fact that I dated that jerk Jonah?! The gay pride bracelet?! The flirting?! The touching?! How many more ways could I have told you?! I'm in love with you! And that changes everything!" I yell at her as a surge of strength passes through me as I pull her forward, over the railing with a groan. She turns back to me as I crawl beside of her, her eyes full of surprise and I swallow the lump in my throat.
"Guys, the rope is coming down!" Spencer yells as the yellow rope falls in my hands. I sigh as I slowly stand, wrapping the rope around Carly's waist, my fingers brushing against the small exposed skin above her jeans. I shiver as I close my eyes, my breath hitching in my throat and as I open my eyes, I find her staring at me, her lips parted, her brow arched together.
"Hold on. I'll pull you guys up," Spencer calls out. Carly sighs as she holds her hand out toward me and I take her hand, positioning myself close to her as Spencer pulls us upward. It seems to take forever before Carly is crawling back into the window and into her brother's arms as Freddie awaits me. I watch as Spencer wraps a blanket around Carly, holding her close to him and I sigh, a faint smile upon my lips as Freddie hands me a blanket. I watch as the Shay's leave but not before Carly turns back to me, a small smile upon her face and I feel the tears appear in my eyes.
"What happened down there, Sam?" Freddie asks and I shrug my shoulders with a sigh.
"You'll never understand, Fredweird. It's a girl thing," I reply with a sigh, tugging the blanket around my shoulders as I head to my apartment, wondering exactly how much my life had just changed, how much of the perfection I would never get back. I am curious as to if I lost the only best friend that I ever had, curious as to why my heart betrayed me so.
It's been exactly seven days since I last spoke to Carly, seven days since I told her that I was in love with her and pulled her to safety. Seven days since we shared a quick glance, seven days since I heard her voice call my name and it doesn't exactly seem fair. But I suppose it was, I did spring this on her after all. There was no warning, nothing that could have prepared her for what I told her and I suppose that if things were reversed, I would want to digest the information before I found the words to say of why we couldn't be friends anymore. It's been seven days and I die a little more inside with every minute that passes that I'm without her.
She texted me ten minutes ago asking to meet me in the park, I couldn't refuse, even though it was pouring the rain outside. So here I stand, my grey hoodie wrapped around my small body, her favorite flavor of Groovy Smoothie in my hands as the rain blinds my vision. There was something about a thunderstorm that made my heart race, there was something about the lightening that caressed against the dark gray clouds that made me feel so alive, so at peace with the world. Standing here, listening to the rain fall around me, my heart finally lulls to a normal pace, so much so that I almost forget that I'm meeting her here until I see a red umbrella bouncing my way.
She smiles weakly at me and my breath hitches in my throat, I swallow hard with a weak laugh of my own. Suddenly she is beside of me, the red umbrella protecting us both of the downpour of autumn rain, both us standing in the silence, waiting for the other to say something. I sigh, shifting my weight as I hold the Groovy Smoothie toward her and I watch as her face lights up in excitement.
"I was at Groovy Smoothie when you texted me. Figured that I would pick up your favorite flavor, raspberry, right?" I smile knowing that I was right. She nods her head as she takes the styrofoam cup from my hands, placing the red straw to her lips, taking a draw of the cool heaven like goodness. She looks up at me with a warm smile and my knees practically give from beneath me and my heart races in my chest. God, didn't she not see that I loved her more than anything? Even ham?
"Did you mean it?"
"I'm sorry,"
"What?" We spoke our statements in unison, both missing what the other said, and we both quickly find ourselves in a fit of giggles. Never has the sound of her laughter sound more like melody to my ears until now, and I realize exactly how much I've missed it over the past seven days. How much I've missed her. She takes a sip of her smoothie before she speaks again, this time I stay silent.
"You go first. I'll listen," She states with a smile and I nod my head in understanding. I shift my weight, watching the rain that falls around us before my eyes meet hers and suddenly everything feels right, everything that has happened, Jonah, Missy, Freddie, the fight, it was all meant to bring me here. To this moment. In the rain. With her.
"I'm sorry if what I said freaked you out. I know that it was totally unfair that I sprung it on you like that, I should have waited. I should have waited until we were watching some stupid sicking romance movie that you love so much and I should have waited until the guy got the girl in the end and leaned over and told you that we were perfect. I should have...waited because it wasn't exactly something that should have been said then. But I felt you slipping away, emotionally and physically and you just...you had to know," I exclaim, rolling my eyes at how gross I sounded. I hated when she did this, I hated it when she made me sound like some sort of washed up greeting card, if only I was wearing glitter and a gigantic heart on my chest, she could purchase me for .99 cents. She nods her head in understanding with a sigh before she smiles at me.
"Did you mean it?" She asks and I draw my brow together in confusion, trying desperately to read her expression, to break my way through the walls that she kept up to keep us all out.
"Did I mean what?" I ask and she snorts, rolling her eyes.
"Did you mean when you said that you loved me? You didn't...you didn't just say it because you were afraid that I was going to let go? You didn't...you didn't just fake it? Did you mean it?" She asks, her voice trailing off and I sigh with a smile, nodding my head with a quiet laugh. How could she not see? How could she not know?
"Yeah, I meant it. And I'm sorry if that makes things hard for you. I know that we are friends and I know that you're okay with that but I want to be with you and I can't control the way that I feel. If I could...if I had a choice in any of this, I wouldn't have chose this life, I wouldn't have chose to fall in love with my best friend and lose her. I'm sorry, Carls but I do love you, I'm in love with you and..." Suddenly I feel her lips pressed against mine, her body swaying next to mine. It takes me a moment to realize that she is kissing me but once I do, I firmly rest my hands at her waist, allowing my lips to break and part perfectly against hers, feeling her hips collide hard with my own.
"Good," She pulls away from the kiss with a sly smile, "because I'm in love with you, too. I just had to make sure that you meant it, that you weren't just trying to keep me talking until you pulled me up. I had to make sure that...I didn't want to lose you because of this because I...I need you, too. But I'm sure that I love you. And I'm sure that we'll figure this out together." I smile at her as I kiss her lips softly, pressing my hand hard against her waist, allowing a soft moan to escape the back of my throat. We break apart when oxygen becomes a problem and I slowly intertwine our fingers around one another.
"So are you gonna be my girl, Carly Shay?" I smile at her and she shrugs her shoulders.
"Maybe. Are you asking me?" She smiles and I nod my head with a laugh. She rolls her eyes as she kisses me on the cheek, allowing her lips to linger longer than they should have and both of us shiver when she pulls away, "of course I'm gonna be your girl, Samantha Puckett. We're Yin and Yang. We have to be together." She replies as we walk in the downpour of rain, listening to the tiny droplets dance around the red umbrella before she looks at me with a smile.
"Quote Titanic for me again, please?" She begs and I groan with a curse, shaking my head. I glance over at Carly who has now stopped walking, her bottom lip puckered out, tears filling her eyes, "please, Sammie? Please? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top? Sammie, puh-lease." She pleads with me and I only laugh at her, twisting my head to the side as a warm smile forms upon my face.
"Carly, you're no picnic, alright? You're a spoiled little brat. But under that, you're the most amazingly astounding wonderful girl...woman that I've ever know. And...you're amazing. I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works, I got ten bucks in my pocket and I have nothing to offer you but I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you're going to be alright," I quote with a smile and I watch as her face lights up in happiness. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me close to her as our bodies collide together in a lustful dance, there's a twinkle in her eye, one that stops my heart and steals my breath.
"You know, I just might love you for the rest of my life, Sam Puckett," She sighs with a smile.
"You know, I just might let you, Carly Shay," I reply, placing my lips tightly against hers. Our lips move together like a perfect dance, it wasn't sloppy, messy nor wet, it was perfect, powerful fit of love and lust. I felt her walls break down for me as her tongue slips inside of my mouth, I break away with a pant, resting my forehead against hers, staring lovingly into her dark brown eyes, my heart racing for her warm touch.
"I'll never let go, I promise," She beams a grin and I roll my eyes with a quick kiss.
"You know, I'm glad you didn't die," I say and Carly giggles with a smile.
"Yeah, I'm pretty jazzed about it, too," She laughs before she places a kiss upon my lips. Quickly, I push the umbrella from her hands, allowing the downpour of rain to soak our bodies as we continue to kiss. Suddenly she pulls away with a shriek as the rain soaks her once straight hair, she runs toward the apartment but not before my arms wrap around her waist, pushing her onto the green grass as I fall beside of her, staring deep into her eyes as the world falls silently around us. And I am never more sure of anything in my entire life as I am that I was utterly, sickeningly, disgustingly in love with her.
I'll love you forever if you review. (: