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1 – Home

Lily Evans was sitting alone in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, crying. She was on the way home after her seventh and last year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but it hadn't been a happy ending of her long stay there. She had lost everything; her two best friends: Melanie and Victoria, her father and mother – which had resulted in her sister, Petunia, not talking to her, but most important of all: she had lost James.

It had been right after the feast and James and his three friends: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, had wanted to pull a last prank on everyone before they left Hogwarts forever. It wasn't a joke that had gone wrong, no, the joke had been very funny and Lily had loved it too, but in the end James said something that really had pissed her off. He had made it sound like she was just a little girl who could not take care of her own self and like… like he owned her. If that had just been it, Lily could have let it pass and talk to James later, but he had been like that for weeks and at last she had had enough and wouldn't let it go unnoticed by.

They had never had such a huge fight in their whole story together at Hogwarts. It had begun in the carriage down towards the train with sarcastic comments and mean glances, but ended with evil shouts across the platform where all the students were boarding the Express, but stopped stunned to watch them. None had been able to believe it: Hogwarts' dream couple number 1 through six months was shouting and swearing one at the other like they wanted to kill each other off.

Lily had slowly backed away from James, while tears grew bigger in her eyes, and at last, when the whistle of the train had sounded, she gave James a last look and shouted, "I HATE YOU JAMES POTTER!"

James had looked stunned a second, but then he opened his mouth to shout back, "THEN I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY TO HEAR THAT I HATE YOU TOO!"

But Lily wasn't happy, it had hurt to hear that from James' mouth, but again, she hadn't been better herself. Her tears started to run freely as she had stormed off and settled down in her own compartment in the other end of the train of where she knew James, Sirius, Remus and Peter would sit down. She sat there alone, just crying and rethinking the last half hour.

A couple of hours into the journey the door to the compartment slid open. Lily looked up and studied the young man who sat down across from her and who studied her back, both of them knowing what the other thought.

"Lily, I think-"

"Remus, forget it!" she interrupted. "I don't want to talk about it. What happened, has already happened, and I neither can nor will undo it."

"For Merlin's sake Lily!" Remus exclaimed and looked at her with his pained light brown eyes which were filled with concern. "You're sitting here, crying over a guy! A guy! You've almost never done that before! You're unhappy and so is James!"

"Leave it, Remus," she said coldly. "And if you intend to speak to me like that, you might as well leave."

Remus sighed and got up. "Fine. I know that when you're like that no one can talk sense into you. You have to realize it yourself."

"Just leave!" Lily said with a slight risen voice filled with impatience and slightly hysterics.

Remus gave her a last look and got up. Letting the door slam a bit harder than necessary, he left Lily alone, feeling even worse now; Remus had only wanted to help and had done nothing wrong, and yet she had been mean to him.

She gave a loud sob, drying her eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time since she had sat down in there. Why was everything going on the wrong track for her? Melanie and Victoria killed by Voldemort, and so her parents. Petunia was mad beyond everything she had ever been before, but the worst thing was that she had lost who had held her up the last year. James had helped her through her parents' death in the beginning of their year, before they were dating. Only half a year later he had held her hand at Melanie and Victoria's funeral while patting Sirius' shoulder for his loss of Melanie. James had really been there not only for her, but also for everyone that year, even his cousin when her parents were killed.

He had been everything that he hadn't been the last six years and Lily had been sure it was true love what bonded them and that he really had changed. He had been a real gentleman, he told Lily that he loved her, gave her flowers and remembered the days of the anniversaries of their first kiss, making the first and only time they…

Lily gave another huge sob remembering how respectful and sweet he had been towards her. Waiting for her to be ready and keen to make their first time perfect. And it had been. It had been more than perfect. Everything had been more than perfect with James.

She remembered their first kiss, and showed a little smile. It had been after a Quidditch match in January and James had been at the hospital wing and Lily had been nervous and shaking, scared it was something serious, but hadn't been allowed in for more than five minutes when she and the rest of the visitors had to leave. Suddenly the portrait swung open and James entered. He looked up at everyone and then broke into a huge smile and waved at everyone, but let his gaze stop at Lily. Without Lily knowing what she was doing, she had gotten up and stormed towards him with small tears in her eyes and flung her arms around his neck. There was less than half a second eye contact between them before they just, without further hesitation, kissed. The whole tower had cheered out loud and Lily and James had just grinned at each other, knowing it was right, and then gone for a walk alone.

It was all over. Over. Lily could not believe it; she had had the best time of her life with James. Yes, they could disagree sometimes and had small fights every now and then, but they always ended up happily. This time seemed different. Lily wasn't sure if she could ever look at James again after what had happened. It seemed too absurd to ever talk to him again. Ever.

Lily felt that the journey to King's Cross lasted much longer than usual. She guessed it was because she was so keen to go home and be herself, not seeing James ever again. But when she thought of it, it filled her with a funny feeling she had never felt before. When she left the platform she would never meet James again, which she at this moment was glad about, but it filled her with a weird form of emptiness at the same time. It was indescribable.

The train slowly stopped and Lily grabbed her trunk and got out of the train as one of the last ones. She jumped out and started to walk towards the barrier, but stopped as soon as she saw that James was near it. He was greeted by his parents and a pretty blond girl with blue eyes and a figure like Lily had never seen before. The blond girl flung her arms around James and planted a kiss on each of his cheeks. Lily filled with a sudden desire to go over and hit the young woman or just hurt her in some way. At the same time it hurt more than everything she had ever tried in her stomach. Was it jealousy? She pushed the question away; she had never been jealous of some girl over a boy, and didn't intend to change that now. Especially not over a boy who thought she was just a little child and had just hours before shouted across a whole platform that he hated her. No, she would never be jealous at a girl who had her arms around a boy who acted like that. Never!

Suddenly James looked up from the girl and his gaze fell upon Lily who couldn't stop herself from looking back at him. His gaze didn't show pure hate as it had before that day, but sorrow, which Lily was sure he tried to hide, but failed catastrophically. After what seemed like ages, Lily dragged her gaze away, fresh tears forming, and started to move towards the barrier in a big bow around James, his parents and the young woman. She stared firmly down for some seconds, but couldn't help look up again. James was standing and letting his parents have a conversation, and looking extremely sad and at the edge of tears. But suddenly the blonde swung her arm around his shoulders, and he looked up and grinned to her. Lily felt hot tears in her eyes and quickly moved on, away from James, not able to look at him anymore. It was probably the last time she ever saw him.

He had said for years that she was the love of his life, but apparently only just as long as there wasn't a pretty blond girl with her arm around him.

Lily kicked hard to a metal bin on her way out of the station and let out a small growl of frustration. She locked herself into a little toilet and apparated home.