Set after 'A Day in the Life', but also using spoilers for up coming episodes. I don't own any of the rights to Casualty.

Jay could barely look Ruth in the eye after her confession. He couldn't believe it - why had she lied to him about THEIR baby. He just felt so broken all over again. He'd dreamed of being a dad ever since he was a boy - playing football in the park, teaching them how to ride a bike, all the things he'd missed out on due to his good for nothing father. To know that the woman, the only woman he'd ever truly been in love with, had ripped this dream in half made him feel as if his insides were tearing in two.

He wanted to shout at her, but even with all his anger, he knew that he couldn't be that sort of person. He wanted to walk away, and never talk to her again, but he knew that they worked together and he now had no option but to live with her since his sister was now in his room at his Nan's. He wanted to know what to do but instead all he got was the diversion of Harry's heart attack.

Half an hour later, the team realised they'd done all they could. He felt so broken all over again at the thought of another child not being able to grow up. Normally he was able to separate his emotions from his patients, but not when it was a colleague's child that had died. He dreaded going to Ruth's, knowing that she'd be coping so much better than he was. After all, she was the one who made a big deal out of not making friends at the hospital so of course Harry would just be another patient to her.

Knowing that going to Ruth's house (he could hardly call it his home) was going to be torment; Jay took as long as possible to get ready to go home, consequently arriving at Ruth's two hours after his shift ended. He immediately realised something was on as soon as he entered the door. The atmosphere was off. Normally when Ruth came home, she would go out on a run, have a shower then eat tea in front of the TV. Two hours after her shift ended, and she should be well into her tea. Instead, the house was eerily quiet. Jay knew Ruth's history and ran around the house shouting Ruth's name at once, scarred that she'd done something stupid. He realised the bathroom door was locked and when he got no answer immediately broke the door down in his race to get to her. His fears were proved correct when he entered the room and saw Ruth submerged in the bathwater. Her skin was so pale and there were no bubbles coming from where her mouth was.

Any rational thoughts still in Jay's head promptly left it at that moment as he jumped into the bath, lifted her head out of the water and started CPR when he checked she wasn't breathing and her pulse was almost none existent. As he started the second round of compressions, he noticed the empty bottle of vodka and packet of paracetamol next to the sink.

"Oh, Ruth," Jay said, all anger at her from earlier in the day evaporating.

He called 999 and no more than 5 minutes later, Dixie and Jeff were there.

"Jay, you need to let us treat her. You need to get some dry clothes on or you'll catch goodness knows what. She'll need you to be well too, you know sweetie," Dixie said to Jay when he refused to let her go.

"But… but … I can't." Jay replied, the seriousness of her condition hitting him full force.

Jeff took the initiative and dragged Jay out of the bath as Dixie took over supporting Ruth's head. The water in the bath had already been drained to try and stabilise her body temperature and after Jay had been removed from the bathroom, they quickly moved Ruth from the bath onto a pile blankets before they rushed her off to hospital. Of course, there was no way they could stop Jay from coming in the ambulance with Ruth to Holby ED.

2 weeks later

Jay had been told countless times how lucky Ruth was that he was there to break down the bathroom door and dial 999 but he didn't believe it was lucky. He felt guilty - if he hadn't been so angry about her secret, if he'd have listened to her then she wouldn't have felt the need to try and kill herself again. He prided himself on his ability to read people, but he completely missed every single warning sign that she's thrown about - now so clear a week on.

The doctors had been describing Ruth's condition as stable since she was brought in - there was none of the usual near death experiences the patients at Holby normally had. In fact, there wasn't anything. She was still in a coma but able to breathe for herself. The water, alcohol and vodka had apparently had no effect on her (probably due to the fact that she'd vomited on the way to hospital) but she didn't seem to react to anything, not Jay's voice, the touch of his hand or the change in medication.

Jay was beginning to give up hope that anything would get Ruth to improve until Amir's wife (I can't remember her name, sorry)turned up. She didn't push Jay for information or make him feel uncomfortable. She just sat and listened as he poured out all his anger and sadness over the last week's events to her. He didn't expect her to understand but her response astounded him: "she hated what she did, you know, she realised it was a mistake the following day. I guess she just couldn't find the words to tell you that."

Jay was speechless and Amir's wife took this as her cue to leave. Jay went over to Ruth's bed and sat down on the chair next to it.

"I don't know if you can hear me but Amir's wife just told me something and I just … I just want to know did you think it was a mistake, the abortion, because she said - she said you thought it was the next day. Oh Ruth! Why couldn't you tell me? You should know I love you no matter what - that's what love is. I won't walk away from you, not now not ever."

Jay kissed Ruth on the forehead then somehow managed to grab 40 winks on what must have been the most uncomfortable chair ever designed. He didn't realise he was asleep though until he was woken up by Ruth muttering in her sleep.

"Baby … Jay … 'bortion … sorry"

He realised she was replaying telling him about the abortion in her dreams (or more like nightmares as she began to toss and turn in her sleep).

"Hey, hey. I'm here Ruth - everything is going to be okay. You hear me? We're going to be fine."

Jay's words of comfort seemed to have done the trick as Ruth stopped tossing and turning. Then came a sight he was scarred he'd never see again - Ruth opened her eyes and gave him a lazy half smile.

"Ruth! Are you ok? Do you need the nurse - Nurse! Oh, I've missed you so much, baby." He said speaking rapidly, barely giving Ruth a chance to reply.

"Jay!" Ruth whispered, lacking the strength to be any louder, "You're here?"

"Of course I'm here. What sort of boyfriend would I be if I wasn't? … Hey, don't cry now, Ruth."

"But I hurt you, I lied to you."

"But I love you; I'm not going to leave you no matter how many times you push me away." Jay replied solemnly.

Ruth was allowed out of hospital a week later but was referred to a physiatrist; given that this was the second time she'd tried to kill herself. Jay had, by that time, fully moved into her home and promised her doctor he would make sure she attended her appointments this time, even if it meant escorting her there himself every time. Ruth realised just how well Jay knew her when she tried to come up with an illness to avoid the first appointment but before she even opened her mouth that morning to complain she didn't feel well, he'd already stated she was perfectly healthy, having taken her stats as she stirred.

He knew this infuriated her, but managed to make it up to her by taking her to the new Italian restaurant he realised she'd been wanting to go to after her appointment then watched her favourite film with her even though thrillers weren't really his thing.

"So, aren't you going to ask me how it went?" Ruth asked as the film finished. He hadn't mentioned it at all.

"No." Jay said but with a glint in his eye showing there was something more.

"But…but you don't want to know, not at all? That's not at all like you."

"Ruth, if you wanted to tell me, you know I'd listen but you haven't mentioned it at all and I know how hard it must be for you to do this without me going on about it every 5 seconds."

Ruth grinned at this revelation, "thank you. There is one thing I need to talk to you though about the session. Dr Phillips said you should come to the next session - something about me only being open with you."

"You sure you want me to come?"

Ruth nodded adamantly.

Sure enough, Jay found himself with Ruth talking to Dr Phillips the following week. Even though he'd instantly agreed to go with her, he was intrigued as to what purpose his presence would have at the session. He knew Ruth and knew that she would be as open as she wanted with Dr Phillips with or without Jay there. However, it became apparent at the session that the reason Ruth wanted Jay there was because she literally couldn't open up to Dr Phillips without Jay being there. This became clear when they entered the psychiatrist's room and Ruth made sure her chair was as close to Jay's as possible. It was completely out of character for Ruth and they both knew it but Ruth couldn't bear to open up without Jay there to support her.

Soon, with Jay's support, Ruth was able to tell Dr Phillips everything. Fortunately, Jay already knew most of it and had already guessed the rest so there were very few surprises to him. Just as Jay and many others had told Ruth before, Dr Phillips told her that denying herself friends and a social life was not a golden ticket to promotion but this time she truly believed it. She realised her mind had been changing ever since Sarah Evans had started to intervene in her carefully planned career path, getting her to date Jay then forcing her to dump him when Sarah no longer thought he was suitable. Ruth hadn't realised until then just how much she had been played by Sarah - the one thing she'd never wanted to happen in her career, the reason why she'd never made friends.

It took five minutes of full-on Jay charm to get her to calm down and continue with the session but from then on she seemed a lot more relaxed and although Jay continued to come to her sessions, he increasing found that he was receiving some of the therapy as well as Ruth. That was not to say that Ruth was not improving, in fact everyone noticed that she was finding it a lot easier to sympathise with patients. She revealed during one of the sessions that the baby had made her realise there was more to life than a career but as the saying goes, she didn't realise how much she wanted it until she lost it. She saw how career-orientated Sarah was, even when Ruth was ill and all she could see reflected was herself in 20 years time. That's when she realised she needed to change.

6 months later

Ruth had finally finished her course of therapy with Dr Phillips and although they'd managed to work through her issues, she couldn't hide the fact that she was glad to see the back of the sessions. They had been told they were always welcome back if either of them had any had any issues they needed to talk about but neither of them could imagine needing to go back there now that Ruth had learnt how to truly open up to Jay.

Jay had pointed out on their way home from the session that it was also a year since they first got together. (I now this is rough, but they're so on/off it's probably around a year) Ruth had completely forgotten but Jay just found her face adorable.

"Hey, no need to worry. We'll keep it small - no presents - just good food and a film. Sound good?"

"Sounds perfect"

Sure enough, Jay took her to a little restaurant he'd found the previous week that you wouldn't know existed if you hadn't gone looking for it. Afterwards they went to the cinema and for once Ruth allowed Jay to choose a normal date movie for them to watch instead of her usual thrillers.

"You might not like the garlic bread. It's got crusts on. I'd better have it." Jay said as he reached over to get it.

"Not if Ninja girl gets it first… umm, yummy." Ruth said as she ate it.

"No fair."

"Hey, it's my garlic bread!" Ruth laughed, "Look at us; we're together a year and already acting like a married couple. Maybe we should make it official."

Jay looked at Ruth in shock. He'd been planning on proposing to her for a while and now she'd asked him like she was talking about the weather.

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay then."

Ruth smiled.

The following day, Ruth arrived at work 15 minutes after Jay because she'd overslept after Jay had 'accidently' turned off her alarm clock. When she got into the staff room, she was surprised to see a red rose in her locker with the letter H attached to it. Throughout the day roses would randomly appear with instruments and files she had asked for, each with different letters attached. However, the shift was so busy that she didn't have enough time to figure out what they said so just left them at reception so she could pick them up on her way home. At least, that was her plan until the F2s found out and May asked her what they spelt out. As it was a low patch in the shift, Ruth went over to reception to re-claim her roses, which by this time had grown to a bunch of 27. However, the roses had already been laid out to spell "Ruth Winters, will you marry me?" Ruth was in shock, which only got worse when she turned around to see Jay wearing a tux, down on one knee, holding a box and with a grin as wide as a Cheshire cat on his face.

Ruth wasn't one to be speechless but this was completely unexpected.

"Ruth Winters, will you marry me?" Jay asked.

"Yeah … yes." Ruth replied, unsure at first due to shock but then firmly.

"You had to out do me, didn't you?" She whispered jokingly in his ear as he stood up to give her a hug before kissing him.

"Show us the ring!" Some one in the crowd of their workmates shouted.

"One minute, I haven't given it to her yet!" Jay replied laughing but a tad embarrassed.

Ruth looked down at her hand to see the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen, a heart shaped diamond on a white gold band in the perfect size for her finger. Sure it wasn't big and flashy like some of the celebrities had but it was hers and Jay had chosen it for her - simple yet elegant, just what she liked. All the women started to coo over the ring whilst the men patted Jay on the back for having the courage to propose in public like that.

They both felt as if they were on cloud nine, a feeling that didn't seem to stop for weeks, even when they were at work it was hard to miss the secret smiles they gave each other whenever they saw each other. They even managed to agree on most details for the wedding, although Ruth needed some convincing to follow many of the wedding traditions. They decided on the local registry office for the ceremony and the restaurant where Ruth had proposed for the reception since they wanted to keep it small, with just their colleagues and Jay's family there. Still, Ruth had taken the initiative on some aspects of the wedding. She had decided on a strapless white wedding gown and had demanded Jay wear his tux. She was also adamant that she wouldn't have any bridesmaids or any one to walk her up the aisle as she wanted it to be the last time she'd ever have to do anything by herself. It was all going so well that they managed to get the entire wedding planned in two months (given their heavy workload, it was nigh on a miracle). However, the day before the wedding Ruth pulled Jay aside in the middle of their shift and took him into the staff room.

"What is it, Ruth? If you don't want to go through with this all you have to do is say." Jay said, worried.

"No, it's not that. I need your help diagnosing a patient. She's complaining of nausea, fatigue, dizziness, backache, abnormal light periods and a strange metallic taste in her mouth."

"Those are some weird symptoms. Have you run a blood and urine test?"

"I'm still awaiting results."

"Okay then. Well, what's her medical history?"

"She's 28, no known allergies or medical conditions and on no medication."

"Well, all I can think of is pregnancy."

"Got it in one, Nurse Fauldren, I'm impressed." This time it was Ruth with the glint in her eye.

"What? But you said you didn't know what was wrong with her!" As Jay was speaking, Ruth went over to her locker and pulled out a pregnancy test.

"I took it this morning. You're going to be a dad, Jay!"

"Really? Oh, Ruth!" Jay exclaimed as he picked her up and swung her round.

"Jay, put me down, Jay!" But Ruth's protests were cut short by Jay pressing his lips to hers.

"When are we going to tell people?" Ruth asked.

"I was thinking tomorrow at the reception."

"Sounds like a great idea to me. Now let's get back before people get suspicious."

It turned out to be impossible to keep the secret until the wedding as Ruth found out later that evening when Alice, Polly, May, Zoe, Dixie, Tess and Jess turned up at her front door to get her to come out and celebrate her last night of freedom. Of course, they were planning plenty of drinking but Ruth found the sheer thought of it made her nauseous so ended up telling them all she was pregnant. As a result, instead of the usual hen do, they ended up giving Ruth plenty of 'helpful' advice and betting on whether it would be a boy or a girl.

The next day, the girls (all of whom had slept over) woke Ruth up early to give her maximum preparation for her big day. Tess, Jess and Dixie took on mothering roles, constantly worrying and taking control of the little details such as when Ruth's bouquet of flowers would be arriving. Zoe was in charge of the champagne breakfast, May was in charge of the dress and Alice and Polly were in charge of hair and make-up. The ceremony was due to start at 12pm sharp and, even though it was the bride's prerogative to be late, Ruth arrived with the women dead on 12 o'clock. Fortunately, Jay had managed to beat her there by 5 minutes with the guys, who were now all in their seats, quickly joined by the ladies waiting for Ruth to walk down the aisle.

Sure enough, a minute after the last person took their seat, the bridal march started as Ruth began to walk down the aisle. Even though the wedding was in the local registry office, neither Ruth nor Jay could imagine anything more perfect as they recited their vows to each other. The reception was only around the corner so the entire wedding party walked en masse there. It was a pretty traditional wedding reception, with speeches by Ruth and Jay and dancing and even though they hadn't wanted any presents, their friends surprised them with a week's holiday to Paris but they got them back by announcing Ruth's pregnancy (true, the girls already knew but they had promised Ruth they would pretend not to).

Eight months later

Ruth had insisted on working right up to her due date - her workaholic tendencies being one of the few things Jay had been unable to calm down. So it came as no surprise when Ruth went on a call out to a severely injured farmer and came back in an ambulance as a patient herself. Jay was understandably worried, especially as they'd found out 6 months ago that Ruth was expecting twins. The snow didn't help much and meant by the time that Ruth got to Holby; she was in the last stages of labour, with no time to take her up to theatre or even the maternity ward - she would have to deliver in the ED. It was all hands on deck and Jay only just managed to get into Recuss, where Ruth had been taken before their first child, a son was born. Half an hour later he was followed by his sister. By that time, a bed had become available on the maternity ward so as soon as all three had been checked out, they were transferred up there.

The next day, a photo was put on the wall by reception of Ruth holding their daughter and Jay holding their son with a caption that read: Alexander James born at 15:15 yesterday 7lb 7oz Hannah Jane born at 15:45 7lb 5oz. All doing well.