a/n: I like to call this the "sequel" to my previous parody fic, This Is a Good One Piece Fanfic, though I don't feel you have to read that in order to get the point of this story. Just be warned that I wrote this in the middle of the night, and I think you can see that I was very, very tired.
And again, I don't have anything against ZoroxSanji.
"What. The. Hell."
Zoro was a puppy. No, you didn't read that wrong. Zoro was indeed a puppy. He had green fur and an adorable little black bandana tied around his left paw. And he was looking at his reflection on the water, a terrified look in his big, adorable puppy eyes. But that wasn't all. He was currently stranded on an island. And he had company.
Not far from him, Kitty Sanji was running around in circles in obvious panic. His cream coloured fur hung over his left eye just like his hair did in human form. He also still had his swirly eyebrow for some reason.
"What. The. Hell." Zoro repeated, still staring at his reflection. Sanji kept on running in circles.
"Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod," he chanted. Maybe it was the shock of suddenly turning into a cat, or then it was just the fact that he didn't have his cigarettes with him.
After Sanji had reached his hundredth "ohmygod", Zoro's patience broke.
"Would you stop the (bleep)ing goddamn whining? I'm trying to figure out what the hell happened to us!" He literally barked.
Sanji cowered in fear. "I want my smokies," he meowed sadly.
Zoro sighed. "Okay, I think something's coming back to me. Didn't we drink a lot, and I mean a lot, yesterday?"
Sanji straightened up and tilted his head in a cutesy way. "I guess we did."
Zoro stared at Sanji. Sanji stared back.
"Okay, okay," Sanji finally admitted. "I think it was some kind of special wine or something. I hadn't really heard of it before but I still wanted to try it."
"And that's why we're animals right now, huh?"
"Yeah!" Sanji said brightly.
"Oookay...," Zoro said slowly, "but that doesn't explain why the hell we're stranded on a (bleep)ing island."
"Maybe I can be of assistance?"
Zoro and Sanji turned around. In front of them was perhaps the most beautiful girl they had ever seen. She had deep crimson hair cascading down to the ground and pink eyes. They changed color every few minutes. She had uber cool clothes. That's all you need to know about her. As she stepped closer, Sanji's eyes turned to hearts.
"My name is Purfect Hoshi Ichigo Creampuff!" she said. "If you two cute talking animals are in trouble, I can help you out!"
"We aren't really-" Zoro began but was immediately interrupted by Sanji.
"Oh, beautiful sparkling maiden! You must be an angel sent from heavens!" he meowed. "Please help us! We're so very weak!"
Purfect let out a melodic giggle. "Of course!" She then picked the two up and crushed them against her huge bust. "Let's go see if there's any boats or something equally useful!"
She skipped gleefully around the island and did indeed find a boat by the shore. "Oh my!" she giggled again. "Just my luck!"
However, the boat was already in use. "Hi!" said the girl who appeared to be the leader of the crew as our three heroes approached the boat. "We're the Mysterious Moonshine Pirates!" The crew, which consisted of four young boys and two young girls, looked curiously at the trio. Well, at the girl and the two suffocated furry things between her breasts.
"Hi, I'm Purfect Hoshi Ichigo Creampuff, but you can just call me PHIC, and these are my pets!" Purfect announced energetically.
"No we're no-" Zoro managed to growl but was silenced by Sanji's squeal of "YES WE ARE!"
"Oh wow, do they talk?" the captain said, clasping her hands together in delight. "Hey, join our pirate crew and help me be the first Pirate Queen ever! You see," she added mysteriously, "we're accepting OC's!"
"Wow, really?" Purfect screamed and jumped up and down. "I want to join! I want to join!"
"You're in!" the captain said.
"Yay!" Purfect said and stepped in the boat.
"Hey you!" Zoro yelled as loud as he could. "We were supposed to get back to our ship, you (bleep)ing moron!"
"What are you talking about?" the captain, who shall be known as Mysteriosa from now on, asked. "You're just animals. You don't have a ship."
Zoro wanted to kill someone right now. Purfect dropped them to the deck of the boat and went to chat with the other members. That was when Zoro noticed a newspaper laying around. He read it quickly. "What the suck?" He nearly screamed. "This says Luffy's dead!"
"Yeah," Mysteriosa said. "He was the Pirate King, you see! Now that he's out of the way, we can have our own adventure!"
"B-but this is insane! Just yesterday, he was- we were- yo, swirly!" Zoro said to Sanji. "What (bleep)ed up kind of wine was that? I bet this is all your fault!"
"Aww, look at them bickering!" the whole crew crooned as they watched the two small animals. "I bet they're in love."
Now Zoro was ready to kill someone. Sanji didn't seem to notice anything at all. It was as if he'd been in some tranze.
"Hey, they're right," he said seductively and licked Zoro's puppy ear. "I think we should make some luuurve, baby."
Zoro jumped away from him with wide eyes. "What kind of lunatic are you?" he screeched. "What if we produce some kind of dog-cat hybrid or something? You're all nuts!"
"Oh, we're nuts all right," the boys of the crew said. "We're all high on love." And then the four guys started to do unimaginable things to each other. The four remaining females cheered on enthusiastically as they settled to watch.
"Eeeeee! Yaoi!" they squealed and held each other's hands.
Zoro turned to look at Sanji, who was approaching him with a downright horny expression. "Come on, Zoro," he literally purred. "You know you want it."
"No, I don-," Zoro staggered as Sanji started to undo his bandana. "No, stop! Gyaaaahhhh!"
Zoro felt like he was waking up from a very bad dream. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw his captain's cheerful face.
"Yay, Zoro's awake!" he shouted in glee. "Hey, guys!" he called to the whole crew.
"Luffy... You're not dead?" Zoro asked, a bit confused. I'm back on the ship? He looked to his side and saw Sanji lying next to him, unconscious.
"Nah," Luffy said absently. "Though it felt like I disappeared for a moment," he added, grinning. Zoro frowned at this.
By then the whole crew was there by Zoro's side, the whole crew being Luffy, Nami, Ace and Law. Where Usopp, Chopper, Robin, Franky and Brook were was a mystery.
"Where's-," Zoro began but Luffy interrupted him.
"We've approved of Robin now, so she can come here sometimes to be your lover in Sanji's place!" Luffy said cheerfully. "Look, there's some kind of transportation thingie that allows her to come and Sanji to go away, and when you're bored of her you can make the switch and have Sanji back again!" He pointed to a weird looking device that kind of resembled a phone booth. "Neat, huh? So whaddya think?"
Zoro couldn't take it anymore. He burst into violent tears and ran into the boys' room, slamming the door shut.
THE END.