This is something that has been on my mind ever since "Changing channels". It's a one shot (a pretty short one actually) and it's Dean's pov after the meeting with Gabriel.

Disclaimer: The lines in italic are original lines from the TV show "Supernatural" and belong to their respective owners, just like the characters Dean and Sam Winchester. I don't own anything, I'm just happily using Kripke's babies *g*

Warning: minor swearing

I hope you like it, and if you do feel free to leave a little feedback! :)

Whatever you do

It's your destiny. It was always you.

The road ahead seems endless as we pass the occasional signs that lead to yet more unknown cities. I've never even heard of most of them. It is dark and foggy outside and the headlights of my beloved car have to struggle hard to find their way through the mist. It's silent but for the purring motor. Sometimes this noise has a calming effect on me, making me feel like nothing bad can happen as long as the wheels just keep on turning. At nights like this, it makes the silence between you and me even more strained.

We haven't spoken since we left the Trickster in that old factory hall. Wait – it's not the Trickster. Gabriel, the Archangel. I never would have thought he has such a wicked sense of humour. He really has. I just can't laugh about it now. In my head the same words keep spinning round and round, burning right into my heart.

This isn't about a war. This is about two brothers that loved each other, and betrayed each other.

So this is it? Is that the truth, the answer to everything? All the hurt and all the fear we put each other through, was that the only possible way?

How often did I wish things had gone differently. I've thought about the what if's and all the woulda coulda shoulda's. And I thought that maybe it wouldn't have had to come to this. Those thoughts have been haunting me ever since I found out who you'd become. What you'd become. Forgiving you wasn't easy Sam, and we both got our bruises on the way back to a somewhat normal life. But no matter how mad things became, there was always this tiny spark of hope. The hope that someday, somehow, this would all be over for good. For both of us.

But I guess our lives aren't meant for those fairytale happily-ever-after endings, right? We're meant to be different. Our lives aren't normal.

One brother has to kill the other.

Was Dad right after all? Will it really have to end like that?

I made a promise back then, you know. I promised that I would save you. And didn't I try? Was my going to hell and back not enough? How much more, Sam? What else do we have to do? I'm just so tired of all of this. Right now, I don't give a rat's ass about Heaven, about Hell, about the damn apocalypse. End of the world, my ass. Yeah right, I don't mean it. Not really. But why us? Why you and me? Is it destiny? Well, screw that. I'm not gonna let it happen. I'd rather jump head first into the pit again before killing you. Believe me, I would, Sam. Because I know you'd do the same for me, despite all that happened. Yes, we've been through a lot of shit lately, and I can't simply forget and forgive. There's absolutely no use in pretending. Forgiving was difficult enough – is still difficult – and we both know that we will never forget what happened. But after all this, we're still brothers. And doesn't that count for something? What are fate and destiny compared to that bond we share?

Whatever you do – we will always end up here.

I won't lie, Sam. I'm scared like Hell. My biggest fear is that this smartass Gabriel will be right after all, that Lucifer will be right, that Uriel spoke the truth. I keep telling myself that it's nonsense. If we say No – and we will – then what are they gonna do? They can't do it against our will – can they? I don't know what to believe anymore, Sam. I just don't know. I wish we could just go back to that time when demons were evil and that was it. No angels, no apocalypse, no sides to be taken. No demon blood and no vessels. Just you and me and an open road ahead.

That's just how it's gotta be.

Oh God Sammy, what are we supposed to do?