Hey guys. I haven't written anything in a very long time (even though I am typing chapters for the other stories), but I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I hope you like my first songfic!
Summary: This is what helps A to go through with his suicide. Rated T for descriptive suicidal methods. Also, in third person point-of-view.
A lifted the razor. He was starting to doubt this, this idea, but knew that once he started, he couldn't stop.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface.
A started to open the razor, trying to separate each little blade from the other. His fingers cut open in the process, but A embraced the pain.
Don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes.
"This is all L's fault," A whispered, picking up a sliver of broken metal. "It's his fault that children are forced to become something that would restrain them from living a proper life. It's his fault that I'm watched every minute, just to make sure that I become just like L."
A paused for a second before adding, "It's his fault that I have to leave B."
(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
A knew that this was necessary. He would never last as L, even L said so when he told A that he was the new successor. A always made careless mistakes, and L said that because of this, A would not last long in the world of crime.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there.
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,
Is be more like me, and be less like you.
A just wanted to live a normal life. He didn't want to have to live a life of mystery. All A wanted was to escape from Wammy's and live a normal life. That's why he made the first gash a long his arm.
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding to tightly, afraid to lose control.
L wouldn't leave A alone, ever since he was chosen as L's successor. A was always being tested, always had to give reports to L. A was always being watched, no matter what.
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Is falling apart, right in front of you
A began making the gashes in his arm quicker, and deeper as well. Something burned inside of him that compelled him to do this. A knew that he was failing as L's successor, but he couldn't go through with the pain anymore. When his left arm was completely mutilated, he switched to his right.
(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you.
(Caught in the undertone, just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take.
A was tired of always making mistakes. Nothing was ever good enough for L! A hit his artery, vein, whatever it was called, and blood began spurting out.
"This isn't working!" A yelled. He pulled his shirt up and began cutting there.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,
Is be more like me, and be less like you.
A wanted a way out, and this is what drove him to suicide. But for some reason, nothing was happening. He had cut his arms and stomach, but he did not die.
And I know
I may end up failing to.
But I know
You were just like me,
With someone disappointed in you
A knew that L would be disappointed, and he also knew that the first generation of letters (A-Z) would take his decision personally. So many people would be disappointed in him for not being strong, but the pressure was just too much.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I've become so tired, so much more aware.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do,
Is be more like me, and be less like you.
Suddenly, A's vision became foggy. His clothes were stained with blood, and the razor dropped to the ground, as if in slow motion. A fell to his knees, as blackness penetrated his vision in tiny spots.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be?
A crumpled to the floor from his knees, and was opening his heart and soul to death. A smile slowly grew on his face as he saw his parents in the distance. They were calling to him, and, apologizing for having to leave him.
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be?
A used his last breath to make a completely irrelevant statement: "I…never left a note."
And with this dying statement, Aaron Always was dead, driven to kill himself by the intense pressure put on him by the world's greatest detective.
Aw! Poor A! I want to know where this came from, so I might be going on another hiatus. I don't know, but who knows?