Courage
Disclaimer: I have no rights to The OC, I don't completely know who does, but it's not me!
Warning: Attempted suicide. Not gory. Don't read if it freaks you out.
A/N: Oooh, angst from me! Okay, there's a ittle little bit of fluff, but I can't resist. I'm contemplating continuing this.
The scent of salt water blew through the wind. Seth took a long breath in. This was what he expected to smell for the next two months or so. He couldn't believe he was doing this.
It had seemed like forever he had been on his small boat, but it had just been a little over two hours. And he had already thought about everything he thought he needed a whole trip to Tahiti to think about. It was already dark. He didn't have the slightest idea about how he would sail during the night.
But he was doing it. Just like he'd planned last summer. To everyone in Newport, he was a spoiled and rich dork. Except for Ryan. And Summer. And his parents. Seth tried to convince himself they thought that too, but he knew that didn't. Ryan needed someone in Newport. Summer liked the chase. His parents wouldn't even care with Ryan in Chino. Right? Right. And now, he had courage.
He never had courage before. Ever. When his parents wanted to go to Mexico for Christmas vacation, he didn't pipe up to say he really wanted to go to Disneyworld. When some jocks took his boxers from his locker during gym and hid them on top of Holly's locker, he didn't even look them in the eye. Just blushed, got his boxers, and ran into the bathroom.
He wasn't a coward any more. No, not Seth Cohen.
A choppy wave splashed him in the face. His hands began to ache, and he would just love one french fry. It was then he realized he could die out in the ocean.
He wondered if anyone would even notice. He'd attempted to convince himself nobody cared about him, and forced himself to believe it. The wind calmed down. The boat wasn't going anywhere.
He decided it was now that he'd do it. He'd thought about it so many times. And all alone, just like he'd felt for so long, this is where he would die.
Seth let go of the sail and stood up on his boat. It rocked a little. He looked down at the water. It was so calm, peaceful. He'd show all of the people who thought he was a coward. Look how courageous I am now!
He jumped off the boat, and held onto it, like his safety. As soon as his entire body was submerged, he shut his eyes. Images of his parents, Summer, Ryan, all crying flashed in his mind. They did care. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. He felt light-headed. He couldn't take it anymore.
Seth used all the strength he had left in his body to pull himself up onto his boat. He gasped for breath, choking on water and coughing. He turned the light in his watch on, and saw it was 9:26. He had been sailing for about three hours and a half, and already he'd tried to kill himself.
He sighed in defeat, and salty tears mixed with ocean water on his face. He turned back on his boat, to head home.
He couldn't say goodbye to his best friend.
He couldn't tell his girlfriend and parents just how much he loved them.
He couldn't sail to Tahiti alone.
He couldn't kill himself to put him out of his pain.
He didn't have any courage. They were all right. He was just a coward.