Author Note: This is my first fanfic ever ever ever so please don't be too harsh, I am pretty nervous :D I appreciate all constructive comments. Thanks to my friend and beta tester G.L. for her amazing help. Reylo forever and ever :) Now revised to fit better with parts of TLJ plot (explanations on chapter 19)
Tonight I will forget what separates us, tonight like a new beginning. Without waiting an instant, without waiting for the time to take us, tonight before the rain falls, this fire that unites us. Let our dreams create the night. Before the doubts engulf us, before tomorrow comes, while we still have this one life.
She was waiting impatiently. Tonight was the night. At midnight. Like in old fairy tales, at midnight everything was decided, miracles happened. They had only this one night, every month, same place, same time no matter what happened. Her heart was in turmoil, a fluttering bird in her ribcage.
This night they took possession of their lives, while they had their lives, while they could still make the most of these stolen moments, of their set destinies.
While the suns were setting Rey half closed her eyes and stared at the horizon. The outpost was far away from the city. Sublime was the calm of the mountains and the lake. She had intentionally chosen this green, pristine, alive planet. The place was magical, they called it Sunnat the valley of dreams. The city base was supposed to oversee military operations of several neighbouring systems. This hideout was hers, few knew about it. She found it while exploring the area. She stayed here under pretense of assisting the Resistance base in the city and helping out with smuggling provisions. Luke and Leia were curious as to that decision, but she made it clear she needed some time alone. After the completion of her basic training with Master Luke they let her do whatever she deemed helpful to the cause. Since she was only the second Jedi alive, one of the best warriors they had, she got away with such liberties as she could. Dark guilt started gnawing at her.
Suddenly, heavy rain started pouring down. She could barely see through the downpour, droplets smashing against the still surface of the turquoise lake. It was so loud and sudden she perked up straining to hear something unusual. There was only the curtain of pure cleansing rain. It was too early, she knew. As the last light of the two suns died she followed them with her eyes, one going down behind the orange coloured mountain, the other one following sometime after, rejoining its companion. Rey half smiled at the vision. In local tales, those two could never be together, just always running after each other, never meeting. And when they would finally meet they would collapse against each other. The companions, the lovers, their gravitational pulls would destroy them. No one would feel the ripples of their final rendezvous across the universe.
She shuddered against her good judgment. Surely it was from the cold settling with the night. What was she thinking about? She always got muddled brained when she thought of those legends, stories, and myths. She never had anyone telling her bedtime stories or any stories, so she enjoyed collecting and reading them. She was fascinated with them. But her lack of proper childhood on Jaaku brought in confusion between reality and fantasy. So she was often led to believe in the impossible which was silly but she had no one to ask for explanation. She had no one to care about her back then.
She finally entered inside the outpost and sat next to the window with a holocron in her hand. It was a small facility, only 3 rooms including the bedroom, refresher and control room, but to her that was plenty enough having lived in the tiny ruin of a TIE all her life. After an hour of flipping through virtual pages she just couldn't concentrate, Rey went to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was still tied in buns, she tried to place it better then looked at her dress. The one she got from the city was simple enough. A knee length coral garment with triangle shoulder straps. It did look more feminine then her battle tunic. Not that she cared of course. She only put it on for...change that's it. Certainly not because she thought it made all of this seem more like a rendezvous than an escapade. She looked at the lipstick she had bought, on the sink. Bit her lip trying to decide to put any or not. She had never used any makeup. This was luxury on Jaaku. Only prostitutes used it, only they could afford it. She used her credits for rations. But she was always secretly jealous of their glamour. Rey decided to brave it. The color was a bit dark but suited her well, she thought. She was too self-conscious dressed like this. It wasn't like her.
Then she felt it. The tingling in the bond. She had kept it tightly closed until now but when he was this close she always knew.
She stopped herself from sprinting to the door.
She entered the main room. He was there. Completely drenched, leaning against the doorframe like a spectre. The darkness from outside enveloped him and framed his tall form. The gloom scared her for a moment, the only light coming from the holochron on the armchair illuminating the droplets of water falling down the black wool of his cloak. She couldn't see his face; the hood was over. A true ghost. She had to trust the bond that this was no mirage, he was really there. She was reminded of when she first saw him, all dark and frightening in the forest of Takodana.
Rey advanced but she wanted to run back and lock herself somewhere safe away from him. This was dangerous. It wasn't good, it was criminal. How she could feel his eyes on her was criminal. The way she followed the drops falling down his hood over his crossed arms was criminal.
Like always he didn't wait for small talk. He turned back sharply, his cape floated dramatically behind him. She shook her head. Always so damn dramatic. She grabbed her own raincoat and followed locking the door carefully behind.
He had another speeder bike, this one looking newer than the previous ones he brought. Her professional interest piqued at the design and implements, she stopped to look and inspect it before climbing on. He was already sitting impatiently. He offered her his hand and she braved to look at his face then for the first time in a month.
The light was very low but she inhaled silently at the fire raging in that gaze. Like always he could hide little of his emotions, which made wearing the mask all that more useful. But there was no mask tonight, or any of their nights since he had destroyed it. She agreed to grab his offering hand, despite her stubbornness and jumped in front. She was dwarfed sitting in front of his looming figure. But she liked to be the one driving; she was better than him anyways and knew the place like the palm of her hand.
The rain was falling hard and Rey was soaked to the bones in no time, he grabbed her then around the waist, holding fast. She tried to control her reaction to his gloved touch. She craved it every day in her dreams, waiting, wanting. But the wait was over. The fire had started burning under her quickly cooling skin.
''Nice to see you Kylo'' she whispered, scared her voice would betray her nervousness.
''I wasn't late was I. No time to waste.'' he answered in his smooth low timbre.
Angry at his lack of greeting she turned on the motor and sped up. The speeder bike rode the night, going towards the forest. She loved this so much. The freedom of it, the wind on her wet face, washing everything, all the worries, all the guilt, all the lies, erasing time itself. She didn't want the rain to stop. Going faster and faster, he clutched her harder, her heart was beating madly. The trees were passing like shadows, the bike barely missing them, going as fast as it physically could. They were brushing death like the old friend it was. She loved it. Her exhilaration was reflected in her companion. He was breathing hard on her shoulder, and their hair and cloaks were flapping around them animated by their own will.
They rode like this for what must have been hours, at one point almost crashing in a darkbear. The moment was so sweet, she felt excitement rolling deep within her belly. Her cheeks red, her hands grabbing the handles for dear life. If they crashed, it would feel so good, she wanted for it to happen sometimes, she knew he did too. It was madness. They were mad. But they never crashed. Just raced through the rain in the forest and fields away from everyone, away from the world, sometimes screaming in pure liberation.
Finally they arrived at her usual spot. The cottage was glistening in the moon light, wooden beams and red roof, same as she left it last time. It lay nestled next to a small pristine lake. The water usually reflecting the moons was disturbed by the drumming rain drops. The forest was surrounding it all as if keeping its secret. Now that the storm was over everything was quiet. She silently dropped off, the only sound now their heavy breathing, still heady from the race.
Before Rey advanced towards the cottage, ignoring her silent companion behind, she came to her senses. The thrill of the ride was gone; a different kind of excitement was forming. It was so strong she felt she could be sick, her palms sweaty. She didn't know if she could do it again. Her guilt was telling her to leave, to go back and never come back to this place. She couldn't carry on, her soul was ripping. Let this be the last night oh Stars! This attraction to her sworn enemy was unbearable, inhuman, and unreal. It was forbidden and it led nowhere but hell. She swallowed and told herself that this would be the last time. She would end it tonight.
Her thoughts were interrupted by someone's strong arms pulling her against their warm chest, embracing her from behind. He never did that. Why did he do that? Could he hear her thoughts?
She tried to turn her face to see him but he had already grabbed her chin and put his gloved hand over her lips. Leaning down over her ear he whispered:
''Did you miss me Rey''
Her last rational thought was gone.
It was to be their last night. She was going to tell him.